Feminine Beauty
adapted from the Taipei TimesIn her heyday, Marilyn Monroe was seen as the epitome of sex appeal. Today she would be seen as a candidate for Weightwatchers.
Feminine beauty has been celebrated across the ages, but an enduring belief is this: what constitutes attractiveness in a woman cannot be pinned down; it depends on the prevailing fashion, culture or ethnicity and on the eye of the beholder.
For instance, in Victorian England, a tiny, puckered mouth was the zenith of pulchritude.
Today, the rosebud look has been replaced by what has been called the trout look, as women in Western cultures strive to make their mouths look as wide and full-lipped as possible.
In many societies, the focus of secondary erogenous zones has roamed over ankles, necks and knees and makeup and hairstyles change according to the mode.
The desired female morphology has shifted too, driven in part by prosperity and the social advancement of women. In the 1950s, Marilyn Monroe was the template of feminine beauty; today, she would be encouraged to sign up at Weightwatchers.
So it would seem that the "beauty standard" does not exist; that there is no eternal benchmark, only a chaotically whizzing merry-go-round.
Not so for evolutionary psychologists.
For them, fashion is a fluffy cover for a force that is deeper, remorseless and unchanging, as old and enduring as our genes: the Darwinian drive of survival and genetic fitness.
In an innovative test of these rival hypotheses, scientists at the University of Texas at Austin and at Harvard University trawled through three centuries of English-language literature and through three Asian literary classics dating back nearly two thousand years.
Their goal: Which parts of the woman's body were praised as beautiful by writers across the ages?
Their sources were a Web site, Literature Online, for English literature from the 16th, 17th and 18th century; Chinese sixth dynasty palace poetry (from the fourth to the sixth century AD) and two ancient Indian epics, the Mahabharata and the Ramayana, from the first to third century AD.
In English literature, a glowing description of a narrow waist (a waist "as little as a wand", "beholden to her lovely waist" and so on) showed up 65 times.
Before anyone cries fattism, the literature was studded with romantic tributes to plumpness but relatively few to slimness.
But what counted, plump woman or slim, was the relative narrowness of the waist. There was not a single evocation of beauty that said the object of veneration had a bulging tummy.
In the Asian works, the slim waist was even more adored, although there was no flattering reference to plump beauty.
Narrow waistedness scored a massive 35 references in the two Indian epics, while the other body parts garnered a total of 26.
The study, which appears in Proceedings of the Royal Society, a British journal, says these references show that a slim waist is an object of desire that spans time and cultures.
Why so?
The answer, suggest the authors, is that a narrow waist is a sign of strong health and fertility. Men instinctively assess a woman's waist for its potential for successful reproduction and thus furthering their own genes.
Modern research has established a link between abdominal obesity and decreased estrogen, reduced fecundity and increased risk of major diseases.
But "even without the benefit of modern medical knowledge, both British and Asian writers intuited the biological link between health and beauty," say authors, Devendra Singh, Peter Renn and Adrian Singh.
"In spite of variation in the description of beauty, the marker of health and fertility, a small waist has always been an invariant symbol of feminine beauty."
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Is one better or worse in one's heyday?2. In your opinion, when was the heyday of Confucianism in Taiwan?
3. Which singer represents the epitome of pop music in your opinion?
4. In your opinion, who would be the best candidate for a superstar in Taiwan today?
5. In which sport are opponents pinned down?
6. In what situations might you wish to pin someone down for an answer?
7. What is the prevailing mood in Taiwan today?
8. Is your family concerned with the ethnicity of the person you choose to marry?
9. Can you imitate a puckered mouth?
10. Guess when the zenith of a Rock star might be? a painter? a physicist?
11. What is your ideal of pulchritude?
12. We'll not discuss erogenous zones in our class. We'll discuss erroneous zones instead! Which part of your personality do you think is your erroneous zone, or your weak point?
13. Have you ever found yourself in a chaotic situation? Explain.
14. For cat lovers, what do you think was the evolutionary purpose of a cat's tail?
15. When you sleep, do your prefer fluffy pillows?
16. Is there something you did as a child for which you feel remorse today?
17. Who do you think is a bench mark for Taiwan singers today?
18. Have you ever had an intuitive feeling about something that turned out as you expected? Explain.
19. What in your opinion is a marker for a child in trouble?
20. How would you assess your performance in school?
21. Would you marry an obese person?
22. What do you think is your potential for finding a job when you graduate?
23. If you have a slim chance of getting back together with your girl/boyfriend, does that mean it's likely or unlikely to happen?
24. What famous actor, now governor, has bulging muscles?
25. "Fattism" is coined by analogy with words like "ageism," "sexism," "racism," "ethnocentrism," etc. Discuss any or all of these words. So what is fattism?
26. What is Darwin famous for?
27. Some sociologists say criminals had unfair chances in life. Give a rival hypothesis for crime.
28. What's the most beautiful evocation of something (like Nature, love) you ever heard in music?
29. Would you marry a plump person?
30. Which person do you especially venerate?
31. What innovations do you appreciate in modern society?
32. Who do you think should serve as a template of a political leader in Taiwan? Why?
33. Which Taiwan star has garnered the most awards (acting, singing, humanitarian, etc.)?
34. What was the last subject you trawled for information about on the Internet?
35. If an object comes whizzing over your head, what should you do?
36. Which person is likely to carry a wand?
37. What is a wand called in music?
38. How would you prevent or correct obesity in a child?
39. What do you think an enduring contribution of a Taiwan leader is? For example, Lee Teng-hui, A-bian, etc.
40. How many stars would there be at a star-studded show?
On Cover Records
Since we spoke about "cover" records (and since I can't stop typing), here's a few words about the subject:Though hit songs had been re-recorded by other singers (to take a share in the market once a song proved popular, a "cover" recording had a special meaning. As the word suggests, its intent was to "cover" over the original ethnic (or even regional: as in Country) background of the singer.
For example, in the early Rhythm and Blues era, some white singers would "cover" a Black song that showed promise of selling to the white market (otherwise, Black records were usually sold mostly to the Black market; at one time these were actually called "Race Records").
As Rhythm and Blues became Rock 'n' Roll (through a transition music known as "jump blues": blues with a beat), white producers saw a greater market appeal in the songs (traditional Black blues would not have sold whether sung by a Black or a white artist). So record labels started releasing the Black songs sung by white singers. These records became popular, far outselling the Black originals, since the white market was much larger.
However, as white teenagers began to buy transitor (portable, wireless) radios and began to listen to Black radio stations from small towns (with weak radio signals), the teenagers realized the obvious: the Black originals were far better than the white cover records. No white singer at the time could equal the rhythmic beat and powerhouse vocals of a Fats Domino, Little Richard, Chuck Berry, or the great "doo-wop" vocal groups.
Early Rock disk jockey, Alan Freed, was one of the first outspoken critic of cover records, accusing record studios of racism, saying, "Anyone who claims the white covers are superior to the Black originals has rocks in his head." (To have "rocks in the head" means to be crazy.)
Once studios got the message—that Black artists could sell in the white market—there was no turning back: Rock and Roll was born. In fact, artists such as Fats Domino and Chuck Berry charted with Rock records several months before a young, white Country singer had his first hits: that man had an unusal name (though less so in the South): Elvis Presley.
Elvis, in fact, was the first white artist who could deliver music as "authentic" as what Black artists were making. And despite the now open market for Black records, no Black artist could outsell Elvis.
Not that Elvis' music was better; but his music appealed to white teenagers more. (But Elvis topped even the Black charts, which was unusual at the time: "Don't Be Cruel"/"Hound Dog" (1956) topped the Pop, country, and Black charts at the same time: the first such "crossover" hit).
Oddly, Country singers, though white, had to wait even longer for their records to chart in other but "cover" versions. Northern white teenagers had no ear for Southern dialect or for twangy guitars; and the South at that time was still looked upon as a backward part of the nation (it wasn't until Jimmy Carter became president that the South began to catch up).
Thus many Country records could be successful only when "covered" by Pop singers like Rosemary Clooney, Tony Bennett, or even Bing Crosby. Even a Country genius like Hank Williams could not sell records nationally the way those pop artists could.
It wasn't until the new softer Country sound, dubbed the "Nashville sound" (using choral backup singers, piano, and strings) that Country began to sell nationally (Jim Reeves, for example, had big national hits at that time). These were called "crossover" hits, since they "crossed over" from the Country market to the national market.
Soon these crossover hits became common. Today there's nothing unusual about a Dolly Parton or Shania Twain having massive national hits.
Today the original meaning of the word "cover" has disappeared; it's mostly used in Taiwan, to mean an imitation of a US or British hit.
"Cover" also had a special meaning in England, when both American Rock and Pop hits were "covered" by British singers. Even then, when younger Brits heard the originals, they stopped buying the cover versions, waiting eagerly for the next shipment of original Rock and Roll records in the port city of Liverpool, where the records arrived first.
Two of these young Brits were John Lennon and Paul McCartney. They later formed a Rock band called The Beatles. The rest is history.
NEW YEAR HANDOUT
Week of 2 January 2007
"Happy New Year!" Week of 2 January 2007
That greeting will be said and heard for at least the first couple of weeks as a new year gets under way. But the day celebrated as New Year's Day in modern America was not always January 1.
ANCIENT NEW YEARS
The celebration of the new year is the oldest of all holidays. It was first observed in ancient Babylon about 4000 years ago. In the years around 2000 BC, the Babylonian New Year began with the first New Moon (actually the first visible cresent) after the Vernal Equinox (first day of spring).The beginning of spring is a logical time to start a new year. After all, it is the season of rebirth, of planting new crops, and of blossoming. January 1, on the other hand, has no astronomical or agricultural significance. It is purely arbitrary.
The Babylonian new year celebration lasted for eleven days. Each day had its own particular mode of celebration, but it is safe to say that modern New Year's Eve festivities pale in comparison.
The Romans continued to observe the new year in late March, but their calendar was continually tampered with by various emperors so that the calendar soon became out of synchronization with the sun.
In order to set the calendar right, the Roman senate, in 153 BC, declared January 1 to be the beginning of the new year. But tampering continued until Julius Caesar, in 46 BC, established what has come to be known as the Julian Calendar. It again established January 1 as the new year. But in order to synchronize the calendar with the sun, Caesar had to let the previous year drag on for 445 days.
THE CHURCH'S VIEW OF NEW YEAR CELEBRATIONS
Although in the first centuries AD the Romans continued celebrating the new year, the early Catholic Church condemned the festivities as paganism. But as Christianity became more widespread, the early church began having its own religious observances concurrently with many of the pagan celebrations, and New Year's Day was no different. New Years is still observed as the Feast of Christ's Circumcision by some denominations.During the Middle Ages, the Church remained opposed to celebrating New Years. January 1 has been celebrated as a holiday by Western nations for only about the past 400 years.
NEW YEAR TRADITIONS
Other traditions of the season include the making of New Year's resolutions. That tradition also dates back to the early Babylonians. Popular modern resolutions might include the promise to lose weight or quit smoking. The early Babylonian's most popular resolution was to return borrowed farm equipment.The Tournament of Roses Parade dates back to 1886. In that year, members of the Valley Hunt Club decorated their carriages with flowers. It celebrated the ripening of the orange crop in California.
Although the Rose Bowl football game was first played as a part of the Tournament of Roses in 1902, it was replaced by Roman chariot races the following year. In 1916, the football game returned as the sports centerpiece of the festival.
The tradition of using a baby to signify the new year was begun in Greece around 600 BC. It was their tradition at that time to celebrate their god of wine, Dionysus, by parading a baby in a basket, representing the annual rebirth of that god as the spirit of fertility. Early Egyptians also used a baby as a symbol of rebirth.
Although the early Christians denounced the practice as pagan, the popularity of the baby as a symbol of rebirth forced the Church to reevaluate its position. The Church finally allowed its members to celebrate the new year with a baby, which was to symbolize the birth of the baby Jesus.
The use of an image of a baby with a New Year's banner as a symbolic representation of the new year was brought to early America by the Germans. They had used the effigy since the fourteenth century.
FOR LUCK IN THE NEW YEAR
Traditionally, it was thought that one could affect the luck they would have throughout the coming year by what they did or ate on the first day of the year. For that reason, it has become common for folks to celebrate the first few minutes of a brand new year in the company of family and friends. Parties often last into the middle of the night after the ringing in of a new year.It was once believed that the first visitor on New Year's Day would bring either good luck or bad luck the rest of the year. It was particularly lucky if that visitor happened to be a tall dark-haired man.
Traditional New Year foods are also thought to bring luck. Many cultures believe that anything in the shape of a ring is good luck, because it symbolizes "coming full circle," completing a year's cycle. For that reason, the Dutch believe that eating donuts on New Year's Day will bring good fortune.
Many parts of the U.S. celebrate the new year by consuming black-eyed peas. These legumes are typically accompanied by either hog jowls or ham.
Black-eyed peas and other legumes have been considered good luck in many cultures. The hog, and thus its meat, is considered lucky because it symbolizes prosperity.
Cabbage is another "good luck" vegetable that is consumed on New Year's Day by many. Cabbage leaves are also considered a sign of prosperity, being representative of paper currency. In some regions, rice is a lucky food that is eaten on New Year's Day.
AULD LANG SYNE
The song, "Auld Lang Syne" is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. At least partially written by Robert Burns in the 1700's, it was first published in 1796 after Burns' death. Early variations of the song were sung prior to 1700 and inspired Burns to produce the modern rendition. An old Scotch tune, "Auld Lang Syne" literally means "old long ago," or simply, "the good old days." adaptedDISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. When was the first New Year observed?2. What's a logical time to start a new year? Why?
3. What does it mean to arbitrate a conflict between two people? What's an arbitrary decision?
4. How long did a Babylonian new year celebration last?
5. If today's dinner pales in comparison with yesterday's dinner, does that mean it was better or worse?
6. If something has been tampered with, what does that mean?
7. If a child is pampered, what does that mean?
8. If you synchronize your wristwatch to your wall clock, what does that mean?
9. If a prisoner is sentenced to two ten-year concurrent terms, how many years will the prisoner serve, assuming he serves out his full sentence?
10. Who is your favorite pagan god? Why? (If you don't have one, do a search. Discuss [the god, not the search]).
11. Discuss the meaning of the abbreviations BC and AD. (Today we prefer BCE and CE. Special applause to students who figure out their meanings.)
12. Which culture started the tradition of New Year's resolutions?
13. What was the most common resolution then?
14. Discuss your New Year's resolutions. In fact, you may wish to make an acrostic based on the word NEW YEAR. For example,
N is for my NOSE, which I resolve to blow on my handkerchief, not on the sleeve of my shirt.
E is for the EFFORT that I resolve to make in school.
W is for the WORK that I plan to do in school.
Y is for the word YES, which I resolve to say to my mother when she asks me if I wish to help with the housework.
E is for the ENEMIES whom I resolve to make my friends.
A is for the A's I plan to earn in my classes next year. And,
R is for the RESOLUTIONS that I just made and that I hereby RESOLVE to keep!
15. How did the Christian (Catholic) church at first feel about New Year's celebrations?
16. If a movie drags on, does that mean you enjoyed it? What does it mean?
17. For which person is the Julian calendar named?
18. Which date did the Julian calendar assign to the New Year?
19. What is the Tournament of Roses in California parade intended to celebrate?
20. What event was staged in the second year of the Tournament of Roses?
21. What event is now staged at that tournment?
22. What is the agricultural or astronomical significance of January 1?
23. What culture first used a baby as a symbol of the New Year?
24. Who was that culture's god of wine?
25. What other culture also used a baby as a symbol of the New Year?
26. What is the baby supposed to represent?
27. If your girlfriend denounces your boyfriend, does that mean she recommends him as a good catch? What does it mean?
28. Which culture first used baby and banner as symbols?
29. Discuss the use of effigies. When are you likely to use an effigy?
30. What kind of man was preferred as first visitor of the New Year?
31. In US New Year celebrations, what is cabbage supposed to represent?
32. What kind of cake do Dutch people prefer as a symbol of good luck?
33. Discuss different objects that symbolize ideas. For example, the rose symbolizes romance; the heart symbolizes romance; the egg symbolizes fertility (Easter), etc. See how many you can come up with.
34. Which poet at least partially wrote the most famous New Year song?
35. What is the name of the song?
36. Where did the tune come from?
37. What do the words of the title mean?
38. In what century did the song originate?
39. What kind of legumes are considered lucky for New Year's meals in the US?
40. Why is the hog eaten on New Year's in some cultures?
41. Why is rice eaten?
42. At what exact time is the New Year song, "Auld Lang Syne," sung?
41. What geometric shape is preferred for food on New Year's? What is that shape supposed to represent?
42. What do some New Year's celebrants expect from the first visitor of the New Year?
43. Which baby did the Christian church use in order to replace the pagan baby symbol?
44. What do you say on New Year's Day?
45. New Year's is a solar holiday in many cultures. Which culture celebrates New Year's as a lunar holiday?
Students, Print this up and try to answer as many as possible. I'l collect these next week.
DO NOT FORGET TO BRING THIS TO CLASS!
2. How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?___
3. How would you fire Santa?___
4. If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?___
5. If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?___
6. What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?___
7. If Santa rode a motorcycle, what kind would it be?
8. What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?___
9. What did Santa say when his toys misbehaved?___
10. What do elves learn in school?___
11. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?___
12. What did one angel say to the other angel?___
13. What did one Christmas tree say to the other Christmas tree?___
14. What do aliens say when they land in the North Pole?___
15. What do elves put on their candy canes?___
16. What do penguins ride?___
17. What happens when you drop a snowball into a glass of water?___
18. What is claustrophobia?___
19. What is Jack Frost's favorite breakfast cereal?___
20. Why is it so cold on Christmas?___
21. What do the reindeer sing to Santa on his birthday?___
22. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?___
23. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?___
24. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?___
25. What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?___
26. What is black and white and found in the Sahara Desert?___
27. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?___
28. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?___
29. Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?___
30. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?___
31. Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?___
32. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?___
33. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
34. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
35. What did the big candle say to the little candle?
36. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
37. What's the best thing to put into Christmas pie?
38. What did the ghost say to Santa?
39. What Xmas carol is a favorite of parents?
(a)A Holly Davidson. (b)A lost penguin. (c)A subordinate Claus. (d)Because every buck is dear to him. (e)Because he had low elf esteem. (f)Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!
(g)Because the angel had said,"No L!" (h)Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. (i)Cross mouse cards. (j)Fear of Santa. (k)Fleece Navidad! (l)Freeze a jolly good fellow.
(m)Frostbite. (n)Give him the sack. (o)Halo there! (p)Have an ice day! (q)I really go fir you! (r)Ice-Cycles. (s)It gets wet. (t)Missle toe! (u)Sandy claws. (v)Santa Clues. (w)Santa Jaws. (x)Santamental. (y)Snow Flakes (z) To ho-ho-ho. (aa) Take me to your heater. (bb) The Elfabet! (cc)The letter "D". (dd)Their tongues. (ee)Toys will be toys. (ff)You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. (gg)I'm going out tonight. (hh)Silent Night. (ii)I'll have a boo Christmas without you. (jj)Your teeth. (kk)Because it soots him. (ll)It's Christmas Eve.
Practice on these at home & we'll have students speak some of them in class.
Santa's sleigh slides on slick snow.
Bobby brings bright bells.
Running reindeer romp 'round red wreaths.
Tiny Tim trims the tall tree with tinsel.
Eleven elves licked eleven little licorice lollipops.
Santa's sack sags slightly.
Ten tiny tin trains toot ten times.
Santa stuffs Stephie's striped stocking.
REAR WINDOW
12 December 2006
1. Why would a couple split up?12 December 2006
Rear Window (1954) is considered one of Alfred Hitchcock's greatest films. It tells the story of a photographer, L. B. Jeffries (James Stewart) with a leg in a cast who becomes curious about tenants living in apartments opposite his. Both his girlfriend, Lisa Freemont (Grace Kelly) and a house nurse, Stella (Thelma Ritter), at first disapprove of his pastime, but soon become involved too, leading to unexpected developments.
On the surface a crime thriller, Hitchcock's film is also a study in male-female relationships. The rear window tenants show different ways men and women relate to each other (happily married newlyweds, an unhappily married couple, a flirtatious teenager, a single composer, a lonely woman, a childless couple with a dog, etc.). Jeffries himself is emotionally distant from Lisa Freemont, though she's madly in love with him.
In fact, Jeffries' sexual failure (suggested in his broken leg) seems to motivate his voyeurism, and might have preceded it. His vocation suggests a way to keep people, especially women, at a distance.
However, his accident has denied him his usual escape through vocational travel. Trapped in one place, he satisfies his sexual needs through his voyeurism, a point that Hitchcock humorously shows by having Jeffries use photographic equipment that gets progressively larger, and placed on his lap like part of his body (see middle photo, above right).
By joining Jefferies in his voyeuristic pastime, Lisa arouses his genuine sympathy, if not true love. They also exchange roles. She becomes more aggressive as he becomes more passive: she takes risks by entering the suspected murderer's apartment while Jeffries sits helpless in a panic for her, biting his hand.
Trying to keep human beings at a distance, they return with a vengeance, as when the murderer enters his apartment. A man used to photographic images at a distance and through a lens now finds them coming alive in his own apartment, to force his personal involvement.
By the end of the film, Jeffries has turned his back to the window, as if no longer peeping. He and Lisa seem a comfortable couple: he's asleep, smiling, and she's awake reading a book probably recommended by Jeffries. But while he sleeps, Lisa picks up one of her favorite fashion magazines, suggesting not much has changed. It's possible the viewer has changed more than the screen couple.
Director, Alfred Hitchcock appeared in all of his Hollywood films. These brief appearances are known as cameos. His cameo in Rear Window is in the rear window apartment of the composer.
On the surface a crime thriller, Hitchcock's film is also a study in male-female relationships. The rear window tenants show different ways men and women relate to each other (happily married newlyweds, an unhappily married couple, a flirtatious teenager, a single composer, a lonely woman, a childless couple with a dog, etc.). Jeffries himself is emotionally distant from Lisa Freemont, though she's madly in love with him.
In fact, Jeffries' sexual failure (suggested in his broken leg) seems to motivate his voyeurism, and might have preceded it. His vocation suggests a way to keep people, especially women, at a distance.
However, his accident has denied him his usual escape through vocational travel. Trapped in one place, he satisfies his sexual needs through his voyeurism, a point that Hitchcock humorously shows by having Jeffries use photographic equipment that gets progressively larger, and placed on his lap like part of his body (see middle photo, above right).
By joining Jefferies in his voyeuristic pastime, Lisa arouses his genuine sympathy, if not true love. They also exchange roles. She becomes more aggressive as he becomes more passive: she takes risks by entering the suspected murderer's apartment while Jeffries sits helpless in a panic for her, biting his hand.
Trying to keep human beings at a distance, they return with a vengeance, as when the murderer enters his apartment. A man used to photographic images at a distance and through a lens now finds them coming alive in his own apartment, to force his personal involvement.
By the end of the film, Jeffries has turned his back to the window, as if no longer peeping. He and Lisa seem a comfortable couple: he's asleep, smiling, and she's awake reading a book probably recommended by Jeffries. But while he sleeps, Lisa picks up one of her favorite fashion magazines, suggesting not much has changed. It's possible the viewer has changed more than the screen couple.
