Invention (Discovery) model

Discovery and Writing

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I keep six honest serving men;
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
—Rudyard Kipling

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Note in this little verse by Kipling, he says "they taught me all I knew." This fits my own theory of practice, which is not to multiply theory too much. We're drowning in an ocean of theories and methodologies when the secret of any art can be reduced to simple rules.
In the case of writing, "all" you need to know (apart from grammar and vocabulary) is pretty much summed up in the above verse. Other principles (like I said in class include): lots of reading (all great writers were first great readers); revision (there's no such thing as writing—only rewriting); and redundancy (linking ideas )—as in the following:
"Man/he/Mr. Smith/the firefighter/middle-aged/gentleman" all may refer in an essay to each other. In Kipling's short verse, "men," "they," "what," "why," "when," "how," "where," "who," "their," and "names" all refer, by replacement, to the same main noun ("men").
We'll look at these issues more deeply in our class, but this is just a summary lesson. In the meantime, let's look at a simple (yet profound) poem by Robert Frost that I recited in class:

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Note cohesion in the repeated pronouns that refer to the owner of the woods and the speaker (whose/he/his, I/me). Then there's the repeated word, "wood" (often words are repeated by synonyms: forest, trees; but in this case the repeat is exact, creating a haunted or magical mood).
Other examples are "flake," which refers to "snow," and "lovely dark and deep," which refers to "woods."
Note the diction (choice of words) is simple. Though simple, "downy" and "harness" might cause an ESL student trouble because they are not common.
Simple as it is, the poem conveys deep feeling and meaning. It's a poem about the longing for death and final rest. The woods suggest magical escape from the "village" and its responsibilities.
The woods are "owned." So the woods are linked to society (the "village"). But the speaker sees it from his point of view, not approved by society, from which he escapes (the owner of the woods: "will not see me").
The horse (harnessed, so social) suggests society and reason. He thinks it "queer" (strange, unusual) to go into the woods on the "darkest" night of the year) and warns the speaker: "you're making a 'mistake.'"
Apart from the horse (the voice of society and reason) there's only the absolute quiet that tempts the speaker.
In the end, the horse wins. The speaker knows how tempting death is, but he has obligations ("promises") in the village (society) and his final rest must wait until those obligations are fulfilled.
But the temptation of that final rest is captured in the repetition of the last two lines—sounding like a sweet lullaby:

"And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

Even with a limited vocabulary, but with a proper organization (and repetition) of one's ideas, one can write well—even memorably.

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Home Listening Assignment Due 2 October 2007

COLLEGE COURSE
Due Noon 2 October 2007

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Listen to the audio file and answer the following questions:

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    1. What are pupils being taught at a school in Heidelberg?
    2. What's the new subject in the school?
    3. According to the headmaster, the new subject will not make a difference.    T    F  (True or False)
    4. The pupils at the school learn to deal with their emotions and ______________.
    5. How  many pupils have signed up for the course?
    6. What do critics of the course say?
    7. Besides helping students stop being depressed, what's another goal of the course?
    8. What will remain a subject of debate?
    9. According to the headmaster, how do we learn more easily?
    10. In which city was the BBC newscaster located during the broadcast?

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Outlines

A Moon Day Memory

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A student asked about outlines; so using my own essay, I created a possible outline I might have done before writing the essay. In time, one does outlines in one's head or as quickly jotted down reminders, like before one goes shopping. I don't want to interfere with others' teaching, but I dislike formal outlines; especially among young students; because students may spend more time on outlining than on writing. I think it's sufficient to keep an orderly reminder of what to include, always revising of course as one writes. I doubt if this outline would have been complete on first inspiration. Rather as I wrote and read what I wrote I would have quickly jotted down new ideas to remind myself to include them in the next version.

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1. My father's walk.
2. The way he held food. (Maybe put in present tense for a feeling of intimacy.)
(Note: In my final essay, I purposely change tense from past to present to bring the grandfather up close, as if he were living today.)
3. Include some foods.
4. Our hungry wait for my old grandfather to cook the food.
5. My father's attitude toward Grandfather.
6. Grandfather cooking.
7. We pretend his cooking is good.
8. Compare with the way Dad cooks; much more efficient, but something is also lost in his efficiency. Father is the better cook, but he can't replace our fond memories of Granddad.

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Style Analysis of short essay: Not required reading, but should help in your own essays

Style analysis of my short essay (using the revised version):
I used strong verbs: "studied," "shuffle" (second version as noun, first version as strong verb); pacing; cradled; crouches; retrieve; slid; grill; mimick; whirls; "owns" instead of "has" grilling chores.
I used details (specificity) selectively, according to my focus. My focus was on "Grandfather." I included specifics and concrete nouns, but only subordinated to my focus.
Note that I did not mention other food items, because they would hae marred my focus: Grandfather and Moon Day. The point is, nothing is an end in itself, but is always subordinated to good writing, which includes: focus, subordination, unity, coherence, completeness.
Note that the essay, though short, seems complete. In other words, the reader does not feel (or should not feel) that anything of substance has been left out; because whatever is important to my focus (and my length) has been left in.
Obviously if my length were longer, say ten pages, I would then brainstorm for more details and subordination: descriptions of the family, the backyard, my grandfather, etc. But in terms of my self-imposed limits (several short paragraphs), the reader feels that nothing of importance is missing.
The test is the writer becomes the ideal reader. I ask myself, "Is there anything missing?" My answer is No. The writer, if not skilled enough, may be wrong in his or her answer. Only readers can judge. But this seems to be complete to me.
As for revision, one change I made was to shorten the second version. As I "saw again" my first version, I saw places that were, short as it was, still redundant (repetitious, saying the same thing unnecessarily twice). I shorted the opening. I took out the part about eating cold cuts, because I implied that anyway in my revision.
Other changes were in vocabulary: I replaced "emaciated" with "venous" (vein-lined). Some choices are based on subjective judgment, itself based on wide reading. "Emaciated" sounded too long and cumbersome; "venous" got the job done faster. I added another strong verb, "studied" (compared to just "see"). At the end, I replaced "senile" with "senescent."
Actually, I thought of "senescent" (old) the first time but thought it might be too long a word for a simple essay and typed "senile" instead (like "venous," it was shorter). But "senile" had a too negative connotation (not strong in the head) and changed back to "senescent" (a more neutral word meaning simply "old" or "aging"). Also, the extra "s" sound created a nice sibilance in the final sentence (a final sentence should always be strong): "Grandfather'S Slow SeneScent shuffle beneath an autumn moon on a Still September night."
Note also that I replaced "underneath" with "beneath": again, I prefer shorter words if possible, even if only one syllable shorter.

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Here's a chart that may help you in your writing

Suggestions for journal exercises

Here are some suggestions for journal exercises:
1. Direct copy of a text. "He came in." = "He came in."
2. Indirect dialogue as direct dialogue. "He said he was sick." = "'I'm sick,' he said."
3. Direct dialogue as indirect dialogue. "'I'm sick,' he said." = "He said he was sick."
4. Paraphrase. "He said he was sick." = "He claimed to be unwell."
5. Epitome (summary). "He said he had a fever and a cold." = "He said he was sick."
6. Elaboration. "He said he was sick." = "He had a fever and a cold." Better: "He said he had a fever and a cold and all kinds of vague symptoms he was unable to describe, but which kept him in bed the whole time." (In principle, elaboration is unlimited. See #15)
7. Dialogue elaboration. "He was sick." = "'I am sick," he cried. 'Don't you believe me? I can't drink, I can't keep my food down, I throw up everything I eat, I sneeze constantly, my wife can't stand to be around me. She says my wheezing ruins her television shows when we watch together. Even my dog hides from me. Finally, my children are afraid they'll catch worse colds if they're in my presence.'"
8. Decombination. "I was sick and felt terrible and was a burden to my family." = "I was sick. I felt terrible. I was a burden to my family."
9. Combination. "I was sick. I felt terrible. I was a burden to my family." = "I was sick and felt terrible and was a burden to my family.
10. Prose paraphrase (from poetry). "Whose woods these are I think I know / His house is in the village though" (Robert Frost). = "As I journeyed through the woods, I guessed the name of the person who owned them. As it turned out, his house was in the village."
11. Poetic paraphrase (from prose). "I wondered why the English did not teach their children the language. After all, Norwegians and Greeks teach their respective languages to their children!" = "Why can't the English teach their children how to speak / Norwegians learn Norwegian, the Greeks are taught their Greek!" (My Fair Lady).
12. Variation. "I loved that song." = "That song thrilled me." "I was overwhelmed by that song." "That melody enraptured me."
13. Substitution (replacement).
a. Polysyllabic words by monosyllabic (one syllable) words. "That melody enraptured me." = "That tune thrilled me."
b. Monosyllabic words by polysyllabic words. "I would love to have your help." = "I would be honored to receive your assistance."
c. Proper nouns by noun phrases. "Bob Miller yelled at the top of his lungs, 'You're fired!'" = "The deceived hot-tempered employer yelled at the top of his lungs."
14. Imitation. "It was a cold day and I huddled underneath the only shelter in the woods." = "It was a hot evening and I cooled myself in front of the sole air conditioner in the house."
15. Extended elaboration. "He died." = "The feeble aged man, sick now for many months, and barely clinging to life, finally, after making out his will, and croaking out maudlin farewells to his relatives, all of whom expected to be part of the old man's substantial largess when his last will and testament were read in court, reluctantly went the way of all flesh."

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For Week of 27 October 2007: Read & prepare class discussion of questions

Taipei Times Editorial: The ugly face of beauty

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The relationship between bodily appearance and self-esteem is universal and permanent. In recent decades, however, this relationship has had an accelerating impact on young women, pubescent girls and children even younger.
    1. How would you rate your sense of self-esteem? If a person has low self-esteem, does that mean she thinks highly of herself? Have you ever met a person with low self-esteem? if so, what evidence did you see?
    2. If something is universal, what does that mean? Do you think appreciation of music (for example, the blues, or jazz) is universal? Explain.
    3. Divide into pairs (prepare out of class), one side arguing that music is universal and the other side arguing the opposite (try to argue what you believe and find a partner accordingly; otherwise, pretend your point-of-view).
    4. If you were bumper-to-bumper with another car, would it be wise to step on the accelerator or the decelerator?
    5. What are some signs of pubescence in males or females. (Do not get into sexual matters; that's for another type of class. Rather discuss tastes, clothing, music, habits, interests, hobbies, etc.)

