The History of Valentine's Day
Adapted from the Net
Week of 14 February 2005
The history of Valentine's Day—and its patron saint—is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance.
St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.
One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. Wh
Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.
According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl—who may have been his jailer’s daughter—who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an _expression that is still in use today.
Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.
REVIEW QUESTIONS
1. The history of Valentine's Day is well documented. True False
2. February has only recently become a month of romance. True False
3. Valentine's Day comes mainly from a Christian tradition. True False
4. The Christian church recognizes two different saints named Valentine. True False
5. Claudius IV decided that married men made better soldiers.
True False
6. St. Valentine performed marriages a)for free, b)in secret, c)in Rome.
7. St. Valetnine may have fallen in love while a)in prison, b)on vacation, c)at school.
2. February has only recently become a month of romance. True False
3. Valentine's Day comes mainly from a Christian tradition. True False
4. The Christian church recognizes two different saints named Valentine. True False
5. Claudius IV decided that married men made better soldiers.
True False
6. St. Valentine performed marriages a)for free, b)in secret, c)in Rome.
7. St. Valetnine may have fallen in love while a)in prison, b)on vacation, c)at school.
Discussion Questions
1. What does it mean to be saintly? Have you known someone who was saintly? How was this person saintly?2. When we say something is “mysterious” what do we mean? What’s a one-word synonym for that word in the common phrase, “It’s mysterious”? Describe the elements of a mystery story.
3. What’s a one-word synonym for “shrouded,” as when we say that something is “shrouded in mystery”? What’s the noun form of shrouded?
4. Which restaurants do you patronize? What does it mean to patronize someplace? What’s a patron saint?
5. “Patron” has a very common root (“pat”) that appears in many words (patriarchy, paternal, pattern, patrilineal, etc.). “The Lord’s Prayer” is also known in its Latin form as the Pater Noster, after its first two words. What does the Latin “Pater” mean? The opposite of “pater” in Latin is “mater,” as in material, matter, and matrix. What’s the meaning of “mater”?
6. Discuss the “vestigial remains” of something, either from your own culture or elsewhere.
7. What’s a one-word synonym for “ancient” in “ancient ruins”?
8. A rite is an orderly way of doing something, usually with religious intent. What are some Chinese rites? Describe them.
9. A rite need not be religious. Some people perform rites that seem without meaning to others, like going to bed in a set way. Other rites include touching an object before leaving one’s home or stepping on every crack in the pavement or washing one’s hands at certain times. But when a person feels forced to act he or she suffers from what is known as an obsession. Recent movies showing this problem were As
10. If someone is a martyr in death, what does this mean?
11. Print or cut a picture and write a legend underneath it to share with your classmates.
12. What’s a one-word synonym for “legendary” in the phrase, “a legendary performer”?
13. One of the most famous lines in movie history was Marlon Brando saying “I coulda [could have] been a contender” (On the Waterfront, 1954). What’s a contender, as in “heavyweight contender”?
14. What does it mean to contend against obstacles?
15. What’s a one-word synonym for “contend” in the sentence beginning, “One legend contends that Valentine,” etc.
16. A crop is a vegetable. What’s a “crop of potential soldiers”?
17. What is the potency of a pill?
18. A potentate is a a) pill, b) ruler.
19. What does it mean to decree something?
20. The noun form of “defy” is “defiance.” The opposite of defiance is a) dejection, b) appliance, c) compliance.
21. “Espy” is an old-fashioned word meaning
a) defy, b) see, c) claim.
22. What word still in use is related to the old-fashioned word, “espy”?
21. Are murky waters clear or muddy? What’s a murky idea or plan?
22. When someone treats you harshly, are they treating you well or badly? What’s a harsh lesson?
23. By law newspapers are required to write “allegedly” or “alleged” in criminal reports, as in the following: “Mr. Smith allegedly hit his wife with the lamp in a drunken rage. The alleged assault took place after midnight last Monday.” What is the point of this requirement?
24. What does it mean to be confined to one’s bed?
25. What does it mean to be tortured by the memory of a lost love?
26. What is a synonym for “figure” in the last paragraph of the above essay.
27. Find the lyrics (about 4 lines or a verse) of a song or poem that expresses your idea of love. Make copies and explain your opinion.
28. What gift would you most like to receive on Valentine’s Day?
29. English has very few words for love, so “love” commonly stands in for any kind of object. One loves one’s mom, but one also loves one’s spouse or dog and roast beef or ice cream. On the other hand, the Greeks had words for different kinds of love, as between friends, parents, children, and lovers. Discuss your idea of the greatest kind of love and why.
30. Disorderly love is considered a sin in some religions. In fact the seven deadly sins of the Christian church are kinds of love lacking order or control. Thus the disorderly love of money is the sin of greed, the disorderly love of self is the sin of pride, and the disorderly love of sex is the sin of lust. A Brad Pitt movie called Seven showed Kevin Spacey avenging the 7 deadly sins. What are the seven deadly sins? What are the seven virtues (four “cardinal virtues” and three church virtues). These are easily found.