Director, Alfred Hitchcock appeared in all of his Hollywood films. These brief appearances are known as cameos. His cameo in Rear Window is in the rear window apartment of the composer.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
2. What might be in a salesman's sample case?
3. What time of day is a flashlight used most?
4. Why might a man cast an eye in a woman's direction?
5. Why might a woman cast an eye in a man's direction?
6. If it's overcast, does it mean it's sunny or cloudy out?
7. Shakespeare's Julius Caesar said, "Cowards die many times before their death, the valiant never tastes of death but once." Explain what you think this means.
8. What do you think goes on in a crime lab?
9. "Lab" is short for what word?
10. If you promise someone you'll drop by, what does that mean?
11. If someone is talking about something you don't wish to talk about and you ask them to "drop it," what does that mean?
12. What's a funny exit line leaving a party?
13. Did your mother or father ever nag you about anything? What?
14. If you walked along a hotel corridor, what would you be looking for?
15. Who usually does sleight-of-hand tricks?
16. A synonym for "shot" in "a thousand to one shot" is a) loss, b) win, c) chance, d) bullet.
17. During summer, what might you keep in storage?
18. During winter, what might you keep in storage?
19. Do you consider yourself a voyeur?
20. What's a Peeping Tom?
21. Do you think it's ethical to be a voyeur?
22. What are the coming attractions of a movie?
23. What's a movie preview?
24. "See you around" is an idiom used at a) meeting, b) departing,
c) night, d) supper.
25. An amateur sleuth finds a coin dated 100 BC, which some claim is a forgery. The sleuth immediately proves it is. How does she do this?
26. A penal code contains a) punishment for crimes, b) rewards for good conduct, c) a list of traffic offenses, d) a list of serious crimes.
27. Do you believe in woman's intution (what Lisa Fremont in the movie calls "feminine intuition")?
28. How long a lease would you sign for a house to live in during your summer vacation?
29. What does one do with a saw?
30. What does Jeffries believe that Thorwald did with a saw?
31. To slip into something comfortable means to a) fall down comfortably, b) to change into something comfortable, c) to ice skate.
32. What work does a private eye do?
33. Help Wanted ads used to ask for a Girl Friday (later sex-neutral laws banned those ads). What's a Girl Friday?
34. Grace Kelly played Lisa Fremont in Rear Window. Do a search on her career and give a short presentation. Find a focus, be selective, don't just present unrelated facts.
35. Alfred Hitchcock, director of Rear Window, is probably the world's most famous director. Do a search on his career and do a short presentation in class. Find a focus, be selective, don't just present unrelated facts.
36. What does a bank statement show?
37. What might be included in one's personal effects?
38. An invalid is likely to be a) sick, b) athletic, c) intelligent, d) asleep.
39. Where or when is one likely to use binoculars?
40. When is one likely to draw down the shades? To wear shades?
41. Football players tackle to bring down an opposing player. How would one tackle a difficult task, such as having dinner ready for ten people on a half hour's notice?
42. When might one phone an undertaker?
43. Talk with a classmate and show that you are a great conversationalist.
44. How is bickering different from arguing?
45. People who take sedatives are likely to be a) nervous, b) anxious,
c) depressed, d) all of the above.
46. Miss Lonelyhearts is a name for someone who gives advice on
a) business, b) taxes, c) scholarships, d) romance.
47. To simmer down means to a) get angry, b) calm down, c) sit down.
48. When one gets urgently sick, one is likely to phone for a) an ambulance, b) a taxi, c) a fire engine, d) a police car.
49. A character in Rear Window is named Miss Torso. What part of the body is the torso?
50. Lisa Fremont in Rear Window says "The hardest job of a woman is juggling wolves." Explain that remark.
51. Jeffries asks that Lisa keep things "status quo." What does he mean by that? ("Status quo" is Latin but is commonly used in English.)
52. If a hairstyle is "divine," how is "divine" be used in that way?
53. If we say of a person that "she's seen better days" what does that mean? (It's commonly said of women rather than men.)
54. When are women likely to wear nylons? What shoes are they likely to wear with nylons?
55. If one has bloodshot eyes, what does that suggest?
56. Who is likely to use a wheelchair?
57. "Poor soul" is a common expression, meaning a) without money, b) unfortunate person, c) a dead person who died in sin.
58. What do we mean when we say a person has no future?
59. Lisa Fremont says to Jeffries, "You don't have to be deliberately repulsive!" In that sentence, "repulsive" means a) sickening, b) evil,
c) stupid, d) funny.
60. If you have your girl- or boyfriend in the palm of your hand, does that mean he or she is two inches tall? What does it mean?
61. If something is a "steal" at, say, "eleven hundred dollars," does that mean one commits a crime in buying it? What does it mean?
62. Stella, the nurse, says that Lisa is "loaded to her fingertips" with love for Jefferies. What does Stella mean?
63. What are you squeamish about?
64. If a person makes a long face, that means he's happy or unhappy?
Heuristic Models
In preparing presentations after the midterm exams, students may wish to use what are called heuristic, or discovery, devices.This process was known as "inventio" by the classical teachers. We can see the related English word, "invention," which means the same thing: discovery.
Writers have to "discover" what they wish to say. So there were "tried-and-true" ways of doing so.
One way was called the "topics": that is, the "places" where an argument can be expanded or developed. These topics are commonly used today, such as,
1. Definition. One way to invent ideas is by defining what it is you are saying. There are many opportunities for this.
What is a "just cause" for example?
What do "human rights" mean?
What is jazz? (students in last year's Freshman class got a good lecture on this subject).
And so on.
2. Comparison. How is one thing like another?
3. Contrast. How is one thing different from another?
4. More and less.
Which is more important, the unborn baby's life or the mother's life? Freedom of speech or the right to prevent one's child from seeing certain movies or hearing certain words? And so on.
5. Example. Give an example.
"Crime has gotten worse in this city. For example, only yesterday there were two robberies down the street."
And so on.
6. Testimony (Quotation).
"But the government believes it is winning the war on poverty. For example, "Governor Smith said that there are fewer people on the welfare rolls than there were before he took office. In his speech before the legislature on May 10th, he said, 'I believe we have won the war on poverty.'"
7. Contradiction. Saying what something is by what it is not.
"Education is not a means of punishment. It is not a means to exclude the less privileged to favor the more privileged. It should not be used as a political tool by my opponents."
8. Divison. Dividing a topic into parts.
"Our country is better off today than it was ten years ago in all areas of concern, including defense, social welfare, culture, and education. I will discuss each area in turn."
Or: "Taipei has very interesting night life. There are markets, cinemas, bookstores, cafes, tea houses, opera houses, and famous restaurants."
9. Analogy. Comparing something that is known with something that is unkown in order to better understand one of them.
"We assume if there is water on the moon, there must be life, as in our case. If there is life, there must be intelligence. If there is intelligence, they must have the same fears as we, perhaps with the same hostile intent based on those fears. Therefore, members of Congress, we cannot delay further necessary expenditures for sending men to the moon."
Or, "If we abhor killing an unborn child, if we abhor brute murder, then we must also oppose capital punishment, which is nothing else but murder in the name of the law."
Or, "My esteemed opponent argues that capital punishment is nothing but murder. I beg to differ. For murder is killing based on base motives such as revenge or gain. Capital punishment, on the contrary, is killing for higher motives, namely to prevent further killing. Indeed [now I used "more and less"] the life of the guilty man is less important than the lives of the many innocent people we will save by executing him and thus insuring he will never murder again."
{Note how I also used "contrast," by contrasting "guilt" and "innocence.")
These are the most common topics. But their real power comes from their uses in combination with each other. So one can go through the cycle in each sentence if need be.
One defines Jazz as the art of improvised variation. One divides variation into different kinds (melodic, harmonic, rhythmic).
One divides melodic variation into different kinds (tonal melodies, atonal, polytonal, etc.).
One compares these different kinds of melodies.
One contrasts them, etc.
There is no end to the way t hese topics can be used in recombination.
Another heuristic device are the famous 5 W's and H: Who, what, when, where, why, how.
As English writer and Nobel prize winner, Rudyard Kipling, famously versified:
I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I know);
Their names are What and Why and When,
And How and Where and Who.
– Rudyard Kipling.
Their explanatory and descriptive use should be obvious. Newspaper writers are taught these the very first day on the job, or before they get the job.
If there's a news event, you must answer the questions,
What happened?
Who was involved?
When did it happen?
Where did it happen?
How did it happen?
Why did it happen?
A more modern heuristic model is Kenneth Burke's Pentad ("pent" = 5). Burke called this a dramatistic pentad, since the event is treated as if it were a drama, with an,
1. Act = What happened?
2. Agent = Who did it?
3. Agency = How was it done?
4. Scene = Where and when did it happen?
5. Purpose =Why did it happen?
These can be rearranged to focus on what term of the five is featured as the title term. For example, one can begin discussing the New York Yankees in terms of an act (playing baseball) and go from there: explain how they play and win (agency = players), when and where their best games occur (scene), their will to win (purpose), etc. Their use is unlimited.
Another checklist is called the Communication Triangle, with the points of the triangle defined as
1. Speaker/Writer,
2. Audience,
3. Text.
The speaker or writer must have a purpose, or goal (to persuade, entertain, inform, instruct, defend, attack, prove, etc.)
The means is a text (words, logic, images, metaphors, figures of speech, contradiction, comparison, etc.).
The final goal is to move the audience, or prove a point to the audience, entertain an audience, etc.
The main point is checklists are for a purpose: to help generate ideas. They are not an end in themselves.
Finally, whatever works for the writer/speaker is more important than any heuristic model.
But the main point is that no speaker can be a good speaker without being at the same time an ideal audience, just like no writer can write well without reading what has been written from the point of view of the ideal reader. It is this dialogue between writer/speaker and audience that is crucial in communication.
Thus can be seen that a sense of purpose and audience are two primary motives of good writing and speaking. These are indispensable. Once one knows one's purpose and audience, and is willing to think of them all the time, one has created a safety net against failure.
Experts: Men have body image worries too
By JOCELYN NOVECK, AP National Writer
You don't just see him in the provocative ads for Abercrombie, the youth-oriented clothing chain: On billboards and in magazines everywhere, it seems, there's a male Adonis — buff, sleek, hairless. Like that famous 500-year-old statue, it's nice to look at. But how does it make the average guy feel?
Maybe not so great. With all the attention these days on the effect paper-thin models and actresses can have on girls and women, it's worth noting that men can suffer from body image problems, too.
"Body image is not just a concern for women," says researcher Deborah Schooler, who's looked into the adverse effects such media images can have on male self-esteem. "It affects men, too, and it demands attention."
In the past, research has understandably focused mostly on women, and the dangerous eating disorders that can stem from body-related emotional issues. And when looking at men, researchers asked the wrong questions, Schooler argues.
"Asking men about just weight or size misses the boat," Schooler, a research associate at Brown University, said in a telephone interview. What men are more concerned about, she says, are other "real-body" factors, like sweat, body hair and body odor.
In a study published last spring and recently featured in Seed magazine, Schooler, then at San Francisco State University, and a colleague looked at 184 male college students. The more media these young men "consumed" — especially music videos and prime-time TV — the worse they felt about those "real" aspects of their bodies, the researchers found.
Further, they found that such negative feelings impacted their sexual well-being, in some cases leading to more aggressive and risky sexual behavior. (The study appeared in the journal, Psychology of Men and Masculinity.)
Does all this mean it's unhealthy for "Average Joes," as the researchers titled their study, to aspire to the lean, muscular body idealized by Michelangelo and Abercrombie alike? One prominent promoter of men's fitness argues no — unless, of course, it's an obsession.
"What's good about that image is that it's the picture of health," says David Zinczenko, editor of Men's Health magazine and a best-selling diet author. "With diabetes rates skyrocketing over the past 70 years, a little more 'lean' wouldn't hurt us."
Zinczenko points to all the role models with healthy and realistic bodies that have graced magazine covers: George Clooney, Matt Damon, Tom Cruise, Hugh Jackman.
Indeed, the very concept of the male ideal appears to change with the seasons. "We seem to go from rugged to smooth, rugged to smooth," says the longtime fitness personality Richard Simmons, of "Sweatin' to the Oldies" fame. "You're either the Marlboro Man or you're the Surfer Boy. You're a cowboy, or you're a lean, mean swimming machine."
Body image, says Simmons, who now has a show on satellite radio, "is a very personal, private thing for guys — something they don't want to talk about." But make no mistake, he says: "Getting into a pair of jeans is just as important for a man as a woman. He wants to look good."
Years ago, Simmons says, when he was overweight, he would turn off the TV when he saw the ultrafit exercise guru Jack LaLanne, because it depressed him. Now, he says, at age 58, 148 pounds and "cute as a button," he spends his time trying to convince people to appreciate the bodies they have.
However complicated body-image issues are for men, it seems they will always be more fraught for women.
"For boys and men, engaging with these media images is more of a choice," says Deborah Tolman of the Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality in San Francisco. "There's just not the same requirement for a man in our society to look a particular way. As a man, you can look terrible and still be very well respected."
As a girl, "you can be the best debater at school," Tolman says. "But if you're fat, you don't get people's admiration, despite your skill. That's not true with boys."
And what of LaLanne, now 92, who so depressed the young Simmons decades ago that he turned off the TV?
Of the incessant media images, the still-avid exerciser says, "Maybe at least that'll get 'em out doing something!" Aspiring to today's ideal body is fine, he says, as long as it's what you want. He deplores, though, the overly muscular type that "looks like they use steroids. Once you start fooling with Mother Nature, you're in trouble."
As for his own image issues, LaLanne, who still works out two hours every morning, says they're solely focused on sticking around a while longer.
"I can't afford to die," LaLanne explains. "It would wreck my image."
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. A "guy" is a male referred to familiarly (one doesn't call the governor, for example, a guy). One of the great Broadway musicals is titled, Guys and Dolls (meaning, "Men and Women"). (The composer of Guys and Dolls, by the way, also wrote the song, "Joey"!) Oddly this word, once used only for men, has become equally common used for women, as when a woman addresses her female companions, "C'mon, you guys!" What's the opposite word commonly used for women, also beginning with "g"?
2. Most words can be understood strictly in context. So what do you think "sculpted" might mean in the essay's sentence; or "chiseled" as in "chiseled muscles"? Both words are used metaphorically, like when we say, "My father roared for us to come in," meaning he sounded like a lion, but not really.
3. Give a short presentation on Michelangelo or Michelangelo's David (the Jewish leader, King David). You should answer some of the following questions: who he was? what he did? his country or nationality? some aspects of his life? And so on.
4. Which nation in your opinion has produced the greatest beauty. Give reasons.
5. "Abs" is an unusal word and doesn't even appear in the dictionaries I looked at. But it's obviously a new construction that shortens a common word. These abbreviated words are very common and, in rhetoric, are called curtatio (as in the English, "curtail," meaning to shorten). Try to think of some of them, such as photo, exam, ad (essay above), disco, etc. Come in with a list of your own and we'll share them with classmates. But "Abs" is not strictly in the same class, since it takes the first and last letters of two words and joins them together. You can probably guess the word.
6. A bald-headed male probably has a) fewer hair follicles, b) more hair follicles than other males.
7. What would you consider provocative behavior? provocative dress?
8. Name some movies you think are youth-oriented and explain why you think so.
9. Billboard is a well-known chart listing the latest hits in different music genres (styles). What is the other meaning of billboard? What are you likely to see on a billboard?
10. Adonis is a mythic hero. Discuss him in class and what he's famous for.
11. "Adonis" has also become an eponym for a certain kind of male considered a) ugly,
b) appealing, c) tall, d) strong.
(An eponym is a common noun that comes from a proper noun or famous name. Thus we say that a strong man is a Samson and a tempting woman is a Delilah. Rock albums are also titled eponymously. How would an album by Celine Dion be titled eponymously?)
12. If a person appears in the buff, what kind of clothes does he or she have on?
13. When is a person most likely to be photographed in the buff in their younger years?
14. A rose on its stem is one of the most common romantic images. If crime stems from poverty, what does that mean?
15. What would you consider risky behavior, say living at home, meeting people, going out on dates, etc. (Regarding the last, I'm interested only in social conduct on dates or in meeting the opposite sex.)
16. What's an average Joe? (What word would replace "Joe" in this idiom?)
17. What are you obsessed about?
18. OCD is a common mental disorder. It stands for Obsessive-compulsive disorder. Famous people have been victims of this, including the billionaire, Howard Hughes (subject of the movie, The Aviator). Jack Nicholson portrayed someone afflicted with OCD in the movie, As Good As It Gets. Children are known to have mild OCD, as when a child must count every crack in the sidewalk. Have you ever met someone you think might have had this disorder? Of course, many more people have milder forms of OCD, not then a "disorder" but a nuissance. The movie, The Odd Couple, about two men living together, found humor in one of the men being obsessed with keeping the house clean. Discuss behavior in your own life that you think might be obsessive and therefore annoying to others, as in The Odd Couple.
19. Ladies in the class: what's your male ideal? Does he look like Jackie Chan? Arnold Schwarzenegger? A-bian? Danny DeVito? Mayor Ma?
20. A common idiom goes, "I became a nervous wreck." What do you think the person means by that? What might make a person a nervous wreck?
21. "Guru" originally meant a spiritual teacher. Now of course it's applied with different noun adjectives to almost anyone who teaches: a music guru, etc. Have you ever learned from such a guru in some field?
22. We used the word "aspiration" in class, as well as its verb form, "aspire." What do you aspire to in life? Someone once said that, "Art is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration." What do you think that means?
23. Are you an avid reader? An avid movie goer? An avid traveler? An avid sleeper?
24. We know that house values appreciate or depreciate. If a house appreciates in value, is that good or bad? One also appreciates good food, music, paintings, and movies. What do you appreciate most in life?
25. "Cute as a button" is an idiom meaning a) ugly, b) cute, c) sexy, d) intelligent.
26. Name a billboard that attracted your attention. Explain why.
27. If an enterprize is fraught with risks, does that mean it a) has no risks, b) has few risks, c) is full of risks, d) none of the above.
28. Is there likely to be an adverse reaction by mixing alcohol and medication? What does that mean?
29. If sales of an item skyrocketed last year, does that mean it sold well or poorly?
30. In colloquial (common, everyday) speech we often omit the opening sounds. Hence we say or write, "I beat 'em up." In such a case, "em" would stand for which pronoun?
31. "Impact" is a very common noun. But later it became a common verb, as in, "The divorce impacted his life." What does that suggest?
32. Name an artist whom you think had a great impact on society.
33. What do you deplore most in modern Taiwan society?
34. What kind of diet do you have now or would you like to have?
Taipei Times Editorial: The ugly face of beauty
The relationship between bodily appearance and self-esteem is universal and permanent. In recent decades, however, this relationship has had an accelerating impact on young women, pubescent girls and children even younger.
1. How would you rate your sense of self-esteem? If a person has low self-esteem, does that mean she thinks highly of herself? Have you ever met a person with low self-esteem? if so, what evidence did you see?
2. If something is universal, what does that mean? Do you think appreciation of music (for example, the blues, or jazz) is universal? Explain.
3. Divide into pairs (prepare out-of-class), one side arguing that music is universal and the other side arguing the opposite (try to argue what you believe and find a partner accordingly; otherwise, pretend your point-of-view).
4. If you were bumper-to-bumper with another car, would it be wise to step on the accelerator or the decelerator?
5. What are some signs of pubescence in males or females. (Do not get into sexual matters; that's for another type of class. Rather discuss tastes, clothing, music, habits, interests, hobbies, etc.)
Anorexia and bulimia are two extreme products of cultures that marry unbalanced consumption and celebrity idolization. Some girls and young women who see nothing but ugliness in themselves and captivating beauty all around have the potential to commit long-term violence against their bodies. Starving oneself in order to obtain a personal ideal of thinness and regularly inducing vomiting to prevent weight gain are sadly logical acts if one's self-esteem is too closely attached to one's appearance.
6. Name and discuss a famous star (singer or actress) who suffered from bulimia or anorexia. Download information on this person and present it to the class in conversational style.
7. In what area do you think you have the most potential to succeed?
8. Do you have personal experience of a person with an eating disorder? Explain.
The appeal of breast enlargement is another example of expensive (and sometimes dangerous) surgical procedures feeding off unreasonable feelings of inadequacy. And Taiwan shares a regional variation of such bodily discomfort: the feeling among some women that eyes without double-fold eyelids should be surgically "corrected" to make them beautiful.
9. What is your ideal of beauty? Would you consider surgical means of improving your physical appearance. For males or females, is physical appearance very important in choosing a romantic companion? Explain.
But damage from low self-esteem is not limited to these extreme cases. Research around the world -- including a survey released in Taiwan yesterday -- points to large numbers of girls everywhere and of all backgrounds suffering self-esteem problems to the extent that their education may suffer.
One of the most worrying findings in the international survey conducted by the Dove Self Esteem Fund was the large number of girls who thought their appearance influenced their grades and the way that teachers related to them.
10. Do you believe that this last statement is true or not? Explain.
There are some childish cruelties that the most interventionist state cannot eradicate -- bullying and other mistreatment in the playground on the basis of appearance are among them. But on the basis of these results, the Ministry of Education would do well to consider ramping up personal development curriculums and teacher training to help those who are "too fat," "too skinny," "too short" or "too tall" from suffering unnecessarily at the hands of their peers and tactless staff.
11. Did you ever witness a classmate in grade school being bullied due to his or her physical appearance. Explain.
12. What do you think an interventionist state is? What does it mean to intervene in someone else's affairs?
13. What's a curriculum?
14. What do you think is the meaning of "ramping up"? By the way, this is an example of a phrasal verb; that is, a verb that is always attached to a smaller word called a particle, such as "turn off" the radio, "shut down" the computer, etc. These phrasals can be separated, as in the sentence, "Turn the radio off" or "Turn off the radio." Notice in the first example the particle ("off") was separated from the main verb, "turn," but still had to be in the same sentence.
How radical should such ramping up be? Given that Taiwanese teachers are in the main more conservative than their counterparts in the West, it is difficult to see them openly criticizing parental standards of beauty that hurt children, or launching attacks on the more obvious corporate exploitation of prejudice against unusual body shapes.
15. What standards of beauty did your parents have? Or did they pressure you to lose or gain weight or achieve other physical goals, such as excelling in football or tennis? How was this pressure shown?
16. "Take" is a multi-function word. "Take" a photograph; "take" water along for the hike; and the joke, "Take my wife, please." Explain the meaning of that joke. Explain the way that "take" is used in the paragraph below (underlined).
Yet it is disappointing that no one at the press conference announcing yesterday's survey results asked the organizers for their take on the connection between improving self-esteem and purchasing cosmetics. The Dove Self Esteem Fund -- part of the Unilever corporation -- seems designed to further the interests of a firm that potentially benefits from women feeling poorly about their appearance. It does this by delinking the desirability of its products from myths about beauty, which is quite reasonable.