Anorexia and bulimia are two extreme products of cultures that marry unbalanced consumption and celebrity idolization. Some girls and young women who see nothing but ugliness in themselves and captivating beauty all around have the potential to commit long-term violence against their bodies. Starving oneself in order to obtain a personal ideal of thinness and regularly inducing vomiting to prevent weight gain are sadly logical acts if one's self-esteem is too closely attached to one's appearance.

    6. Name and discuss a famous star (singer or actress) who suffered from bulimia or anorexia. Download information on this person and present it to the class in conversational style.
   7. In what area do you think you have the most potential to succeed?
   8. Do you have personal experience of a person with an eating disorder? Explain.

    The appeal of breast enlargement is another example of expensive (and sometimes dangerous) surgical procedures feeding off unreasonable feelings of inadequacy. And Taiwan shares a regional variation of such bodily discomfort: the feeling among some women that eyes without double-fold eyelids should be surgically "corrected" to make them beautiful.
    9. What is your ideal of beauty? Would you consider surgical means of improving your physical appearance. For males or females, is physical appearance very important in choosing a romantic companion? Explain.

    But damage from low self-esteem is not limited to these extreme cases. Research around the world -- including a survey released in Taiwan yesterday -- points to large numbers of girls everywhere and of all backgrounds suffering self-esteem problems to the extent that their education may suffer.

    One of the most worrying findings in the international survey conducted by the Dove Self Esteem Fund was the large number of girls who thought their appearance influenced their grades and the way that teachers related to them.
    10. Do you believe that this last statement is true or not? Explain.

    There are some childish cruelties that the most interventionist state cannot eradicate -- bullying and other mistreatment in the playground on the basis of appearance are among them. But on the basis of these results, the Ministry of Education would do well to consider ramping up personal development curriculums and teacher training to help those who are "too fat," "too skinny," "too short" or "too tall" from suffering unnecessarily at the hands of their peers and tactless staff.
    11. Did you ever witness a classmate in grade school being bullied due to his or her physical appearance. Explain.
    12. What do you think an interventionist state is? What does it mean to intervene in someone else's affairs?
    13. What's a curriculum?
    14. What do you think is the meaning of "ramping up"? By the way, this is an example of a phrasal verb; that is, a verb that is always attached to a smaller word called a particle, such as "turn off" the radio, "shut down" the computer, etc. These phrasals can be separated, as in the sentence, "Turn the radio off" or "Turn off the radio." Notice in the first example the particle ("off") was separated from the main verb, "turn," but still had to be in the same sentence.

    How radical should such ramping up be? Given that Taiwanese teachers are in the main more conservative than their counterparts in the West, it is difficult to see them openly criticizing parental standards of beauty that hurt children, or launching attacks on the more obvious corporate exploitation of prejudice against unusual body shapes.
    15. What standards of beauty did your parents have? Or did they pressure you to lose or gain weight or achieve other physical goals, such as excelling in football or tennis? How was this pressure shown?
    16. "Take" is a multi-function word. "Take" a photograph; "take" water along for the hike; and the joke, "Take my wife, please." Explain the meaning of that joke. Explain the way that "take" is used in the paragraph below (underlined).

    Yet it is disappointing that no one at the press conference announcing yesterday's survey results asked the organizers for their take on the connection between improving self-esteem and purchasing cosmetics. The Dove Self Esteem Fund -- part of the Unilever corporation -- seems designed to further the interests of a firm that potentially benefits from women feeling poorly about their appearance. It does this by delinking the desirability of its products from myths about beauty, which is quite reasonable.

    But at least one reporter might have asked why girls should not be encouraged to actively detach their self-worth from commercial products of any nature. If the Dove Self Esteem Fund has good intentions -- and there is nothing to suggest that it does not -- it would encourage girls to do just that.

    One key question remains. This society demands that women spend significant amounts of money on cosmetics and beautifying products. Why then does it take so little responsibility for those who, through sheer misfortune and youthful vulnerability, suffer for not living up to its "standards" of beauty?
   17. When have you felt vulnerable? For example, a husband might feel vulnerable when his wife is in the hospital.
    18. Do a Web search on a cosmetic product and "sell" it in class: explain what it's supposed to do, describe the promised results for users of the products, etc.
    19. Discuss a physically "imperfect" person (must be famous) that you personally find attractive, and explain why. For example, some bald-headed movie stars have sex appeal, as do short actors or comics. Some overweight women might appeal to some men, etc.
    20. Do you think physically attractive people have better opportunities in life? Explain.

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Assignment Due 18-24 September 2007

Home Listening Assignment
Due 18-24 September 2007

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PART I
Listen to the attached audio file, then answer the following questions. Send your responses to Stella Chen at "lemon26"@ms26.url.com.tw

    1. How many people are being evacuated in Shanghai?
    2. Why did one worker die in Taiwan?
    3. What are authorities on the lookout for?
    4. Who is searching for victims?
    5. What are residents struggling to do?
    6. What's happening from "Taiwan to Japan"?
    7. When should the typhoon make landfall?
    8. It is estimated that this storm is the most destructive in a) ten years, b) twenty years,
c) five years.

PART II
Using the vocabulary below, be prepared to hold a two-way conversation with another student about this news report. Example:

    "Did you hear what happened in Shanghai?"
    "Yes, I understand there's a typhoon," etc.

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V O C A B U L A R Y

evacuating
braces
destructive
on the lookout
decade
typhoon
scaffolding
authorities
flash floods
landslides
landfall
blasted
submerged
acres
coping
coast guard
shelter

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Songs Week of 20 September 2007

20 September 2007
In observance of Moon Day next Tuesday we'll listen to two moon songs of entirely different genres (a genre is a kind of music, film, etc.). The first is a great jazz vocal by Billie Holiday.

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WHAT A LITTLE MmmNLIGHT CAN DO

This is an example of the trifles that jazz great, Billie Holiday recorded and turned into gold, with help from some fine jazz musicians. Teddy Wilson on piano starts things rolling, Benny Goodman follows with a great solo on clarinet, starting in the low register, then swinging in the high part of the instrument, before Cozy Cole leads into Holiday's vocal with a brief drum tattoo. After her vocal Cozy Cole bangs out another rhythmic pattern that leads to Ben Webster's solo on tenor sax. Teddy Wilson on piano has a solo, ending with a trumpet fanfare based on the main tune by Roy Eldridge, as Cole keeps the rhythm moving. The lyrics are nonsense, but the record is timeless:

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Ooh, ooh, ooh, what a little moonlight can do. Ooh, ooh, ooh, what a little moonlight can do to you. You're in love, your heart's a-flutter, all day long you only stutter cause your poor tongue just cannot utter the words, "I love you." Ooh, ooh, ooh, what a little moonlight can do, wait a while till a little moonbeam comes peeping through. He'll get bold, you can't resist him and all you'll say when you have kissed him is ooh, ooh, ooh what a little moonlight can do.

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BLUE MOON

The song "Blue Moon" had a strange history. It began as a movie song from the 1930s, written by the composing team of Rodgers & Hart, one of the most famous in Broadway history. Elvis Presley later recorded the song for his first RCA Victor release in 1956, with a strange echo effect, a slowed-down clopping drumbeat, and without the bridge (middle part of a song) with the happy ending; so he turned into a sad blues. Later the doo-wop group, The Marcels, hopped up the rhythm and made the song almost unrecognizable—but still a lot of fun:
Blue moon. Blue moon you saw me standing alone without a dream in my heart without a love of my own. Blue moon, you knew just what I was there for, you heard me saying a prayer for someone I really could care for. And then you suddenly appeared before me: The only one my arms would ever hold. I heard somebody whisper "Please adore me" and when I looked the moon had turned to gold. Blue moon, now I'm no longer alone without a dream of my own. Oh, oh. . . .

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GENESIS: Reading for 2 October 2007

Genesis, 1

The first five books of the Bible are called the Pentateuch (pent=5; teuch=scrolls), or commonly the Five Books of Moses. The Hebrew word is Torah, meaning "teaching" or "law."
    These books contain the main laws (including the famous Ten Commandments). Jewish scholars count 613 such laws. The Ten Commandments (also called the "Decalogue"; dec=10, as in decade) are the basic moral laws of Western culture.
    Traditionally, these five books were thought to have been written by Moses. Even Jesus used Moses' name. But scholars now are almost certain this is impossible. Some reasons are obvious, such as when Moses' death is mentioned or when Moses is called "humble," since Moses would not have done so. There are more delicate reasons we'll go into.
    The belief that Moses did not write the five books of Moses is part of the Documentary (or Source) theory ("Documentary Hypothesis"); namely that there were several texts that were then combined, called "redacted." These texts are then called "redactions" (edited). The Editor is the Redactor ("R").
    The sources are, in usual order of their composition, J, E, D, P. These stand for Jehovah, Elohim (or El), Deuteronomy, and Priest.
    The "J" text is so-called because God is called in that text Jehovah (Yahweh). The "E" text is so-called because God is called El or Elohim (plural of El). The "D" text is so-called because the writer wrote the final book of the Pentateuch called the Book of Deuteronomy. The P text was believed to have been written by a member of the Priest class, and is now considered the latest. Thus the P writer may have organized the other sources too.
    The Bible in fact begins with the P writer, who wrote one of the texts of Creation; the second Creation text (ch. 2), which follows, was written by J, since God is called Jehovah.
    The following are some of the most famous lines in Western literature. Note the "biblical style" here: many "ands," for example, which influenced Ernest Hemingway among others.

1: In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2: The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters.
3: And God said, "Let there be light"; and there was light.
4: And God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.
5: God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day.

First we note that God has dignity in this text. Just speaking makes the world. This is the later Priestly vision of God, far above humans. We also note that the day begins in the evening. This is common Jewish reckoning of time. For example, Wednesday begins at sunset on Tuesday until sunset on Wednesday, then Thursday begins. So we know that the Priest class must have written this, since this kind of reckoning of time would have come later in Jewish history. Note too that the Priest writer begins with the "heavens" but the next writer, J, begins with the earth. This may be a small detail but some scholars make a point of it.
6: And God said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters."
8: And God called the firmament Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day.
9: And God said, "Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear." And it was so.
10: God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good.
11: And God said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, upon the earth." And it was so.