31. What's the noun form of "patronize"?
32. When you patronize an establishment (store or business) is it good or bad?
33. When you patronize a person is it good or bad?
New 'mommy wars': a fight against pop culture's excess
By Linda Feldmann, Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor Fri May 6, 4:00 AM ET
WASHINGTON - Forget about the "mommy wars," in which stay-at-home mothers were supposedly locking horns with their working sisters, at least in popular perception.
What's really happening with American mothers of all stripes―from full-time homemakers to full-fledged workaholics, all income levels, all racial backgrounds―is worry about popular culture, and what feels like a tsunami of forces threatening parents' ability to impart positive values to their children, according to a new survey of more than 2,000 mothers. Moms report a cultural onslaught that goes far beyond Hollywood movies and TV, and into the world of the Internet, electronic games, and advertising.
"We heard mothers talking about the kind of hypersexuality that's out there, about violence and disrespect, about body image, all the things that are not exactly news, but cutting across a huge and diverse sample of mothers," says Martha Farrell Erickson of the University of Minnesota, lead researcher on the study, released by the Institute for American Values in New York. "What they would really like to see is mothers and fathers joining forces more effectively to take on some of these issues."
Politics did not come up naturally in these mothers' group conversations; they see the solutions more through the avenue of personal and community action, rather than dumping these problems on the doorstep of government. But there is a stark political fact that strategists from both parties are keenly aware of, and which could telegraph a major theme in the next presidential race: the "married parent gap."
In the 2004 race, President Bush beat Sen. John Kerry by a whopping 19 percentage points―59 percent to 40 percent―among married voters with children under age 18. Among married mothers of minors, the difference was somewhat smaller, 14 points (56 percent to 42 percent). But it is a gap that Republicans are working hard to keep, and Democrats to erase. It wasn't too long ago that Democrats were winning the married parent vote: In 1996, Bill Clinton narrowly won that demographic.
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, an expert on social and cultural issues and a senior fellow at the Progressive Policy Institute, a centrist Democratic think tank, points to the famous "moral values" question on the 2004 exit poll as a telling indicator of what married parents are feeling. Among those voters, 27 percent chose "moral values" as their top voting concern, compared with 20 percent of the electorate at large. And it is not that married parents identify overwhelmingly as religious conservatives, Ms. Whitehead notes. In the exit poll, 45 percent self-identified as moderates and 16 percent as liberals.
The problem for Democrats is not a lack of policy prescriptions, say party activists, but rather a strong cultural message, repeated over and over. "It's vital for parents to hear [from Democrats] that we know you want to be able to teach your kids good values, and very often you don't think we're on your side," says Whitehead.
If conservatives have cornered the market on the use of the word "values"―another point that Democrats plan to fight―they also say their electoral success with parents goes strongly to the issue of security, especially post-9/11. "A lot of winning the parent vote had to do with the war on terror," says Carrie Lukas, director of policy for the conservative Independent Women's Forum.
When directly focused on parenting issues, mothers in both Chicago and Nashville, Tenn., interviewed by the Monitor agree that it's hard to shield children from inappropriate influences. And they agree, no matter whom they voted for, that kids need a firm parental hand limiting the amount and types of media they consume.
"It's not even just TV," says Erika Waller of Brentwood, Tenn., a full-time mom with four kids ages eight and under. "It's computers and everything."
A mom can protect her children at home, but it's hard once they venture into the world, to go to school or visit a friend's house, says Ms. Waller. Even her two-year-old picks up bad language easily, she says.
Waller uses a parental blocker on the television and keeps close watch when the children surf the Web. She frets most over the TV, where indecency and bad language are the worst, she says: "TV is the hardest. There are no limits anymore."
Diane Snider of Franklin, Tenn., a full-time mother with two young children still at home, says that even though there was a lot of "sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll" when she was growing up, it's different today.
"It's probably more intense now," she says.
She says she and her husband work hard to be good role models. They monitor what their kids watch on TV and teach them to be wary of strangers. "It's doing the right things, as opposed to saying them," she says.
She describes herself as a "liberal Republican" and voted for Bush in November, in part because she feels he can promote a better place for her kids to grow up in. He promotes a cleaner culture without stifling individual rights, she says.
"I didn't really think that I trusted [Kerry]," she says. "[Bush] has God, religion."
In Chicago, the mothers interviewed all favored the rating systems in place for video games, websites, and some TV shows; two said they would like to see more government intervention in terms of rating more television shows for violence, banning violent video games, and not allowing violent TV shows and commercials early in the evening.
Sara Gooding-Williams lives in Evanston, Ill., and has a 17-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son.
"I limit their television; my son doesn't really know about commercial television," she says. "He watches public TV and we'll occasionally buy or rent him a 'Sesame Street' DVD.... My daughter didn't watch much television until she started seeing stuff at friends' houses, which is what's starting to happen to my son."
She wishes there were a way to have a TV control system that would automatically shut out certain shows, the way she was able to block her daughter's access to certain websites when she was younger.
Teresa Sommer is the mother of three children, also in Evanston. "The primary thing is to lead by example, which both my husband and I try to do," she says. "We try to take advantage of teaching moments that are available, to be reflective about those moments, and let the kids think about those questions."
