Composition Assignments: Sept 2008-January 2009

Sample Profile
First note that this article, on a college tuition increase in Florida, fails to answer the question of how much tuition costs now and what it will cost after the increase. It wrongly assumes the reader knows these facts. I give this just as an example of how even published articles can have problems. Now follows the profile and analysis.
Profile
This is a profile of a call girl, notorious for her services to a former New York governor, leading to his resignation. The profile is organized around Cause-Effect (why she became a call girl; but also the consequences her choice has had on her family and herself) and Definition (who she thinks she is compared to the image created by the scandal or by her profession).
Once the focus was chosen, the quotes were easy to choose, since they had to develop the main Cause-Effect and Definition topics. Coherence was also easy, beginning on Cause-Effect (how she became a call girl) and ending on how she wants people to see her.
It's not a perfect model, since the profile was not written by the same person who did the interview, but uses quotes from the interview instead. Other than that, it's a good model to use for a profile.
Below is a copy of the profile. The student can also hear part of the actual interview here, thus seeing how the quote is included in the profile below:
The young woman at the center of the historic downfall of the governor of New York is finally speaking out. Ashley Dupré, the 23-year-old former escort who was the target of intense media scrutiny in the days after Gov. Eliot Spitzer's resignation from public office, has stepped forward to give her first television interview. Dupré told ABC News' Diane Sawyer that she does not feel responsible for Spitzer's downfall.
The writer begins with what is called a cataphora: that is, describing the person before she's identified. This is a useful way to engage interest, as in mystery stories: "She was walking along a dark narrow street when she saw him." Also used is an appositive (telling us who Ashley Dupré is by using a comma separation after her name, as in, "Barack Obama, the president-elect," where "the president-elect" lies in apposition to "Barack Obama," describing him).
Note the second sentence is long but well controlled. So the profile begins on Definition, followed by Cause-Effect ("she does not feel responsible"). The writer chooses an apt quotation:

"If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else," she said. "I was doing my job. I don't feel that I brought him down."
Note another use of apposition to explain "Emperor's Club V.I.P." Then another use of Cause-Effect (how the scandal affected Dupré's life), with another apt quote:
In March, the media discovered Dupré was "Kristen," her alias at the Emperor's Club V.I.P., the high-end escort service that had arranged her rendezvous at the Mayflower Hotel in Washington, D.C., with Spitzer. Soon after the story broke, Dupré sought refuge at her family's home in New Jersey.

"I felt like it was surreal, like it wasn't happening," she said. "But it was."
Yet another use of Cause-Effect: "how an upper middle class girl" "could become an escort":
Dupré's situation raised questions about how an upper middle class girl from New Jersey, whose stepfather is a prominent oral surgeon, could become an escort.
Still more Cause-Effect, emphasizing Dupré's difficult relationship with her father:
She told Sawyer that, as a child, she was a "happy kid" who "got along with everybody" and was particularly close to her older brother, Kyle Youmans. She changed her last name to Dupré because she didn't have a close relationship with her biological father.
Note how the quotes are linked together well, so that each quotes seems inevitable when it comes. Here again Cause-Effect "explains" why Dupré changed her name:
"I wanted a new name to go along with me," she said. "I've been searching for so long for that identity of who I am." In high school, Dupré was an honor student, worked in a restaurant and "never really socialized and went ... to any of the parties, the high school parties."

"I got along with everyone, I was kind of popular," she said. "I was pretty popular."
Note the use of antithesis ("But"): Dupré was happy but also struggled with drugs and relationships with men. Note the careful alternation of descriptive transitions and quoted speech:
But Dupré also told Sawyer about her struggles with drugs, running away from home at 17 and troubled relationships with men in her life.

"I was an angry 17-year-old," she said. "I was so confused and I didn't understand my emotions. Where I became self-destructive."
"Where I became self-destructive" (above) is not grammatical, but allowed in quoted speech; in fact, it becomes effective as quoted speech to evoke a real person trying to find words to express her emotions.
At 19, Dupré moved to New York City to pursue her dream of becoming a singer. She was working three jobs when someone gave her a business card for the escort service.
Once again, the writer carefully balances narrative (above) with quoted speech (below), at the same time linking each section like a mosaic:
"You don't mean to make those choices but you're put in a situation and, you know, you have an opportunity to do it," she said.
In a traditional profile, the writer would use a descriptive transition to link these two quotes (usually it's not good to have two independent quotes next to each other without a narrative or descriptive transition, such as: "Ms. Dupré nervously fondled the yellow beads that hung around her neck, then explained how she slipped into the escort business."
The quote allows the speaker to use comparison and contrast, as well as analogy, to defend herself:
"I really didn't see the difference between going on a date with someone in New York, taking you to dinner and expecting something in return," she said. "I really thought it was more of a trade-off. He's expecting something in return when you date, whereas, you know, being an escort, it was a formal transaction."
Once again, two separate quotes follow each other. This is not the best style but it's becoming more common in fast-paced media publications, where readers have little time for description. In the past, when there was nothing but print media, people enjoyed having a writer evoke an image of a person, the way she looked, dressed, talked, behaved, sipped coffee, etc. Today, a photo is worth a thousand words (see left). Artistically this is not true; since writing is as much style as substance (content); the way that art lovers are not interested in the landscape so much as in the way it's painted. But people are not as interested in artistic style today as in the past. So most writing today is functional: it gets to the point with economy and clarity of expression so people enjoy it but don't invest too much time, which they don't have to spare these days!
"The media thinks that I'm this crazy partyer and, you know, I like limelight and I want to be out and socializing," she said. "And I would love nothing more than to sit at home and watch a movie. And hang out with my dog, or cook with some close friends."
Note how the writer sums up a lot of dialogue by indirectly quoting it. Note also how Dupré justifies herself, as if she were the victim of others (a boyfriend, for example), or of circumstances outside her control (debts):
Dupré said she worked on and off for the escort service and, after being left by a boyfriend with a $3,600 apartment lease to pay off, medical bills and a heavy load of credit card debt, she returned to the agency. Four weeks later, she went to Washington, not knowing that she was meeting a governor.

Dupré says she initially didn't know the identity of the man referred to in court documents as Client No. 9.

"He looked familiar," she said. "But I was 22 years old, I didn't, I wasn't reading the papers, I was so involved in my life and I was so selfish and caught up in my life and I didn't know who he was. And I was whoever they wanted me to be, and he was whoever he wanted to be."

When asked how often she saw Spitzer, Dupré was reluctant to discuss the details.

"Legally, I am not able to answer that question," she said.
Note (above) that though the writer leaves out important information (how often Dupré saw her client, Spitzer) she gives a reason for doing so (legally, Dupré was unable to answer); so the reader is satisfied with the missing facts or details.
Dupré remembers the moment of shock when she watched Spitzer's televised resignation.

"I didn't know the depth to my situation," she said. "That's when I connected the dots, was when everyone else found out. I turned on the TV and I said, "Oh s--, what did I get myself involved in? I felt like everything slowed down around me. And it was just the TV and I and, I was shocked."

Dupré says she was not focused on the governor during the speech, but rather, wife Silda's face as she stood by his side.

"I felt connected to her," Dupré said. "I didn't feel connected to him. Her pain. And I just saw the pain in her eyes."
Much of the profile uses Cause-Effect as the main organization principle (the effect on Dupré's mother and stepfather):
Dupré is well aware of the pain she caused her own family. Her mother's sadness was intensified by pressure to turn against her daughter.

"So many people told her to kick me out," Dupré said. "You know, don't, why are you taking her in? And my mom's response is, 'She's a piece of me. How can you just throw it out?'"

Dupré's relationship with her stepfather has been particularly strained.

"He was so disgusted with me when everything happened," Dupré said, adding that he wouldn't look at her or hug her for quite some time. "Now it's, it's getting better. And we're working on our relationship."
Cause-Effect (Dupré's goal is to sing) is followed by Definition ("that's not who I am"):
Dupré says her only ambition now is to pursue the singing career of which she has always dreamed. She has received a number of lucrative offers, from reality shows to $1 million to pose for Hustler magazine, but she has turned them all down.
Now Contradiction is used; that is, Dupré tells who she is by who she is NOT. This is followed by Cause-Effect ("do what I love"), then Definition ("who I am"), finally ending in Cause-Effect again ("I'm not going to let this change who I am"; the state will not pursue charges; Dupré wants time to heal, etc.:
"You stop and think, but that's not who I am," she said. "And that's not what I want to do. I want to go after my music and do what I love. And not lose track of who I am on the way. I'm trying to pursue my music. I'm still living for it. I'm not gonna give up my dream. I'm not going to change. I'm not going to let this change who I am. And what I love."

Legal experts say it is unlikely that Dupré will be charged with a crime because federal prosecutors have announced they will not seek any criminal charges against the former governor.

"I needed to give myself time to heal," Dupré said. "And the people that were hurt by my choices time to heal, as well. And now it's time for me to tell my side of the story. And for people to get to know me. The real me, not, not the person that was created by the media."

CHEAT SHEET
This is what a Cheat Sheet should look like; its length is unlimited, depending on what you need to remind yourself. This is one example where "cheating" is to be encouraged. Each writer will have to find their own style to use in a cheat sheet. I used short-hand notation. Take #1: I know I mean "ten" as the final word of a quotation. This reminds me that after a quote, a comma follows, then the attribution ("he said"). #2 reminds me that though words are capitalized after an exclamation point (!) this is not so after a closed quote. #11 reminds me that the name of a song is in quotes but the name of an album is italicized. And so on. Of couse a cheat sheet is not useful unless you know how to generalize. For example, #10 is not useful unless I can apply that style generally to all newspapers, not just to the Times! Notice that in #32, the name of the newspaper is now written in Roman (regular) font, because the entire sentence is already in italics! Finally, for advanced writing (graduate work, publications), the student must always follow the required style manual. A FINAL CAVEAT: NEVER follow web pages. They're not reliable, unless from a reputable source, such as the New York Times or another major newspaper, and maybe not even then, because even reputable publications may follow their own style rules. Note I violate my own rule with the words, A FINAL CAVEAT. That's typography. I KNOW what I'm doing (like typing KNOW instead of know). Besides, this is perfectly okay for flashy typography; but I would never capitalize for emphasis for a publication or a formal letter. Quite simply, students must get into the habit of following rules before you can deliberately violate them.
1. ten," he said.
2. cold!" he said.
3. "Are you cold?" he asked.
4. "Are you cold?" She didn't answer.
5. cold! He went home.
6. Moon Lake in Summer (title, centered at top of the page)
7. I read "Moon Lake in Summer," the short story.
8. I read Moon Lake in Summer, the novel.
9. I saw the movie, Moon Lake in Summer.
10. A review of the film was featured in the New York Times.
11. I love the song, "Let It Be."
12. I bought The Beatles' Let It Be album.
13. The child was three years old.
14. The three-year-old child fell asleep.
15. RIGHT: He was born on May 20, 1988. RIGHT: He was born on 20 May 1988. WRONG: He was born on May 20 1988. WRONG: He was born on May 20th, 1988.
16. I wonder where Mother is.
17. I wonder where my mother is.
18. "Bob taunted me, 'You lose the game!' and I got angry."
19. My brother was injured on Pine Street.
20. My brother was injured on the street.
21. I interviewed President Lin of Knowall University.
22. I interviewed the president of a university.
23. Comma splice: WRONG: I interviewed the president of the university, he was very polite.
RIGHT: I interviewed the president of the univeristy. He was very polite.
24. Fused sentence: WRONG: I interviewed the president of the university he was polite. RIGHT: I interviewed the president of the university. He was polite.
25. Emphasis: WRONG: It was VERY cold." RIGHT: It was very cold.
26. WRONG: The General Washington crossed the Delaware. RIGHT: General Washington crossed the Delaware.
27. RIGHT: The general, Washington, crossed the Delaware. WRONG: The general, Washington, crossed the delaware.
28. WRONG: She found him-dead. RIGHT: She found him--dead. BETTER: She found him—dead!
29. WRONG: She got sick.So she failed the class. RIGHT: She got sick. So she failed the class.
30. WRONG: I couldn't hardly wait. RIGHT: I could hardly wait.
31. He read the Taipei Times.
32. He read the Taipei Times.
33. He crossed the stream in the north of the country and dried his clothes in the hot sun. ELLIPSIS: He crossed the stream . . . and dried his clothes . . . .

Composition Exercises
I will not require these. But you would do well to follow these exercises. If you want me to check them, I'll be glad to.
Here are some suggestions for journal exercises:
1. Direct copy of a text. "He came in." = "He came in."
Simply copying paragraphs and pages from a good piece of prose is very useful in imprinting on the mind good style or basic sentence structure.
2. Indirect dialogue as direct dialogue. "He said he was sick." = "'I'm sick,' he said." "'I'm sick,' he sighed."
3. Direct dialogue as indirect dialogue. "'I'm sick,' he said." = "He said he was sick."
Of course, you can always elaborate too: "He shot me a look of misery and lamented how sick he was."
4. Paraphrase. "He said he was sick." = "He claimed to be unwell."
5. Epitome (summary). "He said he had a fever and a cold." = "He said he was sick."
Strictly speaking epitome and summary are different. Epitome keeps the specific language of the original but takes out anything that can be sacrificed and still keep the essential point; while summary generalizes more freely. Epitome is more like condensing a 300 page novel for a weekly journal of 50 pages; summary is like what you read on the back of a book jacket that tells the reader what is the general plot and characters. Both are useful exercises; they force the reader to read a piece several times; understand it, and then find synonymic words to keep the length down.
6. Elaboration. "He said he was sick." = "He had a fever and a cold." Better: "He said he had a fever and a cold and all kinds of vague symptoms he was unable to describe, but which kept him in bed the whole time." (In principle, elaboration is unlimited. See #15)
7. Dialogue elaboration. "He was sick." = "'I am sick," he cried. 'Don't you believe me? I can't drink, I can't keep my food down, I throw up everything I eat, I sneeze constantly, my wife can't stand to be around me. She says my wheezing ruins her television shows when we watch together. Even my dog hides from me. Finally, my children are afraid they'll catch worse colds if they're in my presence.'"
8. Decombination. "The hot pepperoni pizza sizzled on the table." Make this: "The pizza was on the table. It was hot. It had pepperoni topping. It sizzled."
9. Combination.The opposite of the above: "The woman was beautiful. The woman wore earrings. The earrings were made of silver. The earrings dangled to her shoulders." Make this: "The beautiful woman wore silver earrings that dangled to her shoulders."
10. Prose paraphrase (from poetry). "Whose woods these are I think I know / His house is in the village though" (Robert Frost). = "As I journeyed through the woods, I guessed the name of the person who owned them. As it turned out, his house was in the village."
11. Poetic paraphrase (from prose). "I wondered why the English did not teach their children the language. After all, Norwegians and Greeks teach their respective languages to their children!" = "Why can't the English teach their children how to speak / Norwegians learn Norwegian, the Greeks are taught their Greek!" (My Fair Lady).
12. Variation. "I loved that song." = "That song thrilled me." "I was overwhelmed by that song." "That melody enraptured me." "If music be the food of love, play that song again." (Note, I copied the first phrase from Shakespeare; but no-one would call that plagiarism because it's a famous line and I'm clearly referring to it.)
13. Substitution (replacement).
a. Polysyllabic words by monosyllabic (one syllable) words. "That melody enraptured me." = "The tune thrilled me."
b. Monosyllabic words by polysyllabic words. "I would love to have your help." = "I would be particularly honored to receive your benevolent assistance." (The last is also known as periphrasis: that is, saying something in a long-winded way, which is sometimes a sign of bad writing.)
c. Proper nouns by noun phrases. "Bob Miller yelled at the top of his lungs, 'You're fired!'" = "The deceived hot-tempered employer yelled at the top of his lungs."
14. Imitation. "It was a cold day and I huddled underneath the only shelter in the woods." = "It was a hot evening and I cooled myself in front of the sole air conditioner in the house." Imitation need not be exact, so long as most of the sentence structure is kept.
15. Extended elaboration. "He died." = "The feeble aged man, sick now for many months, and barely clinging to life, finally, after making out his will, and croaking out maudlin farewells to his relatives, all of whom expected to be part of the old man's substantial largess when his last will and testament were read in court, reluctantly went the way of all flesh." Another kind of periphrasis, which can be bad writing unless it's used for special effect.
These are 15 ways to practice English. This kind of writing is probably better than more personal writing, because you're consciously making language choices (words, grammar, syntax) and exercising your mind. It takes effort to think of a word to replace another word, or to find another way to write a sentence: "She walked up to her apartment." "Up she walked to her apartment." By placing "up" first in the sentence it imitates the effort of walking. The English novelist, Charles Dickens, used these reversed sentence structures a lot.
Next week we'll talk more about these exercises and also developing ideas. Here's one model we talked about in class:
I keep six honest serving men;
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
—Rudyard Kipling
See the picture of the Communication Triangle too. In my next email I will give you next week's assignment so you don't get mixed up.



FOR 24 SEPTEMBER 2008

For next Wednesday, practice the Communication Triangle: Speaker (purpose), audience (reader/auditor), text (argument/logic).
Write a brief (2 paragraphs) text on any topic you choose. It can be a letter to a friend asking for money. It can be a letter to a newspaper complaining of something. It can be a complaint to a department store. It can be a description of your brother or sister. Anything.
In class you will project it on the screen with a laptop computer and explain your purpose, your intended audience, and why you think you succeeded in your purpose by pointing out your use of language (words), sentences, argument; your use of P/S, Q/A, or the 5 W's + H as we discussed in class.

Model:

Thrift Department Stores

Mr. Tom Adams,
General Manager

Dear Mr. Adams,

I am a faithful patron of your store in Tainan. I shop there almost every weekend with my two children. Usually I have no problems.
However, last Saturday, in a deserted section of the fifth floor, my children had to use the rest room. Unfortunately there was a suspicious-looking man nearby. He was shabbily dressed and appeared to be drunk while loitering near the rest rooms. I was afraid to let my children into the rest room, but had no choice since they had to go rather badly.
I think you have a good store, Mr. Adams. However I'm surprised that there was no security up on that floor, when you know that parents bring their children to the toy section further down from the elevators.
I am now afraid of returning to your store in case something similar happens in the future. Please assure me that you plan to respond to this complaint appropriately so I can remain a good patron of your department store in Tainan.
With great appreciation for your previous service,
Yours,
Ellen Jones.