Note the image of boundaries ("each according to its kind"), probably a reflection of the Priestly class concern with purity, in the sense of separation.
12: And God saw that it was good.
13: And there was evening and there was morning, a third day.
16: And God made the two great lights, the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night; he made the stars also.
20: And God said, "Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the firmament of the heavens."
21: So God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

The main point is that God sees everything as "good." This is a basic difference between Jewish history and most other histories or  other religions which see the world as evil. Christianity will later depart from this idea and imagine a dualistic world of Good and Evil fighting each other on equal terms (the Devil offers Jesus the world because the world belongs to the Devil by the time of Jesus). But for Jews, even the sea monsters are good, because under the authority of God. Such a belief obviously minimizes (lessens) fear, since one feels God is always in control, even in difficult times: a good philosophy to live by.
22: And God blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth."

There is no separation of soul and body in Jewish thinking: to be blessed is to be blessed in the flesh; that means sex too ("be fruitful and multiply"). The God of the Jews is mainly a God of this world and this life in terms of plenty.
23: And there was evening and there was morning, a fifth day.
24: And God said, "Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds: cattle and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds." And it was so.
25: And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the cattle according to their kinds, and everything that creeps upon the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.
26: Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."

There is much to talk about in the above. The sea was always a fearful place for early people, especially for the Jews who were not good at sea travel. Then there was worship of planets in those days too. So the writer makes clear all these are under the control of God, thus lessening fear or worship of them.
    Also the student should keep in mind that the Bible as most people know it is part of the Christian Bible. This is divided into Old and New Testament. Testament means covenant or agreement. Because Christians believe there was an old agreeement between God and man that was replaced by a new agreeement between Jesus (also God) and man. What this means for reading is that everything in the Bible is understood in a way that the Jewish people often did not understand their own Bible (what Christians call the Old Testament). Jews of course don't call their Bible "old." It's their book which is still new. Still in this class we must read the Bible in both ways, as Jews do and as Christians do; and certainly the way Christians read the Bible has had more influence in the Western arts due to numbers (more Christians than Jews).
    Now as we read this text we can see where God speaks with someone ("let us make man"). Who is "us"? For Jews this is only an expression or a trace of early Jewish history when the Jewish God was just the most powerful of many Gods. (Monotheism, or belief in one God, developed slowly in Jewish history.) Later Jewish history rejected the idea of many Gods.
    But Christians believe "us" would refer to Jesus, to Christians, the "Son of God." Moreover, when the "Spirit" of God breathes upon the waters (above) Christians see this as a reference to the other "person" of the three-personed Christian God called the Holy Spirit. Together they are called the Holy Trinity (tri=3).
    The student must keep in mind that for Christians it was impossible to get rid of the Old Testament since the early Christians were all Jews and whatever faith they had in Jesus could only be because they had faith that Jesus fulfilled the Jewish Law (the Law is the most important thing in Jewish religion) and also fulfilled the Covenant (Promise) to King David of an eternal Kingship. We shall study this matter more later, when Jesus replaces the Jewish Law for good, according to Christians.

27: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Note the beautiful rhythm (v. 27) of this entire text. The Bible is one of the few books that is admired as much in translation as in the original. And luckily Hebrew poetry depends more on word order and repetition than on other factors commonly associated with poetry, so it's easily translated.
28: And God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth."

The key concept in the Hebrew religion is that God made everything and so everything is good. There is no trace of dualism (evil/good) in Hebrew thought. God controls everything. Therefore sex is good too; in fact people are encouraged to have sex and babies (babies of course were important in those days because a society needed numbers to survive).
29: And God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food.
30: And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so.
31: And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day.
The emphasis on "every" could be verbal irony, related to J's chapter 2: a reminder that though Man had "everything" he still wanted more. Some scholars go so far as to read the entire first books of the Bible as a "backward" history to "explain" King David's kingdom and its collapse after David's son, Solomon died. The Garden of Eden, in other words, is King David's kingdom (about 1000 BCE=before the common era). It was lost because of greed and also Solomonic knowledge (Eve eating the apple illustrates Solomon's ungodly quest for more power and knowledge, etc.).

2

1: Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
2: And on the seventh day God finished his work which he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done.
3: So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all his work which he had done in creation.

This is the source of the special day of rest called the Sabbath, which was very important for Jews, as later for Christians. But for Jews the Sabbath was on Saturday (that is, Friday evening to Saturday evening), while for Christians it became Sunday (the day of Jesus' resurrection).     
    This is where the P text ends, at 4a. Students should learn early that the Bible was the first book to be numbered by lines or verses and chapters. So for example, the next line would be referred to as Genesis 2:4; that is, the Book of Genesis, chapter 2, verse 4. Abbreviations differ, though they used to be more standard. Today Genesis might be shortened as Gen. or even Ge. (Of course, for personal notes, students can use just G if referring only to the Old Testament.)
    Now scholars go even further sometimes, as when a verse is long. So in the below verse, 4, the student will see that there are two sentences there. If the scholar wants to refer to only one part of v. 4 he or she would use either 4a or 4 b. So Ge 2:4b would refer to the sentence that begins, "In the day that the LORD God," etc. Many scholars believe the J Creation account begins on 2:4b and 2:4a was added to smooth out the two accounts (P and J).
    Anyway, the J account is older than the P account and may go back to the ninth century BCE. So now we must discuss dates.
    The Western calendar is dated at what was believed to have been the birth of Jesus. So Jesus would be born in the year 1. This is the year of the Lord (Anno Domini in Latin). (We not know Jesus was born shortly before that date, but that's another matter.) So any date after Jesus was called A.D. (Anno Domini). Note "anno" as in the English "annual" (yearly) and "Domini" as in "dominate" ("to lord it over another person, to control him or her"), domicile, domestic (the place where the lord of the house lives, or his homely affairs, etc.).
    The years before Jesus are even more simple: BC means "before Christ." Now this is the tricky part. Student have to remember that years are subtracted BC but added AD. So fifty years after 800 BC would make it 750 BC but 50 years after 800 A.D. would make it 850 A.D. From 500 B.C. to 100 A.D. would make it six hundred years later.
    Now there's been a change in modern thinking. Most people don't like to name years after a God they don't believe in (Jesus). This is true of course of Jews or atheists (people who don't believe in God). So scholars now prefer to use the shortened forms BCE and CE. These would replace B.C. and A.D.: "BCE" means "before the Common [=Christian] era," and CE means the Common Era. The goal is to keep "Jesus" out of people's lives while doing scholarship, because it's considered disrespectful to impose one's religious beliefs on others.
    So now we are into the J account of creation. Note in 2:4b that the J writer puts "earth" before "heavens." Note also God is more humanlike in this story. We say "anthropomorphic" (man-shaped). He walks; he talks to people. This is an earlier idea of God, whereas the P account is a later development: more dignified. Note also that here we find the word LORD (it's mixed with "God," which the P writer used, probably to smooth out the difference). "Lord" is commonly the English translation for Jehovah (Yahweh in the Bible); that's where we get the "J" in the "J" version, because God is always called Jehovah in this version.
7: then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.
8: And the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east; and there he put the man whom he had formed.
9: And out of the ground the LORD God made to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food, the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Scholars today consider "evil" a bad translation of the Hebrew word, which really means "bad," not "evil." There has always been a "normative" (prejudicial) pressure on Bible translations to suit later concerns, especially as dualism (Good vs. Evil) developed in Christian thinking, beginning with Christ. The meaning of this tree is not certain. What does the "knowledge of good and evil" mean? Is it good or bad? Obviously, before eating from this tree, people are innocent; afterwards they are guilty, as is made clear. My own belief is that "good and evil" simply means better and worse. That is, before eating from this tree, everyone was satisfied with what they had, to fulfill their basic needs. Afterwards, their needs became desires in envy of others (desire is not natural, but needs are). This is clear in the Cain and Abel story and in all sexual desire too. (We usually desire a certain person and especially persons who are desired by others: This is good and evil (better and worse). Wise people just want a shelter over their heads, a bowl of simple food, water, etc. But after the Fall people want special (and expensive) food, drinks, a great house, etc. But each person will have to understand this key text in their own way. However, there is no reason to believe that sex is the main idea here, as later "normative" thinking would have it. The Hebrew mind was not concerned with sex, anymore than the toilet. These are natural needs in a religion that believed in a unity of flesh and spirit.
15: The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to till it and keep it.
16: And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, "You may freely eat of every tree of the garden;
17: but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil [bad] you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die."
18: Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
19: So out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.
20: The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him.
21: So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh;
22: and the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
23: Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."
Note that in the P version, man and woman are made together, as equals. But in the J version, they are unequal, the man coming first. Feminists like to put a spin on this and turn it around: the Woman was actually first from the human (Adam came from the earth). Also, as the joke goes, first God made Adam for practice then he perfected Adam in Eve. Adam by the way means "earth" and Eve means "life." (Names often have meaning in the Bible.)
24: Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.
25: And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.

3

1: Now the serpent was more subtle than any other wild creature that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God say, `You shall not eat of any tree of the garden'?"

The nature of this serpent is unclear. Christians later (as in the book of Revelation) saw the serpent as Satan, though there is no hint of this in the Jewish Bible.
2: And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden;
3: but God said, `You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'"
4: But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not die.
5: For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil [bad]."

Here already Eve is tempted to compare one way of life with another. So this kind of comparison (called "envy") is really the basis of our problems and becomes worse after the Fall. Note the fruit is not named, though it is commonly called an apple. From there we get the folk myth that the lump in the man's throat is the remains of the apple his ancestor Adam ate: the "Adam's Apple."
6: So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, and he ate.

Here we get a development of the idea of "desiring" to be other than what one is: envy. Yet note that envy makes us aware of what we lack, not what we have! After they eat they realize what they don't have: clothes. And of course from now on all humans will base their lives on not being satisfied with what they have but desiring only what they don't have. Note the more anthropomorphic (manlike) image of God compared with the P version:
7: Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves aprons.
8: And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.
9: But the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?"
10: And he said, "I heard the sound of thee in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself."
11: He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?"
12: The man said, "The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate."
13: Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent beguiled me, and I ate."

Note the human comedy here: Adam blames God and Eve, while Eve blames the snake.
14: The LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, cursed are you above all cattle, and above all wild animals; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life.
15: I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel."