By Linda Feldmann, Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor Fri May 6, 4:00 AM ET
WASHINGTON - Forget about the "mommy wars," in which stay-at-home mothers were supposedly locking horns with their working sisters, at least in popular perception.
What's really happening with American mothers of all stripes―from full-time homemakers to full-fledged workaholics, all income levels, all racial backgrounds―is worry about popular culture, and what feels like a tsunami of forces threatening parents' ability to impart positive values to their children, according to a new survey of more than 2,000 mothers. Moms report a cultural onslaught that goes far beyond Hollywood movies and TV, and into the world of the Internet, electronic games, and advertising.
"We heard mothers talking about the kind of hypersexuality that's out there, about violence and disrespect, about body image, all the things that are not exactly news, but cutting across a huge and diverse sample of mothers," says Martha Farrell Erickson of the University of Minnesota, lead researcher on the study, released by the Institute for American Values in New York. "What they would really like to see is mothers and fathers joining forces more effectively to take on some of these issues."
Politics did not come up naturally in these mothers' group conversations; they see the solutions more through the avenue of personal and community action, rather than dumping these problems on the doorstep of government. But there is a stark political fact that strategists from both parties are keenly aware of, and which could telegraph a major theme in the next presidential race: the "married parent gap."
In the 2004 race, President Bush beat Sen. John Kerry by a whopping 19 percentage points―59 percent to 40 percent―among married voters with children under age 18. Among married mothers of minors, the difference was somewhat smaller, 14 points (56 percent to 42 percent). But it is a gap that Republicans are working hard to keep, and Democrats to erase. It wasn't too long ago that Democrats were winning the married parent vote: In 1996, Bill Clinton narrowly won that demographic.
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, an expert on social and cultural issues and a senior fellow at the Progressive Policy Institute, a centrist Democratic think tank, points to the famous "moral values" question on the 2004 exit poll as a telling indicator of what married parents are feeling. Among those voters, 27 percent chose "moral values" as their top voting concern, compared with 20 percent of the electorate at large. And it is not that married parents identify overwhelmingly as religious conservatives, Ms. Whitehead notes. In the exit poll, 45 percent self-identified as moderates and 16 percent as liberals.
The problem for Democrats is not a lack of policy prescriptions, say party activists, but rather a strong cultural message, repeated over and over. "It's vital for parents to hear [from Democrats] that we know you want to be able to teach your kids good values, and very often you don't think we're on your side," says Whitehead.
If conservatives have cornered the market on the use of the word "values"―another point that Democrats plan to fight―they also say their electoral success with parents goes strongly to the issue of security, especially post-9/11. "A lot of winning the parent vote had to do with the war on terror," says Carrie Lukas, director of policy for the conservative Independent Women's Forum.
When directly focused on parenting issues, mothers in both Chicago and Nashville, Tenn., interviewed by the Monitor agree that it's hard to shield children from inappropriate influences. And they agree, no matter whom they voted for, that kids need a firm parental hand limiting the amount and types of media they consume.
"It's not even just TV," says Erika Waller of Brentwood, Tenn., a full-time mom with four kids ages eight and under. "It's computers and everything."
A mom can protect her children at home, but it's hard once they venture into the world, to go to school or visit a friend's house, says Ms. Waller. Even her two-year-old picks up bad language easily, she says.
Waller uses a parental blocker on the television and keeps close watch when the children surf the Web. She frets most over the TV, where indecency and bad language are the worst, she says: "TV is the hardest. There are no limits anymore."
Diane Snider of Franklin, Tenn., a full-time mother with two young children still at home, says that even though there was a lot of "sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll" when she was growing up, it's different today.
"It's probably more intense now," she says.
She says she and her husband work hard to be good role models. They monitor what their kids watch on TV and teach them to be wary of strangers. "It's doing the right things, as opposed to saying them," she says.
She describes herself as a "liberal Republican" and voted for Bush in November, in part because she feels he can promote a better place for her kids to grow up in. He promotes a cleaner culture without stifling individual rights, she says.
"I didn't really think that I trusted [Kerry]," she says. "[Bush] has God, religion."
In Chicago, the mothers interviewed all favored the rating systems in place for video games, websites, and some TV shows; two said they would like to see more government intervention in terms of rating more television shows for violence, banning violent video games, and not allowing violent TV shows and commercials early in the evening.
Sara Gooding-Williams lives in Evanston, Ill., and has a 17-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son.
"I limit their television; my son doesn't really know about commercial television," she says. "He watches public TV and we'll occasionally buy or rent him a 'Sesame Street' DVD.... My daughter didn't watch much television until she started seeing stuff at friends' houses, which is what's starting to happen to my son."
She wishes there were a way to have a TV control system that would automatically shut out certain shows, the way she was able to block her daughter's access to certain websites when she was younger.
Teresa Sommer is the mother of three children, also in Evanston. "The primary thing is to lead by example, which both my husband and I try to do," she says. "We try to take advantage of teaching moments that are available, to be reflective about those moments, and let the kids think about those questions."
Vocabulary Questions
1. The phrase, "locking horns" suggests a) compromise, b) battle,
c) discussion.
2. "Perceptual problems" means a) seeing problems, b) hearing problems, c) eating problems.