But at least one reporter might have asked why girls should not be encouraged to actively detach their self-worth from commercial products of any nature. If the Dove Self Esteem Fund has good intentions -- and there is nothing to suggest that it does not -- it would encourage girls to do just that.
One key question remains. This society demands that women spend significant amounts of money on cosmetics and beautifying products. Why then does it take so little responsibility for those who, through sheer misfortune and youthful vulnerability, suffer for not living up to its "standards" of beauty?
17. When have you felt vulnerable. For example, a husband might feel vulnerable when his wife is in the hospital.
18. Do a Web search on a cosmetic product and "sell" it in class: explain what it's supposed to do, describe the promised results for users of the products, etc.
19. Discuss a physically "imperfect" person (must be famous) that you personally find attractive, and explain why. For example, some bald-headed movie stars have sex appeal, as do short actors or comics. Some overweight women might appeal to some men, etc.
20. Do you think physically attractive people have been opportunities in life? Explain.
THE LURE OF STAYING WITH MOM AND DAD
By Julie Bindel
THE GUARDIAN , LONDON
I was visiting my family when the new chest freezer arrived. I soon worked it out. No longer was the original icebox big enough to contain my brother Michael's ready-cooked meals. Now that my parents spend a few weeks at a time in warmer climes (Dad has bad arthritis, which is made worse in cold weather), Mom has up to a month's worth of sausage casserole, steak and kidney pie and chicken curry to label and freeze.That's right; my younger brother, Michael, 41, has rarely cooked himself a meal and never operated a washing machine, because he still lives at home with our mom and dad.
Currently in Britain, 58 percent of men between the age of 20 and 24 still live with their parents, the numbers having doubled in the past 15 years. There are far fewer fortysomethings, however, living with their parents. My brother is a rare breed.
Michael is no social misfit. Handsome, bright, popular and hard-working, he prefers living with Mom and Dad to branching out and living independently.
I interviewed Michael and our mom, Maureen, a fit, healthy 70-year-old, at the family home in Darlington in the northeast of England. I have long been curious about Michael's choice to stay at home, but in all these years we had never had a proper conversation about it.
`Almost one third of young people return to live at home at least once after initially moving away, and one in 10 go back four times before finally leaving for good.'
As a feminist who is critical of any man "freeloading" from women, I have managed occasionally to get the odd dig in at Michael, asking if he knew where the cooker was or if he could boil an egg. He would take it good-humoredly, and has never been defensive. Our family is a close one, but we are more likely to sit and laugh together than have deep and meaningful conversations.
Our older brother, Paul, 46, and I left home in our teens. I moved away at 16 to look for work and adventure (anyone familiar with Darlington in the 1970s would know why), and Paul married his childhood sweetheart at 18. As children, Paul and I were remarkably similar: boisterous, talkative, naughty and generally high-maintenance.
Michael, who is much quieter and more reflective, was unplanned.
"I had just got a job in an office, which was perfect," Mom says, "and then found out I was pregnant. I wanted the baby, but was in a real turmoil."
As a baby, Michael was clingy and whining. My earliest memory of him is Mom holding him under one arm while peeling potatoes with the other.
"He cried every time I put him down, right up until he was five," Mom says. "But after that he was the most self-sufficient of all of you."
So one theory -- that Michael has never moved away because he is still not ready to cut the umbilical cord -- does not stand up.
Michael maintains that his choice to stay at home is motivated by circumstances. Working on a short-term contract as a fork-lift truck driver, he is badly paid. His hours are long, with him leaving the house at 6am and returning at 6.30pm.
"I'm so shattered at the end of the day it is great coming home and having everything done for you," he tells me. "I have all the privacy I need, all the company I want. It is a bit like a hotel but at home."
The main reason for not leaving, Michael tells me, is money. He is not alone.
Recent research by the Halifax Bank found that first-time buyers cannot afford to get a mortgage on a semi-detached house in 92 percent of towns in Britain. For Michael, it is particularly important to have decent housing as he has legal joint custody of his 13-year- old son, Jake.
My old room is now occupied by Jake, who stays at the house three or four nights a week. Michael had a brief relationship with Jake's mother, who lives on the same housing project, which ended before Jake was born.
Since Jake was eight weeks old, Michael has had him to stay half the week. What that has actually meant, however, is that our mom did most of the practical parenting. Michael has been in full-time employment since leaving school, and, like many single working-class parents, could not afford childcare.
"Michael would have been a McDonald's dad if he hadn't lived at home," Mom says, "and if he had been living with a girlfriend she would have ended up looking after Jake."
For Michael, having his son stay with him and his grandparents is ideal.
"I work long shifts," he says, "and would have found it hard to have Jake part-time if I lived on my own, especially when he was younger."
I remind him that most single parents are women, and that many of them have full-time jobs, as well as doing the household chores.
"You can't win with you feminists," he teases, "Would you rather I was chaining a wife to the kitchen sink?"
At 13, Jake can do a lot for himself, but Mom still washes his school uniform, cooks for him and performs countless other practical tasks on his behalf. She is as unperturbed about this as she is about her role as hands-on parent to Michael.
"I love having him home," she says. "It's hard when all your kids leave, and it's just the two of you again."
She admits, however, that had Michael initially left home and then returned, she may not have been so ready to cook for him and do his washing up.
"I have done it since he was a baby," she says, "so it feels completely natural to me to carry on, because he has always been here."
Men are a third more likely than women to stay at home until they buy a house of their own. Almost one third of young people return to live at home at least once after initially moving away, and one in 10 go back four times before finally leaving for good. It seems that British men are more reluctant to leave their mothers than women are.
Mom, who was the first feminist I ever met, has resisted male dominance all her life, and brought her sons up to respect women. She told me, when I was 12, that I should never get married, "because all it will do is take your independence away," and fought tooth and nail with my dad, an unreconstructed alpha male, when he tried to get me to cover the household chores when Mom was at work.
What makes her compromise her feminist principles by running around after a grown man?
"I did it for your dad when he was working," she says, "and Michael doesn't have anyone else to do it for him."
Neil Blacklock, who specializes on issues of men and masculinity, believes that there are very different expectations from mothers about sons and daughters, with sons being allowed to do much less around the house.
"This trend probably indicates how fragile the achievements around men sharing domestic work actually are," Blacklock said.
Many women deride men who still live with their mother and they can get a bad press.
The central character in the recent film Failure to Launch, a thirtysomething man who still lives with his parents, is portrayed as lacking in motivation and ambition. The common perception of men living at home is that they are inadequate mommy's boys. I ask several women in my office if they would consider a relationship with a man in Michael's circumstances. Almost all reacted with, "Oh no! He can't be right," and "how weird."
There is a certain irony when women who openly admit that they live with men who do far fewer domestic chores than they do are so scathing.
Michael is aware of the negative way that men living at home are portrayed but is not bothered by it.
"People who know me don't think twice about it," he says. "To them it makes sense, and doesn't mean I'm a weirdo."
Although Michael is living a very comfortable and privileged life at home, where he wants for nothing and does even less, there are things he is missing out on. I have always suspected that one of the reasons he does not have a partner -- although lots of casual girlfriends -- is because all his domestic needs are met by Mom. Or perhaps Michael is fundamentally lazy and does not wish to put any energy into an intimate relationship.
"Some men compartmentalize what they think they need from a relationship," Blacklock says, "and if some of those needs are being met by their mothers, they can put less effort into looking elsewhere."
Paul and I own our homes, we are both in long-term relationships and have secure incomes. Although Michael adores his son and has many close friends, Mom has always worried about him having "less" than me and our brother.
"I worry that he has no one" is a common mantra from Mom whenever the issue of Michael still being at home is raised.
What does Dad think of it?
"I've never once asked Michael why he's still here," he says. "It's your mom who has to fetch and carry for him."
Dad actually loves having Michael at home, but in the time-honored tradition of "proper" men hiding their feelings, he does not admit it. I have seen him pack Michael's sandwiches for work, if Mom has not already done it, and heard him ask Mom what she has made him for dinner, as if checking it is sufficient for a hard-working laborer.
All good things come to an end. Because of Dad's failing health, our parents are looking to sell the house and buy a bungalow. When this happens, Michael will have no choice but to move out and find accommodation for him and Jake.
Mom and Dad will miss him, but I think the biggest loss will be his. For his birthday this year I am going to buy him Household Hints and Handy Tips.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Have you ever known a freeloader? How do you handle one bluntly? How would you handle one delicately?
2. Which working shift do you prefer? Would you mind working on the graveyard shift?
3. If a couple has joint custody, does that mean they own a residence or entertainment venue (called a "joint")? What does it mean?
4. What perturbs you most in a relationship?
5. What's a hands-on approach to a problem?
6. What causes turmoil in your life?
7. Do you consider yourself self-sufficient? Explain.
8. Do you consider yourself or your girlfriend a clingy type of person? What's your opinion of a clingy person?
9. If a child hasn't cut the umbilical cord, does that mean the child is mature or immature?
10. What are some things a person with arthritic fingers cannot do?
11. Briefly describe what you think a rare breed of person is.
12. Do you consider yourself physically fit?
13. What conduct of yours makes your mother or father have a fit?
14. Would you be happy if your teacher gave you a negative evaluation? Would you be happy if your doctor said your x-ray turned out negative?
15. A boisterous child is likely to be a) quiet, b) noisy,
c) hungry, d) sick.
16. Do you think an air-conditioner is a high-maintenance appliance? What's a low-maintenance appliance?
17. What are some domestic matters your parents handle each week?
18. What motivates you most to excel?
19. What trends do you notice in modern Taiwan society? Do you approve of them?
20. What mantra do you remember your mother or father repeating when you were a child?
21. Where are you likely to find a bungalo? When are you likely to go there?
22. Describe a weird person you've known (excluding teachers or classmates).
23. Are you or someone you know a Mommy's boy (also known as Mama boy)?
24. Discuss something that happened to you that you think was ironic, like studying hard but failing.
25. Who does the domestic chores at your home?
26. Do you tend to compartmentalize your relationships? What does that mean?
27. How are Christian fundamentalists different from other Christians?
28. Name a famous singer with the initials EP. Name a famous Hollywood star with the initials BP. Name a famous ballplayer with the initials CMW.
29. Which famous person would you like to see branch out and how?
30. A casserole is likely to be a) baked, b) fried, c) boiled.
31. How do you dig your best friend?
32. What kind of music do you dig?
33. Which hobby involves digging?
34. What common perceptions do you have of people or countries?
35. What might destroy a fragile friendship?
36. Are you or a friend a feminist?
37. What might give an entertainer a bad press?
38. Where do you go to get your pants pressed?
39. What vehicle do you use if you're pressed for time?
40. What do you think an alpha male is? What's the alpha and omega of something? What common word comes from the word, alpha?
41. What does it mean to fight tooth and nail? Where do you think the idiom comes from?
42. Which animal likes to fetch things?
43. A funny proverb says, "You're only young once, but you can be immature for the rest of your life." Explain what you think that means.
See the original article at the Taipei Times.
2. Which working shift do you prefer? Would you mind working on the graveyard shift?
3. If a couple has joint custody, does that mean they own a residence or entertainment venue (called a "joint")? What does it mean?
4. What perturbs you most in a relationship?
5. What's a hands-on approach to a problem?
6. What causes turmoil in your life?
7. Do you consider yourself self-sufficient? Explain.
8. Do you consider yourself or your girlfriend a clingy type of person? What's your opinion of a clingy person?
9. If a child hasn't cut the umbilical cord, does that mean the child is mature or immature?
10. What are some things a person with arthritic fingers cannot do?
11. Briefly describe what you think a rare breed of person is.
12. Do you consider yourself physically fit?
13. What conduct of yours makes your mother or father have a fit?
14. Would you be happy if your teacher gave you a negative evaluation? Would you be happy if your doctor said your x-ray turned out negative?
15. A boisterous child is likely to be a) quiet, b) noisy,
c) hungry, d) sick.
16. Do you think an air-conditioner is a high-maintenance appliance? What's a low-maintenance appliance?
17. What are some domestic matters your parents handle each week?
18. What motivates you most to excel?
19. What trends do you notice in modern Taiwan society? Do you approve of them?
20. What mantra do you remember your mother or father repeating when you were a child?
21. Where are you likely to find a bungalo? When are you likely to go there?
22. Describe a weird person you've known (excluding teachers or classmates).
23. Are you or someone you know a Mommy's boy (also known as Mama boy)?
24. Discuss something that happened to you that you think was ironic, like studying hard but failing.
25. Who does the domestic chores at your home?
26. Do you tend to compartmentalize your relationships? What does that mean?
27. How are Christian fundamentalists different from other Christians?
28. Name a famous singer with the initials EP. Name a famous Hollywood star with the initials BP. Name a famous ballplayer with the initials CMW.
29. Which famous person would you like to see branch out and how?
30. A casserole is likely to be a) baked, b) fried, c) boiled.
31. How do you dig your best friend?
32. What kind of music do you dig?
33. Which hobby involves digging?
34. What common perceptions do you have of people or countries?
35. What might destroy a fragile friendship?
36. Are you or a friend a feminist?
37. What might give an entertainer a bad press?
38. Where do you go to get your pants pressed?
39. What vehicle do you use if you're pressed for time?
40. What do you think an alpha male is? What's the alpha and omega of something? What common word comes from the word, alpha?
41. What does it mean to fight tooth and nail? Where do you think the idiom comes from?
42. Which animal likes to fetch things?
43. A funny proverb says, "You're only young once, but you can be immature for the rest of your life." Explain what you think that means.
See the original article at the Taipei Times.
"I love him, but not his kids."
By Emma Cook
THE GUARDIAN, LONDON
adapted from the Taipei Times
Alex Thomas is rather different to many other stepmothers for one simple reason: she is prepared to confess to the extent of her feelings, or rather, the lack of them, towards her stepchildren.
As she will tell you, the best-kept secret of step-parenting is that just because you fall for your partner, it doesn't mean you'll take to their children. The truth is, you're more likely not to.
One wonders why it is such a crime to admit to such a universal reality? We're not supposed to unconditionally love our partner's parents, after all, so why should their offspring be a different matter? As step-families are the fastest-rising family form we have, why is it so difficult to admit to the ambivalence so many of us experience daily?
"Do I love my stepchildren?" reflects Alex, 30, and a freelance radio presenter.
"No, I don't. I don't feel the same intensity for them that I do for my partner, parents or even siblings. But I'm very fond of them. I want to be part of their developmental process and I enjoy their company
but. . . ." she falters. "Love is still too heavy a word to use now."
Alex admitted as much very publicly when she was launching her Web site, www.childlessstepmums.co.uk, offering support to other stepmothers who fall in love with a man but not his children. It has already attracted more than 1,200 members, many logging on to confess to what would be completely taboo in any other context.
You sense a certain amount of glee at being able to express such forbidden feelings about their stepchildren or "skids" as they're not so lovingly referred to. The dilemmas are ones that usually remain hidden: the stepmother full of guilt because her young stepson told her he loves her and she was "struck dumb" because she "doesn't have those feelings."
Bravely, or possibly naively, Alex hasn't been afraid to air such dark thoughts. One newspaper headline after the launch ran with her admission, "I wish my stepchildren had never been born." Yet three months later, she still doesn't regret her candor, modifying it only slightly.
`The way I wanted'
"My feelings have changed since then," she says. "But I'd still say, if I could have everything just the way I wanted, it would be me and Matt. If you take that to its literal conclusion, yes, I suppose you could say I wish they'd never been born. However, that's not the case -- I do enjoy their company. They're intelligent, bright young people. But it is the case that I wish Matt and I could have got together before any of this."
Alex met her partner Matt, 43, more than four years ago when they worked together on the same radio show. They became friends and slowly realized they had serious feelings for one another and, after much deliberation, Matt left his marriage.
When Alex first began to see his children, Chloe, nine, and Tom, five, every weekend, she enjoyed her new role. Then one night, something shifted; it suddenly dawned on her just how excluded she really felt.
"One night I was lying by the fire and I looked up to see Matt on the sofa cosied up with Chloe and Tom either side of him. I felt really uncomfortable, totally on the outside.
Normally, I'd cuddle up with Matt and now I saw something that was stopping me from doing that. He was giving his affection to someone else and, yes, I felt jealous, resentful, miffed.
The fundamental conflict is, he's at his happiest when he's with me and the kids. I'm at my happiest when it's just the two of us," she said.
Sometimes she'd try to embrace the new "mothering" role but much of the time Alex felt it "just wasn't me." There was the first camping holiday when she realized how intense parenting could be; the exhaustion and continual demands.
Then the kids' unwitting mentions of shared moments with their mum; that holiday in France, the quality of her cooking as Alex served up a family lasagne. Sometimes, she wishes, she could just be left alone.
Is she sure she's not just moaning about mothering in general?
"That's what my friends with kids say. Parenting takes an enormous amount of hard work, so does step-parenting -- but the difference is that step-parents are doing all these basic practicalities and it's not through love," she said.
As brave as it may be to say such things, didn't she worry about what her stepchildren would think?
"Yes, Matt and I did discuss what we'd do if they found out about the interviews -- and I would certainly expect to discuss it with them when they're older but, as it turned out, they didn't find out," she said.
The fact that those feelings are "out there" doesn't appear to concern her. Nor is she worried that it could appear to some that she put her feelings above her stepchildren's in being so brutally honest.
"I've been very clear on that," she says, a steelier tone replacing the personable, bubbly demeanour. "I knew Matt and the children were hurting, but they had so many avenues of support. I still had problems. Just because mine weren't as far up the scale as theirs doesn't mean they're not worthy or don't exist."
We are in the sitting room of their modern home in a village outside Reading, in southern England, conspicuously free of child clutter save for one bedroom given over entirely to toys for when the children stay. On the mantelpiece behind her there is a small framed photograph of Chloe and Tom grinning, either side of their dad, arms entwined around him.
Alex's candor is appealing but at times heartbreaking -- from a child's point of view. She relates a bleak moment when she was looking after Tom on her own.
"He was upset and started to cry, saying, `I want my mummy, not you.' Outwardly I comforted him and said his dad would be back soon," she said. "But inwardly I thought `Up your bum, I don't want to be here either.'"
It is the casual indifference that can sound so hardhearted -- no wonder most stepmothers wouldn't dare to admit as much. Yet Alex does just that in an attempt to explode the myth of the wicked stepmother, not conform to it.
"You don't like to think of yourself as a bad person. I thought, `Am I really the evil stepmother here, wishing these children away?' Now I think, `No, I'm not.' We're all capable of some fairly shocking thoughts; it's how we resolve them that counts," she said.
We learn from our fairy tales that there are few figures we should fear more than the evil stepmother. There she is terrorizing the lives of poor innocents such as Snow White, Cinderella and Hansel and Gretel, deeply unmaternal and wilfully destructive. One of her many crimes is daring to put herself first, to selfishly desire to be the most beautiful in the kingdom. The message endures: to put your own feelings first and to feel ambivalent about your stepchildren is pretty unforgivable. Which could explain the wall of silence.
"I felt utterly isolated," she said. "There were counsellors for single fathers, single mothers, stepchildren; every element of a broken family, in fact, apart from stepmothers."
Many stepmothers can't contemplate seeking help for what they feel are such "bad" emotions. Another reason why the stepmother archetype endures is that it touches on some elemental truths about jealousy, resentment and the battle for the father's attention; note that it is almost always stepdaughters, not stepsons, in tales who fare worse at their grasping stepmothers' hands.
"Jealousy was always the main issue for me," admitted Jo Ball, 36, a life coach and step-parent counsellor who lives with her partner, Neil, and their two stepchildren.
"Jealousy of the other women [the children have different mothers] and particularly Neil's daughter. She'd run over and sit on his lap and he'd be stroking her hair. It was an `I-want-to-be-there' feeling I experienced -- a jealousy of his relationship and shared experience with her. Often jealousy is too painful to admit to, so it just festers in the background, which causes more problems; we know 50 percent of second relationships split up due to these sorts of issues," Ball said.
Maybe we should be surprised that it isn't even higher; how can a relationship happily develop when a parent has to acknowledge their partner doesn't love their children?
Patricia, 48, and a teacher living in London, is matter of fact about her indifference.
"I don't hold any deep feelings for my partner's son," she said. "But it took me a long time to tell my partner. I felt he was trying to push too fast for things to be rosy, for me and his son to be close, and I had to be honest with him. I think he's accepted my feelings but it's not easy for him knowing how I feel about someone he adores."
Like Patricia, Alex also felt compelled to tell her partner how she felt.
"At first he couldn't understand why I didn't love them. It took a lot of talking to get to the roots of why we feel how we do. I said, `I think they're great kids, but I'm not feeling this. I hope it comes in time.'"
Reassuringly, Janet Reibstein, psychology professor at Exeter University specializing in family relationships, believes this honest response is also the correct one. And that it's important partners do admit these feelings to one another, in order to resolve them.
"Yes, in a way it is the right way to feel. That expectation of immediate love and intimacy is too much, and if you get forced into it, on both sides there'll be resistance, which will continue to create problems," she said.
Even now that we have 2.5 million stepchildren in the UK, we still expect the impossible.
"Love only comes after years; you can have an enormous attraction at the start to a partner, or as a mother bond with your baby, but otherwise it isn't something that happens automatically," Reibstein said. "Categorizing the emotions that develop in step-relations is something we haven't done as a society. We don't have direct analogies and that's part of the problem. Instead we talk about feeling -- or not feeling -- like a mother, or a bit like an aunt, a sister or a good friend; but it's none of those. It's a different and important relationship that needs to be thought through and understood."
Until we find a better way to fill this vacuum, there are less mainstream arenas such as Alex's Web site which, beyond the supportive whingeing, offers a more sobering insight into modern step-parenting. There are women pushed to the limit by hostile stepchildren and resentful mothers, who feel unable to confess to fathers. They feel they're not at fault; they simply fell in love with men who happened to have kids.
"I've felt tremendous sympathy for some of the stories I've read," says Alex. "Even now you still get so many women coming on and saying, `Am I a bad person?' and I always reply, `No, these are basic primal desires to want to be with your man but to also feel that something is getting in the way.' As civilized human beings we have to deal with that."
2. How is Alex different from other stepmothers? (Incidentally, "Alex" is unusual for a woman's name; it's usually short for Alexander [a man's name].)
3. What does it mean to fall for someone? Did you ever fall for someone?
4. What is the best kept secret of step-parenting?
5. Fall is the name of a season. What is its other name?
6. Do you think your parents love you unconditionally?
7. What do you call the offspring of a dog? Cat?
8. What are some things you feel ambivalent about?
9. You can have ambivalent feelings aboutr somone; a person's answer can be ambiguous. Explain the difference between "ambivalent" and "ambiguous."
10. How is a freelance job different from other jobs?
11. Do you feel differently about some of your siblings compared to others?
12. According to Alex, we're all capable of shocking thoughts. But, in her mind, what really counts? (By the way, what is a near synonym for "counts" as used here?)
13. What would you consider shocking behavior?
14. Do you tend to categorize people? Give examples.
15. What do you tend to whinge about?
16. What does Alex call primal desires?
17. What does Jo Bell call the "main issue"?
18. Have you ever felt compelled to tell someone an unpleasant truth, or how you feel about them? Examples: someone snores, has bad breath, handles your personal belongings, talks with their mouth full, slurps soup, etc.