First, I considered my audience: the manager of a department store. He's obviously concerned with making money. So I included that fact in my letter (I'm "a faithful patron" and "I shop almost every weekend").
See every detail has a purpose; and that purpose is related to my audience. The two cannot be separated. And the two = what I write (the text; message; speech; and which details I include).
I begin my letter with the most important fact from my reader's point of view: money. I shop there every weekend.
But in my second short paragraph I use what is called an adversative (usually using "but," "however," etc.). I give important details: who? children. When? last Saturday. Who (again): "suspicious-looking man." Where? "nearby" on the fifth floor near the rest room. How? (how was he dressed to look suspicious): shabbily, appeared drunk, loitering, etc.
I use a little of P/S (problem-solution): the problem was having the children use the rest room and finding a reasonable solution: there was none. And that's the main focus of the letter.
Note that I failed in this letter: I did NOT specify whether the children were girls or boys. Sometimes being general helps; but the manager may wish to KNOW this fact so he could check the rest room (for girls or boys). (Of course I left out this fact on purpose to illustrate a point to students in the class! I don't want to make the letter too good.)
Next I show how reasonable I am while flattering my reader: "you have a good store." Mixing praise and blame makes the writer sound reasonable and therefore believable. For example, if a person says only bad things about New York, we tend to disbelieve the person entirely; because common sense tells us that New York or another major city must have good things about it as well as bad.
Now Mrs. Jones uses cause-effect: she's surprised there's no security when the manager must know that children go to that floor. This is "logic."
Cause-effect contines in the next brief paragraph: she's afraid to return. From the point of view of the Communication Triangle, she persuades the manager where it matters most: lost patronage, hence lost revenue. BAD.
Then she links the two ideas coherently: her continued patronage and better security, so that the manager believes the two are logically related.
Finally she shows again that she's a reasonable person by saying, "with great appreciation for your previous service."
No manager can ignore a letter like this: the facts are clear; the writer seems reasonable; the purpose is clear too: to increase security.
What if she had written: "What kind of jerks are you? Are you people so stupid you can't hire security in your dump? You're in the wrong business, chump. You'd better do something about this or I'm not going into that dump again."
First he tells us nothing about himself, like how often he visits the store. He doesn't even say which floor needs security. Moreover, he insults the manager, who will probably close his mind to the letter without even reading it seriously. Finally he reflects on himself as a stupid person; so the manager thinks, "We're better off without a customer like that."
So that was not an effective letter.
Do you think you can do something like this. Write it (2-3 short paragraphs) and explain why you think your wrote well, using the Communication Triangle. Then we'll tell you if you wrote well or not.
Good luck. Any questions, email me.
Don't forget to sign up for Conferences beginning 25 September 2008.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF WRITING
Most important knowledge can be summed up in a few precepts. So we have the Ten Commandments; and even those were reduced to just two by Jesus: love of God and love of neighbor. These are the Ten Commandments of writing (I don't think I can sum them up in two laws, like Jesus did):
1. Read; critically or casually. (Either will help.) By all means, read junk books, so long as they're well written, in standard prose. For the purpose of improving oneself, a junk book (on a movie star, for example) may not be good. But for the purpose of learning how to write (esp. for ESL students) they're as good or better than "serious" literature. Because they're page-turners; the reader wants to keep reading (and understand everything). It's a sugar-coated pill. While the reader's goal is to find out how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie live together, the reader is nonetheless learning about basic writing style. (Movie music works the same way. The viewer likes the music because it's played during a love scene or chase scene, but soon develops a mature musical appreciation.)
2. Lower levels of generality. In other words, SHOW DON'T TELL. Use concrete, specific, and proper nouns instead of abstract, general, and common nouns; and use strong verbs instead of weak verbs.
(Not, "my brother," but, "Oscar, my brother." Not, "He loved her," but, "He kissed her madly." Not "criminals," but "juvenile delinquents" or "drug pushers," etc. Not, "He walked home drunk" but "He stumbled home drunk.")
3. Link (Coherence). Each sentence should refer back to the previous sentence, usually by synonymic replacements. Here's a simple example: (a) "Jane went to the store. Jane bought apples. Jane baked the apples at home." = (b) "Jane went to the store and [she] bought apples. She baked them at home." (a) is not coherent; (b) is coherent. The good writer must learn to do this at a higher level of organization.
4. The 5 W's + H. (Who, what, where, when, why, how.)
5. Give examples. (But don't always begin with the words, "For example"!) "Many people are hurting from the economy. Cynthia Chen, from GHYZ University, explained how she didn't have enough money to pay for her school books." (I used an example without using "for example.)
6. Use dialogue when possible: See Example in 5, plus: "'I'm behind in my studies because I was unable to buy my Geology textbook,' Cynthia said."
7. Use the Communication Triangle: who is your reader (academics? young people interested in Tom Cruise?)? What is your purpose in writing (to show that Cruise is a good actor? to entertain young people with fascinating details of Cruise's life?)? What is the best language to use for your purpos and audience: Big words borrowed from scholarly literature on cinema (to convince academics)? Spicy language (to appeal to young audiences)?
8. WHOLENESS. This includes FOCUS and COMPLETENESS. Focus means having a main idea to which other ideas are subordinated. Completeness means nothing important is left out.
9. REVISE. Back to #1. Because real revision is impossible without good models in the mind to check against. Writing is a dialogue with what's already written to make it better, based on reading it again (I've revised this brief essay many times). Here the Communication Triangle is important; one can only see weaknesses in one's text based on an imagined receiver (listener, reader).
Revision can be as simple as backspacing to replace one word with another. Or days later one realizes one needs two or three introductory paragraphs to add to what one has written. Or one needs a stronger conclusion, or more or better examples. Or sentences must be recast or deleted. Or focus changed, coherence (linking) improved, words defined or defined more clearly or replaced with better words.
10. BE SELECTIVE in using the rules. When you know the rules, you know when to break them. This comes from reading=judgment. You know when it's better to be general or not to use dialogue, or even when not to link ideas too strongly, for the sake of style, such as humor: "Aunt Agnes came. Uncle Marty came. Cousin Nancy came. Grandpa and Grandma came. I looked at my tiny Toyota and I wondered how I could drive them all to the airport at the same time!"
In the example above I purposely avoided coherence (good linking) for comic effect. This is called style.
Now let's apply these Ten Commandments to a simple example:
"The woman likes to read. The woman bought two books. She brought the books home. She put the book in her bookcase. The books were by her favorite writer."
Revised: "Cynthia Chen likes to read. She bought Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and installed them in her bookcase. 'J. K. Rowling is my favorite writer,' she said.'"
The above brief sentence illustrates the 10 Commandments. I revised (#9); I linked ideas by replacement (#3); I wrote at lower levels of generality (named the books and the person) (#2); I used dialogue (#6); I used a strong verb ("installed" instead of "placed" or "put") (#2); I gave examples (#5); I answered the questions who (Cynthia), what (books), where (bookstore, home) (#4); I used the Communication Triangle (#7) (my audience knows the writer and author; moreover, the books are popular and mentioning them will arouse feelings in my reader; I used Cynthia Chen rather than Tom Peroni, because my reader is likely to be Chinese and my purpose was to be understood by young students in Taiwan); I was selective (#10) in applying the rules (I did not mention the name of the bookstore in this case because my main focus [#8] was on a Taiwan's student's favorite reading, not where she bought the books); finally, I mentally compared what I wrote with numerous essays and profiles I have read with satisfaction in the past and in this way was able to judge the adequacy of my own writing. Only by having tasted many good tomato sauces can the cook keep adding flavor until it matches the model in his head.

Students,
FOR YOUR NEXT assignment, which you can start working on now, though the first draft will be due the week after next Wednesday (that is, 8 October 2008), we'll develop the letter idea. Only this time you will be a salesperson who writes a brief letter to a potential client (buyer), trying to sell the product.
From the point of view of the Communication Triangle you must:
1. Define your purpose. This is simple enough in this case: to sell the product.
2. Analyze the product (your text). You will use all means available, based on your knowledge of the product, to argue the strength or use of your product. You can invent your product or use a known brand. Definition: What is the product? What does it do? Comparison: How is the product different from a similar product? Testimony (quoted authority; of course you can make it up; I don't want to give you hints here). Division: Divide the product into several benefits. Contradiction: What this product will not do: it will not scratch your skin like other products. Degree ("More or less"): one value is preferred over aother value: "True, this product costs more than similar brands, but it will last much longer than those other brands."
3. You will make up your client. It could be a religious person; housewife; teacher; college student; immigrant, etc. Then you will develop your text (2) based on your specific or intended audience (reader).
Example:
1. To sell.
2. An illustrated Bible.
3. A member of the local Catholic Church.

Molly Chen
10 Union Street
West New York, N.J.

Dear Ms. Chen,

As a member of our local Holy Family Church, we thought you might be interested in our new publication, The Illustrated Bible. The Bible is produced by the well-known New York Catholic Publishing House, and intended for use by Catholics in their homes.
Unlike other Bibles now on the market, this edition makes use of the most advanced scholarship on the key issues of the faith, while using a translation that is aimed for both children and adults.
Now there's no need to consult cumbersome dictionaries trying to find out the meaning of a word. All important words and persons are explained in the margins of the text in clear red ink.
For the younger people, there are plenty of pictures to keep them entertained. There's no need to imagine what Moses or King David may have looked like, since the text is copiously illustrated with pictures of the Bible's most famous heroes and heroines, such as King David and Ruth.
At US$55, this Bible may seem a little more expensive than similar Bibles currently on the market. But it's well worth the extra cost; not only for the pictures, but for the special leather cover in which the book is bound.
This Bible will not only delight and instruct the entire family. Since it's made to last, it will also delight and instruct entire generations. In fact, it's been recommended by the United States Bible Association as the ideal Bible for family use.
So why don't you join thousands of other Catholic families and make The Illustrated Bible a part of your devotional collection.
To order The Illustrated Bible now, just fill out the form at the bottom of the page and send payment either by money order or credit card to The Illustrated Bible
The Association of Catholic Booksellers
10 Madison Avenue,
New York, N.Y.

First, I kept my reader in mind. I assume she's Catholic since I got her name from her local parish (church). I immediately "defined" her as a member of that church, linking her with other members; thus putting her in the same class as people who have bought the same book. I referred to the publishers, since they are "well known" (hence, Cause-Effect: we expect good thing from well-known businesses). I also used Definition in defining the use of this Bible (for the home). Next I compare and contrast ("unlike other Bibles"); again I use Definition to further define ("what") this Bible is. I use Cause-Effect in insuring the buyer that there's no need to consult "cumbersome dictionaries." (Note the use of the word "cumbersome," to remind the buyer how difficult it is to use those dictionaries.) I use Division in dividing up the advantages of the book purchase (for children as well as adults). Cause-Effect explains how it will benefit children. I give examples of the illustrations (David, Ruth), then I follow with Comparison (other Bibles) and Degree (it costs more but has more value too). Cause-Effect follows (instruct and delight, and the Bible will last, thus pleasing many generations). Definition follows (join other families; in other words, put yourself in the same class as other families of your faith). Then I conclude with instructions on how to order (What, Where, How, etc.). Vocabulary mattered too. I made sure I referred repeatedly to Bible, rather than show disrespect to the book by referring to it as any "book." I mentioned the word "cumbersome" earlier. I used the phrase, "advanced scholarship" (people like what's "new" and up to date). I avoided big words or big ideas. The average family doesn't want a fancy analysis but a plain sell ("plenty of pictures").
EFFECTIVE RHETORIC
This is a news item on why the American bailout package failed. My purpose in sending this is not economics but rhetoric; this writer explains the failure of the "sell" of this package in terms I use in my Composition classes. To read the complete article, which I've edited below, go here.
The original (but edited) text is in green; my emphasis is in red; my comments are in blue.
[W]hy, despite all the efforts of all of the country's leaders to fill them with fear of an economic apocalypse, did Americans not see a failure to act as a serious threat to their livelihoods?
Traditionally, human beings are not great at assessing this kind of risk. . . .
[In other words, know your Audience/Reader.]
"The case wasn't made as to why the little guy needs this," says Paul Slovic, author of The Perception of Risk and a psychology professor at the University of Oregon. "The numbers and vague warnings are too abstract."
[Then use proper logic, argumentation, persuasion (the Text part of the Communication Triangle). Make the case! Do not use "vague" ideas.]
The most effective warnings are like the most effective TV ads: easily understood, specific, frequently repeated, personal, accurate, and targeted.
[Note the phrases: "easily understood, specific, repeated, personal, targeted" (in other words, to a specific audience/reader).]
But [the] biggest mistake was a lack of specificity. They never clearly told the American people what might happen if Congress did not act.
[Note: you must be "specific" and "clear."]
Here is what administration and Congressional leaders must do. . . .
Find a face: Human beings are not moved by numbers or by vague predictions of certain doom. They are moved by stories. "It's simple," says Mileti. "You get one family in America. And you paint a picture of what their life is like one year from now. You describe a kid who can't go to college, the house that can't be sold, the inability of anyone to use a credit card."
[Give concrete examples, not abstractions.]
Rebrand the Bill: The phrase "bailout" is a deal-killer. "People feel the breaks are being given to financial institutions and not to the consumer," says Slovic. He recommends "Consumer Protection Act." It may be too late for this change to have much impact, but any change in language that acknowledges real people would be an improvement.
[Find the right words ("rename the bill"). One word means a lot.]
Be Specific: People need to know what will happen if they do nothing - or if they do something.
[Again: be specific!]
"People actually perceive that they are safe." To override that bias, you have to talk to people in a language their brains understand."
[Always consider your audience. You can write the best speech in the world, but if it's not suited for your audience, it's worthless.]


HOW A GREAT SYMPHONY WAS WRITTEN
Leonard Bernstein
Three G's and an E-flat. Nothing more. Baby simple. Anyone might have thought of them. Maybe.
But out of them has grown the first movement of a great symphony. A movement so economical and consistent that almost every bar of it is a direct development of these opening four notes.
People have wondered for years what it is that endows this musical figure with such potency. All kinds of fanciful music appreciation theories have been advanced. That it is based on the song of a bird Beethoven heard in the Vienna woods. That it is Fate knocking at the door. That it is a friend of his knocking at the door. And more of the same.
But none of these interpretations tells us anything. The truth is that the real meaning lies in the notes that follow it. All the notes of all the five hundred measures that follow it. And Beethoven more than any other composer before or after him, I think, had the ability to find these exactly right notes.
But even he who had that ability to such a remarkable degree had a gigantic struggle to achieve this rightness: not only the right notes, but the right rhythms, the right climaxes, the right harmonies, the right instrumentation. We are going to try to trace that struggle for you.
Now all of us are familiar with the composer's struggle to find the right melodies and the right thematic material. We have all been privileged to watch Schumann and Brahms and other greats of the silver screen agonizing over the keyboard as they search for the right tune.
We have all seen Jimmy Cagney as George M. Cohan dramatically alone on a bare stage with a solitary work light picking out the immortal notes of "Over There." Or Cornell Wilde as Chopin eking out the nocturne in E-flat.
But spurious or not the struggle is real. Beethoven too shared in that struggle.
We know from his notebooks that he wrote down fourteen versions of the melody that opens the second movement of this symphony. Fourteen versions over a period of eight years. This is the way we know it today.
Now the original sketch for this goes this way.
Another sketch for the same melody is quite different.
After eight years of experimenting with eleven others, he ultimately combined the most interesting and graceful elements of all versions and finally arrived at the tune which is familiar to us now.
But now that he has his theme, the real work begins. Now comes the job of giving symphonic meaning to the theme. And this meaning becomes clear only after we have arrived at the very last note of the entire movement.
Thus the famous four notes are not in themselves susceptible of meaning in the music appreciation sense. They are really only a springboard for the symphonic continuity to come.
That is the real function of what is called form: to take us on a varied and complicated half hour journey of continuous symphonic progress.
In order to do this, the composer must have his own inner road map. He must have the ability to know what the next note has to be. To convey a sense of rightness, a sense that whatever note succeeds the last is the only possible note that could happen at that precise instant.
As we have said, Beethoven could do this better than anyone. But he also struggled with all his force in the doing. Let's try to follow this struggle graphically.
To begin with, Beethoven chose seven different instruments with which to begin his first movment: the flute, clarinet, first violin, second violin, viola, cello, and bass.
These seven instruments appear on the first page of his manuscript score. But there is something crossed out: the part of the flute. So we know that Beethoven for one second was going to include the flute.
So why did he cross it out? Well let's hear how it would have sounded with the flute left in.
The high piping notes of the flute don't seem to fit in with the generally rude and brusque atmosphere of the opening bars.
Beethoven clearly wanted these notes to be a strong masculine utterance. And he therefore orchestrated entirely with instruments that play normally in the register of the male singing voice.
The flute being the instrumental equivalent of the soprano would be intruding here like a delicate lady at a club smoker. So out came the flute. And now let's hear how masculine it sounds without it.
You see, a lot of us assume when we hear the symphony today that it must have spilled out of Beethoven in one steady gush, clear and right from the beginning. But not at all.
Beethoven left pages and pages of discarded material in his own writing, enough to fill a whole book. The man rejected and rewrote, scratched out, tore up, and sometimes altered a passage as many as twenty times. Beethoven's manuscript looks like a bloody record of a tremendous inner battle.
But before he began to write this wild looking score, Beethoven had for three years been filling notebooks with sketches, some that he ultimately discarded as not right. I have been trying to figure out what his first movement would have sounded like if he had left some of them in.
I have been experimenting with the music, speculating on where these sketchkes might have been intended for use, and putting them back into those places, to see what the piece might have been had he used them. And I have come up with some curious and interesting results. Let's see what they are.
We already know almost too well the opening bars of this symphony. Now once Beethoven had made this strong initial statement, what then? How does he go on to develop it? He does it like this.
But here is a discarded sketch which is also a direct and immediate development of the theme. Not very good and not very bad taken all by itself. But it is a good logical development of the opening figure.
But what would the music sound like if Beethoven had used this sketch as the immediate development of his theme? We can find out by simply putting the sketch back into the symphony and it will sound like this.
It does make a difference, doesn't it? Not only because it sounds wrong to our ears, which are used to the version we know. But also because of the nature of the music itself. It is so symmetrical that it seems static. It doesn't seem to want to go anywhere. And that is fatal at the outset of a symphonic journey. It doesn't seem to have the mystery about it that the right version has, of that whispering promise of things to come.
The sketch music on the other hand gets stuck in its own repetition. It just doesn't build. And Beethoven was first and foremost a builder.
Let us look at another rejected sketch. Here is one that sounds like this. Again it is based as all of them are on that same opening figure.
Now my guess is that he would have used it somewhere in this passage.
Now let's hear the same passage with the discarded sketch included.
Terrible, isn't it? This sketch just intrudes itself into the living flow of the music and stands there repeating, grounded, until such time as the music can again take off in its flight.
No wonder Beethoven rejected it. For he of all people had a sense of drive to his music that was second to none.
This sketch just doesn't drive. It is again like the first one, static and stuck.
Now this sketch is different. It has real excitement and build.
I suspect it was intended for a spot a little later on in the movement. Here.
This is certainly one of the most climactic and thrilling moments in the movement. It is the beginning of the coda, of the last big push before the end.
Let's see how it would have sounded, using the sketch I just played you.
Not at all bad. It has logic and it builds. But what Beethoven finally did use has so much more logic and builds with so much more ferocity and shock that there is no comparison.
The other, although good, seems pale beside it.
Now here is a sketch that I really like because it sounds like the essential Beethoven style.
This has pain in it and mystery and a sense of eruption.
It would have fitted very neatly into the coda, harmonically, rhythmically and every other way, except emotionally.
Here is the spot in the coda I mean.
Now let us add the sketch to it.
Do you hear the difference? What has happened?
We had to come down from a high point to a low point in order to build up again dramatically to a still higher point. This is in itself good and acceptable dramatic structure. It happens all the time in plays and in novels as well as in music.
But this is no moment for it. Beethoven has already reached his high point. He is already in the last lap and he wants to smash forward on that high level right to the end. And he does with astonishing brilliance.
It is this genius for going forward, always forward, that in every case guides his hand in the struggle with his material. Why even the very ending was written three different ways on this orchestral score.
Here is the first ending he wrote: an abrupt typically Beethovenian ending.
Why did he reject it? It seems perfectly all right and satisfying.
But no he apparently felt that it was too abrupt. And so he went right on and wrote a second ending that was more extended, more like a finale, more noble, romantic, majestic. It went like this.
But in the manuscript this ending is also buried beneath the crossing out. Now he felt it was too long, too pretentious. Perhaps too majestic. It didn't seem to fit into the scheme of the whole movement, where the main quality is bare economical direct statement of the greatest possible force.
And so he tried still a third ending and this one worked. But the odd thing is that, as it turns out, the third ending is even more abrupt than the first.
So you see he had to struggle and agonize before he realized so apparently simple a thing: that the trouble with the first ending was not that it was too short but that it was not short enough.
Thus he arrived at the third ending, which is as right as rain. This is how we hear it today.
And so Beethoven came to the end of his symphonic journey: for one movement, that is.
Imagine a whole lifetime of this struggle. Movement after movement, symphony and symphony, sonata after quartet after concerto. Always probing and rejecting in his dedication to perfection for the principle of inevitabilty.
This somehow is the key to the mystery of a great artist. That for reasons unknown to him or to anyone else, that he will give away his life and his energies, just to make sure that one note follows another inevitably.
But in doing so, he makes us feel at the finish that something checks throughout. Something that follows its own laws consistently. Something we can trust: that will never let us down.






THE COMMUNICATION TRIANGLE
TO ILLUSTRATE IN a simple way what the Communication Triangle involves, consider this: the recent bail-out bill was rejected by Congress when it was called a "bail-out" bill, then passed when renamed a "rescue" bill.
The first term worried taxpayers, who felt they were paying for the mistakes—perhaps even crimes—of people on Wall Street. By renaming it a "rescue" bill, lawmakers appealed to voters: as if to say, we are not bailing-out (saving) people who screwed up the economy on Wall Street, but we are rescuing the average citizen, "like yourself."
You can see how all areas of the Communication Triangle are related. Since my purpose is to change my listener's vote, I change ("revise") my text too. If I fail in any area of the CT, I fail in communication:
If I don't know what my purpose is, I won't consider my audience; and if I don't consider my audience, I won't revise my term, "bail-out" as "rescue" (text). So all three points of the CT work together.
(To hear a joke on this issue, go here, or listen to attachment.) The transcript is below.

Well, I guess you know, last night the Senate passed a bail-out bill, 74-25. They say one of the reasons the new law passed is the lawmakers stopped calling it a bail-out bill and started calling it a rescue bill. See they changed the name. I'm sorry, isn't that called putting lipstick on a pig? I'm sorry.




THE GENERAL AND THE SPECIFIC
IN AN OFFICE conference I was asked about when to be specific and when to be general. As you know by now, there are no absolute rules. Sometimes one needs to be general and at other times specific. However, since students usually err too much on the general side, it's better to err at being specific.
Probably the best test is to use the Communication Triangle and, as a reader of your own writing, find out if all your questions are answered by the text you have written. Then you can decide for yourself if there are too many details or not enough.
Here are some examples:

1. I cracked my tooth on a nut.
People probably don't care what kind of nut it was.

2. She called attention to herself by wearing an odd dress.
People probably do care what kind of dress it was.

3. She overdosed on cold medication and ended up in the hospital.
People probably don't care what kind of cold medication it was.

4. He was playing music so loud on the bus another passenger started a fight with him.
People probably don't care what kind of music it was.

5. She stays home most nights and waits for the telephone to ring.
People probably don't care what kind of telephone it is.

6. Carol's friends ridiculed the telephone installed in her home.
People probably do care what kind of telephone it is.

7. She's very intellectual and reads famous Russian novels.
People probably don't care about the names of these Russian novels.

8. She had a deep religious experience while reading a Russian novel.
People probably do care about the name of the novel and even the passage that caused her religious experience.

9. She's getting fat on high calorie cakes.
People probably don't care what kinds of cakes they are.

10. She's very gifted baking her favorite cake.
People probably care what kind of cake it is.

11. He stays home drinking beer and watches television all day.
People probably don't care what kind of television shows he watches.

12. She ran home to watch her favorite television show.
People probably care what television show this is.

Consider the following sales composition (you can also view in attachment):
Skipping meals can cause headaches. Let's eat. Feel better. Tylenol Rapid Release Gels.
This is not the best writing in terms of style; but it's successful in terms of PURPOSE. It knows its AUDIENCE (people who want to eat or not to eat; people who get headaches; people who want RAPID relief). So it constructs its text accordingly, using simple Cause-Effect logic that anyone can understand (true or not) and also using "loaded" words with high connotation value ("feel better"). The TEST uses simple Cause-Effect ("skipping meals can cause headaches"; "feel better"; "[use] Tylenol Rapid Release Gels."
Of course for a different audience (scholars) this would be poor writing. The text would have to be more logical ("therefore"; go into details about how Tylenol works; "prove" why skipping meals causes headaches, etc.
But for this particular audience (the average consumer) there's enough Cause-Effect and coherence here (one idea logically follows another) to be successful.
Frankly, for this particular audience (ME), I'm a little confused; but I'm not a TYPICAL isolated by marketing. I NEVER take medication so the ad would be wasted on me anyway. But I assume some things are clear for those who DO take medicines for headaches, or who have some kind of eating disorder.
So you see, the audience has been analyzed and targeted; the product is marketed for that audience; and the logic of the ad is built for that special audience (people who already know Tylenol or similar product gels). The point of this example is that it's so short. One doesn't need a lot of words to communicate a message. One just has to spend a lot of time composing the text for a particular audience with a specific purpose in mind (in this case: to motivate that audience to go out and buy a Tylenol gel).
(Though this is not an art class, note too the clever visual design, in the form of cutlery.)
Note: the attached video file was made with Real Player, which is free for download, if you cannot open it with your regular media programs. But there is no requirement to view the video. That's your choice.