3. The phrase "people of all stripes" suggests a) all nations, b) all races, c) all kinds, d) different fashions.
4. To be "fully fledged" means to be a) unformed, b) fully formed,
c) adult.
5. "Workaholic" is an example of what kind of word? What two words make up this word?
6. A tsunami is a a) storm, b) flood, c) wave, d) ice cream.
7. To impart values means to a) study values, b) teach values, c) learn values.
8. To survey means to a) photo, b) measure, c) learn, d) commit.
9. Hypersexuality probably means a) too much sex, b) too little sex,
c) sex outside of marriage, d) sex outside the home.
10. When you join forces with someone, you a) fight them, b) warn them, c) help them, d) insult them.
11. To take on someone or a cause means to a) fight them, b) warn them, c) help them, d) insult them.
12. A gap between the teeth means a) the teeth are decayed, b) the teeth are too close together, c) the teeth are too far apart, d) the teeth are capped.
13. A while ago people talked about a generation gap. What do you think this means (or meant)? If you don't know, do a search.
14. "Vital" means a) lively, b) important, c) unimportant, d) deadly.
15. "Ms" is a title for a) married women, b) married men, c) single women, d) single men.
16. The electorate are those who a) vote, b) are voted for, c) lawmakers, d) judges.
17. Would you describe yourself as a moderate, liberal, or conservative? Why?
18. A prescription for something is a) a remedy, b) crisis, c) problem,
d) condition.
19. In medical care, a prescription is a a) remedy, b) problem,
c) medicine, d) solution.
20. To venture something is to a) be safe, b) take a chance, c) return, d) depart.
21. When something is inappropriate, it is a) not proper, b) proper,
c) desired, d) without reason.
22. An activist is someone involved in a) music, b) sports, c) dancing,
d) social causes.
23. To be wary is to be a) reckless, b) proud, c) cautious, d) content.
24. Who was your role model as a child or is your role model now?
25. What system might be used to rate something or someone?
26. Do you believe minors should be allowed to smoke? Drink? Have romances? Why, why not?
27. An "indicator" in the essay above likely means a a) card, b) sign,
c) book, d) cause.
28. If a primary reason is given, that reason is the a) wrong reason,
b) right reason, c) first reason, d) main reason.
29. Explain your understanding of the phrase, "think tank."
30. Discuss what a demographic study is.
31. What is a think tank? Which definition comes closest? a) a group of people who live in a fish tank, b) a group of people who think, c) a group of people who come up with ideas for assigned problems, d) a school of fish. 32. "Stuff" is a vague word that refers to a) things, b) ideas, c) fish,
d) candy.
33. A stark contrast means a a) big contrast, b) little contrast,
c) no contrast, d) low contrast.
34. Discuss diverse ways to refuse an invitation.
35. If your vision is keen, that means it is a) good, b) poor, c) weak,
d) blurred.
36. What might "senior fellow" mean in the above essay?
37. Show us how to stifle a yawn.
38. What does it mean to dump a problem on someone else?
39. Onslaught most likely means a) a killing, b) an attack, c) a slaughter, d) a laugh.
40. A "whopping" figure is most likely a a) small one, b) average one, c) big one.
The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods. During the 1600's, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday." Celebrated on the 4th Sunday of Lent (the 40 day period leading up to Easter), "Mothering Sunday" honored the mothers of England.
While many countries of the world celebrate their own Mother's Day at different times throughout the year, there are some countries such as Denmark, Finland, Italy, Turkey, Australia, and Belgium which also celebrate Mother's Day on the second Sunday of May.
Many families make a special Mother's Day dinner or take Mom out to her favorite restaurant for a meal. It is a good day to let your mom relax and let her see what a wonderful family she has.
Howard Johnson (c. 1915)
b) Venus, c) Rhea, d) Cupid.
2. England celebrated a day called Mothering Sunday in the a)1500s, b) 1600s, c) 1700s, d) 1800s.
3. During this time, many of England's poor worked as a) farmers, b) taxi drivers, c) servants, d) musicians.
4. These poor lived in a) huts, b) shacks, c) private homes, d) homes of their employers.
5. These poor would have the day off on a) Father's Day, b) Mother's Day, c) Mothering Sunday,
d) Fathering Sunday.
6. To provide a special touch, a cake was made called a) fudge pudding, b) mothering cake, c) milk shake
d) donut.
7. Early Mother's Day soon blended with a day in honor of the a) banks, b) poor, c) church, d) schools.
8. In the United States, Mother's Day was suggested by a) mothers, b) fathers, c) Julia Ward Howe,
d) Julia Roberts.
9. Julia Ward Howe is famous as the author of a hymn called by what name?_________________.
10. The first Mother's Day meetings were held in
a) Boston, b) New York, c) Washington, d) Tainan.
11. The woman who campaigned for a national Mother's Day in the US was a) Julia Ward Howe,
b) Ana Jarvis, c) Martha Washington, d) Mrs. Lincoln.
12. Mother's Day was celebrated in almost every day by the year a) 1910, b) 1911, c) 1912, d) 1913.
13. Mother's Day became an official national holiday in what year?___________.
14. The president who proclaimed this holiday was a) Abraham Lincoln, b) John F. Kennedy, c) George Washington, d) Woodrow Wilson.
