WRITING FOR A READER
By reference to "counseling" later in the item, it appears the daughter must have been old enough to be counseled (advised). Other than that, one can only guess at the daughter's age.
I would think that most readers would want to know the daughter's age, because it helps to understand the nature of the offense, the feelings aroused by others who contributed money (a baby might evoke more sympathy than an older child), etc. As you can see, there are no "hard and fast" rules in writing anything. Each news item suggests to the reader inside the writer (if s/he's a good writer) what questions to answer.
That by the way is why rules and models can only help so much and in many ways simply make a forumula out of a writing process that is constantly "fluid" or flowing in good writers. The good writer, in other words, does not ask "who, what, when," etc. Rather the good writer is asking, almost unconsciously, all kinds of questions. Because a good writer is reading at the same time s/he's writing, responding to such questions as:
1. Have I made myself clear?
2. Have I answered that question?
3. Have I solved that problem?
4. Have I given the cost/price?
5. Is this word too big for my readers?
6. Is this adjective or modifier necessary? Or is one necessary where there is none (as in our news item)? "Sad daughter" is as bad as just plain "daughter" ("sad" is a useless adjective). In another case, "daughter" would be enough, as in the following: "Mr. Chen is the proud father of two daughters." But compare: "Mr. Chen has refused to pay child support for his two teenage daughters." Here "teenage" seems necessary, because the age at which the child is being deprived of care adds interest and even legal color to the item.
This is only a short list of questions good writers ask as they read what they write. The list might include dozens of questions. But the questions are more or less unconscious in good writers and may take place one at a time in the process of writing.
Take the example of our news item again. Notice that the disease, leukemia, is not explained. This is not necessary in such an item, where the average reader is expected to know this. But if I'm writing to my ESL classes, I would write something like this, adding an appositive: "faked her daughter's leukemia, a cancer of the blood that in most cases has a very short survival period."
However, the writer of this little news item deserves credit for including all other important information, including nice details of how people were fooled (deceived).
Now getting back to your little letters of introduction to an imaginary chairperson. If you find it easier, rather than follow the model of who, what, where, etc. make a checklist of questions to answer. To do this, you must become a good reader of your writing, becoming, therefore, your audience (chairperson, dean) as well. These are some questions you might wish to answer as you write, pretending you're the official asking about you:
1. Who is she?
2. Why does she wish to pursue a Bachelor's Degree?
3. Why does she choose our university?
4. Why does she choose this field/department?
5. What are her long-term goals. (I hope she writes briefly because I don't have too much time to read twenty pages about how she wishes to do public service.)
6. Why should I admit her rather than another student with better or comparable (equal, just as good) grades?
7. How can she help the student population?
8. What are her skills, her academic strengths? (I don't want to hear how bad a student she thinks she is; if she really feels she's a bad student, why apply to our university?)
9. What are her other classes, her academic background and achievements, which may reflect how good she will perform?
10. Does she get along with other students, as shown by her club activities?
11. Has she researched our college/university, proving she is intelligently requesting admission and not just because she has no better ideas about where to go?
Dear Chairman of Admissions:
I am requesting admission to your Linguistics department at Dowell Academic University. Based on my academic background, I feel your university, with its well-known faculty in linguistics, will help me pursue my goals of advanced studies so, once I am accredited, I can more effectively instruct young people in English skills in Taiwan.
Your three-year course of instruction is exactly the program I am looking for so I can more quickly enter graduate school for advanced studies. In addition, your library and media services, as advertised in your online pages, are resources that I feel will help me complete my goals.
Enclosed are my grade transcripts, which show the high grades I have received in language-related courses. The one low grade I received in History 101 was a small setback in an otherwise fine academic record (I boosted my History grade the next semester to a high 90, showing that I can learn from my mistakes).
I hope you understand that I am a serious student who would like the opportunity to enter the university of her choice so I, along with my classmates, can make a contribution.
Enclosed are two reference letters from former professors in the field of my interest.
Sincerely,
Michael Lin.
000 Shadung Road
Tainan, Taiwan
(06) 0000-0000.
Note that there are no general or what we call "hard and fast" rules. In this case, I omitted how well I get along with my classmates. This is not that important in an big city college. (It may be important if I wish to be admitted to a special grade school for gifted students.) Note also that, although usually one shouldn't dwell on bad points, here I mention my "low grade" in a course, because 1. It will be noticed anyway, and 2. I am making something good out of it, showing how I improved the next semester. So I'm using that low grade to my own advantage. If, however, I had failed both semesters, I might think it better to omit any mention of the grades, hoping they're overlooked (for example, if the grades were earned in the fifth grade!). 3. Finally, grades in History are not crucial for an applicant to a language program.
A sense of logic helps at all times. For example, boasting that you received perfect scores in Mathematics while asking to be admitted to an Art program might not be wise! Department officials might well wonder if you are suited to Art since you do so well in Mathematics.
That's why there are no hard and fast rules, although textbooks (and teachers) do their best to establish some for the sake of model learning.
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