Sample Commercials
SCHWAB
The ad writer uses colloquial phrases and words: "all over the place"; "bunch of funds"; "putting off moving"; "this concierge person"; "all of that stuff"; "it was a breeze." Why? His audience is the "regular guy" next door. No fancy language. So the regular guys can trust him. Division is used throughout: "IRA, funds, paperwork, old firm, phone calls, questions, logistics, explanations." Cause-Effect is also used combined with comparison: without Schwab, things are a mess; with Schwab, all problems are solved. Note the antithesis: nightmare/opposite. Note also informal constructions, such as incomplete sentences: "literally"; "all of that stuff." Again, the target audience is the regular guy who wants to be talked to like a regular guy; no fancy language.
It was all over the place. Literally. An IRA here, a bunch of funds there. That's why we kept putting off moving.
We thought it was going to be a nightmare. But actually with Schwab it was the opposite.
You get this concierge person. He did the paperwork, called the old firm for me, showed me around the website. All of that stuff. It was a breeze.
Switch to Schwab today. Your new concierge will handle the paperwork, phone calls, questions, logistics, explanations.
TYLENOL
In the following 2 ads, Tylenol is defined (put in the same class) as the "natural" (crying and eating)! Testimony includes talk shows, which "prove" this. Cause-Effect includes crying and eating, which gives relief; but also Tylenol, which gives relief in the same way! In this way, with few words, the two ads show that taking Tylenol is as "natural" as eating or crying!
(1) Talk shows prove it all the time. Crying releases stress. Feel better. Tylenol.

(2) Skipping meals can cause headaches. Let's eat. Feel better. Tylenol.
SUDAFED PE
Note Cause-Effect: cold or allergies=pressure and stuffed nose. Note the redundancy (repetition) in the second paragraph: the first paragraph can be easily omitted. But the purpose apparently is to fit text to the visuals; otherwise the repetition would be pointless. So judging the text cannot be separated from its purpose, in this case as part of a TV ad. Cause-Effect is obvious, since Sudafed gives the relief the person wants. Note "medicine" is a general word! The ad doesn't want to mention the name of the medicine. It just wants to define it in terms of cause-effect: it gets the job done! That's all that matters! Then more Cause-Effect follows ("Sudafed gives you your head back") as well as Definition, implied in "where it belongs"; that is, having a cold is WRONG, but taking Sudafed is RIGHT.
Oh here it comes. The sinus pressure that always starts to build whenever I have a cold or allergies.
Oh, I need relief from this throbbing sinus pressure, the congestion. I feel so stuffed up. I just might blow.
Sudafed PE relieves sinus pressure and the medicine in Sudafed PE relieves nasal congestion in minutes.
Ah, okay kids. Let's turn to chapter 3.
Sudafed PE. Get your head back where it belongs.

Commercial Ad
Go from nice gut to nice butt. Chew away your snack cravings with long-lasting Extra. Now in new slim pack.

AUDIENCE: people who want to lose weight; but also, people who want to look good (sexy, etc.).
PURPOSE: to sell the new slim-pack Extra.
TEXT: Antithesis (opposite): nice gut (ugly stomach)/nice butt (attractive buttocks).
Cause-effect: Chew away your fat.
Definition: A person who belongs in the class of fat people, or people dissatisfied with their body shape.
Key words: nice, long-lasting, new, slim, now.
These words have strong connotative (suggestive) meanings.
For example, "new" means fashionable; "now" means "pay attention," "current," "urgent"; "slim" is the opposite of "fat." Chew" is ironic: instead of chewing food and getting fat, one chews pills and gets thin! So there's an implied antithesis (opposition).
Note the condensed use of language: "Now in new slim pack" instead of, "It's now sold in a new slim pack." This way key words are stressed more: "now," "new," "slim."
We can also use the 5 W's and H (and we can use them anyway we choose, so long as they help us discover and organize our ideas):
Who? Fat people. People dissatisfied with their body shape.
What? Fat guts (stomachs); Extra brand dietary supplements.
When? When you feel like eating; When you think you're too fat.
Why? To lose weight; It's convenient (easy to chew).
Where? (Not that important in this case, but you might answer: Anywhere one feels hungry.)
How? Chew.

BOB DYLAN: Profile Sample
GO here for a profile of the singer, Bob Dylan. Note that the second and third paragraphs seem to focus on the interviewer. This seems to contradict what I said, that the interviewer should be invisible.

Achieving my promised audience with the legendary singer-songwriter and now exhibited painter proves to be a two-step process. First, his road manager takes me from the lobby to a darkened, sparsely furnished meeting room in which an orange-haired woman is sitting straight-backed and reading a novel. “If you could just wait here,” he begins, then disappears, his mobile clamped to his ear. Left alone, I introduce myself to the woman but she merely smiles enigmatically and continues with her book. Who is or was she? I still have no idea.

Minutes later I am collected, taken up a flight of stairs and ushered towards a door that is ajar. As I approach it is opened by Dylan, who welcomes me inside with a soft handshake and a volley of courtesies: “How have you been?” [I have interviewed him twice before, in 1997 and 2001], “What's been going on in your life?” and “Are you OK with the dark [here in what appears to be his bedroom, all the curtains have been drawn]?”

My eyes adjusting to this premature twilight, I take in the fact that he is wearing boots, jeans and a loose sweatshirt, its sleeves pushed up above the elbows. That famous face is heavily lined and pale, but always warm and quick to smile. As we take seats at right angles to each other, he presses his fingertips into his grey-flecked curls and vigorously rubs his scalp, as if to do so will focus his mind.

I place on the low table between us the book that I have brought with me. “Heh, heh, heh!” Dylan chuckles, reaching out for it. “This is pretty handsome stuff.”

But actually the focus is on Dylan; the apparent focus on the writer is just a way to illustrate how secretive Dylan is. The subjective point of view ("My eyes adjusting to this premature twilight") does the same; the writer simply allows the reader to experience being in the room from his point of view, but the focus is on the room and the person who is in the room: Bob Dylan.

California Dreamin':
Travails of a Marriage Clerk
MARTINEZ, Calif. - For 18 years, Stephen Weir has been in charge of the office that hands out marriage licenses in California's ninth-largest county. And for just as long, Weir has been unable to get a license himself because the love of his life is a man.
The profile is not mine but the title is, just to give a sample. I named it after an old Rock song, linking it to the subject matter of the profile ("California dreamin' on such a winter's day"). (I could even use the lyric from the song just quoted in an epigraph under the title.) I think the use of "travails" in the subtitle is too strong; I need a softer (less strong) word; something like "dilemma," but not that obvious.
The profile itself has a strong opening paragraph. It tells us who Stephen Weir is, his job, his situation, then leads smoothly, by a transition sentence-paragraph (below) to the first salient quote. Note the quote is not just any remark, but a memorable remark, quoting a common proverb. The "rueful smile" in the attribution captures the man well. As for numbers, the style here is not the Chicago style shown on p. 202 of Harbrace, which recommends writing out numbers up to a hundred, but 101, etc. The main thing however is to write with a model in mind. Note how "irony" (below) is a synonymic replacement of the main idea in the first paragraph (above), thus insuring coherence (forcing the reader to link the paragraph below to the one before):
The irony did not escape him.
"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride," he quips with a rueful smile.
"So" is a common linking conjunction (linking ideas from one sentence or paragraph to the next). "Clerk-recorder" refers back to Weir by synonymic replacement, insuring coherence. "Same-sex couples" in turn refers ahead to Weir ("He and his partner, John Hemm") in the paragraph after the next one:
So Weir hopes the citizens of Contra Costa County understand if their clerk-recorder invokes executive privilege and opens up for business a little early on June 17, when same-sex couples may be able to legally wed in California.
He and his partner, John Hemm, want to be first at the counter that day. They plan to be the first to exchange vows and kisses in the conference room Weir converted into a wedding chapel that hosts 1,200 couples a year, but that he could never use.
Note how the descriptive paragraph above is linked to the quote that follows below:
"I've waited all of this time to be able to walk into my own office and stand in line and pay what used to be $64 and now is $85 to buy a license and have a ceremony," says Weir, who also is president of the state clerks association.
"It's a big deal."
Now the writer fills in the background of Weir's life, again using a good coherence device ("To understand how," etc.). The key to coherence is the replacement of "Weir" by "he" (along with other replacement words such as "his" and "mayor") throughout:
To understand how exceptional it is for the 59-year-old Weir to bring his personal needs into his professional life, it's helpful to know what a precarious line he's had to tread during 35 years in city, state and county politics.
He spent nine years on the Concord City Council, two of them as mayor, but took pains to keep his sexual orientation a secret. Concerned he would be outed as gay in the high-profile position, he sought the county clerkship as "a safer place for me" when the longtime clerk died.
Once the new job ("clerk") is mentioned, the writer can move to specific levels of generality by "cause and effect":
Within months of assuming the job, he had to oversee in his dual capacity as registrar of voters the counting of local ballots cast for a March 2000 initiative that strengthened California's ban on gay marriage.
More cause-effect ("getting serious," "see . . . elected officials," and "they never let on"); note that "getting serious" is at a high level of generality, while the examples that follow define "getting serious" at a lower level of generality ("started taking Hemm to events," etc. Note how all the underlined words in the same paragraph are linked by synonymic replacement or repetition (Weir, Hemm, he, other elected officials, colleagues, him, they):
That same year, when Weir and Hemm were getting serious, he started taking Hemm to events where they would see other elected officials. If his colleagues thought differently about him afterward, they never let on, Weir says.
The quote personalizes the objective description above while using synonymic replacement for coherence (he and I, couple, this thing):
"I said to myself, 'If he and I are going to be a couple, there is no hiding this thing anymore,'" he says.
For the most part, though, shouldering the contradictions he encountered at work came easily for Weir, who has spent his whole life in Contra Costa, a suburban county that is conservative by San Francisco Bay area standards.
Note how all the underlined words refer to Weir without mentioning his name, insuring coherence:
He is the consummate civil servant, the type of administrator who waxes poetic about document scanning software.
Cause-Effect of "fulfilling his oath," all involving legal issues shown in underline:
Fulfilling his oath to perform his duties faithfully and according to the law has put Weir in some awkward positions, however. Every Valentine's Day for the last five years or so, gay men and lesbians have gone to clerks' counters throughout the country to request marriage licenses in a coordinated act of protest.
Every year, Weir has turned away those who showed up on his turf with a polite apology and a referral to the state government Web site where they could learn about registering as domestic partners, a step he and Hemm took in 2003.
In the meantime, Weir has officiated at about 20 weddings, mostly for friends and relatives but occasionally for couples who come to the clerk's office.
Two years ago, as Valentine's Day was approaching, some of his fellow clerks wanted their state association to put out a statement supporting a bill to legalize same-sex marriage. It fell to Weir, the group's president, to remind them that their bylaws prohibited taking stands on legislation.
"People were respectful, but I know it was hard because they were trying to give me the legal rights I was seeking," he says.
Comparison and contrast shows how Weir and his job (role, country clerk, he) conflicts with a petition to make same-sex marriage illegal (initiative, illegal, signatures, sponsors, measure, ballot, petitions):
Weir looks the same way at his role in a pending ballot initiative that would again make gay marriage illegal. County clerks are responsible for verifying the signatures its sponsors have gathered to qualify the measure for the November ballot. He has stacks of petitions in his building right now and a roomful of employees going through them.
Weir now defines his job ("that") as a clerk, which he does "in an honorable way":
"We are doing that in an honorable way. We are discharging our duties as clerk. I didn't ever think of it as anything other than a petition in the queue. I can't let it," he says.
Cause-Effect ("If voters pass," etc.):
If voters pass the amendment, it would overturn the California Supreme Court's May 15 ruling legalizing same-sex marriage in the state. It could also, depending on the outcome of further legal proceedings, invalidate the marriages performed between now and then, including Weir and Hemm's.
"That's" refers back:
That's a possibility that Weir, who will be busy on Nov. 4 making sure his county's ballots are processed swiftly and accurately during the high turnout presidential election, can't even contemplate.
Cause-Effect ("only after"):
"Only after I get that election to bed will I even begin to think about the issues I'm concerned with personally," he says.
Descriptive paragraph, using salient details to sum up this same-sex relationship:
At home in Concord, Weir plays the comic foil to the more outgoing Hemm, 53, who works as a school crossing guard and costume designer. Like most long-term couples, they finish each other's sentences and happily share the story of how they met in a San Francisco gym, drifted apart, and then reconnected after nine years.
Cause-Effect, Division (cookies, pets):
Elderly neighbors brought them cookies when they moved in to their 1950s-era ranch house and watch their pets when they are away.
Notice (below) the writer uses salient quotes (quotes that mean something, that stand out in content); not (for example), "I read books," but, "I read books, because I look at them as my friends."
"If you are honest and yourself, there is no reason to feel like you are out of line," Hemm says. "If you don't carry that with you, you don't see it in other people."
Cause-Effect ("would be the icing on the . . . cake"):
Getting married would be the icing on the proverbial wedding cake, the men say, something they hoped would happen in their lifetimes, but the absence of which they did not let diminish the delight they take in each other.
Very unusual (ironic) ending: the writer reveals at the last moment that Hemm has AIDS, as if that were not a main issue of the profile (after all: the profile is about Weir, not Hemm). At the same time, it sums up Weir's professionalism, the writer's focus, and the nature of Hemm and Weir's relationship. Note the strong short final sentence: "Hemm has AIDS."
One happy byproduct is that Weir should be able to get Hemm on his long-term health plan. They already have stood by each other in sickness and in health: Hemm has AIDS.
To view the original essay, go here.


Alanis Morissette looks back in anger

By Lucy O'Brien
THE GUARDIAN, LONDON
Wednesday, May 28, 2008, Page 14
I reformatted the profile, with new paragraphs and indents. (The original, from the Taipei Times site is here.) The profile begins with background information. The approach is "metonymical"; that is, describing the artist by her work (CD albums):
Thirteen years on, it is easy to forget just how much of a phenomenon Alanis Morissette’s first major album, Jagged Little Pill, proved to be — particularly among women. With its immortal lyric, “D’you still think of me when you fuck her?” ringing around the bedrooms of angst-ridden teenagers (and often those of their mothers too), the album became the second-biggest seller of the 1990s.
It was assumed that Morissette would go on to write more pithy, angry songs about relationships — instead, she took 18 months off to travel around India with her friends, and returned to record music that even she, at times, has called “amazingly self-indulgent.”
So it is good to see the return of some of that early anger on her new album, Flavors of Entanglement. While writing it, she split up with her longtime fiance, the Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds, an aspiring A-lister who is now engaged to Scarlett Johansson. She says that “this album was like a life raft ... . I wanted my own personal story to unfold as it was happening.”
Definition ("breakup album"):
As such, it is effectively a breakup album, moving from fury to hedonist escape to hope, and featuring some fantastically barbed lyrics. On the grinding, juddering track Straitjacket, for instance, she castigates her ex-lover, “I don’t know who you are, talking to me with such fucking disrespect,” while on Underneath she sings, “Look at us break our bonds in this kitchen/Look at us rallying our defenses/Look at us waging war in our bedroom.” It is a raw evocation of the loss of someone she had expected to build a life with.
Note the writer deliberately chooses generality ("a hotel in London"), not wishing to release the name of the hotel. Then follows personal description of the artist, who "looks rounded and more beautiful than the tomboy I first interviewed back in 1996":
We meet in a hotel in London, and, at 33, Morissette looks rounder and more beautiful than the tomboy I first interviewed back in 1996. On her fifth major album, she feels that she has come full circle.
“What’s that line from T.S. Eliot? To arrive at the place where you started, but to know it for the first time. I’m able to write about a breakup from a different place. Same brokenness. Same rock-bottom. But a little more informed, now I’m older. Thank God for growing up,” she adds.
Comparison and Contrast. She's "more approachable" than other artists. Note throughout the selective use of quotes, sometimes quoting only a phrase ("setting boundaries") when desirable. A profile should vary complete direct quotes, indirect quotes, description, and selective phrases from quotes:
Morissette is more approachable than most well-known artists, and laughingly admits that she has a problem “setting boundaries.” When young women come up to her, as they regularly do, wanting to tell their stories about suicide attempts, divorce, body image and parental death, she can’t bring herself to back away.
Expletives ("It is") can be useful for emphasis or focus. Note the use of the replacement pronoun ("this") for coherence, since it refers back to a previous comment. Note again the selective use of quotation ("a chauvinisti, patriarchal environment"):
It is partly this that has inspired her other current project, a memoir focusing on women’s issues. She is halfway through writing it, and has chapters on themes such as sexuality, beauty, relationships and work.
Those themes underline the fact that for years Morissette has struggled with low self-esteem. Growing up in “a chauvinistic, patriarchal environment” in Ontario, with her Hungarian/French-Canadian family, she was an established actor and pop star from an early age, and spent the late 1980s singing bland dance pop from beneath a frosted fringe, feeling as if she was “14 going on 40.” In fact, the pressure was so great that at 16 she became anorexic and bulimic.
One day, a record executive summoned her to the studio and “suggested I was getting too fat, saying, ‘You need to go on a diet.’ My response was, ‘But I’m a singer.’ He said, ‘Yes, well, you need to get small again.’ That started a whole cycle. Two days later I was sticking my fingers down my throat.”
She feels that the pressure and obsession with body image is one of the key issues facing women today. “Europe seems a little softer,” she says, “but in America it’s harsh. In LA, where I live, it’s all about perfectionism. Beauty is now defined by your bones sticking out of your decolletage. For that to be the standard is really perilous for women.”
Does she see herself as a feminist?
“What’s your definition?” she asks. Equal pay. Equal rights. That women should be able to fulfill their potential regardless of gender. “If that’s what the definition is, then yes, absolutely ... . Women are so powerful they’re scary, and the incentive to squash this has been going on for so long that some of us actually believe we’re subordinate.”
Morissette was 19 when she left Ontario and gave up trying to be “Miss Perfect.” She ended up in Los Angeles, working with rock producer Glen Ballard, who encouraged her to free-associate, and to bring out her unfettered, unruly side in her lyrics. Madonna signed her up to her Maverick label, and Jagged Little Pill followed.
Although passion coursed through the record, Morissette has been accused, repeatedly, of being a puppet for male producers. Her response was to “over-function,” to micromanage each video and record, and to produce herself.
“Now I see the futility in that,” she says. “I’m still empowered, but it’s lovely to let the producer or director work without trying to control the whole situation.” Tori Amos recently suggested that it is almost impossible to have real independence as a female artist on a major label — “You’re accepted up until the point you want to be your own producer and have your own label, and then things close down,” she said — and Morissette agrees that executives often balk at her independence.
“It’s such a common, daily thing I don’t even notice it any more,” she says. “It’s scary for them, especially if there’s money involved. I’m a liability to them — I’m a woman, I’m empowered, I’m an artist. I’ve had executives who can’t come to my shows they’re so scared of me. I’ve been a thorn in many people’s sides just by existing.”
Did going to India make her lose her rage?
“No. I felt gratitude. Humility. My rage showed up in other ways. I’m always fascinated by how people’s rage shows up. Canada has a passive-aggressive culture, with a lot of sarcasm and righteousness. That went with my weird messianic complex. The ego is a fascinating monster. I was taught from a young age that I had to serve, so that turned into me thinking I had to save the planet.”
This was reflected in the role she played in Kevin Smith’s 1999 comedy, Dogma, a satire on the Catholic church: Morissette was cast as God. Now she doesn’t feel the need to save the world, or be approved of.
“I highly recommend getting older! There’s less tendency to people-please.” Just one look at My Humps, the spoof video she put up on YouTube last year as a retort to the rap act Black Eyed Peas shows how relaxed and confident she has become. In the video, she ridicules the notion of women as doe-eyed sexual decorations, turning the tables with her comic domination of some male backing dancers.
Does she think the industry has become easier for female stars in recent years, or has the intrusive tabloid focus on the public breakdowns of Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse, for instance, made it harder?
“In terms of exposure, there’s never been a better time,” she says. “You can throw things up on YouTube, and release music via the Internet. But fame is tough to navigate when your relationship with yourself is still healing, and the rupture is festering and bleeding in public. I feel compassionate towards women like Britney and Amy. But they’re big girls. They’ll get through it. And they wanted it to a certain extent. This fame thing is something you can stay out of if you want to.”
Morissette recognizes that in the fickle world of pop, an artist’s strongest asset is her music — songs that will move people long after the image fades. “That’s what I keep coming back to. Is what you’re writing who you are, what you really want to be doing?” she says. “That’s all that matters.”
A Chronicler of Night-Life Melancholy, Looking for Contradictory Layers