Here we introduce a new word, important for the way that Christians read the Jewish Bible. It's called "typology." Readings based on typology are called typological readings. This kind of reading is in view of Jesus Christ who is seen as fulfilling the Jewish Law and writings. So everything points to Jesus, according to Christians. For example, Adam is seen as a figure or type of Jesus; but where Adam sinned, Jesus kept from sin. Where Adam condemned the human race, Jesus saved the human race. Also with Eve, who is the type of Jesus' mother: the Virgin Mary: where Eve rebelled against God's command, Mary humbly accepted God's command.
    Now 2:15 (the protevangelium, or "First Gospel") is given an important typological reading. Because it is seen as a warning that the snake (for Christians, the Devil) will be at war from now on between Eve's seed (offspring: us) and devils (the serpent's seed). "He shall bruise your head" refers, according to Christians, to Jesus, who will defeat the Devil, while Jesus will suffer on the cross ("you shall bruise his heel") due to the Devil (though by God's permission).  That's just the way Christians must read the Bible: they cannot ignore it but they cannot accept the Jewish Law either, because Jesus fulfills and finally replaces the Law according to Christians.

16: To the woman he said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."
17: And to Adam he said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, `You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
18: thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you; and you shall eat the plants of the field.
19: In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return."

This is what is known as "etiology" (sometimes spelled "aetiology"). Etiology explains events by stories. For example, why do women suffer to have babies? Why must man work hard? The Bible explains these in its own way. The great American writer, Henry David Thoreau has a fine twist on v. 19, in his book, Walden, where he argues for a life of simplicity and says that "Man should not have to earn his living by the sweat of his brow, unless he sweats easier than I do."
20: The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.
21: And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins, and clothed them.
22: Then the LORD God said, "Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever" --

The "tree" figures as a major type in Christian thought. The Tree brought evil into the world, but because Jesus died on a tree (the Cross) he saved people from evil. Jesus also becomes the Tree of Life (eternal life) that was taken away in Eden (v. 22 above). The fulfillment of a type, by the way, is called the "antitype," though that word is not as commonly used as "type." So Jesus is the "antitype" of the "type," Adam.
23: therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from which he was taken.
24: He drove out the man; and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life.
Note that death has entered the world as the first couple is sent east of Eden, which later became the name of a famous novel and movie, starring James Dean. Eden and Paradise mean the same thing: a lovely place.

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Weather Forecast (Female Model) For 2 October 2007

Weather Report Model
Due 2 October 2007

Study the following trascript along with the audio file. The Speech Key is shown at the beginning. If you have trouble reading the key let me know. You can see where the speaker has great variety in all areas of vocal production and delivery. Usually I like to give both a male and female model, so I may send a male vocal model next. Don't get nervous; use this as a model, but find your own vocal style too.

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Speech Key: Different timbre. Stress. Faster. Slower. /=slight pause; //=longer pause.

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With a look at the forecast on this Wednesday, Orlisa Ortez. Looking good. Yes it is. It is looking good indeed. We're going to see some changes though. / Here's a live look outside. Look up at that moon! Just a gorgeous shot there. Soon we're going to see that sunrise just a few minutes away: 6:47, 6:48, So set your alarm clock. //
And then we are going to see some changes over the next couple of days. / I want to show you what we can expect right now as you head out the door. Temperatures around the area in the 40s and 50s. Very nice and cool. //
54 this morning in Stockton, Fairville. You're waking up to 51, 53 in Sacramento // and 52 in Marysville. Cloudy skies this hour. That is a different picture. That's going to be the trend for today. // Today's going to be good, // kind of a transition day. We're going to call it partly cloudy around the area / as we head into the next 24 hours. We're set to see those temperatures dip just a tiny bit, / Just a couple of degrees / really. Here's a look at the situation. We've got a system that brewing out here and slowly making its way into our area. / It's going to split, though, and that's going to cause / a little bit of some uncertainty. /Part of it is going to go to the north. As you see, we're already seeing some showers in northern California. They're going to stay right along the coast. / Also northern portions of the Sierra could also see some showers,// maybe this week/end but // still a couple of days away and the system is really not that strong. // The other portion is / coming to the south / and that's what bringing / those clouds / into / our area. So we'll call it partly cloudy for today, // slightly cooler // but once the system moves right on through and clears out we're gong to see plenty sunshine / and temperatures are going to be on the rise once again, / so we'll start to warm up // back up into the upper 70s, // low 80s. 75 degrees Sacramento, 77 Mackaville, 76 today in Stockton and 68 in in Placidville. Jackson / should top out at 70 today. 72 in Oroville and 74 in Ucca city, 75 again, Sacramento. Light winds later today // but just a very nice, nice way to . . . light breeze. There you go: there's your seven-day plan. Temperatures again warming up as you headed into your Thursday, Friday and into your weekend as we said earlier. Great Easter weather comes your way, I just I just like great barbecue weather because you know how much I love to barbecue.

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Weather Report (male model) Due 2 October 2007

WEATHER REPORT: MALE MODEL

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Speech key: (/) pause; (//) longer pause; ( _) stress; .. faster pace;
.. (average pace); .. (slower pace)

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This is another model for your weather reports. First, it's a male voice, which may aid male students. Second, it's slower than the other models, showing that pace is not an absolute but only a relative value. This should be studied mainly for its strategic pauses (good use of pauses), its slower pace, it's basic coherence strategies (mostly the simple conjunction, "so"). Above is a key chart, which should be obvious. As usual, this stylistic analysis is not complete, but covers most of the significant differences in pace, vocal shadings, stress, etc. (I've ignored variations of vocal timbre, which I covered in a previous analysis.)

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It's 36 in Boston, it's 31 in Worcester right now. / But as we open up the shot, We'll try to find some warm weather in the United States. There really isn't too much. Of course we will take the 74 out in Orlando and / perhaps the 92 and maybe it'll be too hot for you. But / perhaps it's better than / what // we're experiencing right now. 92 out in Phoenix. So the only place it's really warm is in the southwest. A good chunk of the country is really below average. And so our air is going to continue to come out of Canada. / So // there really is no change coming up. So the forecast for tonight, partly to mostly cloudy. Ah, the temperature will fall down in the upper 20s to near 30 degrees. So if it cleared out in some spots it could get down to twenty // because there will be radiation cooling with practically no wind. I'm not looking for any precipitation tonight // but there probably will be some breaking out tomorrow // and overnight. 26, / Chulmsford 25 with that light wind. And going up to 37 tomorrow. Same story in. Chulmsford: 36 degrees. // Looks like a mostly cloudy sky with a few scattered snow showers. // Most of the snow is likely to break out on Cape Cod and the islands // and maybe even a few flakes up in the south / shore, // possibly in Boston, but primarily down in here, // even though the temperature will be in the low to mid 30s, / it is cold enough in all levels of the atmosphere above us, / the whole column, / to create snow / as we're going to get sideswiped by a storm. Now // if it came down harder, and it's possible it could do so for a brief period of time, / then there will be some accumulation, at least the grassy surfaces will start to show white / and perhaps an inch or two. But that / is just about it. As / this storm continues to spin well we're waiting for another storm which is going to form over the ocean tomorrow. / Now // there is so much energy going into this storm that this is really going to really // expand and explode into a very intense storm. I'm not kidding you on this one. However it looks like it should be / steered just offshore to only give us // a little sideswiping or a little brush of snow. On Easter Sunday, // hopefully we'll start sunny. // This crop of low pressure will swing on through / and we may have some afternoon clouds and then we will see // perhaps a flake or two of snow, but mostly up in the mountains. Even the six to ten-day temperature outlook // is for this to continue below normal well into next week. Now / of course below average / this time of the year // it depends what kind of below average it is. It should be around 53, 55, / and / if it's not too far below it's not too bad. But, // you know what, // it's just, / we would like to have it better, right? And we're going to try to make it better as we get in the first part of next week for the home-opener in Fenway Park. // We're going to shoot for a 50 degrees, hopefully there's no curve balls there from Mother Nature to mess things up on us. / But // it looks like later in the week, // Wednesday night or Thursday, // we'll be watching the storm and it'll be either snow or rain. Right on the fence, right on the threshold, / whether it'll be rain here. I suspect it'll be more rain, // again, more snow in the mountains. You want to go skiing, snow boarding this weekend, / it's just an amazing, staggering, amounts of snow which fell in this storm.

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THE SUNNY SIDE Revised 9 September 2007