19. Did you ever take to someone immediately? Explain.
20. Was there anything someone did that you considered hard-hearted?
21. What do you think Alex means by her stepchildren's "developmental process"?
22. When does one normally have to sober up? ("Sober up" is called a phrasal verb, which includes a verb and particle, like "turn off" the light.")
23. What's a sobering thought about beauty?
24. Who usually fares worse at a stepmother's hands in fairy tales? The stepdaughter or stepson?
25. Why do 50 percent of "second relationships" break up?
26. How would you stare at someone or listen to what they're saying without making yourself conspicuous?
27. Imitate a cheerful demeanor; a sad demeanor. (Note: Brits spell many "or" endings with a "u" in the middle, such as "colour.")
28. What are some avenues of support that you tend to rely on in your life?
29. Why don't stepmothers contemplate seeking help?
30. How does Alex explain the difference between parenting and step-parenting?
31. What are some elemental truths about the stepmother archetype?
32. What's a near synonym for "miffed," as used in the above essay?
33. Have you ever felt jealousy over a sibling, rival, or classmate?
the following web page, open the video on "19-Year-Old Silicon Valley Mogul" and answer the following questions:
1. What is the good news about self-teaching businesses?
2. Why can young people teach themselves about businesses more than ever before?
3. What did he have a long-standing interest in?
4. What were he and his young classmates griping about back in San Francisco where he lives?
5. What is always an issue that all entrepreneurs have to deal with?
6. How does he deal with this problem?
7. What are more and more people doing today?
8. What separates entrepreneurs from everyone else?
9. What is enabling a new generation of people to start business younger than ever before?
10. What happens as you get older?
11. What definitely "part of the process"?
12. What separates the good from the great?
13. What does he plan to do in the fall?
14. How old was Casnocha when he started his software business?
15. What is more possible now than it was ten years ago?
By Emma Cook
THE GUARDIAN, LONDON
adapted from the Taipei Times
Alex Thomas is rather different to many other stepmothers for one simple reason: she is prepared to confess to the extent of her feelings, or rather, the lack of them, towards her stepchildren.
As she will tell you, the best-kept secret of step-parenting is that just because you fall for your partner, it doesn't mean you'll take to their children. The truth is, you're more likely not to.
One wonders why it is such a crime to admit to such a universal reality? We're not supposed to unconditionally love our partner's parents, after all, so why should their offspring be a different matter? As step-families are the fastest-rising family form we have, why is it so difficult to admit to the ambivalence so many of us experience daily?
"Do I love my stepchildren?" reflects Alex, 30, and a freelance radio presenter.
"No, I don't. I don't feel the same intensity for them that I do for my partner, parents or even siblings. But I'm very fond of them. I want to be part of their developmental process and I enjoy their company
but. . . ." she falters. "Love is still too heavy a word to use now."
Alex admitted as much very publicly when she was launching her Web site, www.childlessstepmums.co.uk, offering support to other stepmothers who fall in love with a man but not his children. It has already attracted more than 1,200 members, many logging on to confess to what would be completely taboo in any other context.
You sense a certain amount of glee at being able to express such forbidden feelings about their stepchildren or "skids" as they're not so lovingly referred to. The dilemmas are ones that usually remain hidden: the stepmother full of guilt because her young stepson told her he loves her and she was "struck dumb" because she "doesn't have those feelings."
Bravely, or possibly naively, Alex hasn't been afraid to air such dark thoughts. One newspaper headline after the launch ran with her admission, "I wish my stepchildren had never been born." Yet three months later, she still doesn't regret her candor, modifying it only slightly.
`The way I wanted'
"My feelings have changed since then," she says. "But I'd still say, if I could have everything just the way I wanted, it would be me and Matt. If you take that to its literal conclusion, yes, I suppose you could say I wish they'd never been born. However, that's not the case -- I do enjoy their company. They're intelligent, bright young people. But it is the case that I wish Matt and I could have got together before any of this."
Alex met her partner Matt, 43, more than four years ago when they worked together on the same radio show. They became friends and slowly realized they had serious feelings for one another and, after much deliberation, Matt left his marriage.
When Alex first began to see his children, Chloe, nine, and Tom, five, every weekend, she enjoyed her new role. Then one night, something shifted; it suddenly dawned on her just how excluded she really felt.
"One night I was lying by the fire and I looked up to see Matt on the sofa cosied up with Chloe and Tom either side of him. I felt really uncomfortable, totally on the outside.
Normally, I'd cuddle up with Matt and now I saw something that was stopping me from doing that. He was giving his affection to someone else and, yes, I felt jealous, resentful, miffed.
The fundamental conflict is, he's at his happiest when he's with me and the kids. I'm at my happiest when it's just the two of us," she said.
Sometimes she'd try to embrace the new "mothering" role but much of the time Alex felt it "just wasn't me." There was the first camping holiday when she realized how intense parenting could be; the exhaustion and continual demands.
Then the kids' unwitting mentions of shared moments with their mum; that holiday in France, the quality of her cooking as Alex served up a family lasagne. Sometimes, she wishes, she could just be left alone.
Is she sure she's not just moaning about mothering in general?
"That's what my friends with kids say. Parenting takes an enormous amount of hard work, so does step-parenting -- but the difference is that step-parents are doing all these basic practicalities and it's not through love," she said.
As brave as it may be to say such things, didn't she worry about what her stepchildren would think?
"Yes, Matt and I did discuss what we'd do if they found out about the interviews -- and I would certainly expect to discuss it with them when they're older but, as it turned out, they didn't find out," she said.
The fact that those feelings are "out there" doesn't appear to concern her. Nor is she worried that it could appear to some that she put her feelings above her stepchildren's in being so brutally honest.
"I've been very clear on that," she says, a steelier tone replacing the personable, bubbly demeanour. "I knew Matt and the children were hurting, but they had so many avenues of support. I still had problems. Just because mine weren't as far up the scale as theirs doesn't mean they're not worthy or don't exist."
We are in the sitting room of their modern home in a village outside Reading, in southern England, conspicuously free of child clutter save for one bedroom given over entirely to toys for when the children stay. On the mantelpiece behind her there is a small framed photograph of Chloe and Tom grinning, either side of their dad, arms entwined around him.
Alex's candor is appealing but at times heartbreaking -- from a child's point of view. She relates a bleak moment when she was looking after Tom on her own.
"He was upset and started to cry, saying, `I want my mummy, not you.' Outwardly I comforted him and said his dad would be back soon," she said. "But inwardly I thought `Up your bum, I don't want to be here either.'"
It is the casual indifference that can sound so hardhearted -- no wonder most stepmothers wouldn't dare to admit as much. Yet Alex does just that in an attempt to explode the myth of the wicked stepmother, not conform to it.
"You don't like to think of yourself as a bad person. I thought, `Am I really the evil stepmother here, wishing these children away?' Now I think, `No, I'm not.' We're all capable of some fairly shocking thoughts; it's how we resolve them that counts," she said.
We learn from our fairy tales that there are few figures we should fear more than the evil stepmother. There she is terrorizing the lives of poor innocents such as Snow White, Cinderella and Hansel and Gretel, deeply unmaternal and wilfully destructive. One of her many crimes is daring to put herself first, to selfishly desire to be the most beautiful in the kingdom. The message endures: to put your own feelings first and to feel ambivalent about your stepchildren is pretty unforgivable. Which could explain the wall of silence.
"I felt utterly isolated," she said. "There were counsellors for single fathers, single mothers, stepchildren; every element of a broken family, in fact, apart from stepmothers."
Many stepmothers can't contemplate seeking help for what they feel are such "bad" emotions. Another reason why the stepmother archetype endures is that it touches on some elemental truths about jealousy, resentment and the battle for the father's attention; note that it is almost always stepdaughters, not stepsons, in tales who fare worse at their grasping stepmothers' hands.
"Jealousy was always the main issue for me," admitted Jo Ball, 36, a life coach and step-parent counsellor who lives with her partner, Neil, and their two stepchildren.
"Jealousy of the other women [the children have different mothers] and particularly Neil's daughter. She'd run over and sit on his lap and he'd be stroking her hair. It was an `I-want-to-be-there' feeling I experienced -- a jealousy of his relationship and shared experience with her. Often jealousy is too painful to admit to, so it just festers in the background, which causes more problems; we know 50 percent of second relationships split up due to these sorts of issues," Ball said.
Maybe we should be surprised that it isn't even higher; how can a relationship happily develop when a parent has to acknowledge their partner doesn't love their children?
Patricia, 48, and a teacher living in London, is matter of fact about her indifference.
"I don't hold any deep feelings for my partner's son," she said. "But it took me a long time to tell my partner. I felt he was trying to push too fast for things to be rosy, for me and his son to be close, and I had to be honest with him. I think he's accepted my feelings but it's not easy for him knowing how I feel about someone he adores."
Like Patricia, Alex also felt compelled to tell her partner how she felt.
"At first he couldn't understand why I didn't love them. It took a lot of talking to get to the roots of why we feel how we do. I said, `I think they're great kids, but I'm not feeling this. I hope it comes in time.'"
Reassuringly, Janet Reibstein, psychology professor at Exeter University specializing in family relationships, believes this honest response is also the correct one. And that it's important partners do admit these feelings to one another, in order to resolve them.
"Yes, in a way it is the right way to feel. That expectation of immediate love and intimacy is too much, and if you get forced into it, on both sides there'll be resistance, which will continue to create problems," she said.
Even now that we have 2.5 million stepchildren in the UK, we still expect the impossible.
"Love only comes after years; you can have an enormous attraction at the start to a partner, or as a mother bond with your baby, but otherwise it isn't something that happens automatically," Reibstein said. "Categorizing the emotions that develop in step-relations is something we haven't done as a society. We don't have direct analogies and that's part of the problem. Instead we talk about feeling -- or not feeling -- like a mother, or a bit like an aunt, a sister or a good friend; but it's none of those. It's a different and important relationship that needs to be thought through and understood."
Until we find a better way to fill this vacuum, there are less mainstream arenas such as Alex's Web site which, beyond the supportive whingeing, offers a more sobering insight into modern step-parenting. There are women pushed to the limit by hostile stepchildren and resentful mothers, who feel unable to confess to fathers. They feel they're not at fault; they simply fell in love with men who happened to have kids.
"I've felt tremendous sympathy for some of the stories I've read," says Alex. "Even now you still get so many women coming on and saying, `Am I a bad person?' and I always reply, `No, these are basic primal desires to want to be with your man but to also feel that something is getting in the way.' As civilized human beings we have to deal with that."
*DISCUSSION QUESTIONS*
1. What does it mean to be vilified in the press? Can you give recent examples in the Taiwan or American press?2. How is Alex different from other stepmothers? (Incidentally, "Alex" is unusual for a woman's name; it's usually short for Alexander [a man's name].)
3. What does it mean to fall for someone? Did you ever fall for someone?
4. What is the best kept secret of step-parenting?
5. Fall is the name of a season. What is its other name?
6. Do you think your parents love you unconditionally?
7. What do you call the offspring of a dog? Cat?
8. What are some things you feel ambivalent about?
9. You can have ambivalent feelings aboutr somone; a person's answer can be ambiguous. Explain the difference between "ambivalent" and "ambiguous."
10. How is a freelance job different from other jobs?
11. Do you feel differently about some of your siblings compared to others?
12. According to Alex, we're all capable of shocking thoughts. But, in her mind, what really counts? (By the way, what is a near synonym for "counts" as used here?)
13. What would you consider shocking behavior?
14. Do you tend to categorize people? Give examples.
15. What do you tend to whinge about?
16. What does Alex call primal desires?
17. What does Jo Bell call the "main issue"?
18. Have you ever felt compelled to tell someone an unpleasant truth, or how you feel about them? Examples: someone snores, has bad breath, handles your personal belongings, talks with their mouth full, slurps soup, etc.
19. Did you ever take to someone immediately? Explain.
20. Was there anything someone did that you considered hard-hearted?
21. What do you think Alex means by her stepchildren's "developmental process"?
22. When does one normally have to sober up? ("Sober up" is called a phrasal verb, which includes a verb and particle, like "turn off" the light.")
23. What's a sobering thought about beauty?
24. Who usually fares worse at a stepmother's hands in fairy tales? The stepdaughter or stepson?
25. Why do 50 percent of "second relationships" break up?
26. How would you stare at someone or listen to what they're saying without making yourself conspicuous?
27. Imitate a cheerful demeanor; a sad demeanor. (Note: Brits spell many "or" endings with a "u" in the middle, such as "colour.")
28. What are some avenues of support that you tend to rely on in your life?
29. Why don't stepmothers contemplate seeking help?
30. How does Alex explain the difference between parenting and step-parenting?
31. What are some elemental truths about the stepmother archetype?
32. What's a near synonym for "miffed," as used in the above essay?
33. Have you ever felt jealousy over a sibling, rival, or classmate?
Subject: Listening Assignment Due 5 June 2007 |
From: Richard |
Date: Wed, 30 May 2007 12:19:51 -0700 |
To: anymore_w@yahoo.com.tw, lovemma1943@hotmail.com, ysj510@hotmail.com, literaturer308@yahoo.com.tw, vision760216@yahoo.com.tw, nathalieyun@yahoo.com.tw, smilecat751007@yahoo.com.tw, myicelife@gmail.com, id91elva@yahoo.com.tw, jennychen8811@hotmail.com, happytime26.tw@yahoo.com.tw, amouro@gmail.com, mybody84@hotmail.com |
Due Week of 5 June 2007
Go to1. What is the good news about self-teaching businesses?
2. Why can young people teach themselves about businesses more than ever before?
3. What did he have a long-standing interest in?
4. What were he and his young classmates griping about back in San Francisco where he lives?
5. What is always an issue that all entrepreneurs have to deal with?
6. How does he deal with this problem?
7. What are more and more people doing today?
8. What separates entrepreneurs from everyone else?
9. What is enabling a new generation of people to start business younger than ever before?
10. What happens as you get older?
11. What definitely "part of the process"?
12. What separates the good from the great?
13. What does he plan to do in the fall?
14. How old was Casnocha when he started his software business?
15. What is more possible now than it was ten years ago?
VOCABULARY
mentoring
brain child
ups and downs
intellectual support
potential (adj.)
credibility
jaded
mentor
biased
blogs
under scrutiny
golden age
accessing
entrepreneurial process
recruit
CEO
baby (idiom)
at the end of the day
rainy day (idiom)
in a row (idiom)
give up (idiom)
plow forward (idiom)
Plan B
short term
how that goes (idiom)
blend my interests
pothole
harbor a bias
The type of man who makes woman’s heart flutter has a lot to whether she was a daddy’s girl, according to a new study.
Women who got along well with their dads as kids are attracted to men who resemble their fathers, whereas women who had a bad father-daughter relationship do not.
Lynda Boothroyd, a psychologist at Durham University in England, and her colleagues at the University of Wroclaw and the Institute of Anthropology in Poland asked a trained anthropologist to perform facial measurements on the photographs of 15 random men as well as the photographs of the fathers of 49 Polish women participating in the study.
The anthropologist calculated 15 key proportions based on how various features—such as the lips, nose, cheekbones and brows—related to each face’s height and width. The researchers also compared the 15 random faces to each of the father’s faces to determine how closely they resembled one another.
The women then rated their childhood relationships with their fathers based on how emotionally invested they felt their dads had been in raising them and how much time their fathers had spent with them. The women were split into two groups based on how positively or negatively they rated their relationships.
Then the researchers asked the women to rate how attractive they found each of the 15 random male faces.
The women who had reported positive relationships with their fathers were much more likely to be attracted to men resembling their fathers, the researchers found. On the other hand, women with bad dad relationships did not find men who looked like their fathers appealing.
“While previous research has suggested this to be the case, these controlled results show for certain that the quality of a daughter’s relationship with her father has an impact on whom she finds attractive,” Boothroyd said in a prepared statement. “It shows our human brains don't simply build prototypes of the ideal face based on those we see around us, rather they build them based on those to whom we have a strongly positive relationship.”
Although no one yet knows for sure why females show these preferences, a woman with a great dad may choose a similar-looking mate in the hopes that he will also be a good father, the researchers wrote.
"Her heart flutters everytime she sees George Clooney, though her best friend, Joyce, thinks he's too old."
daddy's girl
"She's a daddy's girl. Unfortunately, her father is Arnold Schwarzenegger and no man can measure up. So at 66, she's still single."
get along
"Why can't cats and mice learn to get along?"
father-daughter relationship
"The father-daughter relationship was marred by the fact that the father was very strict."
facial
"Cindy has the same facial characteristics as her grandmother, but doesn't look at all like her mom."
anthropologist
"The anthropologist decided on his major after failing all his sociology courses."
trained anthropologist
"The scholar became curious what an untrained anthropologist is."
random
"We did a random study of students who ate Belgian chocolate ice cream and concluded that only 10% ate the food unconsciously."
calculated
"Mike calculated that if he saved up one percent of his salary every day he could go to Paris in the summer."
proportions
"The proportion of the population that was obese was calculated at 44%."
features
"Vanessa had the babyface features of a movie star."
cheekbones
"Though she had ordinary features, her high cheekbones made her look unusually beautiful."
brow
"His furrowed brow suggested many hours spent in painful reflections on the mystery of existence."
emotionally invested
"Tom was so emotionally invested in his bike, that he never allowed anyone to ride it but himself."
how much time spent
"It's not how much time a parent spends with a child but the quality time spent that matters."
positively
"His sobriety reflected positively on his reformed behavior."
negatively
"Her spotty classroom attendance negatively affected her grades."
appealing
"She had an appealing laugh."
impact
"Elvis Presely had a huge impact on teenagers in the 1950s."
prototypes
"Hollywood stars, such as Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, are often considered protypes of masculinity."
preferences
"His preferences in music were limited to jazz and blues."
rated
"Harry rated Angelina Jolie among his favorite actresses."
The type of man who makes woman’s heart flutter has a lot to whether she was a daddy’s girl, according to a new study.
Women who got along well with their dads as kids are attracted to men who resemble their fathers, whereas women who had a bad father-daughter relationship do not.
Lynda Boothroyd, a psychologist at Durham University in England, and her colleagues at the University of Wroclaw and the Institute of Anthropology in Poland asked a trained anthropologist to perform facial measurements on the photographs of 15 random men as well as the photographs of the fathers of 49 Polish women participating in the study.
The anthropologist calculated 15 key proportions based on how various features—such as the lips, nose, cheekbones and brows—related to each face’s height and width. The researchers also compared the 15 random faces to each of the father’s faces to determine how closely they resembled one another.
The women then rated their childhood relationships with their fathers based on how emotionally invested they felt their dads had been in raising them and how much time their fathers had spent with them. The women were split into two groups based on how positively or negatively they rated their relationships.
Then the researchers asked the women to rate how attractive they found each of the 15 random male faces.
The women who had reported positive relationships with their fathers were much more likely to be attracted to men resembling their fathers, the researchers found. On the other hand, women with bad dad relationships did not find men who looked like their fathers appealing.
“While previous research has suggested this to be the case, these controlled results show for certain that the quality of a daughter’s relationship with her father has an impact on whom she finds attractive,” Boothroyd said in a prepared statement. “It shows our human brains don't simply build prototypes of the ideal face based on those we see around us, rather they build them based on those to whom we have a strongly positive relationship.”
Although no one yet knows for sure why females show these preferences, a woman with a great dad may choose a similar-looking mate in the hopes that he will also be a good father, the researchers wrote.
"Her heart flutters everytime she sees George Clooney, though her best friend, Joyce, thinks he's too old."
daddy's girl
"She's a daddy's girl. Unfortunately, her father is Arnold Schwarzenegger and no man can measure up. So at 66, she's still single."
get along
"Why can't cats and mice learn to get along?"
father-daughter relationship
"The father-daughter relationship was marred by the fact that the father was very strict."
facial
"Cindy has the same facial characteristics as her grandmother, but doesn't look at all like her mom."
anthropologist
"The anthropologist decided on his major after failing all his sociology courses."
trained anthropologist
"The scholar became curious what an untrained anthropologist is."
random
"We did a random study of students who ate Belgian chocolate ice cream and concluded that only 10% ate the food unconsciously."
calculated
"Mike calculated that if he saved up one percent of his salary every day he could go to Paris in the summer."
proportions
"The proportion of the population that was obese was calculated at 44%."
features
"Vanessa had the babyface features of a movie star."
cheekbones
"Though she had ordinary features, her high cheekbones made her look unusually beautiful."
brow
"His furrowed brow suggested many hours spent in painful reflections on the mystery of existence."
emotionally invested
"Tom was so emotionally invested in his bike, that he never allowed anyone to ride it but himself."
how much time spent
"It's not how much time a parent spends with a child but the quality time spent that matters."
positively
"His sobriety reflected positively on his reformed behavior."
negatively
"Her spotty classroom attendance negatively affected her grades."
appealing
"She had an appealing laugh."
impact
"Elvis Presely had a huge impact on teenagers in the 1950s."
prototypes
"Hollywood stars, such as Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, are often considered protypes of masculinity."
preferences
"His preferences in music were limited to jazz and blues."
snitch
slogan
stop snitching
cooperate
reluctance
predominantly
criminologists
fueled
promoted
code of silence
murals
extended
norm
advocate
Uncle Tom
deal with it
mentored
caressed
witnessed
come forward
jeopardize
labeled
street credit
urban ghetto
street credibility
in vain
walking away
gunned down
notorious
entourage
raised
code of ethics
serial killer
street cred
drug dealing
come to grips
idolized
dish out
nastiest
tattletale
clearance rate
homicides
single digits
status
on the verge
root cause
commercialization
edgy
corporate profits
feed off of this
distributed
division
tag line
condone
the "n-word"
Yeah, well, I tell you. A lot of, a lot of people are very upset about it. // You know, / they were hoping for the death penalty. So this seems WAY too lenient.
I guess the trouble started for her when the cops pulled her over in a car // and she didn't have a front or a rear license plate. // Good news: now she can make her own. So
that's . . .
Well, // did you hear her excuse? I love this. She claims her PUBLICIST / TOLD HER // SHE WAS ALLOWED TO DRIVE TO WORK. // Yeah, which would be great if she had a JOB. She doesn't have a job!
But you see, I think this arrest sends a clear message to all celebrities: Hey, // you murder your wife, you shoot your girlfriend, okay, we'll let it slide. // But commit a moving violation in LA / YOU ARE GOING TO THE SLAMMER, BUDDY! YOU ARE GOING TO THE SLAMMER!
1. An ideal weight.
2. Ways to lose weight.
3. One's own eating habits.
4. Snacking.
5. Desserts.
6. Personal diet goals.
7. Foods to cut down (eliminate).
8. Long-range goals.
maintain weight
to stay trim
keep it off
aerobics
weight reduction
reducing
protein
carbohydrates
junk food
the latest tool
hospitals have at their disposal
custom-made reading
consume
calories
dietician
portion sizes
educated decision
determination
anorexic
bulimic
journal
snack
too thin
plump
chubby
suggested number
seminars
tracking what you eat
third helping
spaghetti
pasta
Party A disagrees, believes in the right to buy guns and argues accordingly.
B rebuts A's argument to end the conversation.