By ERIC KONIGSBERG
The New York Times
Published: May 21, 2008

Nikola Tamindzic went out late on Friday night to shoot pictures at Trash, a weekly themed party at 40C, an East Village nightclub.
Good beginning; puts the reader right in the middle of Tamindzic's life.
Mr. Tamindzic is a night-life photographer — equal parts Ron Galella, Weegee and Terry Richardson — with clippings in Time Out New York, Black Book, The Village Voice and something planned in Vanity Fair. The Voice named him Night-Life Photographer of the Year in 2006.
Synonymic replacement ("Mr. Tamindzic"), very simply defining T's work: "is a night-life photographer." Good use of dash parenthesis, to compare T to other photographers), then giving his resume (what he's published) very simply: he published in famous magazines and won an award. This leads to the first "salient" quote. That is, the quote tells us something important, relevant, significant, etc. Note how T uses a comparison ("Lee Friedlander photographs"). Note the use of the dash to add spice to the style. (I think dashes are under-used; I love them; they add color to the typography (printed page) too. Older writers used dashes a lot (Emily Dickinson, Poe, etc.), but they're less used in formal writing. I think they should be used more; it makes the writing more lively. (But of course never overuse anything, or do anything in excess!)
“My pictures suggest a story that happened before the shot and a story that hasn’t happened yet,” Mr. Tamindzic said. “There’s a sense of melancholy. I’m thinking Lee Friedlander photographs from the ’70s. Hopefully, when it comes together it puts two contradictory layers in the photo: you’re both adoring it and not repulsed by it — but, yeah, almost repulsed by it.”
Next the writer gives his own comparison to develop his profile. Remember, a profile focuses on a person, his or her work, and lifestyle (including manner, setting, etc.). This following paragraph describes exactly what T meant by his comment before:
Take, for example, a picture Mr. Tamindzic took the weekend before last at a book party for Arianna Huffington: Ms. Huffington with Charlie Rose, Mortimer B. Zuckerman, Jann Wenner and Rupert Murdoch. None of the five — except for Mr. Wenner, who theatrically pretends to be holding Mr. Zuckerman and Mr. Murdoch at arm’s length from each other — appears to want to be in the photo. Yet they are all smiling gamely enough because, well, it would be horrible form to move out of the frame.
Next dialogue is linked by descriptive attribution, informing the reader of other kinds of photographs T has taken:
“I don’t judge my subjects,” Mr. Tamindzic said of his portraiture, which also includes studio and fashion work. He added that although he makes more money by selling pictures to glossy magazines, his primary employer (which had sent him to the Huffington event in the first place) is Gawker, the acidic media-gossip Web site.
Now we get to T's background and history. Note this can be placed anywhere in a profile, so long as it adds variety to it:
Mr. Tamindzic is 35 and grew up in Belgrade, in what was then Yugoslavia. He came to America in 2000, took a job doing Web design work, then landed in New York in 2004. It was around that time that he fell in love with photography, and during his initial months in town, he happened to end up at a Halloween party held by Gawker’s founder.
This descriptive paragraph then leads logically, through dialogue, to a lower level of generality, using cause-effect:
“I was bored so I took a lot of pictures and posted them online, and the next day they called and said they’d pay me to start taking their party pictures,” Mr. Tamindzic said.
"His work" in the next transition paragraph, links to the previous mention of photographs in the last paragraph. Note how the writer uses a parenthesis well to include explanatory information the reader might need. (Remember, the writer is always thinking of the reader in the Communication Triangle; this can be shown in terms of the Question-Answer model: what questions might the "average" reader ask that I should answer. In fact, as in the case of the FD initials a student used in his profile, the reader would naturally ask the meaning of T's web site, so the writer answers that question in parentheses:
His work can be viewed on his own site, homeofthevain.com (the name comes from a lyric by the literate post-punk band the Fall).
The writer chooses to include a rather general quote of not much interest (the writer could have included this as description instead of dialogue, but the use of words like "kids" and "trustafarians" (I've no idea what "trustafarians" means & I coudn't find it in one online dictionary, so it must be current slang) adds color to T's speech.
At the nightclub on Friday night, Mr. Tamindzic sized up the crowd. “It’s very young,” he said. “Lower East Side Street kids, N.Y.U. students, trustafarians.”
This is a good paragraph, making us see T in action. Note the vivid (though conventional) phrase, "he leaped into action." Note the writer is specific in his description ("in underwear and cutoff shorts" and "encouraging them to mug [that is, make faces] for the camera"). A poor writer would have written the same paragraph like this: "He took pictures of people in the bar" or "He took pictures of people dancing." Can you see the difference between those sentences and the one the writer actually wrote. (Not that it's a great paragraph sentence; but it's adequate:
He leaped into action, snapping pictures of the two young women who were being paid to dance on the bar in underwear and cutoff shorts and encouraging them to mug for the camera.
Next we get a descriptive image of T ("all legs and elbows" and "purposeful and obvious"). By "obvious" the writer means T is obviously snapping photos and doesn't try to hide the fact from his subjects. The writer includes a specific mention of the camera T uses. Again, think of the Q-A model of writing: if a photographer were reading this, what kinds of questions would he or she ask? Certainly they would wish to know what kind of camera T uses! Note the precise image: "a noirish crime-scene photographer's burst of light") ("film noir" is a well-known movie genre whose subject is sleazy crimes and criminals).
Mr. Tamindzic, a lanky 6 feet 3 inches tall, all legs and elbows, was purposeful and obvious, with a hefty Canon EOS 5D camera in one hand and a LumiQuest softbox flash in the other (to throw up a noirish, crime-scene photographer’s burst of intense light). He uses long exposures, then shakes the camera while the shutter is still open, causing colors to blur and lights to streak.
A nice quote follows, telling us not only about T but about his subjects (those who attend parties). Note there's no standard style of writing numbers; magazines allow numerals (3 & 4), though in formal writing we would write out the numerals:
“I’m not recording what is really happening, but it’s something like what the brain is seeing late at night, especially if maybe you’re drunk or very excited,” he said. “I like that hour between 3 and 4 in the morning when desperation sets in, when you see all the anticipation of going out starting to fade. The masks drop and everybody realizes the night is not going to be everything they were hoping for.”
Paragraphing has changed too: formerly, the following short paragraphs would really be a single paragraph. Note how the writer gets to lower levels of generality. All of this information answers questions readers might have. There are many models of writing: the newspaper model (5 W's + H); the commonplace model (Definition, cause-effect, etc.); the Question-Answer model (Q-A): the writer is both reader and writer in dialogue as she writes, constantly asking questions as the reader and answering them as the writer; there's the psychological model (we are all voyeurs and wish to observe another's life completely). Note, by the way, the writer doesn't add a period after the final "a.m." Writers can learn more by studying good writing than by studying grammar books. Note also the use of anaphora (beginning each sentence with the same word(s), in this case "He." Parallelism is at work too, since each "He" is followed by the same type of verb form (past tense): snapped, photographed, photographed:
Mr. Tamindzic appeared to be at the top of his game as the clock struck 1:30 a.m.
Note the proper use of a semi-colon (our classmates would use a comma splice instead: "a bouquet of flowers, they were out," etc.
He snapped pictures of a couple of young career women in pumps and wool coats, one of whom held a bouquet of flowers; they were out on the town for her birthday.
A single sentence like the following seems easy when reading it, but it takes a lot of thought and word choices before the precise image is captured:
He photographed a rather robotic looking woman in a futuristic version of a Playboy Club waitress’s outfit.
He photographed a couple who had fallen into what appeared to be an unlikely and unaccounted-for embrace.
Notice that a film (Blow-Up) is usually italicized in formal writing, but in magazine writing it's placed in quotations. As students you should remember the formal writing style, because (at least in the near future) it's unlikely you'll need to put films in quotes; besides, the magazine editor would make the change for you. But the main point in the next paragraph is the way the writer compares T to the famous photographer in the movie, Blow-Up (by the way, this movie is in our library). (One more note: when the text is in italics, as here, then what should be in italics is put in Roman type, as contrast! So Blow-Up is then put in Roman type! Notice the use of dashes again and the "for example." I myself would just give the examples without writing "for example"! So it would look like this: ". . . coaxing them into poses: a hand on someone's stomach," etc.:
There was something of the character portrayed by David Hemmings in “Blow-Up” in the way Mr. Tamindzic worked the back room of the club, pulling women onto the velvet couch and coaxing them into poses — for example, a hand on someone’s stomach, or a shoulder strap undone. They were mostly shy but thrilled by his attention.
The writer ends as he began: with a memorable quote:
“I like to bring people to a point of vulnerability and then meet their gaze,” he explained earlier in the evening about his portraits. “That creates compassion, which hopefully is reflected in the image. If you get vulnerability out of them and then look away, that’s the cruelest thing you can do. To flinch at that point and not take the picture, the subject will throw the wall up faster than you can say — well, faster than you can say a very short word.”

Slow-food movement creeps to Japan
By YOKO HANI
Staff writer

Enjoying good food is a fundamental pleasure. But the slow-food movement asks whether "good food" can mean more than simply the flavor and presentation of a meal.
Notice how quickly the writer seizes the topic, including introducing a key phrase, "slow-food" and issues related to it. In the next paragraph, the term "quality food" is defined, attribution is given to the profile subject (Mojoli) and apposition defines his status ("former vice president," etc.). Cause-effect follows: why he's in Tokyo:




"When we talk about quality food, we mean something that is good to taste but also good in terms of its background,' " said Giacomo Mojoli, former vice president of Slow Food International, an NPO founded in 1989 in Italy, and the current spokesman for Slow Food Italy. Mojoli was in Tokyo recently to attend a symposium titled "Food Culture in the Global Age" organized by another NPO, the Tokyo Foundation.
Cause-effect is used in the next paragraph (Mojoli's visits to Japan, which "deepens his understanding"). Indirect quotes are varied with direct quotes (for example, "he considered what a travesty," etc.).

Mojoli, who has visited Japan more than 20 times, said that every time he comes here, he deepens his understanding about food culture. When he visited green-tea farmers a few years ago, for example, he considered what a travesty it would be were we to lose the quality these local producers bring to the world.
Another example of indirect discourse (quote) follows ("he said he keeps," etc.). Indirect discourse is useful to summarize comments that might be quite long, that might not be grammatically, simply, or eloquently spoken, or just for variety's sake. Note too how the writer finds a transition phrase ("while thinking about the tea farmers"), emphasized with a dash―. This leads naturally into the next quote in the next paragraph:

In fact, he said he keeps 200 kinds of Japanese tea at his home, and drinks at least six cups of tea every day. He takes time to appreciate the whole process of making tea ― while thinking about the tea farmers.
"Slow food" is now defined and divided (Definition and Division ["method of farming, the producers and the food's history"]). Cause-effect is used too ("we appreciate not only," etc.):

"Slow food has been interpreted as being about 'eco-gastronomy,' in which we appreciate not only food itself but also things 'outside the plate,' such as the method of farming, the producers and the food's history," Mojoli said.
The quote continues with Comparison and Contrast ("different approach to"):

"This is a different approach to food from gourmets, who appreciate only the taste and look of the food on the plate."
Cause-Effect follows ("thinking about and appreciating," etc.) "Slow food" is defined more clearly in terms of Comparison and Contrast ("simply the opposite of fast food"). Division is used again after this (values, production, history):

In fact, thinking about and appreciating the wider issues around food is key to understanding the movement, whose Slow Food International organization has gathered more than 80,000 registered members around the world since it was established in the late 1980s. Although the term "slow food" is often used to mean simply the opposite of fast food, Mojoli says that it is actually about constructing new values regarding food, considering where and when it was made and what history or tradition it represents.
More Cause-Effect: ("could threaten local tastes" and "fich food traditions," etc.):

Naturally, the movement questions the trend toward the standardization of food, which, it argues, could threaten local tastes and producers and then the diversity of tastes available to consumers. This could eventually threaten rich food traditions around the world, reducing our enjoyment of good food in the future.
Division: ("food should be tasty" but have "ethical and cultural" values too:

"Of course food should be tasty," said Mojoli. "But we think food should have values from ethical and cultural points of view, too."
Cause-Effect ("how"); also Definition ("consumers," "urbanites," "average person") linked with Cause-Effect ("busy lives"):

But how can one judge "good food" from wider points of view? Consumers ― especially urbanites ― have busy lives, and tend to buy food that's easily at hand. How can the average person adopt slow-food philosophy?
Cause-Effect and Division: information, education, geography, economy, life:

"Information and education," argued Mojoli. "We should give the younger generation in compulsory education the opportunity to become familiar with food culture and traditions. For example, we could set up school farms, where students learn how the food they eat is grown and how it is connected with local history, geography, economy and their life.
Cause-Effect: ("enable . . . to choose"):

"Such education will enable future generations to choose food for themselves, basing their choices on factors such as the environment and health. Adults should realize that it is an investment into our future."
Good brief transition sentence, linking one quote to another, which uses Definition ("It's about applying," etc.). Mojoli continues (lower levels of generality) with an Example:

Mojoli's stance on urbanites is philosophical.

"I want to spread the motto 'cultivate cities,' " he said, explaining, "It's about applying countryside values to urban life.

"For example, we have come too far in this speed-oriented life. We need to take more time over fundamental daily activities such as when we make tea or cook dinner. Also, we should eat or consume only the amount of food we need. We should be more conscious of seasons and seasonal food."
Comparison and Contrast (not "an old-fashioned approach but"):

Mojoli insists he is not suggesting an old-fashioned approach but, rather, "trying to introduce a new model in modern society by narrowing the gap between producers and consumers of food."
Cause-Effect ("Protecting small farms and local tastes") and Definition ("serious problems") followed by Documentation (statistics):

Protecting small farms and local tastes are serious problems facing Japan, too. The farming population in Japan has fallen to less than 5 percent of the population, from about 15 percent 45 years ago; and more than half of Japan's farmers are now aged over 65.
The final quote is a strong way to end the profile. Antithesis is used ("not difficult, but fun") with Cause-Effect: enjoyment is a pleasure:
"Thinking about food should not be something difficult, but fun," he said. "After all, enjoying good food is a pleasure, isn't it?"
INTERVIEW: Michael Nobel spreading a noble vision
By Meggie Lu
STAFF REPORTER
Taipei Times
Thursday, May 15, 2008, Page 2
"Energy efficiency is the key to our future, there are no awards of this kind in the world, yet work in renewable energy technologies is extremely important," said Michael Nobel, the great-grandnephew of Nobel Prize founder Alfred Nobel.
Note a comma splice error in the above sentence, which should be punctuated this way: "Energy efficiency is the key to our future. There are no awards of this kind in the world; yet work," etc. Note how the profile begins with a quote, bringing us to the profile subject immediately. (However, that's not the only way to begin a profile.) Then the writer introduces her focus in the next sentence:
In an interview with the Taipei Times yesterday, Michael Nobel shared his views on climate change, the Nobel Charitable Trust and feasible solutions to the energy crisis.
Nobel, who chaired the Nobel Family Society for 15 years until 2006, spoke about the Nobel Charitable Trust, which he and his cousins Philip, Peter and Gustaf Nobel established last year to reward young researchers or politicians in the fields of the environment and renewable energy.
In the above paragraph, the writer, using a relative clause, fills in details about who Nobel is. I'm not clear what the ellipsis means in the next paragraph (...); but the punctuation is wrong:
“In the past 100 years or so, humans are rapidly consuming coal and oil … at the current consumption level, oil and coal will completely run out in 40 and 165 years respectively — we have got to find a working alternative,” he said.
Climate change is the most recent item on Nobel’s long list of social activism, which includes a non-violence project and a peace education program through music in schools. His work has won him the UNESCO Medal for Outstanding Contributions to the Cultural Dialogue between Nations and other awards.
The writer successfully links specific ideas to the general idea of "climate change" in the above paragraph, then develops her topic with an antithesis ("However") below. But I don't like joining two different quotes without some descriptive transition, as the writer does below:
However, Nobel feels climate change is “the most pressing and large-scale problem that the whole world is facing.”
“For the first time in human history, the world population is more city than rural concentrated — in 2028, the world will have an 8 billion population, 5 billion of which will live in cities, which means that more electricity will be needed for all of us to survive,” he said.
The rapid depletion of oil and coal and rising global temperatures has been caused by massive carbon emissions produced by human activities, Nobel said.
Note how the writer varies direct and indirect quotation, as in the indirect quote above, then the writer gets more specific below, using another indirect quote, followed by another direct quote. Basically, this is the style the writer uses in much of the profile: direct followed by indirect quotations.
Citing the 2007 Nobel Prize-winning Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) report on climate change, Nobel said the ecosystem would soon collapse if energy consumption habits worldwide did not change soon.
“It is nonsense to say that we are ‘killing the Earth,’” he said. “The Earth is made of rocks and doesn’t even notice that we exist — rather, we are hurting the environment that we can survive in.”
The challenge facing the world now was that carbon emissions must peak within the next 10 years or it would face further catastrophic global temperature increases, he said, citing the IPCC report.
“According to the latest reports, only a handful of nations, including the UK and Germany, are reducing their emissions enough to meet the goals set by the Kyoto Protocol,” he said.
However, all is not lost as solutions are available, he said.
“The beauty of mankind is that we always come up with a solution in the end with research,” he said.
One possible solution was conserving unnecessary waste of energy, he said.
“It is ridiculous to see neon lights blasting at 2am in Manhattan — inexpensive computerized controls, such as ones produced by Taiwanese company CQi, can foster ‘intelligent environments’ and turn off systems not in use, including lights, air-conditioners and such,” he said.
Energies devoted to commodity transportation should also be re-prioritized, limiting import and export to non-replaceable items, he said.
“For example, it is idiotic for Taiwanese people to drink bottled water imported from France, since you have perfectly drinkable water here,” he said.
Note how well the writer links an indirect quote with the direct quote that follows it within the same (long) sentence:
He also thinks everyone should eat less meat. Methane, a greenhouse gas, severely aggravates the already dire situation of global warming, Nobel said, adding: “The energy saved by everyone in the world going vegetarian would be greater than if every car owner swapped their big car for a smaller one.”
“I can go on, [but the essence is that] the solution is a joint effort of businesses, scientists, lawmakers, and the general public … it takes time and requires the accumulation of small things,” he said.
Another part of the solution to the energy crisis was for governments to support sustainable and alternative energies, he said.
“It is possible to change people’s attitudes, just like safety belt mandates and indoor smoking bans in some areas of the world,” he said.
Feasible renewable energy technologies already exist and can be mass-produced to bring down their unit prices if governments decisively supported their use, he said.
“For example, I see fuel cells and photovoltaic [PV] panels as possible solutions to the energy crisis — if governments allocated more money into their research, [they could become much cheaper],” he said.
As for biomass fuel alcohol, Nobel said that he “strongly suggests a shift away from using edible foods [in biofuel production] to cellulose in agricultural waste [such as rice stalks].”
“You have to think in an ethical sense — you cannot have 3 billion people starving in the world and use food as fuel,” he said.
Note the writer's simple transition sentence:
Nobel was equally ambivalent about nuclear power.
“Nuclear energy is good in that its generation emits little carbon and it is an existing technology to effectively produce massive amounts of energy. However, nuclear safety and nuclear waste treatment remain major issues,” he said.
Another antithesis ("Nevertheless"), a common linking device:
Nevertheless, though the public feels uncomfortable about nuclear plants, Nobel said there have been advancements in nuclear technologies and safety measures.
Another example of a comma splice in the next paragraph; it should be, "Who knows? Maybe in the end," etc.
“Who knows, maybe in the end [advancements] would make it work,” he said.
Good cause-effect transition, followed by a good direct quote about Alfred Nobel:
Asked what drove his interest in social work, Nobel said: “I want to look back at my life and say that I have made efforts for the betterment of humanity.”
Note synonymic replacement ("his great-grandnephew" instead of "Michael Nobel"):
“Alfred Nobel was a miserable man,” his great-grandnephew said. “He worked 20-hour days in labs, had three miserable relationships but never married, and died envious of the family lives his brothers and sisters enjoyed — I don’t want to turn out like that.”
Here the writer loses coherence: there's no relationship between what has come before and her next paragraph:
“I cannot commit to something I do not believe in … climate change is an extremely pressing issue and affects the survival of mankind … it does not matter if I fail in the end with the trust, I want to in the end be able to say at least I have tried,” he said.
“Only when the last tree has died, and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught, will we realize we cannot eat money,” Nobel said, quoting an American Indian proverb.
The profile ends weakly, with Nobel speaking specifically about Taiwan, instead of concluding on a more general issue, or at least a specific issue revealing his personality. Actually, the final paragraphs are weak and the essay loses both coherence and focus at the end. Still it's worth study as a model for a profile. However, a complete profile should have a description of the person and his or her setting, where the person is interviewed. Actions should also be included, either as description of as part of attribution:

"No," he said, taking a deep drag of his cigarette. "I would never cheat on my wife."

“Taiwan’s new government seems to be greatly concerned with the issue; from what I have heard, in the past the nation had mainly focused on economic developments, so I hope that a shift does occur,” he said.

STEVE WINWOOD: A Profile
By Steve James
Turning 60, Steve Winwood is starting to believe rock 'n' roll may be a younger man's game. Maybe.
The writer smoothly introduces his subject, focusing on Winwood's age. Note the one-word sentence: "Maybe." Adds variety to the sentence structure. "Maybe" leads easily into the first quote. Synonymic replacement ("singer, guitarist and organist") and a relative clause ("who played," etc.) nicely fill in the details of Winwood's background for the reader:
"I think to be a musician (at 60) is fine but to be a rock 'n' roller at a ripe old age is maybe slightly questionable," said the singer, guitarist and organist who played with 1960s rock legends the Spencer Davis Group, Traffic and Blind Faith.
Notice the style of a profile mixes descriptive writing and many direct quotes. This is the difference between a profile and a biography:
"If rock 'n' roll is indeed what I play, I'm not sure whether it is, as I try and combine bits of folk and jazz. The music I write I feel is not the kind of music for a 25-year-old," Winwood acknowledged in an interview.
Notice how the writer has many quotes he wishes to use and then finds transition sentences to link them coherently, so the reader has confidence there's a focus to the piece. Notice how the writer finds a transition in order to quote a line from one of Winwood's songs. Notice too that all important information is included, such as the year the album was released (1980):
Half a lifetime ago, Winwood was aware of the contradiction of an aging musician playing essentially youthful music. "'Cause my rock 'n' roll is putting on weight/ and the beat it goes on," he sang on his 1980 album, "Arc of a Diver."
The writer uses comparison to help the reader understand how long Winwood has been playing:
Winwood has been performing for 45 years -- as long as the Rolling Stones, who are still playing well into their 60s.
Note the material is not necessarily related; but the writer, by using transition phrases, makes the reader feel that one sentence logicall follows from the one before:
Whatever the definition of his music, Winwood has played his share of genres, from backing blues greats like Muddy Waters and Howlin' Wolf, performing with Eric Clapton, arranging English folk with Traffic and recording artfully produced 1980s hits like "Higher Love" in the early years of MTV. His new solo album, "Nine Lives," just came out.
Notice synonymity again: instead of repeating Winwood's name, the writer uses a synonymic replacement of that name: "the youthful-looking Englishman. . . ."
Asked how he felt about turning 60 on May 12, the youthful-looking Englishman was philosophical. "I'm OK, I'm lucky to still be doing what I love to do. I might slow down a little bit after 60 but I'm going out on a long tour this summer with Tom Petty and I still enjoy playing live. So as long as people want to come and hear me or buy the record, I shall keep going, I think."
Now the writer digs deeper into Winwood's background. Note that it's rare to follow a strict chronology in profiles (another difference with biographies, where a strict profile is always followed, from birth to death).
Winwood, whose father was a dance band musician, burst onto the scene in 1965, with his older brother "Muff," in the Spencer Davis Group. They had hits with "I'm a Man" and "Gimme Some Lovin"' featuring Winwood's driving organ and distinctive voice.