THE SUNNY SIDE

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OF luminaries that you see, I'm one
Of them: that bright star that they call the sun,
Which rises slowly to its height, at noon.
The other is the one they call the moon
(In Latin: Luna), gendered feminine
In myth, and, in the Pantheon, my twin:
A mystic goddess known for lunar tricks
She plays on lovers, poets, lunatics
And others subject to her fickle moods—
In cities or suburban neighborhoods,
Where housewives medicate their monthly blues
With tranquilizers or a shot of booze,
While husbands cruise a little slower down
Dark side streets, hoping they can paint the town,
While they enjoy forbidden mischief of
A carnal kind—though not what we call love.
The husband moralizes who's to blame
But, by degrees, he palliates his shame
And buys his wife three roses the next day
Instead. She had a headache anyway
That night. Meanwhile, the melancholic broods
Alone, in attic or in haunted woods—
Where night owls shriek, while forest demons play
Till dawn—when Reason once again holds sway
Over the acts of passion and the will
To make the moon's enchantments nearly nil.
Diana was her name in Roman lore—
Selene in the Grecian days of yore.
Among her many names, my virgin Sis
Was also known in Greece as Artemis—
The maiden goddess of the hunt, with bow
And arrows she deployed to fell a foe
That angered her—for she could not abide
A violation of her woman's pride;
And those who caught her naked at her bath
Or scorned her hunting skills incurred her wrath—
As when Adonis made a boast that he
Had better skills at hunting game than she,
Proud Artemis—according to Greek lore—
Had that vain hunter trampled by a boar.
Or when Actaeon saw her in the nude
One day, she punished him for being rude
And prurient. For, hiding, he could see
Her unembellished femininity,
So that her female charms—her thighs and bust—
And more!—were objects of a mortal's lust!
Now since her anger knew no mortal bounds,
She had Actaeon eaten by his hounds;
For changed by Artemis into a hart
His hounds pursued him—and tore him apart.
And so the mortal hunter learned too late
How quickly woman's pride can turn to hate:
As when a woman scorned in love today
Files suit in court to make her ex-love pay;
And if he has a house in Malibu,
With stocks and bonds—she'll claim them as her due.
That's only proper, in her reckoning—
Though all he ever wanted was a fling.
And yet, to give the tender sex their due,
Most women would prefer to love than sue;
And if they're given even half a chance
At love, a woman's bound to choose romance
If possible. For most would rather swoon
From ecstasy beneath a silver moon
Rather than wage an alimony fight
Under a courtroom's cold fluorescent light—
As lawyers for the wife attempt to show
Their client has the right to all the dough.
Yet it's a losing battle all the way—
If one intends to keep the wolf at bay:
For by the time the verdict has come in,
Both parties lose—and just the lawyers win.
For hunting is all right as a blood sport
Of goddesses, but not when played in court,
Where both combatants have just feet of clay—
While each side tries to make the other pay.
And thus Diana too has greater fame
Today for chaste romance than hunting game.
Even now, in modesty, she can be seen
With bashful blushes adding to her sheen,
When, basking in my cool reflected light,
She shyly beams and makes your evenings bright
And sometimes magical. And if, by chance,
You have a lover, you enjoy romance
Beneath Diana's mystic canopy—
A wiser liaison than one with me:
For Cynthia (Diana's Grecian name)
Is Goddess of a more enchanted game—
One played more slowly—with retarded haste
(Since Cynthia is known for being chaste;
And, hailed as Artemis or as Selene,
She's coy—whatever the romantic scene be);
For basking in the moon's reflected glow,
You slowly take the risks that lovers know
Are worth the prize that they are aiming for—
The fabled coupling of romantic lore—
As when Marina on a moonlit night
Conspired to obtain the royal plight
Of young Gregorio. Although we scoff
At stage plots such as Boris Godunov,
Because we think, "It's only Pushkin's play,"
Still lovers love the same romantic way
Regardless if in Russia or in France—
For lovers need some moonglow for romance.
But though you need a bright moon up above,
It serves as but a setting to your love:
Just like a drop cloth in a stage romance
That changes scenes for each new song and dance.
Perhaps the lovers sing in ecstasy
Beside a waterfall or raging sea
(The River Nile if it's a classic play—
Niagara Falls for love scenes of today):
And yet, no matter how the waters rage,
The couple stand upon a wooden stage—
Reciting lines in poetry or prose
On cue, while keeping their rehearsal pose;
So that regardless how the waves may pound
In paint, the lovers stand there safe and sound,
As do the lovers on a Grecian vase,
Whom art has fixed in an eternal gaze.
So let them sing their passion as they will—
The lovers seem to stand forever still;
As when the music of the mandolin
Is strummed, enchanting lovers at an inn
Who, captive in each other's haunted eyes,
Plan rendezvous before their passion dies.
But in the meantime they're content to stay
Transfixed, and hear the melodies that play
Around them as the music of romance—
And soundtrack of their captivated trance.
So, as the moon beams brightly in the sky,
All lovers vow the pleasures they deny
Themselves, while seeing in each other's eyes
The promise, merely, of their Paradise.
But I am more than background to a vow—
I am the promise and fulfillment now;
And not alone the prelude to a kiss,
But Love's possession—and its present bliss!
For in the time I'm climbing down to set,
You relish all of me that you can get—
As if a Roman candle blazing through
The skies in darkest night had dazzled you:
As on a summer night, when just a child,
The lakeside fireworks once made you wild
With childish merriment and wondrous glee—
And joy in such a sparkling revelry.
Yet fireworks will disappear from view
In seconds, while my rays can still renew
Themselves in all their strength and golden glow
To melt the ice and make the rivers flow
Again. And soon December's winter scene
Of white is covered by a vernal green;
While trees that stood once barren and quite bare
Now canopy with leaves a reading chair
On which you sit and read your favorite book
Of poems—to the music of a brook;
And as you listen to a robin's call,
The scene seems picturesquely pastoral
And quaint—as if depicted on a stage
Or in a painting of the Golden Age.
But anytime that you have seen the sun
Another Golden Age has just begun!
You're glad to see me up there in the sky,
And greet me, awestruck, when the clouds pass by:
As if, in mortal gloom, when you see me,
You catch a glimmer of eternity:
As when a prisoner in chains will nod
From weariness, but looking up, sees God
In an epiphany of cloudless sky—
Or hears Him in a distant seagull's cry.
And though you're hustling off to work, you pause,
Entranced, like children seeing Santa Claus.
And in the morning, waking with a chill,
You're pleased to see me rising up the hill
Above the little houses that you know:
I paint them with my luminescent glow.
Just like a Roman chariot, ablaze,
I ride the skies and brighten up your days:
As if a chandelier inside your room
At night were lit to chase away the gloom,
And after you have turned the light switch on—
The room's ablaze and all your gloom is gone.
So melancholy moods are turned to cheer
And darkling thoughts, illumined, are made clear.
For as I chase the darkness and the night,
I give you warmth just as I give you light:
As when a fire's lit beside your bed
In winter, and it warms your uncapped head,
While making such an effervescent glow
Around you you forget your former woe—
And all the day's frustrations are set right
In the bright flames of the flickering light.
So as I rise above you in the skies,
I warm your skin and brighten up your eyes.
Then shuffling quilted blankets off your bed,
You wriggle under satin sheets instead;
And stretching all the muscles of your frame,
You bask in all the glory of my fame—
As birds antiphonally peep outside
The news that winter's reign will not abide.
The heavy quilts now lying on the floor,
You're happy you don't need them anymore.
They look like monuments of bygone days
Of frigid mornings, far from summer's rays—
Like prison garments heaped up in a jail
The moment that the jailbird's freed on bail.
The prisoner's as happy as can be
To know that very soon he will be free.
Informed of his release, he does not stay
Behind to fold his prison garb away.
So blankets on the floor are not your care—
For you're too busy planning summer wear:
And lying there you dream of all the fun
You'll have just staying outside in the sun.
Then thinking of your wardrobe for that day,
You vow to store your winter clothes away
At once! And quickly getting out of bed
You rummage through your summer clothes instead
(No need for overcoats and cardigans
When short sleeve blouses give completer tans).
Now searching every drawer inside your house,
You find at last a scanty chiffon blouse
Beneath some wools. And taking the chiffon
From out the drawer, you quickly put it on
And stand before the mirror as you view
Yourself transformed in image—and made new!
You like the emerald green and see it fits
You better than the wool your grandma knits
All by herself inside your attic's damp
And musty bedroom, with a tungsten lamp
To light her as she guides each woolen thread
In place—until she doses off in bed;
And, as she slumbers, she imagines you
Attired in her knitted shirt of blue,
With argyle socks to match her color scheme—
But that, of course, is only in her dream.
For by the time she wakes you'll be already dressed
And gone before she gets your long johns pressed.
You hate to hurt her feelings but it's plain
You'll never wear her fusty clothes again—
For she's as old as winter's hoary frost,
Which now you bid farewell at any cost!
Then thinking of your outdoor tennis courts,
You dump your corduroys and put on shorts!
It's true, your doctor said to take it slow,
Yet summer's here and—out the door you go!
You just recovered from your winter cough,
Yet once outside you take your jacket off
And scamper through the streets in wayward haste—
Like life were short, with little time to waste
On planning your activities that day.
The sun is shining, so you must make hay
At once. It's true it's only morning, yet
The sun is rising fast and soon will set!
The tennis courts are full—but still you run
To anyplace where you can feel the sun!
You find a grassy spot where you can lie
To greet the sun beneath a clear blue sky.
Entranced by music of Rachmaninov
On your iPod, you cannot get enough
Of summer's cloudless dome and solar rays,
And start to dream of even warmer days
When you can strip down to your birthday suit:
Because a suntanned bum can look so cute
When you disrobe before your lover's eyes
At night and show you're with it—summerwise.
But in your eagerness to see me shine,
You may imbibe too much of me—like wine,
Which flatters all your virtues with one glass,
But having more will make you look an ass;
Which, for a beast of burden, might be fine,
But for a human, rather asinine
And not respectful of the etiquette
Of men—or even of a household pet.
As when a man emboldened by his wine
Invites his sexy neighbor out to dine;
But after dinner, having drunk some more,
He's not as able as he was before.
And fumbling in his pocket for his key,
He starts to quote the Persian poetry
He knows by heart—at least the only line
He can remember after all that wine:
"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou,"
He slurs, and looks at her, and wonders how
He's able to unlock his own front door—
Much less to give her what she's pining for.
For having drunk too much of that sweet grape,
He can do nothing with her charms—but gape;
And as his distraught lover starts to weep,
He says he's sorry—and falls fast asleep.
His miffed date sees him wheezing in his bed
And wishes he were wide awake—or dead.
She wonders why he had another drink
And risked to put his manhood on the blink
Like that, when all he had to do was stop
At two or three—then switch to soda pop.
She thinks the Friday evening a waste,
Since she reserves just Sundays to be chaste,
