The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain

The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain

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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.  I said I didn't know.
     It's noble to be good, and it's nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble.
     "Classic."  A book which people praise and don't read.
     Few of us can stand prosperity.  Another man's I mean.
     When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.
     If a man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but it would deteriorate the cat.
     Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side?  And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
     It is difference of opinion that makes horse races.
     Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
     Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
     When I was a boy of 14 my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in 7 years.
     Heaven for climate, Hell for society.
     I can live for two months on a good compliment.
     As to the adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.
     It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
     It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things:  freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
     Troubles are only mental; it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can forget them, banish them, abolish them.
     Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.
     Happiness ain't a thing in itself—it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant.
     Optimist:  day-dreamer more elegantly spelled.
     Man is the only animal that blushes.  Or needs to.
     It is curious—curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.
     No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.
     I have been told that Wagner's music is a lot better than it sounds.
     If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.  This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
     All I care to know is that a man is a human being—that is enough for me; he can't be much worse.
     It is difference of opinion that makes horse races.
     It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain.
     I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
     Training is everything.  The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
     Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.
     The difference between the right word and the wrong word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
     Get your facts first . . . then you can distort 'em as much as you please.
     There are three kinds of lies:  lies, damned lies, and statistics.
     Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.

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