While still at high school, Winwood was playing and singing in church and also clubs in Birmingham, even playing with U.S. blues and R&B greats when they toured Britain.
Expletives ("It is," "There are") can be effective openings to insure coherence:
It was his love of the blues that he shared with fellow Britons Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Clapton, Robert Plant and Jeff Beck, that got him kicked out of a music school.

"It's an often-asked question, 'Why did all these spotty white English boys suddenly start playing blues in the '60s?'

"It was recognized as this kind of vibrant music and when I first started playing in a blues band I just wanted to bring it to a wider public who hadn't really heard it," said Winwood.
The writer simply sums up the content of the quotations, but by doing so insures coherence and a suitable transition:
Jazz and blues were not readily accepted in 1960s England. "I got thrown out of music school for even listening to Fats Domino and Ray Charles," said Winwood.
The writer ends on a strong note of dialogue: "I was gone" (meaning he was so dedicated to the blues that he never thought twice about leaving school in order to play the blues. This indeed is the focus or at least double focus of the profile: a blues artist at 60 (getting older).
In terms of style, the writer uses block paragraphing; that is, each paragraph begins at the margin but with a space between the paragraphs.
"I was asked, 'What kind of music do you like to listen to?' and I said, 'Well, I do like Paul Hindemith and Igor Stravinsky but I also like Fats Domino and Ray Charles and they literally said, 'Either forget about that or leave.' I was doing a few gigs around town so I said, 'Thank you very much,' and I was gone."
So how to write your profile? Start with an initial focus; organize your questions coherently; be sure they are carefully written: general or specific, depending on your personal judgment, itself based on wide reading or models.
Then as the interview unfolds, you may get further ideas, which may change your focus and motivate follow-up questions. After the interview, you organize the responses.
You may wish to cut each response or type each one on an index card (like I advised you to do in speech class). Then play around with them; try to find a pattern that makes sense: that's your focus.
Now decide which quotes are memorable enough to quote directly; and which can be quoted in indirect discourse ("Mr. Chen dislikes Western beers" instead of writing, "'I dislike Western beer,' he said." Only quote what is well phrased or otherwise memorable, either due to slang expressions, idiomatic language, etc.
Finally you find transitions to take the reader smoothly and logically from one quote to the next. That's coherence.
Now you have coherence and focus. But unlike the Winwood article, you'll spend a little more time on descriptions of the person and his home/office or the setting where the interview took place. Here too always use judgment; NEVER include details just to include details. Details must somehow add up to a point of view, be part of your focus, or revealing of the profile subject in some way.
One final comment: good luck.

'I Rose From the Ashes'
By Dotson Rader, PARADE Magazine
Sample profile for your next assignment: writing a profile. First you will have to choose a profile subject; then you will discuss this person in class; the class will suggest questions; the next stage is to build a list of questions; after that the class will review the questions and try to help each student find a focus, suggesting more questions and questions that should be discarded. Phrasing of questions is also important. Finally the student will interview the person and write the profile. Below is a sample profile. It's a good model, but I would prefer more (though selective) description of the environment where the interview takes place and of the person. Remember, the key is always SELECTIVE. One tries to "capture" something about the environment that seems to sum up the person; something of the person's attire or actions that sum up that person: "He removed his glasses, placing them on a tottering pile of books that were on his desk." (Here the PURPOSE is to show this man studies a lot.) "She led me through a smoky laboratory whose pungent smell forced me to cover my mouth until we reached a cramped room he called his office." Here the PURPOSE is to show a dedicated scientist, isolated, with not even a good office to sit in. "She held up her hand, stopping me from snapping her photo until she had fixed a curl over her right eye." Here the writer wishes to show the vanity of the person. "She glanced at her watch and asked if there were any more questions I wished to ask." Here the PURPOSE is to show the person as a dedicated professional who doesn't have too much time on her hands. And so on. DON'T JUST DO HOMEWORK! Have a PURPOSE (one point of the Communication Triangle [CT]). Then make sure you have the material (research, quotes, description, etc.) to express that purpose. (This is the second point of the CT: the text.) Finally, you want to be sure that text is organized so the reader will fully understand your purpose in writing it. (This is the final point of the CT.) To read the essay below in its original format, go here.
"I'm not a poster boy for good behavior and recovery in Hollywood," Robert Downey Jr. says. "I'm just a guy who knows he has a lot to be grateful for."

For much of his adult life, Downey, 43, was caught in a ruinous cycle of drug addiction, imprisonment and disgrace. His friends, lovers and therapists all tried to help. Nothing worked.
And then, something changed.
"Five or six years ago, I saw the writing on the wall. I knew the party was over. It was time for me to come out of the Dark Ages and get real," he says.
Downey lives on a quiet cul-de-sac in Los Angeles. The house is filled with contemporary art, including pieces he did himself. On the piano is a picture of Downey costumed as the comicbook superhero he plays in his new movie, Iron Man, opening May 2.
"Look at this!" Downey exclaims delightedly, picking up a plastic doll of himself in Iron Man armor. "I've done something most people thought I'd never do. I've become a leading-man superhero in a big action movie!"
Iron Man, co-starring Gwyneth Paltrow, is the latest of Downey's more than three dozen features. Like the superhero franchises Spider-Man, Batman and Superman, it is expected to be a hugely profitable blockbuster.
"I went after Iron Man because Keanu Reeves got The Matrix, and Johnny Depp got Pirates," he says. "I'm looking at all these posters of the movies I've seen with my son, and I'm thinking, 'Damn! I could do that!' "
Downey, who says he was "tired of working my butt off doing films nobody sees," also will open later this summer in what he describes as "a very very raucous comedy called Tropic Thunder, with Ben Stiller." In the film, a send-up of Vietnam War movies, Downey wears blackface as an actor playing a black Army sergeant. The part is already inciting controversy. Downey, though, insists it is the kind of role the late Peter Sellers might have done.
Raised in a show-business family, Downey claims that by 8 he already had used drugs with his dad, a fi lmmaker. When he later dropped out of high school and moved to New York, his father wouldn't support him. "That's part of education," he observes, "the moment when your dad says, 'The gravy train is done.' "
Within a year of hitting New York, Downey began getting work as an actor. In 1984, he joined Sarah Jessica Parker in the cast of the film Firstborn. They were 19 and fell in love.
"We quickly moved in together and played house," he recalls. "It was idyllic." He and Parker settled in Los Angeles, and Downey's movie career took off after his astonishing performance in 1987's Less Than Zero. It established him, at 22, as among the finest actors of his generation.
Downey fast developed a reputation as a party boy. It didn't stop him from getting major films, but his self-indulgence subverted his relationship with Parker.
"I was so selfish," he admits. "I liked to drink, and I had a drug problem, and that didn't jibe with Sarah Jessica, because it is the furthest thing from what she is. She provided me a home and understanding. She tried to help me. She was so miffed when I didn't get my act together.
"I was making money," he continues. "I was mercurial and recklessly undisciplined and, for the most part, I was happily anesthetized. Sarah Jessica would pull me out of a hangover, and we'd go pick out furniture together." He shakes his head at the memory. "She is a force of nature!"
He and Parker stayed together for seven years. She broke up with him in 1991. "I had very much this post-adolescent, faux nihilistic, punk-rock rebellious attitude," he says. "I thought my way was so much cooler than people who were actually building lives and careers.
"I was in love with Sarah Jessica," he quietly confesses, "and love clearly was not enough. I was meant to move on. And, after some heartache, she was meant to find her home with a great star." Describing Parker's husband, actor Matthew Broderick, Downey adds, "He is a lot more gifted and grounded than I ever was. They have a great kid."
Shortly after his breakup with Parker, Downey married model Deborah Falconer, and their son, Indio, was born. "Our marriage and having a child probably kept me from going off the rails completely," he says, "but it wasn't enough to right the ship."
By 1996, Downey's drug use became public with his arrests for drug, gun and DWI offenses. Falconer left him, taking their son with her.
"You use whatever rationalization you can to justify the fact that you're not living truthfully," he observes about substance abuse. "You make this death machine seem glamorous so you can get on to the next moment. But it isn't glamorous, and it isn't fun.
"People rise out of the ashes because, at some point, they are invested with a belief in the possibility of triumph over seemingly impossible odds."
Meeting his third great love, producer Susan Levin, also helped his recovery. "Things started to change when I met my life partner, Mrs. Downey," he says, using Susan's married title as a sweet salute. She told me, 'I'm not doing that [drug] dance with you. I'm drawing a line in the sand here.' She was absolutely clear about it. That doesn't mean that other women, business associates, movie directors, insurance companies, judges and law enforcement hadn't been clear about it too. It was that, before I met Mrs. Downey, I just didn't give a goddamn. What changed is that I cared."
He pauses a moment. "She said, 'We'll build a relationship that works and will last.' I believed her. We were swept up in the promise of that. We live in this commitment to each other.
"Now it's all about becoming rooted in the mundane, in the day-to-day stuff," he continues. "Life is 70% maintenance. I think of myself as a shopkeeper or a beekeeper. I'm learning the business of building a life. Instead of getting instant gratification by getting high, I push my nose as far into the grindstone as I can. The honey, the reward, is the feeling of well-being, the continuity, the sense that I am walking toward a place I want to go."
Upstairs, his son Indio, now 14, is watching TV. "My son is gifted and artistic and has a great sense of humor," Downey tells me, "yet he's a very contemplative guy. That's good. I don't want him to be in a hurry to fi nd out who he is. I'm a guy who was in such a hurry that I missed the train four or fi ve times. I didn't understand the importance of the crossroads I found myself at. As a dad, I think that my job is to do the right thing -- to prepare him for what is coming in his life.
"I used to be so convinced that happiness was the goal," Downey says, "yet all those years I was chasing after it, I was unhappy in the pursuit. Maybe the goal really should be a life that values honor, duty, good work, friends and family."



'Superman' Star Christopher Reeve Dies
By JIM FITZGERALD, Associated Press Writer
MOUNT KISCO, N.Y. - Actor Christopher Reeve, who soared through the air and leapt tall buildings as "Superman," turned personal tragedy into a public crusade, becoming the nation's most recognizable spokesman for spinal cord research — from a wheelchair. Reeve went into cardiac arrest Saturday while at his Pound Ridge home, then [he: omission] fell into a coma and [he] died Sunday at a hospital surrounded by his family, his publicist said. He was 52.
The first ¶ introduces Reeve as subject. Note how simple an appositive is ("Actor, CR"), saving a lot of words on a relative phrase: "who is an actor"). The only other comment I'll make is that the writer might have made a 2d ¶ at "Reeve went into cardiac arrest," etc. but chose not to. Repetition of Reeve's name would have established coherence.
His advocacy for stem cell research helped it emerge as a major campaign issue between President Bush and his Democratic opponent, John Kerry. His name was even mentioned by Kerry during the second presidential debate Friday evening.
Here a simple possessive pronoun links ¶2 with ¶1.

Reeve, left paralyzed from the neck down after a riding accident and who pushed for funding to help others like himself, was hospitalized the following day. In the last week Reeve had developed a serious systemic infection from a pressure wound, a common complication for people living with paralysis.
Repetition of Reeve's name establishes coherence in this new ¶. Then there's paraphrastic repetition (saying the same thing in different words) at the end: "for people living with paralysis."


Dana Reeve, Christopher's wife, thanked her husband's personal staff of nurses and aides, "[and thanked: omission] as well as the millions of fans from around the world who have supported and loved my husband over the years."
Another possessive, links this ¶ with the last ¶. Here the appositive form is reversed; but the logic is, "Christopher's wife, Dana Reeve," etc.


Reeve's life changed completely after he broke his neck in May 1995 when he was thrown from his horse during an equestrian competition in Culpeper, Va.
Yet another possessive linking of ¶'s.


Enduring months of therapy to allow him to breathe for longer and longer periods without a respirator, Reeve emerged to lobby Congress for better insurance protection against catastrophic injury and to move an Academy Award audience to tears with a call for more films about social issues.
Despite the first clause, the subject is "Reeve," repeating his name for coherence.


"Hollywood needs to do more," he said in the March 1996 Oscar awards appearance. "Let's continue to take risks. Let's tackle the issues. In many ways our film community can do it better than anyone else. There is no challenge, artistic or otherwise, that we can't meet."
Here a quote is used for a new ¶. "Hollywood" is a synonymic replacement for the Academy Award audience of the previous ¶, while "Oscar Awards appearance" is a paraphrastic replacement. "Let's" is repeated once (used twice) and includes Reeves and that Hollywood community, as does the plural possessive, "our." "Challenge" is a head noun, under which is included "artistic [challenge] or other [challenges]."


He returned to directing, and [he] even returned to acting in a 1998 production of "Rear Window," a modern update of the Hitchcock thriller about a man in a wheelchair who becomes convinced a neighbor has been murdered. Reeve won a Screen Actors Guild award for best actor.
Pronoun replacement refers back to Reeve in previous ¶'s. "Reeve" is then included in the head noun class of "best actor."


"I was worried that only acting with my voice and my face, I might not be able to communicate effectively enough to tell the story," Reeve said. "But I was surprised to find that if I really concentrated, and just let the thoughts happen, that they would read on my face. With so many close-ups, I knew that my every thought would count."
Another quote ¶. "Face" and "voice" belong to the class of "Reeve" (parts of the member of that class). "The story" refers to Rear Window. "Every thought" also belongs to the head noun of "Reeve."


In 2000, Reeve was able to move his index finger, and a specialized workout regimen made his legs and arms stronger. He also regained sensation in other parts of his body. He vowed to walk again.
A time change changes the ¶. Reeve is the head noun for parts of his body mentioned afterwards, thus referring back to Reeve. "Walk" refers back to "move [his index finger] and "regained [sensation]."


"I refuse to allow a disability to determine how I live my life. I don't mean to be reckless, but setting a goal that seems a bit daunting actually is very helpful toward recovery," Reeve said.
Another quote, another ¶. These quotes are coherently at lower levels of generality: "He vowed to walk again" in last ¶ is taken to a lower level of specificity in this ¶. The words rubricated above are all related.


Before the accident, his athletic, 6-foot-4-inch frame and love of adventure made him a natural, if largely unknown, choice for the title role in the first "Superman" movie in 1978. He insisted on performing his own stunts.
Another time change, another ¶. In context, "choice," "title role," and "Superman" are synonomic replacements.


Although he reprised the role three times, Reeve often worried about being typecast as an action hero.
Conjunction ¶. However, I don't like separating this ¶ from the next one, especially since there's only one sentence in this ¶. "Role" and "action hero" are synonymic replacements of Reeve, whose name is both repeated and replaced by a pronoun.


Though he owed his fame to it, Reeve made a concerted effort to, as he often put it, "escape the cape." He played an embittered, crippled Vietnam veteran in the 1980 Broadway play "Fifth of July," [he also played] a lovestruck time-traveler in the 1980 movie "Somewhere in Time," and [he also played] an aspiring playwright in the 1982 suspense thriller "Deathtrap."
Here, lower levels of generality illustrate the topic idea ("escape the cape"). Elliptical series enforces coherence (see bracketed omissions), as does apposition such as "1980 movie, Somewhere in Time).


More recent films included John Carpenter's "Village of the Damned," and the HBO movies "Above Suspicion" and "In the Gloaming," which he directed. Among his other film credits are "The Remains of the Day," "The Aviator," and "Morning Glory."
A ¶ of time again ("more recent"). The film titles belong to a subset of the class "recent films." "Which" is a pronoun replaced of one film (In the Gloaming). "Other film credits" is a synonymic replacement of "films" in the first sentence, while (again) the films belong to a subset of "other film credits."


Reeve was born Sept. 25, 1952, in New York City, son of a novelist and a newspaper reporter. About the age of 10, he made his first stage appearance — in Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Yeoman of the Guard" at McCarter Theater in Princeton, N.J.
Here a simple repetition of Reeve's name starts a new ¶. Note how the essay is organized, from present to past. We'll study organization ideas later. But organization can be from front to back, back to front, least to most important, above to below, past to present, present to past, or other variations of time and space order. "Reeve" is replaced by "son," while "his . . . stage appearance" is replaced by "Yeoman of the Guard."


After graduating from Cornell University in 1974, he landed a part as coldhearted bigamist Ben Harper (news) on the television soap opera "Love of Life." He also performed frequently on stage, winning his first Broadway role as the grandson of a character played by Katharine Hepburn (news) in "A Matter of Gravity."
Another time ¶ ("After"). "Bigamist" refers back to "part," as does "role" and "grandson."

Reeve's first movie role was a minor one in the submarine disaster movie "Gray Lady Down," released in 1978. "Superman" soon followed. Reeve was selected for the title role from among about 200 aspirants.
Possessive noun changes subject ("first movie"), for new ¶. "Minor one" refers back to "role" (repeated later) as does "Superman," while "200 aspirants" is the main class of which "Reeve" is a member, thus referring back to him.

Active in many sports, Reeve owned several horses and competed in equestrian events regularly. Witnesses to the 1995 accident said Reeve's horse had cleared two of 15 fences during the jumping event and stopped abruptly at the third, flinging the actor headlong to the ground. Doctors said he fractured the top two vertebrae in his neck and damaged his spinal cord.
Repeat of Reeve's name introduces new topic: his sports activities. "The actor" is a synonymic replacement of "Reeve."

While filming "Superman" in London, Reeve met modeling agency co-founder Gae Exton, and the two began a relationship that lasted several years. The couple had two sons, but [they] were never wed.
Repeat of Reeve's name, linking him to girlfriend; then, by cause-effect, children. "Reeve" belongs to the bigger class of "two" and "couple," as well as "relationship."

Reeve later married Dana Morosini; they had one son, Will, 11. Reeve also is survived by his mother, Barbara Johnson; his father, Franklin Reeve; his brother, Benjamin Reeve; and his two children from his relationship with Exton, Matthew, 25, and Alexandra, 21.
Time ¶ again ("later"), with repeat of Reeve's name making obvious coherence. Note that repetition is the basis of all art, including repeating sounds in poetry, repeating shapes in painting, repeating phrases in music, etc. The Bible would be dull without repetition.

No plans for a funeral were immediately announced.
This is a "generic" ending, like a "moral" is a generic (kind of) ending for a fable, thus getting a ¶ to itself. Another example is a movie or television review, with the final ¶ reporting theatre location and time or television channel and time. "Star Wars is now showing at the Bijou Theatre on Main Street. First showing starts at 10:00 a.m." "The Jay Leno Show can be seen Monday to Friday evenings starting at 11:30 p.m. on Channel 4."

A few months after the accident, he told interviewer Barbara Walters that he considered suicide in the first dark days after he was injured. But he quickly overcame such thoughts when he saw his children.
¶ of time ("after"). But this ¶ is poorly placed. The possessive pronoun is too far from the last mention of Reeve's name and the ¶ mixes up too many time periods, adding confusion. "Thoughts" refers back to "suicide."

"I could see how much they needed me and wanted me... and how lucky we all are and that my brain is on straight."
Quotation ¶. Lower level of generality from last ¶. "They" refers back to "children" in previous ¶. "We" refers back to "Reeve" as a member of the class of "lucky" people. But this ¶ too is out of place; although it would have been effective in the middle of the essay, it is too weak for an ending.

Lauren Bacall Updates Autobiography

Fri Apr 1, 2:34 PM ET




By BOB THOMAS, Associated Press Writer

LOS ANGELES - Lauren Bacall sits in a secluded corner of the outdoor dining area of a tony Westside hotel for a twilight interview.




She's near the end of a book promotion tour, which she found more strenuous than the movie tours of her Hollywood days, and she's in need of a little pick-me-up: "I'd like a pot of tea with a thermos of boiling water," she instructs a waiter.

A longtime New Yorker, she has returned to her old stomping grounds — the house she shared with Humphrey Bogart was just a couple miles away — to hawk her new-old book, "By Myself and Then Some." It's a unique publishing venture: The first part is a reprint of her excellent 1978 memoir, "By Myself." It is followed by "And Then Some," which brings her life up to date.

Why do it that way?

"I wasn't convinced it was such a great idea," she explains, "until my literary agent said, 'Listen, it's 25 years since "By Myself" was published. You've had a life since then; a lot of things have happened. There's a whole new generation who could read your autobiography.' I do get an amount of fan mail, and a lot of young people say, 'I wanted to buy your book and I can't find it.' So I thought maybe I should try it."

The waiter returns with a ceramic teapot covered with a cozy. Bacall reiterates her request for a thermos.

She acknowledges that updating her life sometimes proved to be painful, especially recalling the loss in a year's span of many close friends, "each of them very important to me; it was like an epidemic." Among them: Roddy McDowall, songwriter Adolph Green, playwright Peter Stone, actors Alec Guinness, John Gielgud, Gregory Peck and Katharine Hepburn, and writer-director George Axelrod.

