COMPOSITION: Assignment for 24 September 2008

COMPOSITION
FOR 24 SEPTEMBER 2008

For next Wednesday, practice the Communication Triangle: Speaker (purpose), audience (reader/auditor), text (argument/logic).
    Write a brief (2 paragraphs) text on any topic you choose. It can be a letter to a friend asking for money. It can be a letter to a newspaper complaining of something. It can be a complaint to a department store. It can be a description of your brother or sister. Anything.
    In class you will project it on the screen with a laptop computer and explain your purpose, your intended audience, and why you think you succeeded in your purpose by pointing out your use of language (words), sentences, argument; your use of P/S, Q/A, or the 5 W's + H as we discussed in class.

Model:

Thrift Department Stores

Mr. Tom Adams,
General Manager

Dear Mr. Adams,

I am a faithful patron of your store in Tainan. I shop there almost every weekend with my two children. Usually I have no problems.
    However, last Saturday, in a deserted section of the fifth floor, my children had to use the rest room. Unfortunately there was a suspicious-looking man nearby. He was shabbily dressed and appeared to be drunk while loitering near the rest rooms. I was afraid to let my children into the rest room, but had no choice since they had to go rather badly.
    I think you have a good store, Mr. Adams. However I'm surprised that there was no security up on that floor, when you know that parents bring their children to the toy section further down from the elevators.
    I am now afraid of returning to your store in case something similar happens in the future. Please assure me that you plan to respond to this complaint appropriately so I can remain a good patron of your department store in Tainan.
    With great appreciation for your previous service,
    Yours,
    Ellen Jones.

First, I considered my audience: the manager of a department store. He's obviously concerned with making money. So I included that fact in my letter (I'm "a faithful patron" and "I shop almost every weekend"). 
    See every detail has a purpose; and that purpose is related to my audience. The two cannot be separated. And the two = what I write (the text; message; speech; and which details I include).
    I begin my letter with the most important fact from my reader's point of view: money. I shop there every weekend.
    But in my second short paragraph I use what is called an adversative (usually using "but," "however," etc.). I give important details: who? children. When? last Saturday. Who (again): "suspicious-looking man." Where? "nearby" on the fifth floor near the rest room. How? (how was he dressed to look suspicious): shabbily, appeared drunk, loitering, etc.
    I use a little of P/S (problem-solution): the problem was having the children use the rest room and finding a reasonable solution: there was none. And that's the main focus of the letter.
    Note that I failed in this letter: I did NOT specify whether the children were girls or boys. Sometimes being general helps; but the manager may wish to KNOW this fact so he could check the rest room (for girls or boys). (Of course I left out this fact on purpose to illustrate a point to students in the class! I don't want to make the letter too good.)
    Next I show how reasonable I am while flattering my reader: "you have a good store." Mixing praise and blame makes the writer sound reasonable and therefore believable. For example, if a person says only bad things about New York, we tend to disbelieve the person entirely; because common sense tells us that New York or another major city must have good things about it as well as bad.
    Now Mrs. Jones uses cause-effect: she's surprised there's no security when the manager must know that children go to that floor. This is "logic."
    Cause-effect continues in the next brief paragraph: she's afraid to return. From the point of view of the Communication Triangle, she persuades the manager where it matters most: lost patronage, hence lost revenue. BAD.
    Then she links the two ideas coherently: her continued patronage and better security, so that the manager believes the two are logically related.
    Finally she shows again that she's a reasonable person by saying, "with great appreciation for your previous service."
    No manager can ignore a letter like this: the facts are clear; the writer seems reasonable; the purpose is clear too: to increase security.
    What if she had written: "What kind of jerks are you? Are you people so stupid you can't hire security in your dump? You're in the wrong business, chump. You'd better do something about this or I'm not going into that dump again."
    First he tells us nothing about himself, like how often he visits the store. He doesn't even say which floor needs security. Moreover, he insults the manager, who will probably close his mind to the letter without even reading it seriously. Finally he reflects on himself as a stupid person; so the manager thinks, "We're better off without a customer like that."
    So that was not an effective letter.
    Do you think you can do something like this. Write it (2-3 short paragraphs) and explain why you think your wrote well, using the Communication Triangle. Then we'll tell you if you wrote well or not.
    Good luck. Any questions, email me.
    Don't forget to sign up for Conferences beginning 25 September 2008.