And feels she could have done as well that night
Out flirting with a prim medieval knight
(The dainty kind who gayly stir their tea
And chat about a cookie's recipe).
And so proportion is the Golden Rule—
If you remember what you learned at school.
A thermostat that has been set too high
Can cure a cold but leave one feeling dry.
It's like a tenor reaching for high C,
But singing it he mars the melody—
Because he only tried to win applause
And sang a concert aria that was
Not written for an opera house at all—
But for recital in the concert hall.
So concert-goers wish that they were deaf,
Because the note as written was an F
Below the C—but even worse than that,
The singer missed the C and hit B-flat!
So you can have too much of a good thing,
And croak a song when you intend to sing—
As when you gargle medicines of choice
Rare herbs—you wake to find you've lost your voice!
For bromides are not all that they may seem—
And often nightmares follow a sweet dream:
As when in blissful slumber you embrace
A woman dressed in pearls and scented lace,
Only to find just after you have kissed
Her lips, she's changed into a snake—and hissed!
So though you're happy to be seeing me,
I'm not entirely what I seem to be.
Pretending to be sunny, nice, and warm,
I really plan, instead, to do you harm:
As when a grifter sells you merchandise
That's damaged, and it's worth but half the price
He sells it for. Too late you realize
The buyer should beware before he buys!
And so it is with those who worship me,
My glow is only half of what you see—
As when a Dr. Jekyll's human side
Becomes the diabolic Mr. Hyde.
So though I seem to have a sunny smile,
Don't be deceived—that's just my summer style:
As when you tumble for a fashion plate,
Your heedless love for her may turn to hate.
Her summer wardrobe makes her look so chic;
Her fashion swimsuit makes you take a peek—
And then another one—until you find,
Too late, that summer love has made you blind—
As when a motorist obstructs his sight
By driving straight into a glaring light
Along a bumpy road. The "road" is "love"
In the analogy I'm thinking of—
The woman is the obstacle to sight—
For when you see her you do not see right,
Since you see just a contoured bathing suit,
And not a woman—but forbidden fruit
To taste. And though you look at her, your eyes
Don't see a person—just her rounded thighs.
Now some may call it lust—not love at all.
But that is just semantics if you fall
For someone in one day—and all it took
To fall for her that quickly was one look.
But anyhow you see it is okay
For you—since you can't see straight anyway.
Your friends will tell you that you've lost your mind—
Or that you temporarily are blind.
Yet afterwards, though you regain your sight,
You still remain a victim of her spite:
For having paid for all her costly frills,
You're working three jobs just to pay your bills;
By then she's found herself another guy:
He loves her madly—and you wonder why!
The reason that she left, she doesn't say—
Instead she sends you one more bill to pay.
And though you're glad she's now another's pet,
There's little joy in paying off your debt;
Which, adding interest to it in arrears,
You might remit, in full, in thirteen years—
Assuming that you don't get burned again
Next summer in the same romantic vein.
And it's the same when you see me above:
You're thrilled to see me and you think it's love
And give up everything to be with me—
Though I am not what I appear to be.
And by the time our love affair is through,
You'll find I've been more false to you than true—
And quite a disappointment once you're wise
Enough to see right through my poor disguise.
For underneath my smile I'm hot and mean—
And burning holes into your sunshine screen.
Yet you don't ever think of it that way
When you enjoy your summer holiday.
But as you sip your lemonade and laze
Outdoors—you're subject to my harmful rays;
And if you're throwing frisbees on the beach,
Fair skinned or not—you're never out of reach;
Or water skiing on a placid lake,
I'm cooking you just like a piece of steak;
But not until the setting of the sun
Will you perceive the damage that I've done!
Regardless if the water's nice and cool,
My solar rays will harm you—as a rule.
Yet it may take a while for you to feel
The damage—when your skin begins to peel:
As when an ancient scroll within a grave
Will fast dry out when taken from the cave.
It's true I may be far up in the sky,
But in the summer months I'm not that high
That I can't see you frolic down below
While cheering me for melting winter's snow.
Then, making up for all those frigid days,
You worship me and all my solar rays—
As if I were a deity above
Whose sacred sunbeams radiated love;
And in atonement of drear winter's ice
You give your bodies as a sacrifice,
Which being born again in summer's thaw
Are resurrected now without a flaw!
Like flowers springing from the earth in May,
Your newborn bodies make a grand display:
The guys just love to show a sculpted chest—
But gals fill out a swimming suit the best!
For after months of giving up french fries,
They want to show the world their shapely thighs.
So it's a sport of who is watching who—
But you forget that I am watching too!
And whether on the beach or on the grass,
My gaze is like a magnifying glass!
You want to make it look like you've had fun
By staying out for so long in the sun,
So others see you next day, saying, "Man!
"You're looking great—and what a lovely tan!"
But as you bathe, supine or on your tummy,
Your skin is drying out—just like a mummy!
And it's a foolish way to show your pride
By showing that your skin is solar dried.
For even Egypt's mummies never mated
With spouses once their skins were desiccated!
It's true that now you're looking tan and fit—
A clone of Paris Hilton or Brad Pitt.
And if, by chance, your talent is as good
As is your tan, you're fit for Hollywood
Celebrity. For if you go that far
To tan your skin—you're sure to be a star!
(At least that's how you are inclined to think,
As you dream in the sun—and watch it sink.)
But soon the day will come when you will learn
That what became a tan was once a burn.
And yet, by that time it might be too late
For you to change your radiation fate:
For ultraviolet rays may be the cause
Your doctor finds your skin has thermal flaws.
See—every time you go out for a swim,
I give you dermabrasion on a whim;
And if you knew the damage to your skin,
You'd try to find the beauty that's within
(A faithfulness to family and friends
And hope for righteousness that never ends)—
Instead of staying outdoors in the sun,
Until you cook your skin to look well done.
It's better cooking hamburgers that way—
Or barbecue them on a holiday.
And teppanyaki steak, well done, is fine
When you go out at evening to dine.
But what's the point of cooking your own skin
To satisfy the narcissist within?
It's true you may be looking for a tan—
But causing cancer is my final plan.
So if you want to give your skin a boon,
It's better tanning underneath the moon.
Besides, regardless if you are a prude,
You need no caution bathing in the nude
Beneath Diana's harmless ebon skies—
Safe from the sun and lustful prying eyes.
Meanwhile forget that odd and silly notion
That all it takes is to apply some lotion
And you can stay out in the sun for long.
For one day you may learn that you were wrong—
The way a bird learns, once outside her cage,
The smiling cat was really full of rage;
So while escaping from the pussy's jaws,
Her feathers are all shredded by his claws.
And though she flies just like she did before,
She doesn't look the same way anymore—
Although in view of the alternative
Scenario, she's lucky she's alive:
Yet in her frazzled state she wonders how
She ever could have trusted that meow!
And so—returning to our argument—
You'll wonder where your youthful glamor went
At your next birthday gathering. You'll see—
Though thirty-eight—you'll look like eighty-three
Years old. And as you study how your face
Has aged, you'll recognize how commonplace
The caveats I'm speaking now will seem—
More so when you remove your facial cream:
As when an alcoholic, hooked on gin,
Looks old compared to his teetotal twin.
Although the twins are both of the same age,
The gin has left its marks, as on a page
That's written over in the blackest ink—
And every stroke the record of a drink:
Because of too much time in a saloon,
The brother's skin resembles a dried prune.
It's like a grape that, once the harvest's done,
Becomes a raisin dried out in the sun.
And so the whirligig of time exacts
Revenge, as Shakespeare said—and as the facts
All show: As when a child abused by all
His friends becomes a hateful criminal.
Or like a lover, after settling down—
His girlfriend's chronic smile becomes a frown;
And every joke that used to make her laugh,
Now rattles her—the way a polygraph
Exam will discompose a two-time thief:
He knows his guilt will give him no relief
From all the questions that are asked of him,
And that his chance of passing is quite slim.
But though he's soaked in sweat, he tries his best
To make it seem as if his mind's at rest
And that he's innocent—although it's clear
To the police he cannot hide his fear
From them. Then later on, he starts to wilt—
When polygraph results confirm his guilt.
Just so, the wife is out of humor now
And finds less pleasure in her marriage vow
Than when she swore it on her wedding day
In a disordered state of mind—and gay
From all the moonshine liquor that she drank
To celebrate. Perhaps her mind went blank.
Or else she thought her church vow was a joke
Designed for country girls or village folk
Who never dreamed that there was more to life
Than being just a mother or a wife.
Now, like the two-time thief, she cannot hide
Her glaring guilt as a reluctant bride.
But she is bound in wedlock to this man—
Until she finds an even better plan.
Meanwhile she's careful to remain composed
And keep her truer feelings undisclosed.
Aware of duty, she designs a scheme
To play the perfect wife and make it seem
She tries to please her husband every day—
Behaving always in a spousal way,
While making sure she has the upper hand—
Just like a witch without a witch's wand.
In such a manner spousal vows can change
Too quickly into something rich and strange.
Where once she could not stop from holding him,
As wife she cannot cease from scolding him
At every opportunity she gets—
Reserving her affection for her pets:
As if he were a naughty child in need
Of criticism for his every deed;
Or like a prisoner with ball and chain—
Whose every move makes clear escape's in vain:
No matter how he struggles to get loose,
His heavy chain reminds him it's no use:
And so the more he struggles to be free—
The more he suffers his captivity.
Thus though he wished for sweet domestic ease,
His spousal bond is lived like a disease;
But where for other ailments he is sure
Of remedy, his marriage has no cure,
Except the one he vowed with all his heart—
That only death would either of them part.
That's just the cure she thinks of in her bed
At night—since she prefers her husband dead.
Once innocent—she's now all fraud and guile;
Protesting love—she's plotting all the while!
Perhaps she has a lover on the side
And planning to become the rival's bride.
But that will have to wait another day.
For now, it's plain, her husband's in the way:
As when a wealthy uncle makes a will,
And relatives think every deathly chill
Will be his last—and they can hardly wait
To sing a Requiem to mourn his fate.
The wife is understandably forlorn—
Because her husband's not yet dead to mourn.
(The way his wife would like to show her grief:
By showing it—but hiding her relief:
As in a melodrama when a wife
Laments the spouse she butchered with a knife.)
And she would feel much better if she gave
Out invitations to attend his grave
(Though she would do her very best
To hide her joy—and beat her heaving breast
Instead, while making a convincing show
Of histrionic grief and widowed woe).
If he were frail, she'd pray for him to die,
But he's still young—in best of health, and spry:
So when a skater is too good to beat
Fairly—the lesser athlete learns to cheat;
And though she's not as good upon the ice,
Her friends will maim the other—for a price!
Perhaps the wife is pushing things a bit—
But she just wants to make the pieces fit,
As in a puzzle: with each piece in place,