15. Mother's Day is celebrated in the US on which Sunday in May? a) first, b) second, c) third, d) fourth.
16. Denmark, Italy, and Turkey celebrate Mother's Day on a different day. True_______. False__________.
17. Many families begin Mother's Day with a) breakfast at McDonald's, b) breakfast in bed, c) dinner in bed, d) another viewing of Titanic.
18. A vase is commonly used to hold a) pencils,
b) tobacco, c) coffee, d) flowers.
19. Is a single flower unmarried? What's a single flower?
20. Discuss some ways you find to relax.
21. Memorize the poem, "Mother" (above) and be prepared to recite it in class.
22. Bring a picture of your favorite flower to class (or a real flower) and discuss why you like the flower. (Hint: You'll have to practice specific vocabulary first.)
23. Name some items that commonly go on a food tray.
24. Discuss your mother's favorite breakfast. (Hint: You'll have to practice specific vocabulary first.)
25. Denmark, Finland, Italy, Turkey, Australia, and Belgium are all mentioned in the essay (above). Name some things you associate with each country. If necessary, do a book or Net search.
26. How is proclaiming different from acclaiming?
27. "Hold" is one of those "all-purpose" words. You can hold on to a rope, when being lifted out of a well or when water skiing. What does that mean? You can "hold your horses." What does it mean to hold one's horses? In his post-Beatles period, John Lennon wrote a song called "Hold On." Lyrics begin: "Hold on, Yoko. Yoko hold on, it's going to be all right. We're going to win the fight" (from Plastic Ono Band). When you mother says, "Hold this," what does she mean?
28. The word "blend" appears in our essay. So this is a good time to remind you to complete your assignment on blend words. A blend word, as we know, is a word such as "smog," which blends or fuses two words into one (smoke + fog). The most common blend word is probably "brunch," which you all know. So, like a fisherman, do a net (Net) search and catch some blend words. Make a list and share it in class. Make copies for all the students.
29. Speaking of blend words, a sociologist in the 1950s made up the word "smothering," when discussing family relations. Do a search on this topic and discuss what it might mean.
30. Is a "special touch" a special way to hold someone's hand? What's a "special touch" in the essay above?
2. . . . And when she was younger she had a little brother. About six years old, eight years old. And the parents sent the kid to military school. And while he was there, he stole jam or something. And they caught him and they wanted to do things right because it was a military school. And they held a court martial there. And they found the kid guilty And they shot him. They returned to his parents half the tuition, you know.
3. I have never in my life had difficulty wih the cops. I had difficulty with the cops. Actually, I didn't have difficulty with the cops.
I was once sitting in my house. And a lot of cars pulled up in front of the house and they shined in searchlights. And I heard a voice over a loudspeaker say,
"We have your house surrounded. This is the New York Public Library."
They wanted the books back, you know. The little librarian was lobbing grenades over the house, you know. I came out with my hands up, you know, and I was kicking the book ahead of me. They took me down to the main branch on Fifth Avenue, in New York and they took away my glasses for a year.
And I was thinking when I lived in my apartment in the brownstone building in New York we were constantly getting robbed all the time. It was a very big feature of the neighborhood. You know, guys who break in and steal. And my apartment was robbed about four times in two years. You know, it really got to be a bad thing and I didn't know what to do about it. So finally I put on my door a little blue and white sticker that said, "We gave."
I figured that would end it brilliantly, you know, but it didn't. Because a man in my building, Mr. Russo, was held up late at night. Two very big guys got him with a bottle and a stick in the lobby, you know. They wanted all his cash. And Russo like a jerk tried to sign for it for tax purposes, whatever it is.
They hit him a tremendous shot across the frontal lobe, you know. A real smack in the head. And he fell to the lobby in a fetal position you know. He lay there until his lease ran out, you know. And he's never been the same since the smack in the head, you know. He smiles a lot. And he laughs out of context occasionally. He's not as perceptive as the average tree stump, you know.
And everybody in the building panicked. They said that I'm small and that I should go and build myelf up in case I get into trouble I could defend myself. so I went to Vic Tanney's (this was a long time ago). I went for 3 weeks. And I lifted and I bent and I squatted. Nothing happened to me at all, you know. Nothing grew or anything. I figured it's ridiculous. Why don't I forget about it and give Vic Tanney the cash and ask him if he'd walk me home nights.
However, there is an odd kid in my class, a little odd kid named Leon and Leon takes karate lessons. Leon is always walking around with his hand cocked at a right angle, like this, you know? And everyone said that I should learn judo because I could be an animal. But judo has always been to me a thing of the bigger your opponent is the bigger the beating he's going to give you, you know?
And then my good friends told me in the back of Esquire magazine, you could send away for a fountain pen that shoots tear gas. It's a real fountain pen and it secretes a gaseous billow, you know. A really great pen, seven and a half dollars. So I send away. It comes in the mail two weeks later in a plain brown wrapper, you know.