To prepare for this role play, each student must prepare for either Party A or Party B, since each student does not know which role he or she will play, or if a student will play both roles.
(The role play may be extended to further rebuttals by both parties, but only if those rebuttals have substance and are not just intended to keep the conversation going just for the sake of doing so.)
In terms of content, each student will have to think through reasonable arguments for the right to bear arms (have guns) and also reasonable arguments against that right.
Some research into the events in Virginia as well as gun control issues are necessary.
Suggested vocabulary:
rifle, pistol, hand gun, bullets, fire, self defense, intruder, arms, armed, weapon, legislation, prohibit, restrict, infringe, firearms, Bill of Rights (appendage to the Constitution), militia.
rated
"Harry rated Angelina Jolie among his favorite actresses."
mentoring
brain child
ups and downs
intellectual support
potential (adj.)
credibility
jaded
mentor
biased
blogs
under scrutiny
golden age
accessing
entrepreneurial process
recruit
CEO
baby (idiom)
at the end of the day
rainy day (idiom)
in a row (idiom)
give up (idiom)
plow forward (idiom)
Plan B
short term
how that goes (idiom)
blend my interests
pothole
harbor a bias
WOMEN PREFER MEN WHO L
K LIKE DAD
K LIKE DADMelinda Wenner
(Click for original article or read copy below.)
For the week of 19 June 2007, prepare to speak with a classmate on how men and women choose their romantic partners or spouses. You must include specific ideas discussed below, while generalizing their application to both genders and to all (not just marital) romantic relationships. An explanatory word list follows:(Click for original article or read copy below.)
The type of man who makes woman’s heart flutter has a lot to whether she was a daddy’s girl, according to a new study.
Women who got along well with their dads as kids are attracted to men who resemble their fathers, whereas women who had a bad father-daughter relationship do not.
Lynda Boothroyd, a psychologist at Durham University in England, and her colleagues at the University of Wroclaw and the Institute of Anthropology in Poland asked a trained anthropologist to perform facial measurements on the photographs of 15 random men as well as the photographs of the fathers of 49 Polish women participating in the study.
The anthropologist calculated 15 key proportions based on how various features—such as the lips, nose, cheekbones and brows—related to each face’s height and width. The researchers also compared the 15 random faces to each of the father’s faces to determine how closely they resembled one another.
The women then rated their childhood relationships with their fathers based on how emotionally invested they felt their dads had been in raising them and how much time their fathers had spent with them. The women were split into two groups based on how positively or negatively they rated their relationships.
Then the researchers asked the women to rate how attractive they found each of the 15 random male faces.
The women who had reported positive relationships with their fathers were much more likely to be attracted to men resembling their fathers, the researchers found. On the other hand, women with bad dad relationships did not find men who looked like their fathers appealing.
“While previous research has suggested this to be the case, these controlled results show for certain that the quality of a daughter’s relationship with her father has an impact on whom she finds attractive,” Boothroyd said in a prepared statement. “It shows our human brains don't simply build prototypes of the ideal face based on those we see around us, rather they build them based on those to whom we have a strongly positive relationship.”
Although no one yet knows for sure why females show these preferences, a woman with a great dad may choose a similar-looking mate in the hopes that he will also be a good father, the researchers wrote.
VOCABULARY
flutter"Her heart flutters everytime she sees George Clooney, though her best friend, Joyce, thinks he's too old."
daddy's girl
"She's a daddy's girl. Unfortunately, her father is Arnold Schwarzenegger and no man can measure up. So at 66, she's still single."
get along
"Why can't cats and mice learn to get along?"
father-daughter relationship
"The father-daughter relationship was marred by the fact that the father was very strict."
facial
"Cindy has the same facial characteristics as her grandmother, but doesn't look at all like her mom."
anthropologist
"The anthropologist decided on his major after failing all his sociology courses."
trained anthropologist
"The scholar became curious what an untrained anthropologist is."
random
"We did a random study of students who ate Belgian chocolate ice cream and concluded that only 10% ate the food unconsciously."
calculated
"Mike calculated that if he saved up one percent of his salary every day he could go to Paris in the summer."
proportions
"The proportion of the population that was obese was calculated at 44%."
features
"Vanessa had the babyface features of a movie star."
cheekbones
"Though she had ordinary features, her high cheekbones made her look unusually beautiful."
brow
"His furrowed brow suggested many hours spent in painful reflections on the mystery of existence."
emotionally invested
"Tom was so emotionally invested in his bike, that he never allowed anyone to ride it but himself."
how much time spent
"It's not how much time a parent spends with a child but the quality time spent that matters."
positively
"His sobriety reflected positively on his reformed behavior."
negatively
"Her spotty classroom attendance negatively affected her grades."
appealing
"She had an appealing laugh."
impact
"Elvis Presely had a huge impact on teenagers in the 1950s."
prototypes
"Hollywood stars, such as Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, are often considered protypes of masculinity."
preferences
"His preferences in music were limited to jazz and blues."
rated
"Harry rated Angelina Jolie among his favorite actresses."
WOMEN PREFER MEN WHO L
K LIKE DAD
K LIKE DADMelinda Wenner
(Click for original article or read copy below.)
For the week of 19 June 2007, prepare to speak with a classmate on how men and women choose their romantic partners or spouses. You must include specific ideas discussed below, while generalizing their application to both genders and to all (not just marital) romantic relationships. An explanatory word list follows:(Click for original article or read copy below.)
The type of man who makes woman’s heart flutter has a lot to whether she was a daddy’s girl, according to a new study.
Women who got along well with their dads as kids are attracted to men who resemble their fathers, whereas women who had a bad father-daughter relationship do not.
Lynda Boothroyd, a psychologist at Durham University in England, and her colleagues at the University of Wroclaw and the Institute of Anthropology in Poland asked a trained anthropologist to perform facial measurements on the photographs of 15 random men as well as the photographs of the fathers of 49 Polish women participating in the study.
The anthropologist calculated 15 key proportions based on how various features—such as the lips, nose, cheekbones and brows—related to each face’s height and width. The researchers also compared the 15 random faces to each of the father’s faces to determine how closely they resembled one another.
The women then rated their childhood relationships with their fathers based on how emotionally invested they felt their dads had been in raising them and how much time their fathers had spent with them. The women were split into two groups based on how positively or negatively they rated their relationships.
Then the researchers asked the women to rate how attractive they found each of the 15 random male faces.
The women who had reported positive relationships with their fathers were much more likely to be attracted to men resembling their fathers, the researchers found. On the other hand, women with bad dad relationships did not find men who looked like their fathers appealing.
“While previous research has suggested this to be the case, these controlled results show for certain that the quality of a daughter’s relationship with her father has an impact on whom she finds attractive,” Boothroyd said in a prepared statement. “It shows our human brains don't simply build prototypes of the ideal face based on those we see around us, rather they build them based on those to whom we have a strongly positive relationship.”
Although no one yet knows for sure why females show these preferences, a woman with a great dad may choose a similar-looking mate in the hopes that he will also be a good father, the researchers wrote.
VOCABULARY
flutter"Her heart flutters everytime she sees George Clooney, though her best friend, Joyce, thinks he's too old."
daddy's girl
"She's a daddy's girl. Unfortunately, her father is Arnold Schwarzenegger and no man can measure up. So at 66, she's still single."
get along
"Why can't cats and mice learn to get along?"
father-daughter relationship
"The father-daughter relationship was marred by the fact that the father was very strict."
facial
"Cindy has the same facial characteristics as her grandmother, but doesn't look at all like her mom."
anthropologist
"The anthropologist decided on his major after failing all his sociology courses."
trained anthropologist
"The scholar became curious what an untrained anthropologist is."
random
"We did a random study of students who ate Belgian chocolate ice cream and concluded that only 10% ate the food unconsciously."
calculated
"Mike calculated that if he saved up one percent of his salary every day he could go to Paris in the summer."
proportions
"The proportion of the population that was obese was calculated at 44%."
features
"Vanessa had the babyface features of a movie star."
cheekbones
"Though she had ordinary features, her high cheekbones made her look unusually beautiful."
brow
"His furrowed brow suggested many hours spent in painful reflections on the mystery of existence."
emotionally invested
"Tom was so emotionally invested in his bike, that he never allowed anyone to ride it but himself."
how much time spent
"It's not how much time a parent spends with a child but the quality time spent that matters."
positively
"His sobriety reflected positively on his reformed behavior."
negatively
"Her spotty classroom attendance negatively affected her grades."
appealing
"She had an appealing laugh."
impact
"Elvis Presely had a huge impact on teenagers in the 1950s."
prototypes
"Hollywood stars, such as Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, are often considered protypes of masculinity."
preferences
"His preferences in music were limited to jazz and blues."
Podcast Vocabulary
Here are words
and phrases used in the podcast on "snitching" to help you prepare your dialogues in the week of 22 May 2007. In some cases you may have to do more research than just looking the term up in a dictionary:
witness and phrases used in the podcast on "snitching" to help you prepare your dialogues in the week of 22 May 2007. In some cases you may have to do more research than just looking the term up in a dictionary:snitch
slogan
stop snitching
cooperate
reluctance
predominantly
criminologists
fueled
promoted
code of silence
murals
extended
norm
advocate
Uncle Tom
deal with it
mentored
caressed
witnessed
come forward
jeopardize
labeled
street credit
urban ghetto
street credibility
in vain
walking away
gunned down
notorious
entourage
raised
code of ethics
serial killer
street cred
drug dealing
come to grips
idolized
dish out
nastiest
tattletale
clearance rate
homicides
single digits
status
on the verge
root cause
commercialization
edgy
corporate profits
feed off of this
distributed
division
tag line
condone
the "n-word"
Jay Leno's Comic Monologue on Paris Hilton
The following analyzes Jay Leno's comic monologue on Paris Hilton in terms of vocal delivery. Different colors show different (thus variation of) vocal timbres. Note the pauses for comic effect; variation of pace is shown in smaller font or larger font. Pauses are shown by slashes (/ or //) and stress by underline. Some native humor doesn't translate well in other countries, partly due to content, partly to references, idiomatic usage, or slang. "Slammer" is slang for "jail." The reference to license plates is that prisoners are usually assigned the task of making license plates as part of their job in prison. A "moving violation" is a traffic violation while the car is actually moving (compared to a parking violation). A "publicist" is someone who handles publicity or relations with the press (newspapers, etc.). The final joke is a reference to celebrities who get away with murder (O. J. Simpson, Robert Blake), while those involved in traffic incidents get jail sentences. To "let it slide" means to ignore something. "Buddy" is a common "vocative," a grammatical form that addresses a person directly, as if in intimacy, as distinct from its use as a noun: "I love my mom" (noun); "I love you, Mom" (vocative). (Note too, "mom" is not capitalized as a common noun but is capitalized as a proper noun: the name of a person, not the kind or class of person (mothers).
I'm sure you know by now: / Paris Hilton got 45 DAYS IN JAIL.The following analyzes Jay Leno's comic monologue on Paris Hilton in terms of vocal delivery. Different colors show different (thus variation of) vocal timbres. Note the pauses for comic effect; variation of pace is shown in smaller font or larger font. Pauses are shown by slashes (/ or //) and stress by underline. Some native humor doesn't translate well in other countries, partly due to content, partly to references, idiomatic usage, or slang. "Slammer" is slang for "jail." The reference to license plates is that prisoners are usually assigned the task of making license plates as part of their job in prison. A "moving violation" is a traffic violation while the car is actually moving (compared to a parking violation). A "publicist" is someone who handles publicity or relations with the press (newspapers, etc.). The final joke is a reference to celebrities who get away with murder (O. J. Simpson, Robert Blake), while those involved in traffic incidents get jail sentences. To "let it slide" means to ignore something. "Buddy" is a common "vocative," a grammatical form that addresses a person directly, as if in intimacy, as distinct from its use as a noun: "I love my mom" (noun); "I love you, Mom" (vocative). (Note too, "mom" is not capitalized as a common noun but is capitalized as a proper noun: the name of a person, not the kind or class of person (mothers).
Yeah, well, I tell you. A lot of, a lot of people are very upset about it. // You know, / they were hoping for the death penalty. So this seems WAY too lenient.
I guess the trouble started for her when the cops pulled her over in a car // and she didn't have a front or a rear license plate. // Good news: now she can make her own. So
that's . . .
Well, // did you hear her excuse? I love this. She claims her PUBLICIST / TOLD HER // SHE WAS ALLOWED TO DRIVE TO WORK. // Yeah, which would be great if she had a JOB. She doesn't have a job!
But you see, I think this arrest sends a clear message to all celebrities: Hey, // you murder your wife, you shoot your girlfriend, okay, we'll let it slide. // But commit a moving violation in LA / YOU ARE GOING TO THE SLAMMER, BUDDY! YOU ARE GOING TO THE SLAMMER!
FOOD AND DIETING
For in-class conversation after the movie week.
With help from the vocabulary below, as well as the video assigned for your home listening, prepare a class conversation about dieting. Among the issues that may be discussed are:For in-class conversation after the movie week.
1. An ideal weight.
2. Ways to lose weight.
3. One's own eating habits.
4. Snacking.
5. Desserts.
6. Personal diet goals.
7. Foods to cut down (eliminate).
8. Long-range goals.
VOCABULARY
metabolismmaintain weight
to stay trim
keep it off
aerobics
weight reduction
reducing
protein
carbohydrates
junk food
the latest tool
hospitals have at their disposal
custom-made reading
consume
calories
dietician
portion sizes
educated decision
determination
anorexic
bulimic
journal
snack
too thin
plump
chubby
suggested number
seminars
tracking what you eat
third helping
spaghetti
pasta
Role Play: Two parties.
Party A starts a conversation asking what Party B thinks or feels about the Virginia Tech killings. Party B replies, first summing up the tragedy, then blaming the lack of gun control.Party A disagrees, believes in the right to buy guns and argues accordingly.
B rebuts A's argument to end the conversation.
To prepare for this role play, each student must prepare for either Party A or Party B, since each student does not know which role he or she will play, or if a student will play both roles.
(The role play may be extended to further rebuttals by both parties, but only if those rebuttals have substance and are not just intended to keep the conversation going just for the sake of doing so.)
In terms of content, each student will have to think through reasonable arguments for the right to bear arms (have guns) and also reasonable arguments against that right.
Some research into the events in Virginia as well as gun control issues are necessary.
Suggested vocabulary:
rifle, pistol, hand gun, bullets, fire, self defense, intruder, arms, armed, weapon, legislation, prohibit, restrict, infringe, firearms, Bill of Rights (appendage to the Constitution), militia.
Students,
Here's another point of view about gun control. Click on the link or the picutre and go to the webpage for this video. There will be no questions for this video, but you should show you viewed and understood the arguments during your debates next week.
massacre
mainstream media
loopholes
lax gun laws
crime control
banned guns
confiscated
right-wing NRA ("National Rifle Association") gun nuts
cons (convicts)
might be packing (guns)
British-based publication
tragic obsession
positive impact
stats (statistics)
less availability
pretty reliable
carnage in the streets
specifics
hardened criminal
underworld
legally obtainable
figured out a way
much less damaging
mentally unstable
as deadly a rampage
Bob: It's really terrible. I couldn't believe it at first. They've got to do something about those guns!
Sal: It's not the guns, it's crazy people. A lot of people own guns and they don't go around killing people.
Bob: I know that, but guns don't help if there's a crazy person. It only makes him more dangerous. Or her.
Sal: An automobile would make a crazy person dangerous too. Or a knife.
Bob: Yeah, but not that dangerous. I suppose a crazy person can drive into a movie queue and kill several people and injure even more. But with a gun you can do far more damage in just a few seconds. I mean some of those guns are like miniature machine-guns. It's not like the old days where it took several minutes to reload. Now you can unload a cartridge of a dozen bullets in a second or so and reload in a few seconds more to start over again.
Sal: That's my point. If others had guns too, they could shoot as fast as the killer and kill him before he killed too many.
Bob: So you want to make it like the Old West, with everyone shooting all the time?
Sal: No, not everyone. Just in self-defense. People have a right to defend themselves. And how can you do that if the other fellow has a gun and you don't?
Bob: But what I'm saying is no-one should have a gun.
Sal: But that's not the way it would work out. The good people would obey the law and not own a gun, but the bad people would get a gun anway. And there's always a way, just like they get drugs.
Bob: But there would be far fewer guns that way and many people would be caught while trying to buy them. Soon owning a gun would be a high-risk thing. Only professional criminals would be able to that. Not crazy loners like that Virginia Tech killer. Besides, you can't compare drugs and guns. Drugs are an addiction. You've got to have drugs once you're addicted, so you'll stop at nothing to get them. But guns are not an addiction. Many people would be discouraged trying to get a gun once they realized they were at a high risk of being caught; and if the sentence was long enough, that would be a strong enough deterrent.
Sal: You're forgetting the Bill of Rights, Bob! That's more than 200 hundred years old. Are you going to change our rights because of a few crazies out there?
Bob: Well, the right to bear arms, which is what you're referring to, had a different meaning to the Founding Fathers. It simply meant the right to protect the government or a local government from infringement of liberties at a time when there was no centralized military. Like many verses in the Bible, you have to take the time it was written into consideration. The Bible says a child that disobeys its parent can be put to death; you wouldn't want to put children to death for doing that today, would you? The Founding Fathers didn't consider Black people equal to white people. But later judicial rulings overturned that principle.
Sal: But that principle was in the Constitution at the beginning: "All men are created equal."
Bob: All right, but it said "all men," not all men and women.
Sal: But "men" meant "women" too in those days.
Bob: But then "men" didn't mean "black men" in those days. My point is that the meaning of words can't be separated from context. Besides, when the Second Amendment was added, a gun was nothing like a gun is today. A gun in those days might take five or ten minutes to recharge before shooting. By that time the shooter could be killed himself or his intended victims could escape. That's not the case today, when a crazy guy can shoot dozens of rounds in just minutes!
Sal: Well, freedom always has risks, Bob. The freedom to drink alcohol carries certain risks, such as car wrecks. Cars themselves carry the risks of car wrecks even with alcohol! The freedom of religion has risks too. Look how much harm religions have done in history, up to today's world. It's also done good, like guns. Guns do evil when used by bad people; but they allow good people to protect themselves, to hunt as a sport, to target practice, and all the rest. Look at what happened at Virginia Tech. Students became sitting ducks because they had nothing to fight back with. All they could do was cringe or blockade their dorms. I tell you, Bob, if a crazy person breaks my window at night, I want to be able to shoot the guy before he does something terrible to me. How long do you think it would be before the police got to my house? By that time, I'd be dead. What we need to do is to arm people so they can protect themselves against crazies like that fellow at Virginia Tech.
Bob: I'd rather we armed ourselves with sensible laws against gun ownership, Sal. Guns kill bad people, but they kill good people too, often unintentionally. The gun you keep in your house to protect your child may also kill your child when she finds it where you've hidden it.
Sal: I would hide it where my child couldn't find it! I can see we differ, Bob. So let's agree to disagree! And it's almost lunch! Why not have a Deluxe Pizza and talk about something else.
Bob: I suppose I have no choice. Knowing you, you may have a gun inside your purse to back up your invitation if I refuse.
Sal: Ha, ha!
Firm believer
"The good components of society are the only ones that abide by the laws."
Sensible gun laws
Lefty liberal.
Federal law to restrict gun ownership.
Strict screening process.
"That could deter a lot of perps."
"The media's focus on gun rights."
"The availability of guns."
Rampage
"Students should have been armed."
"Exactly right."
"It's long past time."
"Guns should be controlled at least to the extent that automobiles are."
"A focus on gun laws, while important, misses the larger, more important cultural issues."
Students,
The way to prepare for your role plays is to cover the following steps in a methodical manner:
1. Analysis. This will involve rehearsing in your mind all the necessary or expected questions and responses in the role play. For example, imagine going to a doctor. What would you say? Or what would the doctor say/ask?
2. Memory. This will involve remembering occasions when you had such an interaction similar or identical to the one required in the role play.
3. Research. This will involve related searches on the role play; any information you find on the Internet; asking friends or classmates, etc. in order to fill in the gaps between what you already know (analysis, memory) and what you don't. For example, what do telephone operators say; how do talk show hosts speak; what questiosn do salesclerks ask? And so on.
4. Vocabulary. This important step involves making a list of words needed to communicate one's thoughts in one's role. Knowledge of fabrics, common medical symptoms, counties, street names are all important to keep the role playing moving. Often one will have to find the words first in Chinese and then find English equivalents.
5. Modeling. This involves imitation of real people if one has the chance. For example, modeling oneself on a television or radio talk show host, and so on.
6. Practice. This involves,
(a) Solitary (single) practice;
(b) Real-life practice (making a purchase; phoning a talk show, etc.)
(c) Pair practice (with a classmate or friend).
This is where the learning process happens! Not in the classroom. The classrom is a only place to review what has been learned at home. Talking and learning are two different things. One can talk for weeks at a time and learn nothing without the steps listed here. A baby for example, kept by itself, would babble for ten years and never speak a native word. It's the interaction with the mother (and then other caretakers) and t he unconscious modeling that happens during these encounters that helps the child master the language "like a native."
class, 12 April 2007, we'll try some role play exercises. This is a class in learning, not necessarily in talking. Therefore it is vital that some learning take place while talking. The question is how to learn?
Learning in this case involves some degree of preparation regarding responses and vocabulary. Since no student will know which role they will be asked to play, each student must prepare both roles.
Take the first role play. There are two speakers. Consider the first role: the telephone operator. He or she will speak first. What is he or she likely to say on starting the telephone exchange? What kinds of questions should he or she prepare to respond to?
Bear in mind that neither party will know exactly what the other will say. Nonetheless there are limits to exchanges required by the exercise. Neither party will be allowed to go outside the protocol or typical form of a caller-operator exchange. For example, no party can say, "I like jazz music," since that's clearly outside the usual protocol of such an exchange.
Obviously it will help each student to consider and remember typical exchanges related to these exercises in the past. All of you have visited a doctor; all have requested telephone help; all have at least heard some kind of talk show and maybe even phoned into one; and all have talked to teachers about one problem or another.
Consider the vocabulary in each role play. Consider the range of responses.
Besides this, of course, one should work on fluency, intonation, proper forms of address, etc.
As a model I will demonstrate typical role play for a department store clerk, where the two parties are the clerk and the customer, with the clerk speaking first:
Clerk: Hi, may I help you?
Customer: Yes, I'm looking for something to buy for my mother on Mother's Day. So I thought she might like some bath towels. Do you have anything special in bath towels?
Clerk: What price range are you thinking of?
Customer: Oh, 500, 700, something like that. If it's a little more expensive it doesn't matter.
Clerk: Why you don't you step over here, please, and I can show you some nice-looking turquoise towels with fancy embroidery on them. They're perfect for absorbing water. As you can see they're large enough to wrap around the body for easy drying. Do you think you'd be interested in something like this?
Customer: I don't know. They look nice. But my mother is not fond of turquoise. And you haven't told me how much they are.