The pieces somehow fit to make a face
Or show a landscape of a starry night.
If every piece is put together right,
The little pieces in the puzzle show
A portrait—or a landscape by Van Gogh.
But, piece by piece, a puzzle takes more time
Than she allows for her domestic crime.
Impatient now, and knowing he's her dupe,
She plans a special flavor for his soup
And finds a way to make her husband sick
With bowls of chicken broth and arsenic
Well stirred. Her spouse's spirits are too low
To realize that he is dying slow.
The husband meanwhile curses as he frets
About his future life and past regrets.
Infatuated by his first romance,
He gambled on his heart and took a chance.
He knew he had to win at any cost
And so risked everything he had—and lost!
The stakes were high, but when he saw her eyes
Of green, he felt the gamble worth the prize.
He thought his hand had held a royal flush,
Because she practiced how to sigh and blush
And flatter him to stoke his self-esteem—
The way a pussy purrs when lapping cream.
Like when he mentioned Marilyn Monroe,
She said he was her Joe DiMaggio—
But she was more: for unlike Marilyn
(She said) she was a virgin—without sin
(The way a grifter with a sale in view
Would swear a 50s Ford was almost new—
And an ideal investment for the cost;
Although you learn that you've been double crossed
And find it needed parts to be brand new,
With costly tires—and an engine too!).
Thus fooled by his wife's lies on their first date,
Too soon he chose to make the shrew his mate;
And on his knees he begged her be his spouse—
So she could be the mistress of his house:
And she became the mistress, it is true,
But of another man—or maybe two.
No doubt her perfect teeth, pearl white and straight,
Convinced him that she'd be the perfect mate
For him. Her rosy lips made him believe
He had a rosy future with his Eve
(As Adam felt when he first saw his rib
Before she gave in to the serpent's fib).
Her painted face inspired him to paint
A mental picture of her as a saint.
No less considered was her ideal weight,
Which made him think she'd make an ideal mate
For life. Then, too, it was her flawless skin
That helped him see a flawless wife within;
While looking at her two firm breasts, right then
He made a firm resolve to look again.
And thus, by due consideration of
The facts, his heart told him he was in love.
He saw her made-up face and powdered cheeks
And he made up his mind in just two weeks.
Perhaps because she had an upturned nose,
He turned to her and started to propose.
Most likely, it was her two shapely thighs
That made him overlook her bold-faced lies
Of chastity. For how was he to know
About her ten affairs with other beaux?
Assuring him of words she'd never say,
He thought she was another Doris Day—
Defending her virginity from men
Who never questioned "if" but only "when"
A woman would give out. For she would balk
At language lovers use in pillow talk—
Or in the intimacy subsequent
To being wooed and courted by a gent.
One time she swore to him convincingly,
The strongest word that she would say was, "gee";
As when she said to him once, "Gee, I hate
A man who wants to kiss on the first date."
Too late he learned that what she really meant
Were words like "love" and "work" and "true" and "rent":
Four-letter words that she would never say—
Since she preferred to make her lovers pay
(Though she was never too particular
About the men who filled her cookie jar;
Or if their clothes were made of silk or wool—
Provided that the cookie jar was full).
She never cared to "work," and often said
That "love" was something to be had in bed
By men who had the dough. It's likewise true
She never had the "rent" when rent was due;
And if the word meant anything at all
To her, she thought it meant the musical:
For she was fond of seeing Broadway shows
Attired in her most expensive clothes,
Including now and then a miniskirt—
Though she resented men who tried to flirt
With her, and always acted with surprise
At those who ogled at her shapely thighs.
For she was modesty personified.
Yet there were parts of her she couldn't hide,
She said, no matter how she dressed, although,
It's true, sometimes her neckline was too low.
It wasn't that the girl was vain or proud,
It's just that she was stacked—and well endowed.
At least that was the argument she used
To justify her claim she felt abused
By men who wanted her for just one thing—
Although she wanted more than just a fling
In bed: she wanted a relationship—
With heartfelt conversation and a trip
To some exotic island, or to France—
To spice the conversation with romance.
Yet in the meantime she was able to
Forget romancing when her rent was due,
And was quite willing to be coaxed to bed
As a romantic token—or for bread.
A knowing lover might have been perplexed
A modest girl could be so oversexed,
And adding up the figures, two plus two,
Would ask himself, "Now who's abusing who?"
But such a question never comes to mind
When love is ever faithful, true—and blind!
For when he gazed into her greenish eyes
These were plain facts he didn't realize
Until too late. By that time he had paid
For all the promises that she had made
To him in jest—in order to deceive
And trap him. Yet he wanted to believe
That all her gilded words were truly meant
As spoken—in a voice so innocent
That even Hamlet would not hesitate
To make this faux Ophelia his mate
For life; though Shakespeare would no doubt agree
With Puck's wise words: "What fools these mortals be!"
Thus soon the judge pronounced them man and wife—
And he became quite ill from spousal strife.
This paradigm of manly health and verve
Would kill himself—except he lacked the nerve
For anything except to sit and stare
And mumble riddles in his rocking chair,
Like, "Why do good men suffer?" In his robe
And slippers, he would mock God's ways—like Job.
But unlike Job, whose hope was just as faint,
God never cared to answer his complaint
And probably has other things to do
To maintain justice in the human zoo
Than intervene in every person's plight
And sunder who is wrong from who is right—
As in the parable of goats and sheep,
Where saints rejoice while all the wicked weep.
And so the husband lacks an advocate
At home to save him from his spousal fate
And other complications of the plot
Of man and wife tied in a marriage knot.
His friends all wonder what became of him
And his fat wife, who used to be so slim.
And yet no matter how she looks—he's worse:
Before he needed love, but now—a nurse.
The lover, once impetuous and bold,
Now looks a relic of himself—and old:
As when a new-built cottage that for lack
Of care begins to look more like a shack!
And this is what misguided love can do—
Like cleaning fingers in a jar of glue.
Now take a woman who gives all for love—
Her man is faithful till he starts to rove
A bit, and other women tease his eyes,
Now eager for a firmer bust—or thighs
That stretch out longer from the knee
Or are not flabby from maternity.
He wouldn't call his flirting by that name,
But once a woman signals back—he's game!
He sees her on the street or at the mall:
The bust is nice—but soon he wants it all!
He tells the woman so—without finesse,
And just as eagerly she answers—yes!
For though to be a sex toy isn't good,
That afternoon she's in a loving mood—
And every woman has a woman's right
To signal yes or no to a bold knight
Who flatters her. Or—if she's so inclined
That day—she has the right to her own mind
On how she should be treated. Then she'll scold
A wayward knight for daring to be bold
In taking liberties with her—and ball
Him out: "That is not what I meant at all."
(For those who think we poets steal a lot—
I took that quote from T. S. Eliot:
For Prufrock, after marmalade and tea,
Is doubtful if a lady will agree
With questions of a sexual intent,
Or say, instead, that—that's not what she meant.
He never asks, for he's meticulous
And shy—and fears to look ridiculous.
Regarding "Eliot" and "lot": my rhyme
Is perfectly okay—it's called "eye rhyme.")
Now, luckily, this fearless knight of arms
And thighs has all the necessary charms
To make the woman see it's really best
To flirt—and let the man do all the rest.
They go to a hotel to have a fling—
But not before he hides his wedding ring.
Meanwhile the wife remains at home and cooks
And darns the husband's socks and types his books—
So he can be promoted in two years
And shine before his family and peers.
To her a happy marriage always meant
To help her husband till retirement—
Until one day she picks up his cell phone
And finds out she is not the only one
Who sent love messages to her dear spouse—
But many more have sent them to the louse.
The wife is sore—but what is there to do?
She has a child at home—or maybe two;
And with the children came some extra weight
She didn't have before—on their first date.
The wife is willing to acknowledge that
She's gained some weight—but doesn't think she's fat.
It's true her derriere sticks out a bit,
But she loves creamy pies—and cannot quit!
She can't see why her husband starts to roam
For hamburger when he's got steak at home.
The husband meanwhile knows that she's caught on
When he discovers that his cell phone's gone.
He searches everywhere throughout the house
To locate it—but dare not ask his spouse
For fear it might arouse suspicion in her.
He doesn't say a word while having dinner—
Instead he waits for her to bring it up;
And as he passes her his coffee cup,
He wonders if she'll fill it to the brim
Or hurl the scalding coffee pot at him—
The way he's seen it done on TV shows
Or in the movies, when a woman throws
A bag of frozen pork chops at the head
Of a priapic stud she's caught in bed
With someone else. She calls the jane a whore
Then curses him while storming out the door.
But this is life—where folk don't have a clue
About the words to say or what to do.
So she keeps humming softly to herself,
Then takes the sugar bowl from off the shelf
And, humming still the same old tune,
Stirs sugar in his coffee with her spoon.
But she keeps stirring, like a restless wind—
As if his cell phone stirs inside her mind.
He knows she's found it and will use it soon
In court—but at a time that's opportune
To her. Meanwhile she's willing to pretend
Their spousal covenant will never end.
And yet their love is different than before—
For he's now sleeping on the basement floor.
And since their future doesn't look so bright,
The husband thinks up ways to end his plight
Before the situation is made known
To neighbors and to colleagues that his own
Beloved wife is now estranged from him—
So making hopes for a promotion slim.
Divorcing her would be the best way out—
But too expensive. So he starts to doubt
And wonders if his money's better spent
Insuring that she died by accident.
For accidents will happen—even more
When one spouse tries to even out the score.
Perhaps that's why, wherever one may roam,
Most accidents occur inside the home.
He wouldn't hurt a fly (though a cliche)
So plans to kill her in a painless way.
It's true that turning on the radio
While bathing is a shocking way to go—
But she was always a true music fan,
And it's far worse to die by strangling than
From an electric shock while listening
In her bath to her favorite crooner sing.
Indeed, a CD player is a good
Idea—to put her in a tranquil mood
With compact discs that she enjoys the best—
The perfect soundtrack to her final rest.
(Dear Reader, at this point—with due respect
To you—I feel compelled to interject
A comment: As you read, please be so kind
As to excuse the author. Keep in mind
That these are not my thoughts—I just relate
The thoughts that fester in a maddened state
Of one who, in his lust, now feels so trapped
By a dull marriage that his mind has snapped
And, unable to think clearly, gives in
To homicidal fantasies—and sin.
And with that brief disclaimer, I'll now write
Of further thoughts he had—to your delight.)
So as the husband plotted, he began
To choose a singer that would suit his plan—
One who would soothe his wife while in the tub
And beguile her as she begins to scrub,
So when the vocal part begins to soar—
She will not notice him come in the door.
He thought of all the singers that she liked
To listen to at home—or when they biked
Together in the gym. She couldn't stop
Herself from listening to soulful pop—
Like Whitney Houston or Shania Twain.