I unscrew it, I put in the tear gas cartridges. I clip it in my breast pocket. I go out (a long time ago this was). Some friends have a surprise autopsy and I was invited. I'm coming home by myself 2 o'clock in the morning and it's pitch black and I'm all alone. And standing in my lobby is a Neanderthal man, with the eyebrow ridges, you know, and the hairy knuckles, like this. He just learned to walk erect that morning, I think. He came right to my house in search of the secret of fire, you know. A tree-swinger in the lobby at two o'clock in the morning. A mouth breather looking at me like [breathes].
I took my watch out and I dangled it in front of him, you know. They're mollified by shiny objects sometimes. He ate it. I was under pressure, and I backed off and I pulled out my tear gas pen and I pressed the trigger and some ink trickled on my shirt. I made a mental note to call Esquire and tell them.
I'm standing in the lobby, two o'clock in the morning you know, I was a product of a broken home, you know. I had a fountain pen in my hand and I tried writing on him with it, you know. He came for me and he started to tap dance on my windpipe. Very quickly I latched into the old Navajo Indian trick of screaming and begging.
I get into an amazing amount of, of physical encounters with someone I saw. About 13 weeks ago I had my shoe shined against my will. A tremendous shoeshine boy. He said to me, "I'm shining your shoes." "Yes you are," I said. He did give me an excellent shine, I might add. But they were suede shoes and. . . I was
4. I was down south once. And I was invited to a costume party. And I rarely go to them. I went to one when I was younger. I went in my underwear shorts and I have varicose veins, you know. I went as a road map.
And I figured what the hell. It's Halloween. I'll go as a ghost. So I take a sheet off the bed and I throw it over my head. And I go to the party. And you have to get the picture. I'm walking along the street in a deep southern town. I have a white sheet over my head. And a car pulls up and three guys with white sheets say get in. So I figured these guys are going to the party as ghosts. And I get into the car and I see that we're not going to the party and I tell them. And they tell me, well we have to pick up the white dragon. And all of a sudden it hits me: down south, white sheets, the grand dragon. I put two and two together. And I figured there's a guy going to the party dressed as a dragon.
All of a sudden a big guy enters the car and I'm sitting there between four clansmen; four big armed men and the door is locked and I'm petrified. I'm trying to pass desperately, you know. I'm saying, "Y'all" [You all"] and "grits," I must have said "grits" 50 times. They ask me a question and I say, "Oh, grits, grits." And next to me is the leader. You could tell that he's the leader becuse he's the one wearing contour sheets. You know.
And they're taking me to an empty field and I gave myself away. Because they asked for donations. And everyone there gave cash. When it came to me I said, "I pledge 50 dollars." And they knew immediately and they took my hood off and they threw a rope around my neck and they decided to hang me.
And suddenly my whole life passed before my eyes. I saw myself as a kid again, Kansas. Going to school. Swimming at the swimming hole. Fishing. Frying up a mess of catfish. Going down to the General Store. Getting a piece of gingham for Emmy Lou. And I realize it's not my life, you know.
They're going to hang me in two minutes, the wrong life is passing through me. And I spoke to them. I was really eloquent. I said,
"Fellows, this country can't survive unless we love one another regardless of race, creed, or color."
And they were so moved by my words that not only did they cut me down and let me go, but that night I sold them two thousand dollars worth of Israel bonds.
Summing up. I wish I had some kind of affirmative message to leave you. I don't. Would you take two negative messages?
My mother used to say to me when I was younger: "If a strange man comes up to you and offers you candy and wants you to get into the back of his car with him—Go." Good night.
2. Discuss a rumor you may have heard recently or in the past. Did it turn out to be true?
3. In the monologue, what is meant by "fixing" a ballet? Does that mean the dancer was broken and had to be repaired? What does it mean to fix a fight?
4. How is a court martial different from a trial?
5. What is a cop? What other words can you use instead of "cop"?
6. Where are grenades likely to be used?
7. What does the phrase, "We gave" mean?
8. There are many ways to be held up. You can be held up at work. What does that mean? What does it mean in the story?
9. What does it mean to do something "brilliantly"?
10. If a woman, what features do you think a man notices first on a woman? If a man, what features do you think a woman notices first on a man?
11. How would a fetal position look?
12. Some apartments in America have leases. What is a lease?
13. What might be in the lobby of a building? In a hotel lobby?
14. What's a lobby in politics, like the tobacco lobby?
15. What does Woody Allen refer to by "frontal lobe"?
16. In Taiwan, I once saw an outdoor menu that said, "MIDNIGHT SMACK." The "m" should have been an "n." What's a smack? Did your mother ever smack you as a child?
17. "Panic" is named after which Greek god? When you do something "in a panic," what does that mean?
18. What does Woody mean when he says "nothing grew"?
19. Show an arm cocked in karate style.
20. You can beat a blanket. Why would you beat a blanket?
21. You can beat up a person (phrasal verb). Many schoolchildren are beaten up by their classmates. This is wrong. Did this ever happen to you (if you wish to talk about it)?
22. Beating someone up is illegal, unless you're Muhammad Ali or Mike Tyson. But beating someone (for example, for the Best Actor Oscar) is legal. What does it mean to beat someone for an Oscar?
