California Dreamin':
Travails of a Marriage Clerk
MARTINEZ, Calif. - For 18 years, Stephen Weir has been in charge of the office that hands out marriage licenses in California's ninth-largest county. And for just as long, Weir has been unable to get a license himself because the love of his life is a man.Travails of a Marriage Clerk
The profile is not mine but the title is, just to give a sample. I named it after an old Rock song, linking it to the subject matter of the profile ("California dreamin' on such a winter's day"). (I could even use the lyric from the song just quoted in an epigraph under the title.) I think the use of "travails" in the subtitle is too strong; I need a softer (less strong) word; something like "dilemma," but not that obvious.
The profile itself has a strong opening paragraph. It tells us who Stephen Weir is, his job, his situation, then leads smoothly, by a transition sentence-paragraph (below) to the first salient quote. Note the quote is not just any remark, but a memorable remark, quoting a common proverb. The "rueful smile" in the attribution captures the man well. As for numbers, the style here is not the Chicago style shown on p. 202 of Harbrace, which recommends writing out numbers up to a hundred, but 101, etc. The main thing however is to write with a model in mind. Note how "irony" (below) is a synonymic replacement of the main idea in the first paragraph (above), thus insuring coherence (forcing the reader to link the paragraph below to the one before):
The irony did not escape him.
"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride," he quips with a rueful smile.
"So" is a common linking conjunction (linking ideas from one sentence or paragraph to the next). "Clerk-recorder" refers back to Weir by synonymic replacement, insuring coherence. "Same-sex couples" in turn refers ahead to Weir ("He and his partner, John Hemm") in the paragraph after the next one:
So Weir hopes the citizens of Contra Costa County understand if their clerk-recorder invokes executive privilege and opens up for business a little early on June 17, when same-sex couples may be able to legally wed in California.
He and his partner, John Hemm, want to be first at the counter that day. They plan to be the first to exchange vows and kisses in the conference room Weir converted into a wedding chapel that hosts 1,200 couples a year, but that he could never use.
Note how the descriptive paragraph above is linked to the quote that follows below:
"I've waited all of this time to be able to walk into my own office and stand in line and pay what used to be $64 and now is $85 to buy a license and have a ceremony," says Weir, who also is president of the state clerks association.
"It's a big deal."
Now the writer fills in the background of Weir's life, again using a good coherence device ("To understand how," etc.). The key to coherence is the replacement of "Weir" by "he" (along with other replacement words such as "his" and "mayor") throughout:
To understand how exceptional it is for the 59-year-old Weir to bring his personal needs into his professional life, it's helpful to know what a precarious line he's had to tread during 35 years in city, state and county politics.
He spent nine years on the Concord City Council, two of them as mayor, but took pains to keep his sexual orientation a secret. Concerned he would be outed as gay in the high-profile position, he sought the county clerkship as "a safer place for me" when the longtime clerk died.
Once the new job ("clerk") is mentioned, the writer can move to specific levels of generality by "cause and effect":
Within months of assuming the job, he had to oversee in his dual capacity as registrar of voters the counting of local ballots cast for a March 2000 initiative that strengthened California's ban on gay marriage.
More cause-effect ("getting serious," "see . . . elected officials," and "they never let on"); note that "getting serious" is at a high level of generality, while the examples that follow define "getting serious" at a lower level of generality ("started taking Hemm to events," etc. Note how all the underlined words in the same paragraph are linked by synonymic replacement or repetition (Weir, Hemm, he, other elected officials, colleagues, him, they):
That same year, when Weir and Hemm were getting serious, he started taking Hemm to events where they would see other elected officials. If his colleagues thought differently about him afterward, they never let on, Weir says.
The quote personalizes the objective description above while using synonymic replacement for coherence (he and I, couple, this thing):
"I said to myself, 'If he and I are going to be a couple, there is no hiding this thing anymore,'" he says.
For the most part, though, shouldering the contradictions he encountered at work came easily for Weir, who has spent his whole life in Contra Costa, a suburban county that is conservative by San Francisco Bay area standards.