(They doubtless would alleviate her pain,
Assuming that her agony would last—
In case her dying wasn't very fast.)
She always cherished Streisand, and would get
Romantic when she heard Sinatra: yet
What better way to go than with a yawn
Inside her bathtub, as Celine Dion
Croons from a CD player—on a shelf
Nearby—the high notes of "All by Myself"?
That way the husband reasoned in his mind
That he was being cruel to be kind:
As when police find corpses in a house,
And match the DNA found on a blouse
A suspect wears. He claims those were no crimes—
Although he stabbed his victims forty times:
Because despite the crime scene's grim facade
Of death—he brought his victims close to God:
And though he butchered them with his steel knife—
He gave the victims' souls eternal life!
Or when a doctor eager for divorce
Concludes if he lets Nature take its course,
His wife will suffer from the pains of age
And that her body will become a cage—
Imprisoning his wife without relief:
Her future travail causes him great grief
And guilt. So to prevent her misery
He'll murder her—and set her body free.
So all her earthly trials will soon be over—
And he'll be free to marry his new lover.
By such antitheses of homicide
The husband mortifies his moral side,
And mental reservations are in vain—
The main thing is to spare his victim pain:
Because although he wants his wife to die,
It's very clear he wouldn't harm a fly!
And though he knows he can't give up his main
Objective—still, he wants to be humane
While killing her. That means it must be done
Without a rope, a hammer, or a gun
That criminals might use. So taking stock
Of other methods, an electric shock
Appears to him the quickest way to go—
If the electric current's not too low!
And if the murder plot goes just as planned,
He'll knock the CD player from the stand
That holds the soaps and shampoo for her head—
And quicker than annulment she'll be dead!
Of course, it'll look as if the wife turned on
The player by herself—and she'll be gone
Before police authorities arrive
To interview the spouse who's still alive—
The husband! Intermitted by his tears,
He'll tell the facts—and of their happy years
Together, when they made a perfect pair
At home. Now that she's dead, he doesn't care
To go on living. Crying he's to blame,
He wonders if he'll ever be the same,
Now that the one love of his life is gone
And he has no one he can lean upon.
Besides, it's all his fault that she's now dead—
Because he should have been at home, instead
Of outside jogging. And with sobs of grief
He'll justify the credulous belief
Of the investigators who are sent
To gather details of the accident.
And as they leave his home well satisfied
With his narration of events inside
His bathroom, the police will hesitate
A while, in order to commiserate
With the untimely loss of his dear wife,
Concerned that grief might overwhelm his life
Or otherwise preoccupy his mind:
For there are still small children left behind
He must consider—since they need a mom.
And though he's grieving now, he should stay calm
And not let sorrow get the upper hand—
For he is all his children have now. And,
If only for their sake, despite his pain,
He should consider marrying again.
At least that was the way the husband thought
About it when he felt so overwrought
He couldn't think straight: not the ideal time
To trade in stocks—or plan a perfect crime.
But reasoning is never any use
To cheat a market crash or hangman's noose,
Once Reason has surrendered to the Will
To try to scam a profit—or to kill.
It's true that conscience can prevent an act
From happening: But with a little tact
Our conscience can be made to see that it
Is better temporarily to quit
And to return to work a later time—
When once the person profits from the crime.
Because the husband knew he'd gone astray,
He sent his conscience on a holiday;
For it was rather inconvenient
To do the deed without his heart's consent.
Since conscience often follows human need,
His conscience winked—and then approved the deed.
To colleagues and to neighbors on the block
The wife's electrocution was a shock—
But even more to her when, in her bath,
She learned her husband was a psychopath—
Which didn't give her too much time to act
Before her homicide became a fact.
For she had just begun to scrub her skin
With soap when the CD player fell in,
As if it tumbled from the bathroom stand
(Though really pushed in by her husband's hand);
And as she saw it fall in with a splash,
She felt a buzz just as she saw a flash—
And shrieked in agony before she ceased
Her cries. And so the spouse became deceased
Before she had a chance to file a plea
For a divorce on grounds of cruelty.
The reader will forgive the pun on "shock,"
Above, as part of the poetic stock
Of tropes a poet has in vast supply
To make a reader laugh—or sometimes cry.
(There may be some who missed the pun—and so
I ventured to repeat the pun below.)
As for the mordant humor of my verse—
It is the poet's task to reimburse
A reader for the effort that is spent
In reading, by a little merriment—
And sometimes sex—so by artistic skill
To pack the moral in a sugared pill:
As when a biblical blockbuster shows
Ten sexy dancers taking off their clothes
To illustrate how even naked skin
Cannot seduce God-fearing men to sin.
And those ten dancers, with no clothing on,
Illustrate the fall of Babylon
And how all pagan power is in vain—
While also being sure to entertain
The movie fan with women in the buff—
Because a moral lesson's not enough
To teach a moral lesson when it's true
That moralists require pleasure too.
Thus movie patrons get their money's worth
By seeing Christians teased by pagan mirth;
And though they're titillated by each scene,
They're pleased to see religion on the screen.
In the same way, I sugar-coat my theme
With caustic humor and a rhyming scheme,
While varying the rhythm of each line
To make my verses sound less saccharine
Than if I kept only iambic feet—
And gave each foot the same accented beat
As in both lines above, whose even scan
Would sound sing-song and too pedestrian.
Replace "only iambic" with "just five
"Iambic" (feet) and readers see that I've
Insured my rhythm is more flexible
By substitutions that are lexical
In kind, but that affect the rhythm too—
As I have shown my reader hitherto.
Note how "iambic" and "accented" break
Iambic rhythm for the rhythm's sake.
And so my sugar-coated style can teach
A moral more than if I tried to preach—
Because the moral that I teach below
Is one some readers may not want to know.
In sum, the reader can appreciate
The sure vicissitudes of love and hate.
In our examples, spouses sadly learned
That those who play with fire will get burned.
And irrespective of the kind of flame
It is, they get burned deeply all the same:
Because regardless if it's a solar fire
In summertime, or burns caused by a wire
Of an electrical appliance in
The bath, the burns get underneath the skin—
Just like an old romantic flame will burn
Her lover's heart who pines for her return.
For love of any object in excess—
However good—can harm you nonetheless.
Thus even water, though it's pure and cool
To drink, can drown you in your swimming pool
At night—if you decide to take a dip
While spaced out on a psychedelic trip.
And too much education in a school
Will only make an educated fool
Pretentious to himself and to his friends.
They know he's still a fool—though he pretends
He's better than they are because he knows
Most classic poetry and modern prose.
Yet though he has a doctorate degree,
He feels as clueless as when he was three
And he knew nothing of the birds and bees—
Or Hell and Heaven or his abc's.
And all the education he has got
Since then has tied him in a mental knot—
Like a magician with an iron chain
Around his neck—who knows escape's in vain,
Although he used to think that he could please
His audience—and free himself with ease.
Thus, too, our varied stratagems and all
Our cherished goals seduce us to our fall:
Regardless how we plan—or figure it
Can be forestalled—our doom is definite:
As when a malefactor digs a pit
To kill his neighbor—and he falls in it
Himself; and, as he lies there, in great pain,
He sees that all his scheming proved in vain;
And that same pit—dug on an evil whim—
Becomes the grave they use to bury him.
This is the Law of Natural Rebound—
Whatever goes around soon comes around,
Although it comes with new significance—
Transformed and nurtured by experience.
For all our worldly loves will not abide
For long. And though we choose the sunny side
Of life, it's true that even as we sit
Secure, and basking in the benefit
Of our good fortune for a time, we know
That all our happiness will end in woe.
Thus pampered children leave their parents' nest
Once they have passed a final high school test.
Their childhood passed in plates of bread and jam—
Now all they care about is an exam
That guarantees their academic place
In the top rank of the scholastic race,
Which they must run as best they can—to beat
A classmate and advance to the next meet.
And if they've earned a high percentage score
For college, then they look for something more
From life—while Mother wonders what became
Of her sweet babies. Though they look the same
As they did yesterday, the difference
In age since they were infants is immense.
But that's a difference that's unperceived
Until the parents face the issue—peeved
Their little darlings, whom they longed to see
Grown up, have now outgrown their family
As well as their hometown. In fact, they need
Just cash and a perfunctory Godspeed
For their matriculation out of state—
As Mother sees her nest dimidiate
(That means to be divided by a half—
I used an inkhorn word here for a laugh).
The parents hardly know just what to do
Now that they are a family of two
Instead of four. The quiet in the house
Disheartens both of them. So each spouse
Endeavors to fill up the time as best
They can—in order to feel less depressed.
The wife dusts off the pictures on the wall,
While her spouse mends the stairway in the hall—
And as he replaces a wooden stair
He finds a cufflink that his son dropped there
Two years before. The father contemplates
The link for several seconds, and debates
What he should do with it. He clasps it in
His hand, while smiling with a stoic grin
As his wife hums their daughter's favorite song—
And he reminds himself he must be strong.
The parents putter round the house as best
They can, despondent but convinced they're blessed
With children that have made it on their own—
Although they feel abandoned and alone.
They never learned to use email and hope
Their children will address an envelope
To them and send it off. But weeks go by
And no letters come—so they wonder why
The postman can't locate their home, or how
They'll receive mail from their two children now.
But other mail arrives—though it's all junk
They throw away. So now they're in a funk
That's even deeper than before. They ask
Themselves how can it be such a big task
To write a letter and to post it in
The mail and send it to one's next of kin?
The parents never went to college and
For both of them it's hard to understand
How college life can educate the mind
To leave one's past and family behind.
And as they languish in their house—alone—
The parents long to hear the telephone
Again. The daughter calls one day
And hears that Mom or Pop has passed away;
The children return home, in disbelief,
And then alleviate their parent's grief
As best they can. They stay a while and then
They pack their bags and say goodbye again,
While the survivor murmurs one more prayer—
To fill the silence and dull a despair
That will not go away. The parent's son
And daughter are both gone when day is done—
Before the parent shuffles off to bed
To nurse a sadness or a private dread
That's never put in words—but bears the mark
Of the emptiness that sprouts in a dark
Bedroom. The parent is surprised to find
How difficult it is to be resigned
To aloof children—or to lose a mate
One loves to the vicissitudes of Fate:
Yet whether it's a person's daughter, son,
Or spouse, the same end welcomes everyone
Who wagers on the die of human hope—
Aspiring in love, but cramped in scope:
And it's the same as when the sun above
This bitter earth requites our foolish love.

RDC 9 September 2007

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