And so on. The Clerk thought up of a common opening phrase for clerk. The customer then thought of something to buy, giving a specific reason (Mother's Day) and item (towels). The clerk responded appropriately with a lower level of generality (how much?). The customer was able to make up a response, but did not advance the conversation at this point. The clerk moved the conversation to the next level, inviting the customer to a display of towels. Then the person playing the clerk thought up of a way to develop the conversation by describing a towel style and returns the conversation to the buyer by asking a direct question. The buyer (customer) then thinks of a way to prolong the conversation by saying the mother does not like turquoise.
To prepare, therefore, you have to think of a full range of responses in either role (until class time, you will not know which). Naturally, reviewing vocabulary and idioms related to each role will help. Rehearsing with yourself or with a friend or classmate will also help.
I repeat: this is NOT a class in TALKING but in LEARNING, which involves thinking, organization, and preparation, and which is shown in class by adequate vocabulary and fluency.
NOTE: Since there's not enough before Thursday to do this well, we will use Thursday as a practice hour to help prepare for next week. Also keep in mind, role playing and playing are too different things. Role playing exercises should be serious or they will not be very helpful. Finally, a student who impedes the flow of conversation in the exchange may be subject to replacement by another student. This is to insure that class time is put to optimal (best) use.
2. You are phoning a talk show host about your unhappy life. Two parties: the talk show host and the radio caller. Operator speaks first.
3. You are questioning your teacher why you failed your exam. Two parties: teacher and student. Teacher speaks first.
4. You are asking your doctor about medical symptoms. Two parties: the patient and the doctor. Doctor speaks first.
This week we'll devote our songs to the memory of America's first professional song composer, Stephen Foster (1826-64).
Foster's songs have become so much a part of the heritage of America that Americans and the rest of the world think of them as folk songs rather than composed songs. Nonetheless, Foster wrote almost 300 songs, usually lyrics as well as music.
By today's standards, Foster would have been a wealthy man, since his songs are heard all over the world and often in Hollywood movies. Beautiful Dreamer has been piped into countless elevators and department stores, even in Taiwan. It was also the theme song for the gorilla movie, Mighty Joe Young. I Dream of Jeanie became the title of a 1952 movie. Oh Susanna, My Old Kentucky Home, Camptown Races, and Old Folks at Home are among the most widely heard songs in the world.
Yet Foster died penniless, at the age of 38. Still Foster's contribution to American music is beyond measure.
In a real sense, all American pop music begins with Foster's songs and are built on his heritage. He was the first composer to use Black music in his songs, while his syncopation became the bedrock of all later syncopated music, which became the music of the twentieth century.
Yet because of Foster's use of Afro-American subjects and often dialect, his music is deemed offensive today and mostly neglected. But cultural history cannot be denied. Foster's music is timeless and he remains one of the great melodists in all music.
In the sweet summertime. Do you see dear Jenny June When the meadows were in tune With the birds among the bowers In the sweet summer time. With my darling Jenny June When the meadows are in tune How I love to go a-roving In the sweet summertime While her presence seems to be Like a ray of light to me For she's ever fond and loving In the sweet summertime. Did you see dear Jenny June When the meadows were in tune With the birds among the bowers In the sweet summertime?
Way down on the old plantation that's where I was born, I used to beat the whole creation Hoeing in the corn: Oh! then I work and then I sing So happy all the day, Till Angelina Baker came And stole my heart away. Angelina Baker! Angelina Baker's gone She left me here to weep a tear And beat on the old jaw bone. Early in de morning Of a lovely summer day I asked for Angelina, And they say she's gone away"
I don't know where to find her, 'Cause I don't know where she's gone,
She left me here to weep a tear And beat on the old jaw bone. Angelina Baker! Angelina Baker's gone She left me here to weep a tear And beat on the old jaw bone.
Oh! doo dah day! chorus: Going to run all night! going to run all day!
I'll bet my money on the bobtail nag Somebody bet on the bay. The long tail filly and the big black horse Doo dah! doo dah! They fly the track and they both cut across Oh! doo dah day! The blind horse sticken in a big mud hole Doo dah! doo dah! Can't touch bottom with a ten foot pole Oh! doo dah day! chorus: Going to run all night! going to run all day! I'll bet my money on the bobtail nag Somebody bet on the bay.
Old muley cow come on to the track Moo, moo. The bob tail fling her over his back Oh! doo dah day! Then fly along like a railroad car Doo dah! doo dah! Running a race with a shooting star Oh! doo dah day! chorus: Going to run all night! going to run all day! I'll bet my money on the bobtail nag Somebody bet on the bay. See them flying on a ten mile heat Doo dah! doo dah! Round the racetrack, then repeat. I win my money on the bob tail nag Oh! doo dah day! I keep my money in an old tow bag Oh! doo dah day! chorus: Going to run all night! going to run all day! I'll bet my money on the bobtail nag Somebody bet on the bay.
Then my old Kentucky Home, good night! chorus: Weep no more, my lady, Oh! weep no more today! We will sing one song For the old Kentucky Home, For the old Kentucky Home, far away.
*A German myth of a "siren" who lures men to their doom with her beautiful song. Here the person has become the song.
Here's another point of view about gun control. Click on the link or the picutre and go to the webpage for this video. There will be no questions for this video, but you should show you viewed and understood the arguments during your debates next week.
VOCABULARY
mischaracterizemassacre
mainstream media
loopholes
lax gun laws
crime control
banned guns
confiscated
right-wing NRA ("National Rifle Association") gun nuts
cons (convicts)
might be packing (guns)
British-based publication
tragic obsession
positive impact
stats (statistics)
less availability
pretty reliable
carnage in the streets
specifics
hardened criminal
underworld
legally obtainable
figured out a way
much less damaging
mentally unstable
as deadly a rampage
Model Conversation on the Virginia Tech Killings and Gun Control
This model should show how a conversation is structured like a triangle, usually in three parts (tripartite), beginning on short sentences and responses, advancing to longer and more deliberate responses with well-developed arguments, then concluding with more brief responses.
Sal: What are your feelings about what happened at Virginia Tech this morning, Bob?This model should show how a conversation is structured like a triangle, usually in three parts (tripartite), beginning on short sentences and responses, advancing to longer and more deliberate responses with well-developed arguments, then concluding with more brief responses.
Bob: It's really terrible. I couldn't believe it at first. They've got to do something about those guns!
Sal: It's not the guns, it's crazy people. A lot of people own guns and they don't go around killing people.
Bob: I know that, but guns don't help if there's a crazy person. It only makes him more dangerous. Or her.
Sal: An automobile would make a crazy person dangerous too. Or a knife.
Bob: Yeah, but not that dangerous. I suppose a crazy person can drive into a movie queue and kill several people and injure even more. But with a gun you can do far more damage in just a few seconds. I mean some of those guns are like miniature machine-guns. It's not like the old days where it took several minutes to reload. Now you can unload a cartridge of a dozen bullets in a second or so and reload in a few seconds more to start over again.
Sal: That's my point. If others had guns too, they could shoot as fast as the killer and kill him before he killed too many.
Bob: So you want to make it like the Old West, with everyone shooting all the time?
Sal: No, not everyone. Just in self-defense. People have a right to defend themselves. And how can you do that if the other fellow has a gun and you don't?
Bob: But what I'm saying is no-one should have a gun.
Sal: But that's not the way it would work out. The good people would obey the law and not own a gun, but the bad people would get a gun anway. And there's always a way, just like they get drugs.
Bob: But there would be far fewer guns that way and many people would be caught while trying to buy them. Soon owning a gun would be a high-risk thing. Only professional criminals would be able to that. Not crazy loners like that Virginia Tech killer. Besides, you can't compare drugs and guns. Drugs are an addiction. You've got to have drugs once you're addicted, so you'll stop at nothing to get them. But guns are not an addiction. Many people would be discouraged trying to get a gun once they realized they were at a high risk of being caught; and if the sentence was long enough, that would be a strong enough deterrent.
Sal: You're forgetting the Bill of Rights, Bob! That's more than 200 hundred years old. Are you going to change our rights because of a few crazies out there?
Bob: Well, the right to bear arms, which is what you're referring to, had a different meaning to the Founding Fathers. It simply meant the right to protect the government or a local government from infringement of liberties at a time when there was no centralized military. Like many verses in the Bible, you have to take the time it was written into consideration. The Bible says a child that disobeys its parent can be put to death; you wouldn't want to put children to death for doing that today, would you? The Founding Fathers didn't consider Black people equal to white people. But later judicial rulings overturned that principle.
Sal: But that principle was in the Constitution at the beginning: "All men are created equal."
Bob: All right, but it said "all men," not all men and women.
Sal: But "men" meant "women" too in those days.
Bob: But then "men" didn't mean "black men" in those days. My point is that the meaning of words can't be separated from context. Besides, when the Second Amendment was added, a gun was nothing like a gun is today. A gun in those days might take five or ten minutes to recharge before shooting. By that time the shooter could be killed himself or his intended victims could escape. That's not the case today, when a crazy guy can shoot dozens of rounds in just minutes!
Sal: Well, freedom always has risks, Bob. The freedom to drink alcohol carries certain risks, such as car wrecks. Cars themselves carry the risks of car wrecks even with alcohol! The freedom of religion has risks too. Look how much harm religions have done in history, up to today's world. It's also done good, like guns. Guns do evil when used by bad people; but they allow good people to protect themselves, to hunt as a sport, to target practice, and all the rest. Look at what happened at Virginia Tech. Students became sitting ducks because they had nothing to fight back with. All they could do was cringe or blockade their dorms. I tell you, Bob, if a crazy person breaks my window at night, I want to be able to shoot the guy before he does something terrible to me. How long do you think it would be before the police got to my house? By that time, I'd be dead. What we need to do is to arm people so they can protect themselves against crazies like that fellow at Virginia Tech.
Bob: I'd rather we armed ourselves with sensible laws against gun ownership, Sal. Guns kill bad people, but they kill good people too, often unintentionally. The gun you keep in your house to protect your child may also kill your child when she finds it where you've hidden it.
Sal: I would hide it where my child couldn't find it! I can see we differ, Bob. So let's agree to disagree! And it's almost lunch! Why not have a Deluxe Pizza and talk about something else.
Bob: I suppose I have no choice. Knowing you, you may have a gun inside your purse to back up your invitation if I refuse.
Sal: Ha, ha!
GUN LAWS: Pro and Con
Thursday 19 April 2007
Here are some words, phrases, and sentences taken from the audio file on gun laws sent previously. Practice using them for Thursday's class:Thursday 19 April 2007
Firm believer
"The good components of society are the only ones that abide by the laws."
Sensible gun laws
Lefty liberal.
Federal law to restrict gun ownership.
Strict screening process.
"That could deter a lot of perps."
"The media's focus on gun rights."
"The availability of guns."
Rampage
"Students should have been armed."
"Exactly right."
"It's long past time."
"Guns should be controlled at least to the extent that automobiles are."
"A focus on gun laws, while important, misses the larger, more important cultural issues."
The way to prepare for your role plays is to cover the following steps in a methodical manner:
1. Analysis. This will involve rehearsing in your mind all the necessary or expected questions and responses in the role play. For example, imagine going to a doctor. What would you say? Or what would the doctor say/ask?
2. Memory. This will involve remembering occasions when you had such an interaction similar or identical to the one required in the role play.
3. Research. This will involve related searches on the role play; any information you find on the Internet; asking friends or classmates, etc. in order to fill in the gaps between what you already know (analysis, memory) and what you don't. For example, what do telephone operators say; how do talk show hosts speak; what questiosn do salesclerks ask? And so on.
4. Vocabulary. This important step involves making a list of words needed to communicate one's thoughts in one's role. Knowledge of fabrics, common medical symptoms, counties, street names are all important to keep the role playing moving. Often one will have to find the words first in Chinese and then find English equivalents.
5. Modeling. This involves imitation of real people if one has the chance. For example, modeling oneself on a television or radio talk show host, and so on.
6. Practice. This involves,
(a) Solitary (single) practice;
(b) Real-life practice (making a purchase; phoning a talk show, etc.)
(c) Pair practice (with a classmate or friend).
This is where the learning process happens! Not in the classroom. The classrom is a only place to review what has been learned at home. Talking and learning are two different things. One can talk for weeks at a time and learn nothing without the steps listed here. A baby for example, kept by itself, would babble for ten years and never speak a native word. It's the interaction with the mother (and then other caretakers) and t he unconscious modeling that happens during these encounters that helps the child master the language "like a native."
ROLE PLAY: FOR THURSDAY 12 APRIL 2007
Next Learning in this case involves some degree of preparation regarding responses and vocabulary. Since no student will know which role they will be asked to play, each student must prepare both roles.
Take the first role play. There are two speakers. Consider the first role: the telephone operator. He or she will speak first. What is he or she likely to say on starting the telephone exchange? What kinds of questions should he or she prepare to respond to?
Bear in mind that neither party will know exactly what the other will say. Nonetheless there are limits to exchanges required by the exercise. Neither party will be allowed to go outside the protocol or typical form of a caller-operator exchange. For example, no party can say, "I like jazz music," since that's clearly outside the usual protocol of such an exchange.
Obviously it will help each student to consider and remember typical exchanges related to these exercises in the past. All of you have visited a doctor; all have requested telephone help; all have at least heard some kind of talk show and maybe even phoned into one; and all have talked to teachers about one problem or another.
Consider the vocabulary in each role play. Consider the range of responses.
Besides this, of course, one should work on fluency, intonation, proper forms of address, etc.
As a model I will demonstrate typical role play for a department store clerk, where the two parties are the clerk and the customer, with the clerk speaking first:
Clerk: Hi, may I help you?
Customer: Yes, I'm looking for something to buy for my mother on Mother's Day. So I thought she might like some bath towels. Do you have anything special in bath towels?
Clerk: What price range are you thinking of?
Customer: Oh, 500, 700, something like that. If it's a little more expensive it doesn't matter.
Clerk: Why you don't you step over here, please, and I can show you some nice-looking turquoise towels with fancy embroidery on them. They're perfect for absorbing water. As you can see they're large enough to wrap around the body for easy drying. Do you think you'd be interested in something like this?
Customer: I don't know. They look nice. But my mother is not fond of turquoise. And you haven't told me how much they are.
And so on. The Clerk thought up of a common opening phrase for clerk. The customer then thought of something to buy, giving a specific reason (Mother's Day) and item (towels). The clerk responded appropriately with a lower level of generality (how much?). The customer was able to make up a response, but did not advance the conversation at this point. The clerk moved the conversation to the next level, inviting the customer to a display of towels. Then the person playing the clerk thought up of a way to develop the conversation by describing a towel style and returns the conversation to the buyer by asking a direct question. The buyer (customer) then thinks of a way to prolong the conversation by saying the mother does not like turquoise.
To prepare, therefore, you have to think of a full range of responses in either role (until class time, you will not know which). Naturally, reviewing vocabulary and idioms related to each role will help. Rehearsing with yourself or with a friend or classmate will also help.
I repeat: this is NOT a class in TALKING but in LEARNING, which involves thinking, organization, and preparation, and which is shown in class by adequate vocabulary and fluency.
NOTE: Since there's not enough before Thursday to do this well, we will use Thursday as a practice hour to help prepare for next week. Also keep in mind, role playing and playing are too different things. Role playing exercises should be serious or they will not be very helpful. Finally, a student who impedes the flow of conversation in the exchange may be subject to replacement by another student. This is to insure that class time is put to optimal (best) use.
ROLES AND PARTNERS
1. You are making a long-distance telephone call to someone. Two parties: telephone operator and telephone caller. Operator speaks first.2. You are phoning a talk show host about your unhappy life. Two parties: the talk show host and the radio caller. Operator speaks first.
3. You are questioning your teacher why you failed your exam. Two parties: teacher and student. Teacher speaks first.
4. You are asking your doctor about medical symptoms. Two parties: the patient and the doctor. Doctor speaks first.
Foster's songs have become so much a part of the heritage of America that Americans and the rest of the world think of them as folk songs rather than composed songs. Nonetheless, Foster wrote almost 300 songs, usually lyrics as well as music.
By today's standards, Foster would have been a wealthy man, since his songs are heard all over the world and often in Hollywood movies. Beautiful Dreamer has been piped into countless elevators and department stores, even in Taiwan. It was also the theme song for the gorilla movie, Mighty Joe Young. I Dream of Jeanie became the title of a 1952 movie. Oh Susanna, My Old Kentucky Home, Camptown Races, and Old Folks at Home are among the most widely heard songs in the world.
Yet Foster died penniless, at the age of 38. Still Foster's contribution to American music is beyond measure.
In a real sense, all American pop music begins with Foster's songs and are built on his heritage. He was the first composer to use Black music in his songs, while his syncopation became the bedrock of all later syncopated music, which became the music of the twentieth century.
Yet because of Foster's use of Afro-American subjects and often dialect, his music is deemed offensive today and mostly neglected. But cultural history cannot be denied. Foster's music is timeless and he remains one of the great melodists in all music.
Jenny June
Sometimes "Jenny" is used as a diminutive (that is, nickname) for "Jane" (though it is more common as a nickname for "Jennifer"). Foster's wife was Jane, though they had an unhappy marriage and separated. Even today name songs are common, and Foster wrote many name songs included among his nearly 300 songs.
Did you see dear Jenny June When the meadows were in tune With the birds among the bowers In the sweet summertime? You would love her I am sure For her heart is warm and pure And as guileless as the flowersSometimes "Jenny" is used as a diminutive (that is, nickname) for "Jane" (though it is more common as a nickname for "Jennifer"). Foster's wife was Jane, though they had an unhappy marriage and separated. Even today name songs are common, and Foster wrote many name songs included among his nearly 300 songs.
In the sweet summertime. Do you see dear Jenny June When the meadows were in tune With the birds among the bowers In the sweet summer time. With my darling Jenny June When the meadows are in tune How I love to go a-roving In the sweet summertime While her presence seems to be Like a ray of light to me For she's ever fond and loving In the sweet summertime. Did you see dear Jenny June When the meadows were in tune With the birds among the bowers In the sweet summertime?
Angelina Baker
Foster's songs are divided between "parlor songs" and so-called "plantation songs." The plantation songs were the biggest sellers, using Afro-American dialect (I've cleaned this up in our handout), comic subjects, and often offensive language (usually cleaned up today when Foster's songs are performed). Still, when not comic, Foster's plantation songs express genuine emotion over the plight of the oppressed, a rare point-of-view in Foster's time. Later Foster dropped dialect completely, writing in standard English. It is in his plantation songs that Foster made the greatest contribution to the history of American music in his use of syncopated beats, which became the basis of twentieth-century pop music. But his parlor songs also include some of the loveliest melodies in world music. This song is a plantation song, whose dialect I have standardized to make it readable. "Angelina," of course, is a diminutive (affectionate variant) of Angela. A "jawbone" is a primitive musical instrument made from the jawbone of an animal.Way down on the old plantation that's where I was born, I used to beat the whole creation Hoeing in the corn: Oh! then I work and then I sing So happy all the day, Till Angelina Baker came And stole my heart away. Angelina Baker! Angelina Baker's gone She left me here to weep a tear And beat on the old jaw bone. Early in de morning Of a lovely summer day I asked for Angelina, And they say she's gone away"
I don't know where to find her, 'Cause I don't know where she's gone,
She left me here to weep a tear And beat on the old jaw bone. Angelina Baker! Angelina Baker's gone She left me here to weep a tear And beat on the old jaw bone.
Jeanie with the Light Brown Hair
I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair, Borne [carried], like a vapor, on the summer air; I see her tripping where the bright streams play, Happy as the daisies that dance on her way. Many were the wild notes her merry voice would pour. Many were the blithe [cheerful] birds that warbled [sung] them o'er [over]: Oh! I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair, Floating, like a vapor, on the soft summer air. I long for Jeanie with the day dawn smile, Radiant in gladness, warm with winning guile; I hear her melodies, like joys gone by, Sighing round my heart o'er the fond hopes that die: Sighing like the night wind and sobbing like the rain, Wailing for the lost one that comes not again: Oh! I dream of Jeanie, and my heart bows low, Never more to find her where the bright waters flow.This song has a strange history. It was one of Foster's forgotten songs until it was rediscovered in the 1930s. But it was especially during the 1940s that the song became a big hit due to a copyright issue. Radio was not allowed to broadcast copyright songs until a copyright dispute with publishing companies was resolved. A music producer dug into Foster's songlist (not in copyright, of course) and recorded this gem. It's now one of the most popular and well-known songs in American music. A movie was named after it. It's one of Foster's memorable "parlor songs." A "parlor song," of course, was intended to be played in the parlor. Most homes would have some musical instrument in the days before radio. A "hit" was not a song that sold records but one that sold music sheets. Before the age of radio, television, and computers there was not much to do at home except play songs on an inexpensive piano or read aloud. The reader will recognize in most Foster songs a deep melancholy (sadness), evident in the lyric to this song:
Oh Susanna
I come from Alabama with my Banjo on my knee I'm going to Louisiana my true love for to see. It rained all night the day I left, the weather it was dry; The sun so hot I froze to death--Susanna, don't you cry. Oh! Susanna, do not cry for me; I come from Alabama, With my Banjo on my knee.This is one of the world's most famous songs. It became the theme song of the 1848 California goldrush. Its syncopated beat became the basis of modern American music. The lyric is mostly nonsense, typical of Foster's plantation songs.
Camptown Races
The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo dah! doo dah! The Camptown race track five miles long Oh! doo dah day! I come down there with my hat caved in Doo dah! doo dah! I go back home with a pocket full of tinThis is another Foster song that has become so much a part of the American heritage that few know where the song came from. It's often used in Hollywood movies located in the antebellum South (that is, the South before the Civil War), as in Gone with the Wind. As with many other of Foster's plantation melodies, this song is full of comic nonsense (doo-dah, etc.). It's about a horse race. The hat "caved in" means the person was poor but left with "a pocket full of tin" (that is, money). "Nag," "filly," and "bay" are horses. A "heat" is a race.
Oh! doo dah day! chorus: Going to run all night! going to run all day!
I'll bet my money on the bobtail nag Somebody bet on the bay. The long tail filly and the big black horse Doo dah! doo dah! They fly the track and they both cut across Oh! doo dah day! The blind horse sticken in a big mud hole Doo dah! doo dah! Can't touch bottom with a ten foot pole Oh! doo dah day! chorus: Going to run all night! going to run all day! I'll bet my money on the bobtail nag Somebody bet on the bay.
Old muley cow come on to the track Moo, moo. The bob tail fling her over his back Oh! doo dah day! Then fly along like a railroad car Doo dah! doo dah! Running a race with a shooting star Oh! doo dah day! chorus: Going to run all night! going to run all day! I'll bet my money on the bobtail nag Somebody bet on the bay. See them flying on a ten mile heat Doo dah! doo dah! Round the racetrack, then repeat. I win my money on the bob tail nag Oh! doo dah day! I keep my money in an old tow bag Oh! doo dah day! chorus: Going to run all night! going to run all day! I'll bet my money on the bobtail nag Somebody bet on the bay.
My Old Kentucky Home, Good Night!
This song may have the most famous chorus in all of world music. It's a masterpiece of composition and expression. Like all Foster's plantation songs, the original context has been lost and the song is now sung as a song about all people. To some degree, this is right, since the sentiment of the song is universal (for everyone). Still, the historical context of slavery and broken families adds pathos (feeling) to the song. In addition, it's a tribute to Foster that he could see slaves as human beings instead of possessions.