23. When are you likely to use your knuckles?
24. How is a fountain pen different from a ballpoint pen?
25. What does Woody Allen mean when he says an object came in a plain brown wrapper?
26. What would you dangle in front of a crying baby to mollify it?
27. What animals are tree-swingers?
28. What does Woody mean by a "Neanderthal man"?
29. What does he mean when he refers to the secret of fire?
30. How is "secret" different from "secretes"? Which is the verb and which the noun?
31. How would you dress at a costume party? (Don't answer, "In a costume.")
32. Do a search on the Ku Klux Klan and describe this organization in class.
33. What does it mean when a car "pulls up"?
34. What does a police officer mean when he asks to a driver to "pull over"?
35. Describe a moment when you were desperate to have something or to talk to someone.
36. Did you ever pledge money to an organization? Which organizations would you likely pledge money to?
37. What are bonds? (Not the baseball home run hitter named Barry.) Who would likely issue bonds and for what purpose?
38. How is a contour sheet different from a regular sheet?
39. A mess
can be dirt. But it can also be part of idioms, such as Elvis Presley's hit song, "A Mess of Blues," which is the way it's used in Woody's monologue: "a mess of catfish." This is related to the army phrase, "mess hall." What's a mess hall in the army?
40. What are varicose veins?
41. Is a loudspeaker a person who speaks too loud? When is a loudspeaker likely to be used?
42. Have you ever made a donation? To what organization? Why?
43. In law, what's affirmative action?
44. In the army or other special control situations, the word "affirmative" is often spoken instead of a) yes, b) no.
45. If your doctors tell you your x-rays are negative, should you go out and celebrate or feel sad?
46. What kinds of books do bookmakers make?
47. Have you ever made a bet? What would you bet on if you did bet?
48. What does it mean it take words out of context? Why would one do that?
49. What sports are you a fan of?
50. Do you agree with the belief that one's life flashes before one's eyes before one's death?
51. Judy Garland wore a gingham dress in The Wizard of Oz. What would a gingham dress look like?
52. Where would you likely put a sticker?
53. Discuss some creeds.
54. What is an autopsy for?
55. Elvis Presley had a hit early in his career with a song called Blue Suede Shoes. What are suede shoes?
I was k
idnapped once. I was standing in front of my schoolyard and a black sedan pulls up. And two guys get out and they say to me:
Do I want to go away with them to a land where everybody is fairies and elves, I can have all the comic books I want and chocolate and wax lips, you know.
And I said yes, you know. And I got into the car with them. Because I figured, what the hell, I was home that weekend from college anyhow.
And they drive me off and they send a ransom note to my parents. And my father has bad reading habits.
So he gets into bed at night with the ransom note and he read half of it, you know? And he got drowsy and fell asleep. And then he leant it out, you know?
Meanwhile they take me to New Jersey, bound and gagged. And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped.
And they snap into action immediately. They rent out my room.
The ransom note says to my father to leave a 1000 dollars in a hollow tree in New Jersey. He has no trouble raising a 1000 dollars but he gets a hernia carrying the hollow tree.
The F
BI surround the house. "Throw the kid out," they say. "Give us your guns and come out with your hands up."
The kidnappers say, "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns and get to our car."
The FBI says, "Throw the kid out. We'll let you get to your car, but give us your guns."
The kidnappers say, "We'll throw the kid out and let us keep our guns, we don't have to get to our car."
The FBI says, "Keep the kid."
The FBI decides to lob in tear gas. But they don't have tear gas.
So
several of the agents put on the death scene from Camille. Tear stricken my abductors give themselves up.
They're sentenced to fifteen years on a chain gang. And they escape, twelve of them chained together at the ankle, getting by the guards, posing as an immense charm bracelet.
When I was a little boy, I wanted a dog desperately. And we had no money. I was a tiny kid and my parents couldn't get me a dog because we just didn't have the money. So they got me, instead of a dog—they told me it was a dog— they got me an ant.
And I didn't know any better, you know? I thought it was a dog. I was a dumb kid.
I called it Spot. I trained it, you know. And coming home late one night, and Shelton Ficklestein tried to bully me. But Spot was with me. And I said, "Kill!" And Shelton stepped on my dog.
I'm checking. I wanted to flash this watch. I flash it all the time. It's my antique pocket watch and it makes me look British. And I need that for my analysis.
It's a gorgeous old pocket watch and I'm proud of it. It was from my grandfather on his deathbed. He sold me this watch.
My grandfather was a very insignificant man. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
It was a nice funeral. He would have really liked it.
It was a catered funeral, set in a big hall with accordion players. On the buffet table was a replica of the deceased and potato salad.
Um,
I want to discuss my marriage. My marriage, or as it was known, the Ox-Bow incident.
I had a rough marriage. Uh, well, my wife was an immature woman and that's all I can say.
See if this is not immature to you. I would be home in the bathroom taking a bath and my wife would walk right in whenever she felt like and sink my boats.
It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I had a lousy attitude towards her.
For the first year of marriage I had a basically bad attitude. I just, I tended to place my wife underneath the pedestal.
We used to argue and fight and we finally decided we either take a vacation in Bermuda or get a divorce. One of the two things. And we discussed it very maturely and we decided on the divorce. Because we felt that we had a limited amount of money to spend, you know. A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks but a divorce is something that you always have.