"The (losses) chip away at your own life, and the world gets smaller," Bacall says.

Her friendship with Hepburn dated back to 1951 and the location for "The African Queen." The bond deepened with the deaths of Bogart and Spencer Tracy. Bacall writes poignantly of her many visits to Hepburn in her Connecticut retirement and what happened the last time she was there:

"I walked right over to her chair in the living room, sat next to her, kissed her. She seemed to know me a little." And when Bacall was about to leave, Hepburn, who had been silent, said, "Please stay." After a half-hour, Bacall kissed Hepburn's cheeks, and Hepburn whispered, "Thank you."

A new waiter presents another cozied teapot. Bacall responds testily, "What is the problem, there's no thermos in this hotel? I have a thermos of hot water every single morning. Go to the kitchen and ask for a thermos."

The classic Bacall face seems little touched by her 80 years, an observation she treats with customary frankness: "When people say I look just the same, I tell them to take another look. My mirror doesn't tell me that."

Her last two years have been amazingly busy. Beside writing the book, she has done TV commercials and given lectures that include film clips, commentary and Q&A — her favorite part of the show. Her most recent film was "Birth," starring Nicole Kidman.

Waiter No. 2 finally brings the thermos, steaming hot. Bacall thanks him, and he withdraws, apologetic and seemingly dazed. "For good or ill, I'm honest. I don't think there's enough of that around," she says.

The thermos affair was pure Bacall: outspoken, opinionated, undaunted, a bit quirky. She has been known to wither interviewers who ask stupid questions.

But she also has a tender side, especially when she talks about her children — Stephen, who is working in documentary films, and Leslie, a yoga therapist, both by Humphrey Bogart, and an actor, Sam, by her marriage to Jason Robards. Bacall positively glows when she talks about her four grandchildren.

Stephen and Leslie oversee the use of their father's likeness in TV commercials, print ads and other media. "When Bogie died, suddenly people were using him in the most common, horrible way," Bacall says. "If anybody was going to make any money out of this, it's not going to be strangers, it's going to be his children."




The most readable portions of "By Myself" remain her romance with Bogart, their marriage and her devotion during his final agonizing battle with cancer.

"I am always associated with him in people's minds — 'the greatest love story ever told.' You can't get away from that. He'd never believe it, of course," she says.

"It's great that he's still appreciated by so many, because he's worth it. He was a very special human being, Bogart."
Lauren Bacall Updates Autobiography

Fri Apr 1, 2:34 PM ET




By BOB THOMAS, Associated Press Writer




<>LOS ANGELES - Lauren Bacall sits in a secluded corner of the outdoor dining area of a tony Westside hotel for a twilight interview.
The writer answers one of the W's questions: WHERE (is she seated; where is the interview taking place).

She's near the end of a book promotion tour, which she found more strenuous than the movie tours of her Hollywood days, and she's in need of a little pick-me-up: "I'd like a pot of tea with a thermos of boiling water," she instructs a waiter.
The writer uses another W question: WHEN ("near the end of a book promotion tour"). Then the writer uses cause/effect: "she's in need of a little pick-me-up," which leads naturally ("motivates"/causes) the first quoted dialogue: "I'd like," etc. True, this might have been done in indirect discourse (without quotes): "She asked for a pot of tea with a thermos of boiling water," but the writer felt that hearing Bacall ask for the tea would define her character better than using indirect discourse in this instance. When to quote dialogue is a matter of judgment. Here, Bacall speaks first about something she needs, making the interview sound more human or personal. If her first quote concerned a professional matter, she would come across more professional-like and so would the interview.

A longtime New Yorker, she has returned to her old stomping grounds — the house she shared with Humphrey Bogart was just a couple miles away — to hawk her new-old book, "By Myself and Then Some." It's a unique publishing venture: The first part is a reprint of her excellent 1978 memoir, "By Myself." It is followed by "And Then Some," which brings her life up to date.

Another "where" question ("Where does Bacall usually live?"). Then there's a good use of a strong verb form (gerund) "stomping grounds." Also a good use of my favorite punctuation, the dash. Although I confess, I prefer dashes as a final emphasis punctuation, where what follows the dash is the conclusion (end) of the sentence. I generally avoid dashse in parenthetical forms such as used above. But there is a difference between a parenthesis () and a dash form in such a case. The parenthesis sounds more formal and bland, as if only an inserted fact were necessary; while the dash form adds more emotion, as if the fact being inserted were being told us in an excited fashion. And, true enough, most people when they think or read of Bacall at once think of Humphrey Bogart (Casablanca star), one of the greatest of all screen icons, even more popular following his death than before. So the dash insertion has value. Note another strong verb ("hawk"=sell). Note however that "By Myself" is improperly quotationed, when it should be italicized. But that's where style books/manuals are important; general rules in style are less important than the requirements of a particular field, department, or printing/online format. "And Then Some" should be (usually) get italices. The main point is the way the writer brings us up to date in Bacall's life and what we should know about her before the interview begins.
Now students may well ask who is Bacall? Has the writer done his job by not asking another W question: Who is Bacall? This too is a matter of judgment. That's where audience is important and why I stress audience so much in my class. One assumes that people reading this should/would know about Bacall. I myself am not sure if I would write it like this. I would probably (very briefly) sum up Bacall's career, like this: "Lauren Bacall sits in a secluded corner of the outdoor dining area of a tony Westside hotel for a twilight interview. She is not the femme fatale I remember from The Big Sleep, but her beauty is undiminished by time, her low husky voice, instantly recognizable from her classic films of the 40s and later is no less distinctive as she beckons the waiter for service." Maybe here I could have the first quote and then go back to the sentence before about the promotion tour.

Why do it that way?

"I wasn't convinced it was such a great idea," she explains, "until my literary agent said, 'Listen, it's 25 years since "By Myself" was published. You've had a life since then; a lot of things have happened. There's a whole new generation who could read your autobiography.' I do get an amount of fan mail, and a lot of young people say, 'I wanted to buy your book and I can't find it.' So I thought maybe I should try it."

Note that the writer's dialogue has no quotes, so is a kind of indirect discourse. The reason is direct discourse would re-focus the essay on the writer. Of course, if you're Ernest Hemingway (as in Green Hills of Africa) that's a good thing, since readers want to hear more about Hemingway than whom he quotes; otherwise be careful not to quote your own questions directly.
Note, then, the use of the present tense ("explains"), which is always used for art, interviews, etc. "King Lear curses Nature and his two daughers," rather than "King Lear cursed Nature and his two daughers"). Note also how Bacall herself uses a quote to add color to her own reason why she added to her autobiography (she quotes her agent). She knows that such a quote would be stronger than using indirect discourse: "My agent suggested I add to my autobiography." She also quotes a fan later. Note too the use of the emphatic, "do": "I do get a lot of mail," which adds character (instead of saying, "I get a lot of mail").

The waiter returns with a ceramic teapot covered with a cozy. Bacall reiterates her request for a thermos.
Note the use of a concrete noun ("cozy") and a vivid adjective "ceramic." A Latin-derived word ("reiterates") varies the diction (vocabulary); a balance between Latin-derived and Anglo-Saxon words helps one's diction (Shakespeare was a master of this, more than any other writer: "Will all of Neptune's waters wash the blood from these hands? No, rather my hands these multitudinous seas with incarnadine, making the green ones red" (quoted from memory, from Macbeth). Note simple Anglo-Saxon words like "waters, wash, blood, hands" balanced by Latin-derived words like "incarnadine" (=making red, or flesh-colored) and "multitudinous" (=many).

She acknowledges that updating her life sometimes proved to be painful, especially recalling the loss in a year's span of many close friends, "each of them very important to me; it was like an epidemic." Among them: Roddy McDowall, songwriter Adolph Green, playwright Peter Stone, actors Alec Guinness, John Gielgud, Gregory Peck and Katharine Hepburn, and writer-director George Axelrod.
The writer selects key dialogue, here about death, an important subject.

"The (losses) chip away at your own life, and the world gets smaller," Bacall says.
You should know that whenever you wish to add words to make a quotation briefer you use parentheses, as the writer does here with the word "losses." Note too that the writer uses synonymic replacement, choosing not to repeat the word "deaths," thus adding coherence to his profile. Of course, "adding" words is really "subtracting" them, because the writer prefers to add one word in place of, say, 10 words actually in the quotation.

Her friendship with Hepburn dated back to 1951 and the location for "The African Queen." The bond deepened with the deaths of Bogart and Spencer Tracy. Bacall writes poignantly of her many visits to Hepburn in her Connecticut retirement and what happened the last time she was there:
Coherence is established by repeating Hepburn's name, then using cause/effect to explain "how" the relationship deepened (the "H" question among the 5 W's).

"I walked right over to her chair in the living room, sat next to her, kissed her. She seemed to know me a little." And when Bacall was about to leave, Hepburn, who had been silent, said, "Please stay." After a half-hour, Bacall kissed Hepburn's cheeks, and Hepburn whispered, "Thank you."
Note how dialogue is used sparingly (in a very limited way) but very effectively. Only the most moving words are selected for inclusion.

A new waiter presents another cozied teapot. Bacall responds testily, "What is the problem, there's no thermos in this hotel? I have a thermos of hot water every single morning. Go to the kitchen and ask for a thermos."
This dialogue is important to establish another side of Bacall: testy, cantankerous. It makes her more human.

The classic Bacall face seems little touched by her 80 years, an observation she treats with customary frankness: "When people say I look just the same, I tell them to take another look. My mirror doesn't tell me that."
Here the writer does situate Bacall in terms of her classic films by using the word "classic." But he might have added something like, "The classic Bacall face instantly recognizable in films such as The Big Sleep and To Have and Have Not," etc.

Her last two years have been amazingly busy. Beside writing the book, she has done TV commercials and given lectures that include film clips, commentary and Q&A — her favorite part of the show. Her most recent film was "Birth," starring Nicole Kidman.

I don't like the word "amazingly." I think it's a poor choice, at once too bland and exaggerated. There's also a typo ("beside" should be "besides"). Then the writer uses a dash again, the way I like to use it —for emphasis!

Waiter No. 2 finally brings the thermos, steaming hot. Bacall thanks him, and he withdraws, apologetic and seemingly dazed. "For good or ill, I'm honest. I don't think there's enough of that around," she says.
Note a good descriptive phrase, "steaming hot." The writer probably felt a dash here would put too much emphasis on the pot of tea, while the focus should be on Bacall. It's a matter of judgment. I at first thought there should be a dash, then changed my mind. I think the writer correctly chose a comma instead. Note again the present tense ("thanks him," "withdraws," etc.). Another important quote follows, very selectively adding to our understanding of Bacall: "I'm honest."

The thermos affair was pure Bacall: outspoken, opinionated, undaunted, a bit quirky. She has been known to wither interviewers who ask stupid questions.
The writer then elaborates about this character.

But she also has a tender side, especially when she talks about her children — Stephen, who is working in documentary films, and Leslie, a yoga therapist, both by Humphrey Bogart, and an actor, Sam, by her marriage to Jason Robards. Bacall positively glows when she talks about her four grandchildren.
Then he uses opposition ("But she also") to insure coherence while developing B's character further (her "tender side"). Note that the writer might have used a colon (:) before introducing Bacall's children but instead chose (correctly) a dash. A colon would have been too formal, like a laundry or shopping list. Note the strong verb, "glows" ("postively glows"). The writer also succinctly (economically) sums up B's children and grandchildren.

Stephen and Leslie oversee the use of their father's likeness in TV commercials, print ads and other media. "When Bogie died, suddenly people were using him in the most common, horrible way," Bacall says. "If anybody was going to make any money out of this, it's not going to be strangers, it's going to be his children."
Note too how quotations allow the writer to move from one area of concern to another more abruptly than not having quotes. After the quote about B's children we go back to her book:




"I am always associated with him in people's minds — 'the greatest love story ever told.' You can't get away from that. He'd never believe it, of course," she says.
This is another well-chosen quote: "the greatest love story ever told."

"It's great that he's still appreciated by so many, because he's worth it. He was a very special human being, Bogart."
The writer chooses to end his profile of Bacall not on Bacall but on Bogart (her lover and husband). This achieves several things: It places the emphasis on a star even greater than Bacall; on a person that Bacall would probably wish to be focused more than her (another focus, say of a living person, would upset her); and, finally, it adds to Bacall's positive character, since it suggests to the reader that this Hollywood star cares more about advancing the image of her late husband (Bogart) than her own image ("he's worth it").

From PR Officer to MUJI President
By Jackie Lin
STAFF REPORTER
Taipei Times
Monday, Apr 16, 2007, Page 12
Being a public relations officer has been Wang Wen-hsin's life-long dream since the time when she started studying in the advertising department at National Chengchi University.
Definition: her job is part of her dream.
After 15 years in public relations and thanks to her analytical mindset and other skills, Wang was presented with a rare opportunity early last year, when she was asked to become vice president of MUJI (Taiwan) Co.
Cause-Effect: 15 years in poublic relations. At least as a foreign reader, and maybe most native readers too, I would like to know what MUJI stands for. This can usually be done in a parenthesis.
The 38-year-old Wang has since been promoted to company president, making her the youngest and the only female president in parent group President Chain Store Corp, which owns over 30 brands, including 7-Eleven, Starbucks and Mister Donut.
Definition: "youngest and the only female." Examples: 7-Eleven, etc.
She is also the first member of the President Chain PR team to assume a top managerial role.
Definition; adverbial connective ("moreover"), an easy way to develop an idea, by using connectives such as "moreover," "nevertheless," "however," "so," "additionally," etc.
"I always thought I'd be a PR person forever. I love the job so much I never feel tired. So when president Hsu Chung-jen [of President Chain] informed me of my job transfer, I was very surprised," Wang told the Taipei Times during an interview last week.
Cause-Effect: "love the job," so she never feels tired. (Should be "loved" and "felt" since it's past.) "President Hsu" should be capitalized, unless "president" is treated like a common noun: "Only one US president was a bachelor." Or: "The former American president, Ronald Reagan, recently passed away." BUT: "It was announced that President Bush would arrive in New Orleans later today." Cause-Effect: she was surprised, because she loved her job & thought she would remain in that position.
As the chief of President Chain's public relations team, Wang was seen in every press conference introducing the company's latest products to reporters.
Cause-Effect: as part of her job, she's in promotions. "After," below, is a convenient (easy) way to develop an essay structured by time ("narration"): "after," "before," "then," "later," "in the evening," etc.
After the meeting with Hsu, she did not have much time to think.
Cause-Effect: not much time to think. Some more Cause-Effect in next paragraph. Note how the writer, below and above, effectively includes important information in clauses or appositive positions, including the subject's age (above) and how many years she worked someplace, included in a non-restrictive clause ("which began," etc.) below:
Making sure she understood what her boss wanted her to achieve in the new position, for one month Wang spent half a day every day at MUJI outlets getting hands-on experience before concluding her career as a publicist, which began in her first year after graduating from university at a PR firm, followed by 14 years at President Chain.
"I became a fan of MUJI after making my first overseas trip to Japan during university. But knowing and loving the brand doesn't mean one knows how to operate the business," she said.
Quoted speech goes to lower level of generality. Antithesis: "liking" and "knowing" are opposed. Then Cause-Effect is again used below:
To quickly bridge the knowledge gap, Wang said she spent time in the outlets to understand its more than 5,000 products, observed how consumers shop and talk about the products and gathered customer feedback and suggestions posted on its Web site.
"I respected my colleagues' opinion as they had worked there for over two years. I make my decisions based on their feedback and my own conclusions," Wang said.
More Cause-Effect ("I respected," etc.) and a lower level of generality, common in quoted speech. Even more Cause-Effect below: preparation work, so not too much pressure.
With all this preparatory work, Wang said she did not feel too much pressure.
"I'm quite daring at work and believe nothing can't be resolved," she said.
Somehow this quote (above) doesn't smoothly follow from what went before, though of course there's some kind of relationship. Yet more Cause-Effect below ("Her familiarity," etc.).
Her familiarity with the PR business makes her more suited to communicate with reporters, customers and Japanese shareholders, a clear advantage as most managers usually need to rely on their publicists.
For example, Wang constantly transforms herself into a model, strutting the catwalk during press conferences showcasing MUJI's latest products -- apparel or skin-care products. These initiatives have helped boost media coverage.
Example, above, at lower level of generality. More Cause-Effect too.
One thing she has difficulty understanding has been the media attention she has received of late.
Contrast: one thing she has difficulty with. Somehow the profile loses focus, below. It should be about Wang, instead it focuses more on the President Chain business, while Wang almost disappears. Coherence is also weak, since the paragraphs are not linked strongly enough, each paragraph seeming to be independent of the one before and after. Also, though I'm fond myself of two-sentence paragraphs, the writer goes too far and indents on almost every sentence, as if the writer knew nothing about paragraphing. Basically, I would omit all the blue font text below and continue with the green-font text to complete the profile (nothing of focus would be lost):
President Chain and its parent company, Uni-President Enterprise Corp, set up the joint venture with Japan-based retail giant Ryohin Keikaku Co -- owner of the 27-year-old MUJI brand -- and Mitsubishi Group in 2003 with an initial capital outlay estimated at NT$100 million (US$3 million).
MUJI is a household goods and clothing label that trumpets "simple, natural and quality" designs.
Since its first outlet was opened in Taipei's Breeze Center in April 2004, MUJI Taiwan has operated 10 stores nationwide, reporting revenues of NT$570 million last year.
Despite its late entry, outside Japan, Taiwan has the most MUJI outlets in Asia and ranks second in the world only after the UK, which runs 16 stores.
Branching out has already reaped profits in its first year and the company expects 30 percent growth.
Two new stores would be opened every year over the next five years, Wang said.
The ultimate scenario would be to have more than 50 MUJI shops in Taiwan, based on Japan's experience of operating over 300 stores for a population six times that of Taiwan, she said.
MUJI Taiwan has over 10,000 members who subscribe to its electronic newsletter containing the latest product information.
Wang has also been looking at the possibility of issuing membership cards sometime this year to secure customer loyalty.
Asked whether she anticipates another surprising turn in her career now that she has become a role model for many young students, Wang shook her head.
Antecedent-Consequence (before/after, like Cause-Effect, but not definite, just probable).
"I have no personal plan now. What I think of every day is how to boost each store's performance, what kind of products to introduce and how to employ marketing strategies to enhance brand awareness and attract more customers," she said.

Mercury rises for Isabelle Wen
By Jules Quartly
The writer begins strongly, using commonplaces of contradiction (what Isabelle Wen is not doing) and contrast. The paragraph ends with apposition, defining the "collection" as "a futuristic slant on what-to-wear":
The mercurial Isabelle Wen decided against a runway show this year and instead transformed her Taipei atelier into an art space to introduce her Spring/Summer collection, a futuristic slant on what-to-wear.
Vivid descriptive prose selectively establishes the setting. The subject is a fashion designer, so naturally the details relate to her fashion business. Usually "of course" is an annoying excess, but here it works fine because it makes clear the writer knows that referring to "models running around" is a bit obvious. Antithesis is used well ("but clothes were" the main focus), and also comparison: "like three-dimensional works of art."
There were models running around, of course, but clothes were the principal focus and they hung from the ceiling in the central exhibition area, suspended in space, slowly rotating like three-dimensional works of art.
The writer now moves to a higher level of generality, placing the fashion show in a wider context:
They were framed by a multi-media exhibition held over two nights. A digital art projection by Lee Ji-hong splashed light around the entrance of Wen's studio, while a nearby installation piece fashioned from cotton represented dreams and clouds.
In a small gallery leading to the main room there were manipulated photographic images of Wen by art coordinator Nicolas Chu. In the "floating room" there was a bed with a spectacular comforter made from orange ping-pong balls, by Chen Hui-chiao.
By referring to "bed" in the previous paragraph, the writer insures coherence, linking the two paragraphs. The writer then uses a strong verb ("beaming").
Opposite the bed was a television beaming images from a Wen fashion shoot at the Museum of Tomorrow, on Civil Boulevard.
The writer moves to lower levels of generality within the same paragraph:
Models with bobbed, neon blue hair wore brushed-silver midi coats, pop art mini dresses and golden Formula 1 driving shoes.
Cause-Effect follows (the fashion shoot "introduces [Wen's] futuristic Mercury collection"). A lower level of generality describes the "overall impression." The paragraph ends contrasting this show and previous shows ("similarity/difference"):
Isabelle Wen's fashion shoot at the Museum of Tomorrow introduces her futuristic Mercury collection. The overall impression was of neat, clean-cut designs with an emphasis on metallic colors. It was a more minimalist approach than in the past and the garments appeared to be easier to wear.
"Definition" of "concept": "Barbarella," etc.
A transparent raincoat caught the eye, with its white belt buckle and a crystal-embossed angel design on the back. As did the mini-jacket with a silver snake pattern and matching bag. The concept appeared to be, "Barbarella hits the night market for her space outfit."
Cause-Effect: "I called the collection," etc. Note there's nothing special about this quote, but it works. We catch the subject in an ordinary exchange of words, not the usual greeting, etc. Some more Cause-Effect follows on the nature of Wen's inspiration:
"I called the collection Mercury, after the planet and the [element]," Wen said at the opening last week. "Usually I am inspired by a dream or something to produce a collection, but this time the clothes came first and the name came after."
Some descriptive prose, even a short sentence might have set off these two quotes better, instead of making it look like the writer is just adding quote after quote:
"I ordered the fabric and had all the ideas about 10 months ago, but then something horrible happened and I just wanted some light, something shiny in my life, so that was why I came up with the concept."
The writer uses a quoted word ("horrible") from Wen's previous speech to insure coherence in the next paragraph, where he also uses indirect quotation to condense or sum up previous quotes of Wen instead of wasting time quoting every single word:
The "horrible" event Wen referred to was the crash of Idee department store four months ago, when Rebar Group Chairman Wang You-theng fled the country with other people's billions. Wen had four outlets in the store and said she lost NT$20 million.
"We have sued them already but we can't get our money back because it belongs to the bank. The company of Isabelle, the fashion brand, has almost gone back to the first year because of this.
"Wang You-tseng, I think he's horrible, he's destroyed Taiwan. Actually, I'm super good friends with his daughter [Idee chairwoman Wang Lin-mei] and a couple of weeks after it happened we had dinner together. You know, even after three hours, I couldn't say a thing. What could she do?
"I couldn't even pay the New Year bonus. I tell you it was so bad, so many small companies went down because of this. I cried for weeks."
A lot of quotes here, but what is quoted is of interest. Next the writer describes an important action (Wen trashing her store):
At around the same time management at Taipei 101 decided she could not renew her store's contract. Wen was livid and trashed her store the night after it closed.
"This" nicely refers back to the content of the writer's previous paragraph:
"This was their policy, they didn't want Taiwan brands on the second floor, they made it very clear. It almost made me want to give up Taiwan. I can't understand their thinking."
More coherence using the demonstrative pronoun "these" to refer back to the previous paragraph. Quotes around "huge losses" makes it clear the words are Wen's:
It was these "huge losses" that led to the decision not to hold a traditional fashion show and ultimately rethink her business.
The dialogue takes us to lower levels of generality using cause-effect:
"Actually I did not want to do anything and I could not afford to do the runway presentation, so the fashion-as-art exhibition was a response to these terrible things."
Good antithesis ("but") to insure coherence (linking to the previous paragraph):
But adversity is the mother of invention and Wen has risen to the challenge before. Her new collection is strong and she has employed an operation director, Sandrine Boscaro Compain, to take her brand to the next level, especially abroad.
A descriptive phrase ("The French-Italiam business school graduate) defines as it replaces the proper noun, Wen:
The French-Italian business school graduate said she was consolidating operations and developing sales and marketing strategies.
The dialogue takes us to lower levels of generality:
"I have no logic, I need someone to do this for me," Wen said.
Now the writer returns to indirect discourse, using only selective phrases instead. Cause-Effect is the main means of development here (why Wen wants to leave Taiwan):
But whether she stays in Taiwan is another question. She said the country was "totally crashing" and was obviously feeling bruised by the financial crisis at Idee and the attitude of Taipei 101's managers.
It appeared she wanted to escape her problems here, as much as succeed elsewhere.
"Maybe my ideas are not totally suitable for Taiwanese and if I go elsewhere then they will appreciate me more. Perhaps this is the way," Wen said.
Now the writer moves to lower levels of generality: Not why, but where. The writer concludes defining "movement" not only physically but artistically ("moving forward"). He then blends a direct quote ("fashion is art") inside an indirect quotation ("what she designs") and ends with a flashy antecedent-consequence (before/after) in approval: that is, what Wen designs today is what people will wear tomorrow.
As for whether the direction would be east or west, this seemed to be moot. Either way, Wen is moving forward. As she says, "fashion is art for the future" and what she designs today is what we will be wearing tomorrow. Adapted from the Taipei Times.