The young folks roll on the little cabin floor, All merry, all happy and bright: By and by by Hard Times comes a knocking at the door,This song may have the most famous chorus in all of world music. It's a masterpiece of composition and expression. Like all Foster's plantation songs, the original context has been lost and the song is now sung as a song about all people. To some degree, this is right, since the sentiment of the song is universal (for everyone). Still, the historical context of slavery and broken families adds pathos (feeling) to the song. In addition, it's a tribute to Foster that he could see slaves as human beings instead of possessions.
Then my old Kentucky Home, good night! chorus: Weep no more, my lady, Oh! weep no more today! We will sing one song For the old Kentucky Home, For the old Kentucky Home, far away.
Beautiful Dreamer
It is claimed this was the last song Foster wrote, though the song was copyrighted two years before his death at 38. But it makes a good story if it's true, since this song is one of the world's great melodies by any standard. It's heard all over the world and has been used in many movies, besides being the theme song of the gorilla (ape) movie, Mighty Joe Young.
Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me, Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee; Sounds of the rude world heard in the day, Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away! Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song, List [listen] while I woo thee with soft melody; Gone are the cares of life's busy throng [crowd], Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me! Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me! Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea Mermaids are chanting the wild Lorelei*; Over the streamlet vapors are borne, Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn. Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart, E'en as the morn on the streamlet and sea; Then will all clouds of sorrow depart, Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me! Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!It is claimed this was the last song Foster wrote, though the song was copyrighted two years before his death at 38. But it makes a good story if it's true, since this song is one of the world's great melodies by any standard. It's heard all over the world and has been used in many movies, besides being the theme song of the gorilla (ape) movie, Mighty Joe Young.
*A German myth of a "siren" who lures men to their doom with her beautiful song. Here the person has become the song.
Old Folks at Home
"Old Folks at Home" is probably Foster's most famous song. Besides being the official state song of Florida, it's a song that belongs to the world. It's one of the few songs so famous that many know it only by its first line ("Way down upon the Swanee River"). It has been done in every musical style possible. Like all Foster's plantation songs, the original social context of slavery has been lost and the offensive lyrics usually cleaned up. Though in one sense this makes the song more universal, it also deprives the song of its specific pathos (feeling) that comes from the knowledge of the context of slavery and the insult to human beings that resulted.
Way down upon the Swanee River, Far, far away, There's where my heart is turning ever, There's where the old folks stay. All up and down the whole creation, Sadly I roam, Still longing for the old plantation, And for the old folks at home."Old Folks at Home" is probably Foster's most famous song. Besides being the official state song of Florida, it's a song that belongs to the world. It's one of the few songs so famous that many know it only by its first line ("Way down upon the Swanee River"). It has been done in every musical style possible. Like all Foster's plantation songs, the original social context of slavery has been lost and the offensive lyrics usually cleaned up. Though in one sense this makes the song more universal, it also deprives the song of its specific pathos (feeling) that comes from the knowledge of the context of slavery and the insult to human beings that resulted.
"I love him, but not his kids."
By Emma Cook
THE GUARDIAN, LONDON
adapted from the Taipei Times
Alex Thomas is rather different to many other stepmothers for one simple reason: she is prepared to confess to the extent of her feelings, or rather, the lack of them, towards her stepchildren.
As she will tell you, the best-kept secret of step-parenting is that just because you fall for your partner, it doesn't mean you'll take to their children. The truth is, you're more likely not to.
One wonders why it is such a crime to admit to such a universal reality? We're not supposed to unconditionally love our partner's parents, after all, so why should their offspring be a different matter? As step-families are the fastest-rising family form we have, why is it so difficult to admit to the ambivalence so many of us experience daily?
"Do I love my stepchildren?" reflects Alex, 30, and a freelance radio presenter.
"No, I don't. I don't feel the same intensity for them that I do for my partner, parents or even siblings. But I'm very fond of them. I want to be part of their developmental process and I enjoy their company
but. . . ." she falters. "Love is still too heavy a word to use now."
Alex admitted as much very publicly when she was launching her Web site, www.childlessstepmums.co.uk, offering support to other stepmothers who fall in love with a man but not his children. It has already attracted more than 1,200 members, many logging on to confess to what would be completely taboo in any other context.
You sense a certain amount of glee at being able to express such forbidden feelings about their stepchildren or "skids" as they're not so lovingly referred to. The dilemmas are ones that usually remain hidden: the stepmother full of guilt because her young stepson told her he loves her and she was "struck dumb" because she "doesn't have those feelings."
Bravely, or possibly naively, Alex hasn't been afraid to air such dark thoughts. One newspaper headline after the launch ran with her admission, "I wish my stepchildren had never been born." Yet three months later, she still doesn't regret her candor, modifying it only slightly.
`The way I wanted'
"My feelings have changed since then," she says. "But I'd still say, if I could have everything just the way I wanted, it would be me and Matt. If you take that to its literal conclusion, yes, I suppose you could say I wish they'd never been born. However, that's not the case -- I do enjoy their company. They're intelligent, bright young people. But it is the case that I wish Matt and I could have got together before any of this."
Alex met her partner Matt, 43, more than four years ago when they worked together on the same radio show. They became friends and slowly realized they had serious feelings for one another and, after much deliberation, Matt left his marriage.
When Alex first began to see his children, Chloe, nine, and Tom, five, every weekend, she enjoyed her new role. Then one night, something shifted; it suddenly dawned on her just how excluded she really felt.
"One night I was lying by the fire and I looked up to see Matt on the sofa cosied up with Chloe and Tom either side of him. I felt really uncomfortable, totally on the outside.
Normally, I'd cuddle up with Matt and now I saw something that was stopping me from doing that. He was giving his affection to someone else and, yes, I felt jealous, resentful, miffed.
The fundamental conflict is, he's at his happiest when he's with me and the kids. I'm at my happiest when it's just the two of us," she said.
Sometimes she'd try to embrace the new "mothering" role but much of the time Alex felt it "just wasn't me." There was the first camping holiday when she realized how intense parenting could be; the exhaustion and continual demands.
Then the kids' unwitting mentions of shared moments with their mum; that holiday in France, the quality of her cooking as Alex served up a family lasagne. Sometimes, she wishes, she could just be left alone.
Is she sure she's not just moaning about mothering in general?
"That's what my friends with kids say. Parenting takes an enormous amount of hard work, so does step-parenting -- but the difference is that step-parents are doing all these basic practicalities and it's not through love," she said.
As brave as it may be to say such things, didn't she worry about what her stepchildren would think?
"Yes, Matt and I did discuss what we'd do if they found out about the interviews -- and I would certainly expect to discuss it with them when they're older but, as it turned out, they didn't find out," she said.
The fact that those feelings are "out there" doesn't appear to concern her. Nor is she worried that it could appear to some that she put her feelings above her stepchildren's in being so brutally honest.
"I've been very clear on that," she says, a steelier tone replacing the personable, bubbly demeanour. "I knew Matt and the children were hurting, but they had so many avenues of support. I still had problems. Just because mine weren't as far up the scale as theirs doesn't mean they're not worthy or don't exist."
We are in the sitting room of their modern home in a village outside Reading, in southern England, conspicuously free of child clutter save for one bedroom given over entirely to toys for when the children stay. On the mantelpiece behind her there is a small framed photograph of Chloe and Tom grinning, either side of their dad, arms entwined around him.
Alex's candor is appealing but at times heartbreaking -- from a child's point of view. She relates a bleak moment when she was looking after Tom on her own.
"He was upset and started to cry, saying, `I want my mummy, not you.' Outwardly I comforted him and said his dad would be back soon," she said. "But inwardly I thought `Up your bum, I don't want to be here either.'"
It is the casual indifference that can sound so hardhearted -- no wonder most stepmothers wouldn't dare to admit as much. Yet Alex does just that in an attempt to explode the myth of the wicked stepmother, not conform to it.
"You don't like to think of yourself as a bad person. I thought, `Am I really the evil stepmother here, wishing these children away?' Now I think, `No, I'm not.' We're all capable of some fairly shocking thoughts; it's how we resolve them that counts," she said.
We learn from our fairy tales that there are few figures we should fear more than the evil stepmother. There she is terrorizing the lives of poor innocents such as Snow White, Cinderella and Hansel and Gretel, deeply unmaternal and wilfully destructive. One of her many crimes is daring to put herself first, to selfishly desire to be the most beautiful in the kingdom. The message endures: to put your own feelings first and to feel ambivalent about your stepchildren is pretty unforgivable. Which could explain the wall of silence.
"I felt utterly isolated," she said. "There were counsellors for single fathers, single mothers, stepchildren; every element of a broken family, in fact, apart from stepmothers."
Many stepmothers can't contemplate seeking help for what they feel are such "bad" emotions. Another reason why the stepmother archetype endures is that it touches on some elemental truths about jealousy, resentment and the battle for the father's attention; note that it is almost always stepdaughters, not stepsons, in tales who fare worse at their grasping stepmothers' hands.
"Jealousy was always the main issue for me," admitted Jo Ball, 36, a life coach and step-parent counsellor who lives with her partner, Neil, and their two stepchildren.
"Jealousy of the other women [the children have different mothers] and particularly Neil's daughter. She'd run over and sit on his lap and he'd be stroking her hair. It was an `I-want-to-be-there' feeling I experienced -- a jealousy of his relationship and shared experience with her. Often jealousy is too painful to admit to, so it just festers in the background, which causes more problems; we know 50 percent of second relationships split up due to these sorts of issues," Ball said.
Maybe we should be surprised that it isn't even higher; how can a relationship happily develop when a parent has to acknowledge their partner doesn't love their children?
Patricia, 48, and a teacher living in London, is matter of fact about her indifference.
"I don't hold any deep feelings for my partner's son," she said. "But it took me a long time to tell my partner. I felt he was trying to push too fast for things to be rosy, for me and his son to be close, and I had to be honest with him. I think he's accepted my feelings but it's not easy for him knowing how I feel about someone he adores."
Like Patricia, Alex also felt compelled to tell her partner how she felt.
"At first he couldn't understand why I didn't love them. It took a lot of talking to get to the roots of why we feel how we do. I said, `I think they're great kids, but I'm not feeling this. I hope it comes in time.'"
Reassuringly, Janet Reibstein, psychology professor at Exeter University specializing in family relationships, believes this honest response is also the correct one. And that it's important partners do admit these feelings to one another, in order to resolve them.
"Yes, in a way it is the right way to feel. That expectation of immediate love and intimacy is too much, and if you get forced into it, on both sides there'll be resistance, which will continue to create problems," she said.
Even now that we have 2.5 million stepchildren in the UK, we still expect the impossible.
"Love only comes after years; you can have an enormous attraction at the start to a partner, or as a mother bond with your baby, but otherwise it isn't something that happens automatically," Reibstein said. "Categorizing the emotions that develop in step-relations is something we haven't done as a society. We don't have direct analogies and that's part of the problem. Instead we talk about feeling -- or not feeling -- like a mother, or a bit like an aunt, a sister or a good friend; but it's none of those. It's a different and important relationship that needs to be thought through and understood."
Until we find a better way to fill this vacuum, there are less mainstream arenas such as Alex's Web site which, beyond the supportive whingeing, offers a more sobering insight into modern step-parenting. There are women pushed to the limit by hostile stepchildren and resentful mothers, who feel unable to confess to fathers. They feel they're not at fault; they simply fell in love with men who happened to have kids.
"I've felt tremendous sympathy for some of the stories I've read," says Alex. "Even now you still get so many women coming on and saying, `Am I a bad person?' and I always reply, `No, these are basic primal desires to want to be with your man but to also feel that something is getting in the way.' As civilized human beings we have to deal with that."
2. How is Alex different from other stepmothers? (Incidentally, "Alex" is unusual for a woman's name; it's usually short for Alexander [a man's name].)
3. What does it mean to fall for someone? Did you ever fall for someone?
4. What is the best kept secret of step-parenting?
5. Fall is the name of a season. What is its other name?
6. Do you think your parents love you unconditionally?
7. What do you call the offspring of a dog? Cat?
8. What are some things you feel ambivalent about?
9. You can have ambivalent feelings aboutr somone; a person's answer can be ambiguous. Explain the difference between "ambivalent" and "ambiguous."
10. How is a freelance job different from other jobs?
11. Do you feel differently about some of your siblings compared to others?
12. According to Alex, we're all capable of shocking thoughts. But, in her mind, what really counts? (By the way, what is a near synonym for "counts" as used here?)
13. What would you consider shocking behavior?
14. Do you tend to categorize people? Give examples.
15. What do you tend to whinge about?
16. What does Alex call primal desires?
17. What does Jo Bell call the "main issue"?
18. Have you ever felt compelled to tell someone an unpleasant truth, or how you feel about them? Examples: someone snores, has bad breath, handles your personal belongings, talks with their mouth full, slurps soup, etc.
19. Did you ever take to someone immediately? Explain.
20. Was there anything someone did that you considered hard-hearted?
21. What do you think Alex means by her stepchildren's "developmental process"?
22. When does one normally have to sober up? ("Sober up" is called a phrasal verb, which includes a verb and particle, like "turn off" the light.")
23. What's a sobering thought about beauty?
24. Who usually fares worse at a stepmother's hands in fairy tales? The stepdaughter or stepson?
25. Why do 50 percent of "second relationships" break up?
26. How would you stare at someone or listen to what they're saying without making yourself conspicuous?
27. Imitate a cheerful demeanor; a sad demeanor. (Note: Brits spell many "or" endings with a "u" in the middle, such as "colour.")
28. What are some avenues of support that you tend to rely on in your life?
29. Why don't stepmothers contemplate seeking help?
30. How does Alex explain the difference between parenting and step-parenting?
31. What are some elemental truths about the stepmother archetype?
32. What's a near synonym for "miffed," as used in the above essay?
33. Have you ever felt jealousy over a sibling, rival, or classmate?
STAFF REPORTER, Taipei Times
Sunday, Mar 11, 2007, Page 4
Hualien middle school student Peter Chang is afraid to talk out loud in class. Teachers and classmates alike tend to ridicule the precocious 13-year-old if, in his nervousness, he blurts out something erroneous, he says.
"They say to me, `Hey, what do you know?'" Peter says, adding: "But in the US, they let you speak your mind in class -- they won't laugh."
For Albert Liao, 10, who speaks with an endearing lisp, the US is where he earned his newfound confidence. Asked what his fondest memory of attending three weeks of elementary school in Washington State was, Albert replies, without the least hesitation: "Oh, Valentine'th [sic] Day!" He still has the Valentine's Day cards his "golden-haired," female classmates gave him, he gushes when his mother strays out of earshot.
Joined by 20 or so elementary and middle school students recently returned from Washington, Peter and Albert led the charge against the Taiwanese education system yesterday at a Taipei press conference hosted by the King Car Foundation, a non-government organization devoted to improving education in Taiwan.
"In Taiwan, we don't dare open our mouths in the classroom. We just cram for tests here. But in the US, the students there do stuff -- fun stuff," said 14-year-old Angel Chen, who, like the other children present, spent three weeks at Shahala Middle School, just south of Seattle, last month on a King Car Foundation-funded trip. "Every student [at Shahala] has the right to speak," Chen said.
Buried under books and pressured to churn out test scores becoming of an astrophysicist with total recall, Taiwanese children are losing out on vital aspects of their overall education, says King Car director Morgan Sun.
Yesterday's students were the first batch of youngsters to visit a US school to see firsthand what curricula devoted to fostering critical thinking skills and high "emotional quotients" -- not rote memorization and exam marks -- entails, Sun said.
"Education should be about teaching students to analyze and conceptualize rather than just memorize," he said, adding that subsequent groups of students to be bankrolled for similar overseas adventures would include many kids from low-income families.
"We need to give needy students more opportunities to get ahead," Sun said.
Students yesterday recounted tales of attending a raucous Blazers versus Suns match, hanging out with their American peers, sampling burgers and immersing themselves in a way of life they hadn't known before.
Although three weeks may seem like a short time, their travels to the other side of the world and straight into the fabric of small-town USA -- and back again -- have transformed them at their core, their parents said.
"Oh, he is so much more confident now," said Albert's mother, Yen Feng-ying, when asked how Shahala Middle School had changed her son. "He's more willing to talk to us now."
Yen blamed "tradition" for the focus on rote memorization and test performance in Taiwanese schools, saying that Albert needed to experience a less stressful yet enriching environment like the one at Shahala.
"We need to stop endlessly repeating 'You're special' and having children repeat that back," said the study's lead author, Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University. "Kids are self-centered enough already."
Twenge and her colleagues, in findings to be presented at a workshop Tuesday in San Diego on the generation gap, examined the responses of 16,475 college students nationwide who completed an evaluation called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory between 1982 and 2006.
The standardized inventory, known as the NPI, asks for responses to such statements as "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place," "I think I am a special person" and "I can live my life any way I want to."
The researchers describe their study as the largest ever of its type and say students' NPI scores have risen steadily since the current test was introduced in 1982. By 2006, they said, two-thirds of the students had above-average scores, 30 percent more than in 1982.
Narcissism can have benefits, said study co-author W. Keith Campbell of the University of Georgia, suggesting it could be useful in meeting new people "or auditioning on 'American Idol.'"
"Unfortunately, narcissism can also have very negative consequences for society, including the breakdown of close relationships with others," he said.
The study asserts that narcissists "are more likely to have romantic relationships that are short-lived, at risk for infidelity, lack emotional warmth, and to exhibit game-playing, dishonesty, and over-controlling and violent behaviors."
Twenge, the author of "Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled — and More Miserable Than Ever Before," said narcissists tend to lack empathy, react aggressively to criticism and favor self-promotion over helping others.
The researchers traced the phenomenon back to what they called the "self-esteem movement" that emerged in the 1980s, asserting that the effort to build self-confidence had gone too far.
As an example, Twenge cited a song commonly sung to the tune of "Frere Jacques" in preschool: "I am special, I am special. Look at me."
"Current technology fuels the increase in narcissism," Twenge said. "By its very name, MySpace encourages attention-seeking, as does YouTube."
Some analysts have commended today's young people for increased commitment to volunteer work. But Twenge viewed even this phenomenon skeptically, noting that many high schools require community service and many youths feel pressure to list such endeavors on college applications.
Campbell said the narcissism upsurge seemed so pronounced that he was unsure if there were obvious remedies.
"Permissiveness seems to be a component," he said. "A potential antidote would be more authoritative parenting. Less indulgence might be called for."
The new report follows a study released by UCLA last month which found that nearly three-quarters of the freshmen it surveyed thought it was important to be "very well-off financially." That compared with 62.5 percent who said the same in 1980 and 42 percent in 1966.
Yet students, while acknowledging some legitimacy to such findings, don't necessarily accept negative generalizations about their generation.
Hanady Kader, a University of Washington senior, said she worked unpaid last summer helping resettle refugees and considers many of her peers to be civic-minded. But she is dismayed by the competitiveness of some students who seem prematurely focused on career status.
"We're encouraged a lot to be individuals and go out there and do what you want, and nobody should stand in your way," Kader said. "I can see goals and ambitions getting in the way of other things like relationships."
Kari Dalane, a University of Vermont sophomore, says most of her contemporaries are politically active and not overly self-centered.
"People are worried about themselves — but in the sense of where are they're going to find a place in the world," she said. "People want to look their best, have a good time, but it doesn't mean they're not concerned about the rest of the world."
Besides, some of the responses on the narcissism test might not be worrisome, Dalane said. "It would be more depressing if people answered, 'No, I'm not special.'"
By Emma Cook
THE GUARDIAN, LONDON
adapted from the Taipei Times
Alex Thomas is rather different to many other stepmothers for one simple reason: she is prepared to confess to the extent of her feelings, or rather, the lack of them, towards her stepchildren.
As she will tell you, the best-kept secret of step-parenting is that just because you fall for your partner, it doesn't mean you'll take to their children. The truth is, you're more likely not to.
One wonders why it is such a crime to admit to such a universal reality? We're not supposed to unconditionally love our partner's parents, after all, so why should their offspring be a different matter? As step-families are the fastest-rising family form we have, why is it so difficult to admit to the ambivalence so many of us experience daily?
"Do I love my stepchildren?" reflects Alex, 30, and a freelance radio presenter.
"No, I don't. I don't feel the same intensity for them that I do for my partner, parents or even siblings. But I'm very fond of them. I want to be part of their developmental process and I enjoy their company
but. . . ." she falters. "Love is still too heavy a word to use now."
Alex admitted as much very publicly when she was launching her Web site, www.childlessstepmums.co.uk, offering support to other stepmothers who fall in love with a man but not his children. It has already attracted more than 1,200 members, many logging on to confess to what would be completely taboo in any other context.
You sense a certain amount of glee at being able to express such forbidden feelings about their stepchildren or "skids" as they're not so lovingly referred to. The dilemmas are ones that usually remain hidden: the stepmother full of guilt because her young stepson told her he loves her and she was "struck dumb" because she "doesn't have those feelings."
Bravely, or possibly naively, Alex hasn't been afraid to air such dark thoughts. One newspaper headline after the launch ran with her admission, "I wish my stepchildren had never been born." Yet three months later, she still doesn't regret her candor, modifying it only slightly.
`The way I wanted'
"My feelings have changed since then," she says. "But I'd still say, if I could have everything just the way I wanted, it would be me and Matt. If you take that to its literal conclusion, yes, I suppose you could say I wish they'd never been born. However, that's not the case -- I do enjoy their company. They're intelligent, bright young people. But it is the case that I wish Matt and I could have got together before any of this."
Alex met her partner Matt, 43, more than four years ago when they worked together on the same radio show. They became friends and slowly realized they had serious feelings for one another and, after much deliberation, Matt left his marriage.
When Alex first began to see his children, Chloe, nine, and Tom, five, every weekend, she enjoyed her new role. Then one night, something shifted; it suddenly dawned on her just how excluded she really felt.
"One night I was lying by the fire and I looked up to see Matt on the sofa cosied up with Chloe and Tom either side of him. I felt really uncomfortable, totally on the outside.
Normally, I'd cuddle up with Matt and now I saw something that was stopping me from doing that. He was giving his affection to someone else and, yes, I felt jealous, resentful, miffed.
The fundamental conflict is, he's at his happiest when he's with me and the kids. I'm at my happiest when it's just the two of us," she said.
Sometimes she'd try to embrace the new "mothering" role but much of the time Alex felt it "just wasn't me." There was the first camping holiday when she realized how intense parenting could be; the exhaustion and continual demands.
Then the kids' unwitting mentions of shared moments with their mum; that holiday in France, the quality of her cooking as Alex served up a family lasagne. Sometimes, she wishes, she could just be left alone.
Is she sure she's not just moaning about mothering in general?
"That's what my friends with kids say. Parenting takes an enormous amount of hard work, so does step-parenting -- but the difference is that step-parents are doing all these basic practicalities and it's not through love," she said.
As brave as it may be to say such things, didn't she worry about what her stepchildren would think?
"Yes, Matt and I did discuss what we'd do if they found out about the interviews -- and I would certainly expect to discuss it with them when they're older but, as it turned out, they didn't find out," she said.
