I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
I sent the club a wire stating, "Please accept my
resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy—and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.
I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
[To his dinner companion, looking at a bill]: This is outrageous! If I were you I wouldn't pay it!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Remember men you are fighting for this lady's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Here's to our wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
This is so simple a nine-year-old child could understand it. Run out and find me a nine-year-old child—I can't make head or tail of it.
I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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