EVA LONGORIA'S OTHER SIDE
By Bob Tourtellotte
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Eva Longoria is annoyed. The Latina beauty on hit television show "Desperate Housewives" is bugged by all the newspaper, magazine and Web gossip about her sex life when there are more important issues to think about.
Good opening line. The brief sentence (Eva Longoria is annoyed") is stronger than a long one would be (it's always a matter of judgment). It captures the reader's attention. Then follows a synoymic sentence that replaces "Eva Longoria" and adds information about her in an easy way ("The Latina beauty on hit television show"). I don't know what happened to the article ("the") before "hit television show," but there should be one. "Bugged" is an example of a strong (and colorful) verb: "bugged" means "annoyed." "Don't bug me!" (After all, we're annoyed by bugs!)
She is as comfortable talking about U.S. immigration policy and the plight of migrant farm workers as she is having her bikini-clad body on a mega-sized magazine cover spread out in the Nevada desert so that it can be seen from outer space.
Now the writer uses an unusually long sentence, also just right for his purpose. The long sentence seems to have comic purpose, as if the sentence contains as much as Longoria does! It uses the commonplace of contrast as well as that of example (the writer gives examples in both instances).
Longoria, 31, is a beauty, but her brain is big, too and she wants folks to know it. So when the media focuses on her sex life with boyfriend Tony Parker, as happened last month, Longoria gets irritated.
"It's annoying, absolutely," she told Reuters ahead of Friday's release of her new movie, thriller "The Sentinel," in which she portrays a rookie U.S. Secret Service agent.
Dialogue quotes are well chosen. What is missing is a selective description of the subject. (In this way, this is not a perfect model of how to write a profile.) This is apparently because readers supposedly know her and how she looks (she's a famous model); besides, there are pictures included. Still, description is not simply documentarian, as in a police report; rather description always has (or should have) a point of view, or focus: the criminal would be selectively described by his scowl, the suspicious person by his darting eyes, the studious person by her near-sighted gaze, the vain person by how he feels the pimple on his face, etc. The point is to make the person come alive.
"I respect good journalism. I respect certain newspapers and certain publications, and they are just watered down by the bounty for gossip and pictures and information that is irrelevant and uninteresting," she said.
Of course, a lot of that attention comes from the image she has built as a sexpot. She was among People magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People" and was No. 1 on Maxim magazine's "Hot 100" list of sexy women. She called the publicity "flattering," but added it is Hollywood's starmaking machine talking, not her.
Note the selective use of a single-word quote here ("flattering"), showing that the writer is in control and is not simply passively quoting large chunks of quotes without purpose or focus. Note also the use of indirect discourse ("She called the publicity 'flattering'").
Longoria skyrocketed to stardom in 2004 on "Desperate Housewives" as the sexy Gabrielle Soliz whose skin-tight jeans and skimpy dresses often raise the eyebrows -- not to mention the ire -- of the other neighborhood wives.
Here we get some background information on the subject. Note that the order (the timeline) is not in a straight line, nor need it be. Present is followed by past, back to present, then future.
The show premiered on U.S. TV and became an instant hit. It averages more than 20 million U.S. viewers weekly and is now a global phenomenon seen in 200 countries.
But beyond the Hollywood glitz, Longoria holds a degree in kinesiology from Texas A&M University - Kingsville. She is a spokeswoman for Padres Contra el Cancer, which is dedicated to helping Latino kids with the disease, and works with the United Farm Workers labor union.
The writer here gives examples of a life beyond Hollywood.
She said it was "unfortunate" that in the United States -- a nation of immigrants -- some lawmakers want to deport illegal aliens and fence off the Mexico/U.S. border.
"Mexicans contribute an enormous amount to our society, economically and socially," she said. "I don't think this administration can afford to have things end badly."
The writer gives a relevant quote concerning Longoria's social activism. Note, like I said, that in magazines movie titles are placed in quotes, but in books and scholarship they should be in italics, like this type looks.
Longoria has politics on her mind a lot these days, in real life and in the movies.
In "The Sentinel," she co-stars with Michael Douglas and Kiefer Sutherland. They play Secret Service agents who clash when the president's life is threatened by assassins. Longoria is a sharp rookie who is teamed with Sutherland in what is her first role in a major Hollywood movie.
Note how the writers insures coherence by adding the comment that Longoria's role is not the lead, leading easily into the next part of the profile and the next quotation ("But Longoria said she was not looking to top movie marquees," etc.).
She is not the headlining actress; her part supports the male leads. But Longoria said she was not looking to top movie marquees yet, and did not need the added pressure of being the sole star responsible for the film's box office.
A good writer blends indirect and direct discourse for variety. Just above is an example of indirect discourse, followed by direct discourse (quoted text):
"I wanted to be in a good, ensemble cast," she said. "It was an amazing opportunity to work with great actors in a less stressful environment."
Unlike many actors and actresses who proclaim that they do not plan careers and that roles just seem to come along, Longoria says she strategizes about her choices.
Note how the writer develops another theme: personal strategy, introduced in the above paragraph and developed below:
She graduated from college with plans to work in sports medicine and become a trainer for a professional sports team. Parker is a star player for basketball's San Antonio Spurs.
After bringing the subject's life to the present, the writer goes back to the past again:
Longoria never dreamed of movie stardom back on her family's ranch near the south Texas town of Corpus Christi.
"We couldn't afford to go to movies," she said.
Her fantasy was to be on TV. She won a modeling contest that sent her to Hollywood where she began building a resume. She did extra work, then bit parts on "Beverly Hills 90210" and small roles on soap operas like "The Bold and The Beautiful."
"I planned. It was definitely intentional," she said.
Note how the writer takes his subject to lower levels of generality: from general strategy, to movies, to a particular movie:
But movies -- not TV -- are the top rung on the career ladder for actors in Hollywood, so after only one season on "Desperate Housewives," she shot "The Sentinel" -- during her summer vacation.
Later this year, fans will see Longoria in a low-budget film "Harsh Times" that she shot over the Christmas holiday. She portrays a lawyer who grew up poor but became successful.
"It's a dark, dark drama. Very indie," she said. "Anytime you do a good independent film ... you're respected in a circle of critics and a circle in the industry. That was definitely a choice." "Harsh Times" is expected to be released this fall, just in time for Hollywood's Oscar season.
(NOTE: "Indie" is slang for "independent" [movie], not funded by a big movie company so often with unusual subject matter.) Note the weak ending, which would not be good in a regular profile. This is not an ideal profile, since it doesn't meet all the standards. For example, it's part publicity as well as profile. But what would be a weak ending in a profile works well here since the goal really is to advertise the subject's next film (that's why stars give interviews); and what occurs at the end has most emphasis. Also, the subject was probably interviewed by phone, so setting is non-existent. You must spend a fair amount on describing the setting of the person you interview: the office, home, restaurant, etc. Finally, as already mentioned, the writer omits any physical description (this includes not only physical traits, but physical actions, like rubbing the nose, squinting, chain smoking, etc. all of which reveal character, whether in movies or in prose).
But clearly the writer lived up to the title, showing Longoria's "other side," giving examples, quoting speech, and adding background details to fill out his subject.

SUNDAY PROFILE:
By God and Taiwan
Joyce Chiou’s massive new opera, ‘The Black Bearded Bible Man,’ depicts the life of George MacKay, a 19th-century Canadian missionary to Taiwan

By Bradley Winterton
CONTRIBUTING REPORTER
Sunday, Nov 09, 2008, Page 14
To view the original Taipei Times article, go here.
A note on typography first. Titles of novels, operas, films are commonly set in italics. However in newspapers and other daily media publications quotes are used instead, as around The Black Bearded Bible Man. Also note that "black-bearded" would formally have received a hyphen to separate the two adjectives "black" and "bearded," but this style seems to have changed recently. (We used to write, for example, "African-American," but now write "African American" instead.) The writer begins with a direct quote. He thought the quote significant enough because it had drama: the composer almost rejected the project now being staged in Taipei. Note how he includes important information in parentheses (Joyce Chiou's Chinese name, the full name of the orchestra). "Stylish" is a general and vague word, but it fits; it's all we need, because the focus is one a person, not her place. If the place were not stylish but "shabby," that would have been enough too. But actually this is arbitrary; another writer might have done something with the word "stylish" or "shabby," if they chose, and broken that word down into more specifics. But it would have been a different kind of essay, focusing on how "stylish" or "shabby" the person herself was. Note how simply the writer situates the interview "in Taipei" by simply using "Taipei" as an adjective for "premises" (working quarters). A student would have used a lot of words and lost coherence too: "The composer works in Taipei." Note coherence: the writer mentions that Chiou is also the orchestra's "Executive Director," following mention of her "stylish office" at NSO's "Taipei's premises." Finally notice how the writer breaks up direct dialogue with description. This is a primary goal of the profile writer: to be sure the profile doesn't read like a transcript of an interview, but reads like a profile. This means the writer must balance direct quotes with narrative and description. Sometimes this is done simply by breaking up the direct quotes with attribution, as below ("said Joyce Chiou in her stylish. . . ."). The second paragraph develops an antithesis (she resisted writing about George MacKay BUT. . . .).
“When the composer first asked me to write the libretto for an opera he had in mind about George MacKay, I declined. I think he thought of me because I’d combined music and theater as double majors for my degree in the US, as well as because of my experience with opera here in Taipei. But I sensed he also wanted a Christian to do the job, and I knew I didn’t fit that requirement,” said Joyce Chiou in her stylish office at the National Symphony Orchestra’s (NSO, 黑鬚馬偕) Taipei premises. Together with her other work she’s the orchestra’s Executive Director.
“Later, though, I had second thoughts, largely as a result of discovering MacKay’s support of the education for women here in Taiwan. I’d assumed beforehand that everything he did was really a part of his wider program as a missionary — basically that he wanted people to be educated in order to make them Christians. But once I got to know more about him I saw he was a more complex figure, and I so changed my mind.”
Now the writer breaks up direct quotes with narration: Chiou puts on a CD. Then he uses apposition to "define" The Black Bearded Bible Man as "the massive opera. . . ." etc. A relative clause mentions the world premiere of the opera in Taipei. Notice how well the writer controls his long sentence, including a long appositive and a relative clause. Then he continues with another direct quote:
Chiou puts on a CD of some early work on The Black Bearded Bible Man, the massive opera about the 19th-century Canadian missionary to Taiwan, George MacKay, that will be given its world premiere in Taipei with the NSO on Nov. 27.
Notice the writer's coherence, moving from narration of putting the CD on to dialogue describing the singing. The dialogue is rather banal, and the adverb "excitedly" is not interesting, but somehow it works to capture who Chiou is and how she talks. Nothing in writing is good or bad, so long as the reader feels there's a PURPOSE behind the choices made in the writing. Macbeth's "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow" would be poor writing if writing a memo to one's boss "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow you appointment schedule is all full") but is superb writing when having a murderer (Macbeth) speak about how empty his life has become! As for the quote, the writer SELECTS a quote that names the singer (Thomas Meglioranza) who will perform; so that's important information:
“That’s an American, singing in Taiwanese!” she said excitedly. “Isn’t that amazing? It’s Thomas Meglioranza from New York. OK, his wife’s Taiwanese, but he’d never attempted to learn the language until he got this part.
The writer chooses to use a long quote without breaking it up. How much of a proportion of direct quotes to descriptive writing is relative. In a "strong" writer, direct quotes will be fewer than descriptive or narrative writing; the emphasis will be on the writer rather than the profile subject, or the interest will be equally shared. But in a less strong writer, the focus will be on the profile subject (person) and the writer will try to disappear behind the subject, as here. The coherence in the final part of this paragraph is superficial: the speaker moves from her own knowledge of Taiwanese to MacKay's writing of a Taiwanese-English dictionary; but the writer leaves it in, apparently thinking this bit of information about MacKay is important for the reader and writing about the opera:
“The opera’s almost all sung in Taiwanese, with only 10 percent in English, such as when MacKay first arrives on the island and doesn’t yet know the language. Actually, this was also part of the problem for me in accepting the commission. I’d spoken Taiwanese as a child here in Taiwan, but I wasn’t too confident about writing in it, especially with rhymes. Did you know MacKay himself wrote a Taiwanese-English dictionary, using the Roman alphabet for Taiwanese?”
Here the writer forces the speaker to focus on the opera instead of MacKay by interjecting a comment about the opera's music, using the CD as a coherence device. Note how the writer sets up an antithesis, taken up by Chiou. The writer then economically includes the name of the composer, controlling his long sentence very well ("referring to the opera's composer. . . ."), again using parentheses to include the composer's Chinese name as well:
I said that judging from the CD, the music was going to be lyrical rather than abstruse.
“I think Gordon wanted it to be more contemporary, but then when he saw my words he realized it was going to have to be more accessible,” Chiou replied, referring to the opera’s composer Gordon Shi-wen Chin (金希文).
Here the writer uses background information to insure coherence from one idea to another: Chiou's background includes popular books, so that explains why her opera libretto is also popular:
As well as producing and helping direct operas, Chiou has written a guide to Broadway musicals, and another called Behind the Mask: Phantom of the Opera, so I guessed in advance that her approach would probably be fairly lyrical and popular.
Notice by the way that the profile writer never directly quotes himself, because he or she is not the focus of the profile! Never quote yourself as writer; only indirectly quote yourself. Note also that coherence is not that difficult to insure, because one need mainly use indirect quotes to change the subject ("I asked whether. . . ."), though care must be taken that the change in focus not that too abrupt. Note how "conflicts" leads coherently to the direct quote by Chiou:
I asked whether, if MacKay wasn’t going to be presented only as a missionary, he was going to be shown as a man with conflicts.
“Oh yes,” she says. “I actually had a church service in the first draft, but it didn’t seem very dramatic so I cut it. Instead, I concentrated on the theatrical values of conflict and tension. The opera opens with his death, and all the rest is flashback, until you come to his death again at the end, and then in essence we repeat the first scene.”
I don't like the following paragraph; it's telling, not showing. The writer here is too intrusive and he loses focus on the profile subject (Chiou), bringing focus to himself (and his views) instead. The reader's focus should be exclusively on Chiou:
This is a powerful technique, showing something that the audience doesn’t understand the first time round but which, by the time it repeats itself, is understood by everyone; this bodes well for the opera.
Coherence could be improved in the next paragraph, which seems forced following the paragraph before ("Among the other important characters. . . ."), especially since there's no mention of the word "character" before (the focus was on MacKay the man, not the "character"). But the writer again makes good use of parentheses and modifiers ("Korean tenor") to give the reader important information. He also economically tells the reader important information (how long the opera is, who conducts the orchestra, etc.). These are questions the reader wants answered, especially if the reader plans to see the show:
Among the other important characters are MacKay’s Taiwanese wife (sung by Chen Mei-chin, 陳美津) and two of his male followers, sung by the Korean tenor Choi Seung-jin and Taiwan’s Liau Chong-boon (廖聰文). The opera, over three hours long and with two intervals, will be directed by Germany’s Lukas Hemleb and conducted by Chien Wen-pin (簡文彬).
Coherence to the next paragraph could have been stronger; instead the writer jumps from the show to whether there are photos of MacKay. Then there's no coherence in Chiou's quoted dialogue. The fact that she speaks like this does not justify the lack of editorial selection on the part of the writer. The writer should have imposed coherence on the direct quote, posssibly by editing the quote accordingly. Note how the second sentence ("MacKay had always wanted. . . .") has no relationship with the first. Then in the paragraph after this there's no coherence either: "There's a lot of choral writing in the score." The writer is not shaping the material but allowing the material to take over; so this begins to read like it has less focus than it should. The second paragraph below, in fact, has no coherence at all, and seems to jump from one idea to the next without control. Chiou refers to "choral writing in the score." Then how Taiwanese acted "in groups." Then The fact that Gordon Chin has "written a lot of choral music. . . . " Finally, where she found inspiration (from Greek tragedy and Les Miserables). Of course the speaker can't be faulted; but the writer should have exercised more control over the material:
“There’s no extant film of MacKay, but I believe the production will use a lot of film nonetheless, made up from the many black-and-white still photos of him that do survive. MacKay had always wanted to come to the Far East, but he wandered around a lot — Fujian Province, Guandong, southern Taiwan — before settling in Tamshui. He said it was the sight of Guanyin Mountain (觀音山) that convinced him it was the right place,” Chiou said.
“There’s a lot of choral writing in the score. I had the sense that, with some important exceptions, the Taiwanese tended to act in groups rather than as individuals in those days, and as Gordon Chin has also written a lot of choral music in the past, there’s a lot in this opera. I took my inspiration for how to use people singing in groups from ancient Greek tragedy and from Les Miserables.”
The following paragraph seems completely out of place. This seems to be realized by the writer himself, who quickly returns to his main focus in the paragraph after: "But The Black Bearded Bible Man. . . ." Background information is valuable and interesting; but it should have been included at the beginning, not here. The quote about Chiou's research, in the third paragraph below, also seems out of place, as does the reference to MacKay's death at 58:
Chiou started to work in her present position with the NSO in June, 2006. She had worked for the National Chiang Kai-shek Cultural Center in various roles before that, and had gained extensive experience in university administration during a long stay in Vancouver from 1997 to 2004.
But The Black Bearded Bible Man seemed a more interesting topic than administration, so we returned to that.
“I did a lot of my research about MacKay at Oxford College in Tamshui,” Chiou said. “They have a small library devoted to him. He died in Tamshui in 1901, aged 58.”
Note how the writer fills in details, by narration and indirect quotes, that otherwise would take too long in direct quotes, at one point indirectly quoting Chiou, but, for the most part, just filling in the details himself. Then in the paragraph after this he nicely (coherently) links a direct quote from Chiou herself:
He’d been there 29 years, apart from a brief period in Hong Kong. His last six years in Taiwan were during the Japanese occupation, but Chiou said she hadn’t included this as the opera was long enough as it was. But anti-foreigner sentiment during the Sino-French war of 1884 to 1885 formed a potent element in the plot, she added.
“Essentially I present MacKay as a man who wanted to improve the lot of the Taiwanese people in any way he could. The villagers were afraid of him at first so he began learning Taiwanese from the children. He practiced dentistry and founded hospitals. All in all, the more I read about him the more I came to admire him,” Chiou said.
The writer doesn't seem to know how to end his profile, so he ends it rather weakly, referring to possible attendance at the performances of Chiou's opera. He could have had a stronger ending. Surprisingly, the writer ends on a negative note and tone ("How many affluent modern Taiwanese will be interested").
As I left, I found myself wondering how many affluent modern Taiwanese will be interested in seeing a stage show about their under-privileged past. But it was too late to ask Chiou her opinion on the matter. She’d obviously be optimistic anyway, I decided. The attendances at the four performances at the end of the month will settle the question one way or the other.
Sample Profile
First note that this article, on a college tuition increase in Florida, fails to answer the question of how much tuition costs now and what it will cost after the increase. It wrongly assumes the reader knows these facts. I give this just as an example of how even published articles can have problems. Now follows the profile and analysis.
Profile
This is a profile of a call girl, notorious for her services to a former New York governor, leading to his resignation. The profile is organized around Cause-Effect (why she became a call girl; but also the consequences her choice has had on her family and herself) and Definition (who she thinks she is compared to the image created by the scandal or by her profession).
Once the focus was chosen, the quotes were easy to choose, since they had to develop the main Cause-Effect and Definition topics. Coherence was also easy, beginning on Cause-Effect (how she became a call girl) and ending on how she wants people to see her.
It's not a perfect model, since the profile was not written by the same person who did the interview, but uses quotes from the interview instead. Other than that, it's a good model to use for a profile.
Below is a copy of the profile. The student can also hear part of the actual interview here, thus seeing how the quote is included in the profile below:
The young woman at the center of the historic downfall of the governor of New York is finally speaking out. Ashley Dupré, the 23-year-old former escort who was the target of intense media scrutiny in the days after Gov. Eliot Spitzer's resignation from public office, has stepped forward to give her first television interview. Dupré told ABC News' Diane Sawyer that she does not feel responsible for Spitzer's downfall.
The writer begins with what is called a cataphora: that is, describing the person before she's identified. This is a useful way to engage interest, as in mystery stories: "She was walking along a dark narrow street when she saw him." Also used is an appositive (telling us who Ashley Dupré is by using a comma separation after her name, as in, "Barack Obama, the president-elect," where "the president-elect" lies in apposition to "Barack Obama," describing him).
Note the second sentence is long but well controlled. So the profile begins on Definition, followed by Cause-Effect ("she does not feel responsible"). The writer chooses an apt quotation:

"If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else," she said. "I was doing my job. I don't feel that I brought him down."
Note another use of apposition to explain "Emperor's Club V.I.P." Then another use of Cause-Effect (how the scandal affected Dupré's life), with another apt quote:
In March, the media discovered Dupré was "Kristen," her alias at the Emperor's Club V.I.P., the high-end escort service that had arranged her rendezvous at the Mayflower Hotel in Washington, D.C., with Spitzer. Soon after the story broke, Dupré sought refuge at her family's home in New Jersey.