The fact that those feelings are "out there" doesn't appear to concern her. Nor is she worried that it could appear to some that she put her feelings above her stepchildren's in being so brutally honest.
"I've been very clear on that," she says, a steelier tone replacing the personable, bubbly demeanour. "I knew Matt and the children were hurting, but they had so many avenues of support. I still had problems. Just because mine weren't as far up the scale as theirs doesn't mean they're not worthy or don't exist."
We are in the sitting room of their modern home in a village outside Reading, in southern England, conspicuously free of child clutter save for one bedroom given over entirely to toys for when the children stay. On the mantelpiece behind her there is a small framed photograph of Chloe and Tom grinning, either side of their dad, arms entwined around him.
Alex's candor is appealing but at times heartbreaking -- from a child's point of view. She relates a bleak moment when she was looking after Tom on her own.
"He was upset and started to cry, saying, `I want my mummy, not you.' Outwardly I comforted him and said his dad would be back soon," she said. "But inwardly I thought `Up your bum, I don't want to be here either.'"
It is the casual indifference that can sound so hardhearted -- no wonder most stepmothers wouldn't dare to admit as much. Yet Alex does just that in an attempt to explode the myth of the wicked stepmother, not conform to it.
"You don't like to think of yourself as a bad person. I thought, `Am I really the evil stepmother here, wishing these children away?' Now I think, `No, I'm not.' We're all capable of some fairly shocking thoughts; it's how we resolve them that counts," she said.
We learn from our fairy tales that there are few figures we should fear more than the evil stepmother. There she is terrorizing the lives of poor innocents such as Snow White, Cinderella and Hansel and Gretel, deeply unmaternal and wilfully destructive. One of her many crimes is daring to put herself first, to selfishly desire to be the most beautiful in the kingdom. The message endures: to put your own feelings first and to feel ambivalent about your stepchildren is pretty unforgivable. Which could explain the wall of silence.
"I felt utterly isolated," she said. "There were counsellors for single fathers, single mothers, stepchildren; every element of a broken family, in fact, apart from stepmothers."
Many stepmothers can't contemplate seeking help for what they feel are such "bad" emotions. Another reason why the stepmother archetype endures is that it touches on some elemental truths about jealousy, resentment and the battle for the father's attention; note that it is almost always stepdaughters, not stepsons, in tales who fare worse at their grasping stepmothers' hands.
"Jealousy was always the main issue for me," admitted Jo Ball, 36, a life coach and step-parent counsellor who lives with her partner, Neil, and their two stepchildren.
"Jealousy of the other women [the children have different mothers] and particularly Neil's daughter. She'd run over and sit on his lap and he'd be stroking her hair. It was an `I-want-to-be-there' feeling I experienced -- a jealousy of his relationship and shared experience with her. Often jealousy is too painful to admit to, so it just festers in the background, which causes more problems; we know 50 percent of second relationships split up due to these sorts of issues," Ball said.
Maybe we should be surprised that it isn't even higher; how can a relationship happily develop when a parent has to acknowledge their partner doesn't love their children?
Patricia, 48, and a teacher living in London, is matter of fact about her indifference.
"I don't hold any deep feelings for my partner's son," she said. "But it took me a long time to tell my partner. I felt he was trying to push too fast for things to be rosy, for me and his son to be close, and I had to be honest with him. I think he's accepted my feelings but it's not easy for him knowing how I feel about someone he adores."
Like Patricia, Alex also felt compelled to tell her partner how she felt.
"At first he couldn't understand why I didn't love them. It took a lot of talking to get to the roots of why we feel how we do. I said, `I think they're great kids, but I'm not feeling this. I hope it comes in time.'"
Reassuringly, Janet Reibstein, psychology professor at Exeter University specializing in family relationships, believes this honest response is also the correct one. And that it's important partners do admit these feelings to one another, in order to resolve them.
"Yes, in a way it is the right way to feel. That expectation of immediate love and intimacy is too much, and if you get forced into it, on both sides there'll be resistance, which will continue to create problems," she said.
Even now that we have 2.5 million stepchildren in the UK, we still expect the impossible.
"Love only comes after years; you can have an enormous attraction at the start to a partner, or as a mother bond with your baby, but otherwise it isn't something that happens automatically," Reibstein said. "Categorizing the emotions that develop in step-relations is something we haven't done as a society. We don't have direct analogies and that's part of the problem. Instead we talk about feeling -- or not feeling -- like a mother, or a bit like an aunt, a sister or a good friend; but it's none of those. It's a different and important relationship that needs to be thought through and understood."
Until we find a better way to fill this vacuum, there are less mainstream arenas such as Alex's Web site which, beyond the supportive whingeing, offers a more sobering insight into modern step-parenting. There are women pushed to the limit by hostile stepchildren and resentful mothers, who feel unable to confess to fathers. They feel they're not at fault; they simply fell in love with men who happened to have kids.
"I've felt tremendous sympathy for some of the stories I've read," says Alex. "Even now you still get so many women coming on and saying, `Am I a bad person?' and I always reply, `No, these are basic primal desires to want to be with your man but to also feel that something is getting in the way.' As civilized human beings we have to deal with that."
*DISCUSSION QUESTIONS*
1. What does it mean to be vilified in the press? Can you give recent examples in the Taiwan or American press?2. How is Alex different from other stepmothers? (Incidentally, "Alex" is unusual for a woman's name; it's usually short for Alexander [a man's name].)
3. What does it mean to fall for someone? Did you ever fall for someone?
4. What is the best kept secret of step-parenting?
5. Fall is the name of a season. What is its other name?
6. Do you think your parents love you unconditionally?
7. What do you call the offspring of a dog? Cat?
8. What are some things you feel ambivalent about?
9. You can have ambivalent feelings aboutr somone; a person's answer can be ambiguous. Explain the difference between "ambivalent" and "ambiguous."
10. How is a freelance job different from other jobs?
11. Do you feel differently about some of your siblings compared to others?
12. According to Alex, we're all capable of shocking thoughts. But, in her mind, what really counts? (By the way, what is a near synonym for "counts" as used here?)
13. What would you consider shocking behavior?
14. Do you tend to categorize people? Give examples.
15. What do you tend to whinge about?
16. What does Alex call primal desires?
17. What does Jo Bell call the "main issue"?
18. Have you ever felt compelled to tell someone an unpleasant truth, or how you feel about them? Examples: someone snores, has bad breath, handles your personal belongings, talks with their mouth full, slurps soup, etc.
19. Did you ever take to someone immediately? Explain.
20. Was there anything someone did that you considered hard-hearted?
21. What do you think Alex means by her stepchildren's "developmental process"?
22. When does one normally have to sober up? ("Sober up" is called a phrasal verb, which includes a verb and particle, like "turn off" the light.")
23. What's a sobering thought about beauty?
24. Who usually fares worse at a stepmother's hands in fairy tales? The stepdaughter or stepson?
25. Why do 50 percent of "second relationships" break up?
26. How would you stare at someone or listen to what they're saying without making yourself conspicuous?
27. Imitate a cheerful demeanor; a sad demeanor. (Note: Brits spell many "or" endings with a "u" in the middle, such as "colour.")
28. What are some avenues of support that you tend to rely on in your life?
29. Why don't stepmothers contemplate seeking help?
30. How does Alex explain the difference between parenting and step-parenting?
31. What are some elemental truths about the stepmother archetype?
32. What's a near synonym for "miffed," as used in the above essay?
33. Have you ever felt jealousy over a sibling, rival, or classmate?
Stint at US School an Eye-opener
By Max HirschSTAFF REPORTER, Taipei Times
Sunday, Mar 11, 2007, Page 4
Hualien middle school student Peter Chang is afraid to talk out loud in class. Teachers and classmates alike tend to ridicule the precocious 13-year-old if, in his nervousness, he blurts out something erroneous, he says.
"They say to me, `Hey, what do you know?'" Peter says, adding: "But in the US, they let you speak your mind in class -- they won't laugh."
For Albert Liao, 10, who speaks with an endearing lisp, the US is where he earned his newfound confidence. Asked what his fondest memory of attending three weeks of elementary school in Washington State was, Albert replies, without the least hesitation: "Oh, Valentine'th [sic] Day!" He still has the Valentine's Day cards his "golden-haired," female classmates gave him, he gushes when his mother strays out of earshot.
Joined by 20 or so elementary and middle school students recently returned from Washington, Peter and Albert led the charge against the Taiwanese education system yesterday at a Taipei press conference hosted by the King Car Foundation, a non-government organization devoted to improving education in Taiwan.
"In Taiwan, we don't dare open our mouths in the classroom. We just cram for tests here. But in the US, the students there do stuff -- fun stuff," said 14-year-old Angel Chen, who, like the other children present, spent three weeks at Shahala Middle School, just south of Seattle, last month on a King Car Foundation-funded trip. "Every student [at Shahala] has the right to speak," Chen said.
Buried under books and pressured to churn out test scores becoming of an astrophysicist with total recall, Taiwanese children are losing out on vital aspects of their overall education, says King Car director Morgan Sun.
Yesterday's students were the first batch of youngsters to visit a US school to see firsthand what curricula devoted to fostering critical thinking skills and high "emotional quotients" -- not rote memorization and exam marks -- entails, Sun said.
"Education should be about teaching students to analyze and conceptualize rather than just memorize," he said, adding that subsequent groups of students to be bankrolled for similar overseas adventures would include many kids from low-income families.
"We need to give needy students more opportunities to get ahead," Sun said.
Students yesterday recounted tales of attending a raucous Blazers versus Suns match, hanging out with their American peers, sampling burgers and immersing themselves in a way of life they hadn't known before.
Although three weeks may seem like a short time, their travels to the other side of the world and straight into the fabric of small-town USA -- and back again -- have transformed them at their core, their parents said.
"Oh, he is so much more confident now," said Albert's mother, Yen Feng-ying, when asked how Shahala Middle School had changed her son. "He's more willing to talk to us now."
Yen blamed "tradition" for the focus on rote memorization and test performance in Taiwanese schools, saying that Albert needed to experience a less stressful yet enriching environment like the one at Shahala.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. What is your favorite fabric?
2. Which fabric tends to shrink in hot washes?
3. This is Angel's halo before a hot wash
(
) and after a hot wash (
). So what is the meaning of "shrink"?
4. What is the difference between sampling dishes and eating them? Which music uses a lot of sampling?
5. If a person is rotten to the core, what do you think that means?
6. Which fruits are noted for their core?
7. What do you think a core curriculum is?
8. If you immerse yourself in the learning of a language or an art, what does that mean? At home, on a hot day, what are you likely to immerse yourself in?
9. Over all a student's grades are good. And so is her overall conduct. But she is not allowed to wear overalls to class. Download a pix of overalls and describe them or who is likely to wear them.
10. What do you think would be vital information in the murder trial of a woman accused of throwing her husband out the window? (a) The husband was too old, (b) The husband had a good job, (c) The husband made a lot of money, (d) There was no window in the house.
11. If a shade of lipstick does not become a woman, does that mean she looks good wearing lipstick or she should not use it?
12. If one leads the charge to fire the museum director, what does that mean?
13. What is the opposite of "firsthand"?
14. Name a precocious composer. Painter. Did you know anyone precocious as a child?
15. What do you think is an unnecessary part of your school curriculum?
16. What do you think should be added to your school curriculum? What is the plural of curriculum? Curriculums?
17. Who has bankrolled your school education so far?
18. Have you recently been to a party where there was raucous behavior? Explain.
19. Discuss some erroneous assumptions you've had about life.
20. How would you foster a sense of duty in your child?
21. What's another name for a foster child?
22. What's another name for a foster parent?
23. What does being a parent entail?
24. If a child is placed in foster case, what does that mean?
25. Name a famous musical whose subject is "tradition."
26. A woman might gush about her date with George Clooney. (Not all women, however.) What are some things you gushed about as a child or might gush about now?
27. What makes a child subject to ridicule? Were you ever ridiculed as a child? For what reason?
28. Discuss a stint at a job you had as a youth.
29. What's another word for "marks" in the essay above?
30. Can you imitate a lisp?
31. Can you imitate someone blurting out a secret?
32. Have you ever tried to analyze your mind or your behavior, in general, or concerning specific occasions or habits?
33. Take your favorite pop song and try to conceptualize it. (I'll not explain what to do since that's part of the challenge.)
2. Which fabric tends to shrink in hot washes?
3. This is Angel's halo before a hot wash
(
4. What is the difference between sampling dishes and eating them? Which music uses a lot of sampling?
5. If a person is rotten to the core, what do you think that means?
6. Which fruits are noted for their core?
7. What do you think a core curriculum is?
8. If you immerse yourself in the learning of a language or an art, what does that mean? At home, on a hot day, what are you likely to immerse yourself in?
9. Over all a student's grades are good. And so is her overall conduct. But she is not allowed to wear overalls to class. Download a pix of overalls and describe them or who is likely to wear them.
10. What do you think would be vital information in the murder trial of a woman accused of throwing her husband out the window? (a) The husband was too old, (b) The husband had a good job, (c) The husband made a lot of money, (d) There was no window in the house.
11. If a shade of lipstick does not become a woman, does that mean she looks good wearing lipstick or she should not use it?
12. If one leads the charge to fire the museum director, what does that mean?
13. What is the opposite of "firsthand"?
14. Name a precocious composer. Painter. Did you know anyone precocious as a child?
15. What do you think is an unnecessary part of your school curriculum?
16. What do you think should be added to your school curriculum? What is the plural of curriculum? Curriculums?
17. Who has bankrolled your school education so far?
18. Have you recently been to a party where there was raucous behavior? Explain.
19. Discuss some erroneous assumptions you've had about life.
20. How would you foster a sense of duty in your child?
21. What's another name for a foster child?
22. What's another name for a foster parent?
23. What does being a parent entail?
24. If a child is placed in foster case, what does that mean?
25. Name a famous musical whose subject is "tradition."
26. A woman might gush about her date with George Clooney. (Not all women, however.) What are some things you gushed about as a child or might gush about now?
27. What makes a child subject to ridicule? Were you ever ridiculed as a child? For what reason?
28. Discuss a stint at a job you had as a youth.
29. What's another word for "marks" in the essay above?
30. Can you imitate a lisp?
31. Can you imitate someone blurting out a secret?
32. Have you ever tried to analyze your mind or your behavior, in general, or concerning specific occasions or habits?
33. Take your favorite pop song and try to conceptualize it. (I'll not explain what to do since that's part of the challenge.)
Study: College Students More Narcissistic
By DAVID CRARY, AP
Today's college students are more narcissistic and self-centered than their predecessors, according to a comprehensive new study by five psychologists who worry that the trend could be harmful to personal relationships and American society."We need to stop endlessly repeating 'You're special' and having children repeat that back," said the study's lead author, Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University. "Kids are self-centered enough already."
Twenge and her colleagues, in findings to be presented at a workshop Tuesday in San Diego on the generation gap, examined the responses of 16,475 college students nationwide who completed an evaluation called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory between 1982 and 2006.
The standardized inventory, known as the NPI, asks for responses to such statements as "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place," "I think I am a special person" and "I can live my life any way I want to."
The researchers describe their study as the largest ever of its type and say students' NPI scores have risen steadily since the current test was introduced in 1982. By 2006, they said, two-thirds of the students had above-average scores, 30 percent more than in 1982.
Narcissism can have benefits, said study co-author W. Keith Campbell of the University of Georgia, suggesting it could be useful in meeting new people "or auditioning on 'American Idol.'"
"Unfortunately, narcissism can also have very negative consequences for society, including the breakdown of close relationships with others," he said.
The study asserts that narcissists "are more likely to have romantic relationships that are short-lived, at risk for infidelity, lack emotional warmth, and to exhibit game-playing, dishonesty, and over-controlling and violent behaviors."
Twenge, the author of "Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled — and More Miserable Than Ever Before," said narcissists tend to lack empathy, react aggressively to criticism and favor self-promotion over helping others.
The researchers traced the phenomenon back to what they called the "self-esteem movement" that emerged in the 1980s, asserting that the effort to build self-confidence had gone too far.
As an example, Twenge cited a song commonly sung to the tune of "Frere Jacques" in preschool: "I am special, I am special. Look at me."
"Current technology fuels the increase in narcissism," Twenge said. "By its very name, MySpace encourages attention-seeking, as does YouTube."
Some analysts have commended today's young people for increased commitment to volunteer work. But Twenge viewed even this phenomenon skeptically, noting that many high schools require community service and many youths feel pressure to list such endeavors on college applications.
Campbell said the narcissism upsurge seemed so pronounced that he was unsure if there were obvious remedies.
"Permissiveness seems to be a component," he said. "A potential antidote would be more authoritative parenting. Less indulgence might be called for."
The new report follows a study released by UCLA last month which found that nearly three-quarters of the freshmen it surveyed thought it was important to be "very well-off financially." That compared with 62.5 percent who said the same in 1980 and 42 percent in 1966.
Yet students, while acknowledging some legitimacy to such findings, don't necessarily accept negative generalizations about their generation.
Hanady Kader, a University of Washington senior, said she worked unpaid last summer helping resettle refugees and considers many of her peers to be civic-minded. But she is dismayed by the competitiveness of some students who seem prematurely focused on career status.
"We're encouraged a lot to be individuals and go out there and do what you want, and nobody should stand in your way," Kader said. "I can see goals and ambitions getting in the way of other things like relationships."
Kari Dalane, a University of Vermont sophomore, says most of her contemporaries are politically active and not overly self-centered.
"People are worried about themselves — but in the sense of where are they're going to find a place in the world," she said. "People want to look their best, have a good time, but it doesn't mean they're not concerned about the rest of the world."
Besides, some of the responses on the narcissism test might not be worrisome, Dalane said. "It would be more depressing if people answered, 'No, I'm not special.'"
Discussion Questions
1. Do you think you're competitive as a person? In all areas or just in some, like sports, grades, etc.?
2. Some courses in Western universities use the Credit/No Credit system instead of grading: the student either passes or fails. Do you think this is a good idea?
3. This generation in Taiwan has been called the "Strawberry Generation." Discuss the meaning of this phrase from your point of view in Taiwan.
4. Do you think there's a generation gap in Taiwan now? Explain.
5. Would you accept infidelity in your spouse or partner? What would you do?
6. Have you ever felt the need to be more assertive in life?
7. Have you known a social exhibitionist? (More simple phrases are"showoff" and "showing off.") What is the behavior one expects of such a person? Give examples.
8. Are you skeptical about the opposite sex?
9. In what area (in your opinion) lies your greatest potential?
10. Do you think your self-esteem is low or high? Have you known a person with low self-esteem? Explain.
11. How would you evaluate your grade school? Your university?
12. Have you ever felt the need to play games with people (friends, partners, or siblings) to get along?
13. How would you use self-promotion in finding a job?
14. The story of Elvis Presley was a phenomenal twentieth-century success story. What's a near synonym for this word ("phenomenon") in this sentence?
15. "Fuel" is a noun often used as a verb: "His conduct fueled her anger towards him." Give other examples of nouns used as verbs. (These by the way are called denominatives: "He jets to famous places.")
16. What is likely to arouse your feeling of empathy with another?
17. Did your parents indulge you as a child? Explain.
18. What are some of your current indulgences? Foods? Entertainment? Sleep?
19. What do you think a remedial class is for?
20. Have you ever done volunteer work? Explain.
21. If there's an upsurge in the demand for apples, does that mean more or less are sold?
22. Do you consider yourself narcissistic? Explain.
23. What trends do you notice in modern Taiwan society or international culture?
24. What do you think is the goal of taking inventory of one's business?
25. Do you think your parents were permissive when you were a child? Explain.
26. How should a civic-minded person behave?
27. Hi Fi ("high fidelity") music systems could be bought either as components or consoles. Explain the difference.
28. Who are likely to become refugees?
29. In the essay, what does NPI stand for?
30. Who was the lead author of the study described in the essay?
31. What do you find depressing in life or in your life?
32. Do you feel you are entitled to certain benefits in life?
33. According to the essay, what fuels the increase in narcissism?
34. Can you hum or sing the French folk song, "Frere Jacques"? (Use the words, "I am special" as a clue.)
35. Should children born out of wedlock be called "illegitimate," as was once the custom? (Today we call them "love children.")
36. According to the study, what are some negative consequences of narcissism?
37. What behavior from her classmates dismays one university senior?
38. What does Campbell see as a possible cure for narcissism?
39. What kinds of behavior are narcissists likely to show?
40. What does the study's lead author say we have to stop repeating to young people?
2. Some courses in Western universities use the Credit/No Credit system instead of grading: the student either passes or fails. Do you think this is a good idea?
3. This generation in Taiwan has been called the "Strawberry Generation." Discuss the meaning of this phrase from your point of view in Taiwan.
4. Do you think there's a generation gap in Taiwan now? Explain.
5. Would you accept infidelity in your spouse or partner? What would you do?
6. Have you ever felt the need to be more assertive in life?
7. Have you known a social exhibitionist? (More simple phrases are"showoff" and "showing off.") What is the behavior one expects of such a person? Give examples.
8. Are you skeptical about the opposite sex?
9. In what area (in your opinion) lies your greatest potential?
10. Do you think your self-esteem is low or high? Have you known a person with low self-esteem? Explain.
11. How would you evaluate your grade school? Your university?
12. Have you ever felt the need to play games with people (friends, partners, or siblings) to get along?
13. How would you use self-promotion in finding a job?
14. The story of Elvis Presley was a phenomenal twentieth-century success story. What's a near synonym for this word ("phenomenon") in this sentence?
15. "Fuel" is a noun often used as a verb: "His conduct fueled her anger towards him." Give other examples of nouns used as verbs. (These by the way are called denominatives: "He jets to famous places.")
16. What is likely to arouse your feeling of empathy with another?
17. Did your parents indulge you as a child? Explain.
18. What are some of your current indulgences? Foods? Entertainment? Sleep?
19. What do you think a remedial class is for?
20. Have you ever done volunteer work? Explain.
21. If there's an upsurge in the demand for apples, does that mean more or less are sold?
22. Do you consider yourself narcissistic? Explain.
23. What trends do you notice in modern Taiwan society or international culture?
24. What do you think is the goal of taking inventory of one's business?
25. Do you think your parents were permissive when you were a child? Explain.
26. How should a civic-minded person behave?
27. Hi Fi ("high fidelity") music systems could be bought either as components or consoles. Explain the difference.
28. Who are likely to become refugees?
29. In the essay, what does NPI stand for?
30. Who was the lead author of the study described in the essay?
31. What do you find depressing in life or in your life?
32. Do you feel you are entitled to certain benefits in life?
33. According to the essay, what fuels the increase in narcissism?
34. Can you hum or sing the French folk song, "Frere Jacques"? (Use the words, "I am special" as a clue.)
35. Should children born out of wedlock be called "illegitimate," as was once the custom? (Today we call them "love children.")
36. According to the study, what are some negative consequences of narcissism?
37. What behavior from her classmates dismays one university senior?
38. What does Campbell see as a possible cure for narcissism?
39. What kinds of behavior are narcissists likely to show?
40. What does the study's lead author say we have to stop repeating to young people?
"Harry rated Angelina Jolie among his favorite actresses."
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