Note how all the underlined words refer to Weir without mentioning his name, insuring coherence:
He is the consummate civil servant, the type of administrator who waxes poetic about document scanning software.
Cause-Effect of "fulfilling his oath," all involving legal issues shown in underline:
Fulfilling his oath to perform his duties faithfully and according to the law has put Weir in some awkward positions, however. Every Valentine's Day for the last five years or so, gay men and lesbians have gone to clerks' counters throughout the country to request marriage licenses in a coordinated act of protest.
Every year, Weir has turned away those who showed up on his turf with a polite apology and a referral to the state government Web site where they could learn about registering as domestic partners, a step he and Hemm took in 2003.
In the meantime, Weir has officiated at about 20 weddings, mostly for friends and relatives but occasionally for couples who come to the clerk's office.
Two years ago, as Valentine's Day was approaching, some of his fellow clerks wanted their state association to put out a statement supporting a bill to legalize same-sex marriage. It fell to Weir, the group's president, to remind them that their bylaws prohibited taking stands on legislation.
"People were respectful, but I know it was hard because they were trying to give me the legal rights I was seeking," he says.
Comparison and contrast shows how Weir and his job (role, country clerk, he) conflicts with a petition to make same-sex marriage illegal (initiative, illegal, signatures, sponsors, measure, ballot, petitions):
Weir looks the same way at his role in a pending ballot initiative that would again make gay marriage illegal. County clerks are responsible for verifying the signatures its sponsors have gathered to qualify the measure for the November ballot. He has stacks of petitions in his building right now and a roomful of employees going through them.
Weir now defines his job ("that") as a clerk, which he does "in an honorable way":
"We are doing that in an honorable way. We are discharging our duties as clerk. I didn't ever think of it as anything other than a petition in the queue. I can't let it," he says.
Cause-Effect ("If voters pass," etc.):
If voters pass the amendment, it would overturn the California Supreme Court's May 15 ruling legalizing same-sex marriage in the state. It could also, depending on the outcome of further legal proceedings, invalidate the marriages performed between now and then, including Weir and Hemm's.
"That's" refers back:
That's a possibility that Weir, who will be busy on Nov. 4 making sure his county's ballots are processed swiftly and accurately during the high turnout presidential election, can't even contemplate.
Cause-Effect ("only after"):
"Only after I get that election to bed will I even begin to think about the issues I'm concerned with personally," he says.
Descriptive paragraph, using salient details to sum up this same-sex relationship:
At home in Concord, Weir plays the comic foil to the more outgoing Hemm, 53, who works as a school crossing guard and costume designer. Like most long-term couples, they finish each other's sentences and happily share the story of how they met in a San Francisco gym, drifted apart, and then reconnected after nine years.
Cause-Effect, Division (cookies, pets):
Elderly neighbors brought them cookies when they moved in to their 1950s-era ranch house and watch their pets when they are away.
Notice (below) the writer uses salient quotes (quotes that mean something, that stand out in content); not (for example), "I read books," but, "I read books, because I look at them as my friends."
"If you are honest and yourself, there is no reason to feel like you are out of line," Hemm says. "If you don't carry that with you, you don't see it in other people."
Cause-Effect ("would be the icing on the . . . cake"):
Getting married would be the icing on the proverbial wedding cake, the men say, something they hoped would happen in their lifetimes, but the absence of which they did not let diminish the delight they take in each other.
Very unusual (ironic) ending: the writer reveals at the last moment that Hemm has AIDS, as if that were not a main issue of the profile (after all: the profile is about Weir, not Hemm). At the same time, it sums up Weir's professionalism, the writer's focus, and the nature of Hemm and Weir's relationship. Note the strong short final sentence: "Hemm has AIDS."
One happy byproduct is that Weir should be able to get Hemm on his long-term health plan. They already have stood by each other in sickness and in health: Hemm has AIDS.
To view the original essay, go here.
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