"I felt like it was surreal, like it wasn't happening," she said. "But it was."
Yet another use of Cause-Effect: "how an upper middle class girl" "could become an escort":
Dupré's situation raised questions about how an upper middle class girl from New Jersey, whose stepfather is a prominent oral surgeon, could become an escort.
Still more Cause-Effect, emphasizing Dupré's difficult relationship with her father:
She told Sawyer that, as a child, she was a "happy kid" who "got along with everybody" and was particularly close to her older brother, Kyle Youmans. She changed her last name to Dupré because she didn't have a close relationship with her biological father.
Note how the quotes are linked together well, so that each quotes seems inevitable when it comes. Here again Cause-Effect "explains" why Dupré changed her name:
"I wanted a new name to go along with me," she said. "I've been searching for so long for that identity of who I am." In high school, Dupré was an honor student, worked in a restaurant and "never really socialized and went ... to any of the parties, the high school parties."

"I got along with everyone, I was kind of popular," she said. "I was pretty popular."
Note the use of antithesis ("But"): Dupré was happy but also struggled with drugs and relationships with men. Note the careful alternation of descriptive transitions and quoted speech:
But Dupré also told Sawyer about her struggles with drugs, running away from home at 17 and troubled relationships with men in her life.

"I was an angry 17-year-old," she said. "I was so confused and I didn't understand my emotions. Where I became self-destructive."
"Where I became self-destructive" (above) is not grammatical, but allowed in quoted speech; in fact, it becomes effective as quoted speech to evoke a real person trying to find words to express her emotions.
At 19, Dupré moved to New York City to pursue her dream of becoming a singer. She was working three jobs when someone gave her a business card for the escort service.
Once again, the writer carefully balances narrative (above) with quoted speech (below), at the same time linking each section like a mosaic:
"You don't mean to make those choices but you're put in a situation and, you know, you have an opportunity to do it," she said.
In a traditional profile, the writer would use a descriptive transition to link these two quotes (usually it's not good to have two independent quotes next to each other without a narrative or descriptive transition, such as: "Ms. Dupré nervously fondled the yellow beads that hung around her neck, then explained how she slipped into the escort business."
The quote allows the speaker to use comparison and contrast, as well as analogy, to defend herself:
"I really didn't see the difference between going on a date with someone in New York, taking you to dinner and expecting something in return," she said. "I really thought it was more of a trade-off. He's expecting something in return when you date, whereas, you know, being an escort, it was a formal transaction."
Once again, two separate quotes follow each other. This is not the best style but it's becoming more common in fast-paced media publications, where readers have little time for description. In the past, when there was nothing but print media, people enjoyed having a writer evoke an image of a person, the way she looked, dressed, talked, behaved, sipped coffee, etc. Today, a photo is worth a thousand words (see left). Artistically this is not true; since writing is as much style as substance (content); the way that art lovers are not interested in the landscape so much as in the way it's painted. But people are not as interested in artistic style today as in the past. So most writing today is functional: it gets to the point with economy and clarity of expression so people enjoy it but don't invest too much time, which they don't have to spare these days!
"The media thinks that I'm this crazy partyer and, you know, I like limelight and I want to be out and socializing," she said. "And I would love nothing more than to sit at home and watch a movie. And hang out with my dog, or cook with some close friends."
Note how the writer sums up a lot of dialogue by indirectly quoting it. Note also how Dupré justifies herself, as if she were the victim of others (a boyfriend, for example), or of circumstances outside her control (debts):
Dupré said she worked on and off for the escort service and, after being left by a boyfriend with a $3,600 apartment lease to pay off, medical bills and a heavy load of credit card debt, she returned to the agency. Four weeks later, she went to Washington, not knowing that she was meeting a governor.

Dupré says she initially didn't know the identity of the man referred to in court documents as Client No. 9.

"He looked familiar," she said. "But I was 22 years old, I didn't, I wasn't reading the papers, I was so involved in my life and I was so selfish and caught up in my life and I didn't know who he was. And I was whoever they wanted me to be, and he was whoever he wanted to be."

When asked how often she saw Spitzer, Dupré was reluctant to discuss the details.

"Legally, I am not able to answer that question," she said.
Note (above) that though the writer leaves out important information (how often Dupré saw her client, Spitzer) she gives a reason for doing so (legally, Dupré was unable to answer); so the reader is satisfied with the missing facts or details.
Dupré remembers the moment of shock when she watched Spitzer's televised resignation.

"I didn't know the depth to my situation," she said. "That's when I connected the dots, was when everyone else found out. I turned on the TV and I said, "Oh s--, what did I get myself involved in? I felt like everything slowed down around me. And it was just the TV and I and, I was shocked."

Dupré says she was not focused on the governor during the speech, but rather, wife Silda's face as she stood by his side.

"I felt connected to her," Dupré said. "I didn't feel connected to him. Her pain. And I just saw the pain in her eyes."
Much of the profile uses Cause-Effect as the main organization principle (the effect on Dupré's mother and stepfather):
Dupré is well aware of the pain she caused her own family. Her mother's sadness was intensified by pressure to turn against her daughter.

"So many people told her to kick me out," Dupré said. "You know, don't, why are you taking her in? And my mom's response is, 'She's a piece of me. How can you just throw it out?'"

Dupré's relationship with her stepfather has been particularly strained.

"He was so disgusted with me when everything happened," Dupré said, adding that he wouldn't look at her or hug her for quite some time. "Now it's, it's getting better. And we're working on our relationship."
Cause-Effect (Dupré's goal is to sing) is followed by Definition ("that's not who I am"):
Dupré says her only ambition now is to pursue the singing career of which she has always dreamed. She has received a number of lucrative offers, from reality shows to $1 million to pose for Hustler magazine, but she has turned them all down.
Now Contradiction is used; that is, Dupré tells who she is by who she is NOT. This is followed by Cause-Effect ("do what I love"), then Definition ("who I am"), finally ending in Cause-Effect again ("I'm not going to let this change who I am"; the state will not pursue charges; Dupré wants time to heal, etc.:
"You stop and think, but that's not who I am," she said. "And that's not what I want to do. I want to go after my music and do what I love. And not lose track of who I am on the way. I'm trying to pursue my music. I'm still living for it. I'm not gonna give up my dream. I'm not going to change. I'm not going to let this change who I am. And what I love."

Legal experts say it is unlikely that Dupré will be charged with a crime because federal prosecutors have announced they will not seek any criminal charges against the former governor.

"I needed to give myself time to heal," Dupré said. "And the people that were hurt by my choices time to heal, as well. And now it's time for me to tell my side of the story. And for people to get to know me. The real me, not, not the person that was created by the media."

Poet Seidel relates his inspired life
By HILLEL ITALIE, AP NEW YORK
It is late morning, dark and cozy in the Carlyle's Gallery lounge. The Twin Towers have fallen. George W. Bush is president. Robert Kennedy is dead. Ezra Pound is a modernist. Seidel rides a motorcycle.
The poet is 71. He loves Fred Astaire.
"I want it all to matter," he says, "whether it gets down on the page or not."
Using an expletive ("It is"), the writer establishes the setting ("late morning," "Carlyle's Gallery"), then the time by touchstones (references to the Twin Towers, poet, Ezra Pound, etc.), which seem arbitrary; but that's the point, as the first quote shows: "I want it all to matter." Already the writer has a point-of-view about his subject as an odd person. Then he establishes a background of the writer for those unfamilair with him (the second sentence goes to lower levels of generality, from poems to kinds of poems):
For more than 50 years, Seidel has been writing poems — topical poems and timeless poems. Poems about sex, the cosmos, motorcycles and growing old. Difficult, troubling poems that may or may not have rhyme or meter, or may or may not have an obvious meaning, but still leave brave readers feeling the presence of a strange and brilliant mind.
Good descriptive prose about the subject's appearance:
Wearing a jacket and slacks, no tie, Seidel is a casual, cultured man with a high forehead and a spark of scandal in his eyes. He almost never talks to the press, but agreed to an Associated Press interview in support of "Ooga-Booga," his most recent collection. The Carlyle, across town from his Upper West Side apartment, is a favorite locale, honored in his poem, "Frederick Seidel," in which he declares: "I am a result of the concierge of the Carlyle."
The dialogue takes us to a lower level of generality from the previous mention of the Carlyle Hotel:
"I like being alone, and I like hotels," he says, noting that hotels often are in his poems. "I like the sense of being safely enclosed, anonymous, but not — able to feel cosseted and comforted and protected by what's around, but left alone by it. That's what I think is terrific about hotels. You're alone, but you're not."
"Writes" refers back to a previous paragraph about the poet's writing, also taking us to lower levels of generality, but this time using indirect dialogue for variety and economy (saving words). "Even" takes us to lower levels of generality, further describing the poet's indifference:
He writes day and night, he says, and appears not to worry about who reads him. A recent nominee for the National Book Critics Circle Award, he didn't attend the ceremony and didn't bother writing a statement in case he won (he didn't). Even his new book's cover, a mocking, menacing head shot of Seidel taken in a photo booth, has an "open, if you dare," quality.
The writer now uses contrast as antithesis to the poet's indifference (what would he do if Oprah Winfrey came calling). This is followed by an analogy ("like being paid," etc.). The paragrah concludes on "definition," a commonplace putting the poet as a "type of artist" Winfrey might admire:
Asked what his reaction would be if Oprah Winfrey came calling, Seidel dismisses the idea, then briefly welcomes it, if only for the weirdness, like being paid to write a poem while bungee jumping. But in a way Seidel might appreciate, he's the type of artist Winfrey would probably admire, for his poems are a triumph of cosmic awe in the face of earthly terror.
After describing the poet's work in the last paragraph, the writer gets to lower levels of generality in the next:
The news is often bad in his work, whether the crash of the World Trade Center or the failings of his own body ("The melanoma on my skin/Resumes what's wrong with me within"). The same man who spells suicidal "sui-Seidel"), remains wondrous, fascinated, grateful to be alive, much in love with "the sky above."
The quote takes us to lower levels of generality from the last paragraph:
"I'm quite taken up with what's going on now, when it's going on. I like the times I'm living in. In fact, it's been a privilege, a fascination, to be living through these decades," he says.
Now we get the usual biographical background to vary the present with the past and give the reader some perspective on the profile subject:
A native of St. Louis, Seidel has been a dedicated writer since age 13, when poetry cast its spell. The author was seated in a school library, reading Time magazine instead of doing his homework, when he spotted an article about Ezra Pound and read an excerpt from one of his cantos, "What thou lovest well remains/the rest is dross."
In profiles, quotes usually go to lower levels of generality from the previous, more general, descriptive prose, as here:
"It was just a wand, a Disney wand with sparkles, touching me, sparkles almost piercing — the almost unbearable beauty of those lines, which are as beautiful now, some years later, as they were then," he says.
Definition advances the profile by putting Seidel in the class of other modernist poets like Eliot and Pound. Definition is also used to list the "lot of people" the poet met, which takes us to a lower level of generality:
A young modernist was born, who would well carry on the tradition of classical learning and contemporary dread. Seidel not only read Pound and T.S. Eliot, but got to know them. He's met a lot of people: from fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg to John F. Kennedy, who visited the Harvard University campus while Seidel was a student and Kennedy a senator.
More Definition is used ("a wealthy man's son") and a comic analogy ("as [=like] an agent of fate"):
Fitting for a wealthy man's son — his father ran a coal-and-coke business — Seidel did not really ask to see his heroes, but insisted on it, presented himself as an agent of fate. He remembers first contacting Pound in the 1950s, when Seidel was an undergraduate and Pound was institutionalized at St. Elizabeth's Hospital in Washington, D.C.
Months later, an airmail special delivery postcard arrived from St. Elizabeth's, with "an illegible scrawl on it." Upon close inspection, Seidel realized he had received an invitation.
Lower levels of generality, typical of quoted speech in profiles:
"I took a Greyhound bus from Cambridge, Mass., to Washington and saw Pound. I planned to stay a couple of days and stayed more and more," he recalls.
With Pound's help, Seidel met Eliot, when the poet was living in London and working as a publisher at Faber & Faber. Seidel never doubted they would get along. Both were poets, from St. Louis, friends of Ezra Pound. A meeting was arranged at Eliot's office, where Seidel encountered his secretary, Valerie Fletcher, who would soon become Eliot's wife.
Again the quoted speech moves to lower levels of generality from the previous narrated paragrah:
"When I arrived, 17-18 years old, she said to me, in a very shocked way, and an unfriendly way, `You shouldn't be here at all. He shouldn't be seeing you at all. He's quite sick, so for heaven's sake, don't stay long.'"
Good use of short paragraphs. The writer also uses "epistrophe" (repeating the last word in a sentence: "long") in order to insure coherence. "Hours" takes "long" to a lower level of generality, also advancing coherence:
He stayed long.
"Hours," he says. "We had a wonderful time."
Some more background information. Profiles usually are ordered from present to past and forward again to add variety to the writing. Note that the book title, Final Solutions, is set off by quotes ("Final Solutions") instead of italics. This is common in popular print forms like newspapers, etc. But the accepted form in book style is italics. Now the writer uses Cause-Effect to develop the narration. A parenthesis is also nicely used to describe how Seidel enjoys "Scandal!"
Seidel caused a bit of controversy — "Scandal!" he calls it, eyes alive with pleasure — even before his first book, "Final Solutions," came out. In 1962, he was to receive a poetry award from the 92nd Street Y in New York City, but was told to remove some references to former first lady Mamie Eisenhower, for fear of libel.
"Request" links this paragraph to the last by a lower level of generality:
The request was denied, the award revoked. Atheneum Books had promised to publish his book, changed its mind and "Final Solutions" was eventually released by Random House. Seidel waited 17 years before putting out another.
Again, quoted speech moves to a lower level of generality from the last narration:
"I wrote a bit after that, but then I stopped, because I felt I did not know how to say something new, and that it would be important to wait until I did," he says.
The next paragraph might have begun with more obvious coherence in the form, "He resists interviews to conserve his creative life," etc. Instead the writer chose reversed word order to add interest ("One reason"):
One reason he resists interviews is not just protection of his private life, but the conservation of his creative life, as if every word released were so much energy burned. Poetry, he explains, is a state of mind apart from the poet, yet also above the poet, below the poet, and deeply within.
On a lower level of generality, this quote explains the previous narration at a lower level of generality:
"You're doing so many things on so many tracks at the same time — dozens and dozens of things, mentally — that were you successfully to separate out the different strands, you would make the task impossible," says Seidel, now the author of 11 books, including "Sunrise," winner of National Book Critics Circle Prize in 1981, and "Going Fast," a finalist in 1999 for the Pulitzer.
Some more epistrophe ("own world," "the world"). Then speech goes to a lower level of generality ("A boulevard of elegance").
He is in his own world, but very much of the world. "A boulevard of elegance," as he has written of himself, he is mad about movies and music and a connoisseur of politics, as pastime and metaphysics. He is one poet for whom presidents matter, not only as lawmakers, but as cultural forces, whose personal essence becomes public matter.
Again speech goes to a lower level of generality from previous narration. The final paragraphs go to progressively lower levels of generality, insuring coherence. The profile ends on a quote, using Definition (of Robert Kennedy) as a Definition of the poet himself (that is, they belong in the same class):
"I'm very much aware of politics, because I very much enjoy politics," he says. "There have been a few blank periods when I was deprived of my pleasure. . . . But, for the most part, it's very much a part of what I see as coloring the world, permeating the world."
He has written an ode to the Kennedy administration ("We could love politics for its mind!/All seemed possible") and an anti-ode to the Bush administration ("The United States of America preemptively eats the world"). Other presidents have bored him (Ronald Reagan) or fascinated him, but not to the point of poetry (Richard Nixon).
One man truly moved him. Seidel has likened Robert Kennedy, assassinated in 1968 as he ran for president, to a character out of Yeats and has written that Kennedy was the only politician he ever loved. When discussing Kennedy during his interview, Seidel sounds as if he could be describing himself.
"He had a fierce sincerity, he meant it. He was almost scary, and was quite willing to say the wrong thing," Seidel says. "He tried to fight his way forward to where he got, and where he got, I thought, was admirable, inspired and inspiring."
CALIFORNIA'S OLDEST INMATE
By J. Michael Kennedy, Times Staff Writer
April 10, 2007
The following profile has been edited down from a longer essay that partly focuses on the California parole system. By editing it, I turned it, I put the focus on the man rather than the social issues of the prison system. So students who refer to the original essay can see how editing can "revise" an essay, that is, see it from a different point of view:
At 94, John Rodriguez has the dubious distinction of being the oldest inmate in the California prison system.
Focus is quickly established through the means of Definition: placing John Rodriguez in the class of 1) old men, 2) prisoners. Then the writer moves to a lower level of generality, followed by an antithesis based on cause-effect (because he's a murderer he's not sympathetic):
He looks the part, with his snow-white hair and unsteady gait. But given the crime that put him in prison, he's hardly a sympathetic character.
A yet lower level of generality, giving details of the murder, using cause-effect to do so, with some indirect quotation ("he claimed").
Rodriguez murdered his wife during a drunken rage on a December day in 1981. He claimed she'd been cheating on him. For that, he stabbed her 26 times with a paring knife. His punishment was a sentence of 16 years to life, and he's spent most of it at the California Men's Colony in San Luis Obispo.
The next means ("commonplace") is Division, dividing up Rodriquez's current life: he uses a walker, is hard of hearing, has arthritis, is forgetful, has taken hard falls, and lives in the prison hospital. Lower levels of generality are shown by underline.
Rodriguez uses a walker and is hard of hearing. He has arthritis and is often forgetful. He's taken some hard falls over the years, breaking his arms and severely bruising himself. He's lived in the prison hospital for two years, sleeping in a dormitory setting rather than a cell.
Personal description follows:
He's become a fixture around the low-security hospital, where his normal daytime attire is pajama bottoms and a blue prison shirt. Part of his routine is a Sunday visit to the Indian sweat lodge on the prison grounds.
Cause effect ("remorse," "jealousy"):
Rodriguez says he has remorse over the murder, that he was insane with jealousy because his much younger wife had taken up with a man closer to her age.
Dialogue goes to lower levels of generality from the previous paragraph, typical of quoted speech in profiles:
"I just want to get out and be left alone," he said. "I'm sorry for what happened and I shouldn't have done it."
The key word, "murder," continues coherence, by linking past paragraphs to the next:
No one, including Rodriguez, tries to downplay the murder that sent him to prison.
Lower level of generality: from Rodriguez to his murder. The next paragraphs are called "narration" (of time) rather than "description" (of place, people, or things). Note strong verbs: "recounted" (not "told"); "consumed" (not "drank").
As Rodriguez recounted to police, he began drinking early that morning in 1981 and, by about 5 p.m., had consumed an estimated 18 beers.
He then went to Trejo's home and struck her when she opened the door. He began stabbing her with a paring knife, chasing her from room to room as she tried to escape. After he killed her, Rodriguez walked to his own home, where he was waiting when police arrived to arrest him. He was 68 at the time.
Common in profiles, narration is not chronological, but shifts back and forth from present to past. Note however that sometimes chronology must be strict, as in the narration of the murder, which was narrated step by step ("He then went to Trejo's home" and "After he killed her," etc.).
John Rodriguez was born in Mexico and spent most of his life in Louisiana, Texas and California. His criminal history includes several drunk driving offenses and a conviction for dealing heroin.
During his working life, Rodriguez was a cook, an interpreter and a delivery driver. He now spends much of his day lying in a prison hospital bed, though he takes pride in the fact that he still has some vigor left.
The previous paragraph links past and present by antithesis ("He now spends," etc.). The profile ends with quoted speech. Journalistic writing commonly uses "weak" endings rather than strong endings as in classical writing. This is typical of a "slice-of-life" look at people, probably influenced by the news media as well as the cinema of realism. In other words, there are no "neat" endings. One feels this profile might have ended in any number of ways. The writer chose an up-close look at the thinking of an aged murderer who still takes pride in something even if he's in prison.
"I don't look like I'm old," he said. "There's a 70-year-old man here who looks older than me.