And I saw myself free again, living in the Village, you know, in a bachelor apartment with a wood-burning fireplace and a shaggy rug, you know, on the walls with those great Picassos by Van Gogh and those great swinging airline hostesses running amuck in the apartment, you know.
And I got very excited and I ran into my wife, she was in the next room at the time listening to Connor on the radio.
I laid it right on the line to her, I came right to the point, I said,
"Quasimodo, I want a divorce."
And she said "Great, get the divorce."
But it turns out in New York state they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery. And that is weird, because the Ten Commandments say, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery. But New York State says you have to.
Well it finally happened my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined.
Years ago my mother gave me a bullet, a bullet. And I put it in my breast pocket and two years after that I was walking down the street when a berserk evangelist heaved a Gideon Bible out of a hotel window hitting me in the chest. and the Bible would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
I used to go to New York University a long time ago, which is in Greenwich Village. That's where I started. And I was, ah, in love in my Freshman year.
But I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with. Because there was a tremendous religious conflict at the time. She was an atheist and I was an agnostic, you know? We didn't know which religion not to bring the children up in.
And I bummed around for a long time and I met my wife and we got married against my parents' wishes. We were married in Long Island in New York. We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi: a Nazi.
It was a very nice affair. You know, really good. And right after the wedding, my wife started turning weird. She went to Hunter College and she got into the Philosophy Department at Hunter and she started dressing with black clothes and no makeup and leotards and she pierced her ears one day with a conductor's punch, you know what I mean?
And she used to involve me in deep philosophical arguments that would prove that I didn't exist. Infuriating! And I had to let her go, is what happened.
And I had to tell my parents about it. And my parents are what you would call Old World.
My parents come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. And they're very stable, down-to-earth people who don't approve of divorce. Their values in life are God and carpeting.
And I came home on a Sunday (this was a long time ago) and my father is watching television, Sunday night. He's watching the Ed Sullivan Show on television. He's watching the Indiana Home for the Criminally Insane Glee Club and my mother is in the corner knitting a chicken.
And I said that I had to get a divorce and my mother put down her knitting. She got up and she went over to the furnace and she opened the door and she got in. Took it rather badly, I think.
c) discussion.
2. "Perceptual problems" means a) seeing problems, b) hearing problems, c) eating problems.
3. The phrase "people of all stripes" suggests a) all nations, b) all races, c) all kinds, d) different fashions.
4. To be "fully fledged" means to be a) unformed, b) fully formed,
c) adult.
5. "Workaholic" is an example of what kind of word? What two words make up this word?
6. A tsunami is a a) storm, b) flood, c) wave, d) ice cream.
7. To impart values means to a) study values, b) teach values, c) learn values.
8. To survey means to a) photo, b) measure, c) learn, d) commit.
9. Hypersexuality probably means a) too much sex, b) too little sex,
c) sex outside of marriage, d) sex outside the home.
10. When you join forces with someone, you a) fight them, b) warn them, c) help them, d) insult them.
11. To take on someone or a cause means to a) fight them, b) warn them, c) help them, d) insult them.
12. A gap between the teeth means a) the teeth are decayed, b) the teeth are too close together, c) the teeth are too far apart, d) the teeth are capped.
13. A while ago people talked about a generation gap. What do you think this means (or meant)? If you don't know, do a search.
14. "Vital" means a) lively, b) important, c) unimportant, d) deadly.
15. "Ms" is a title for a) married women, b) married men, c) single women, d) single men.
16. The electorate are those who a) vote, b) are voted for, c) lawmakers, d) judges.
17. Would you describe yourself as a moderate, liberal, or conservative? Why?
18. A prescription for something is a) a remedy, b) crisis, c) problem,
d) condition.
19. In medical care, a prescription is a a) remedy, b) problem,
c) medicine, d) solution.
20. To venture something is to a) be safe, b) take a chance, c) return, d) depart.
21. When something is inappropriate, it is a) not proper, b) proper,
c) desired, d) without reason.
22. An activist is someone involved in a) music, b) sports, c) dancing,
d) social causes.
23. To be wary is to be a) reckless, b) proud, c) cautious, d) content.
24. Who was your role model as a child or is your role model now?
25. What system might be used to rate something or someone?
26. Do you believe minors should be allowed to smoke? Drink? Have romances? Why, why not?
27. An "indicator" in the essay above likely means a a) card, b) sign,
c) book, d) cause.
28. If a primary reason is given, that reason is the a) wrong reason,
b) right reason, c) first reason, d) main reason.
29. Explain your understanding of the phrase, "think tank."
30. Discuss what a demographic study is.
31. What is a think tank? Which definition comes closest? a) a group of people who live in a fish tank, b) a group of people who think, c) a group of people who come up with ideas for assigned problems, d) a school of fish. 32. "Stuff" is a vague word that refers to a) things, b) ideas, c) fish,
d) candy.
33. A stark contrast means a a) big contrast, b) little contrast,
c) no contrast, d) low contrast.
34. Discuss diverse ways to refuse an invitation.
35. If your vision is keen, that means it is a) good, b) poor, c) weak,
d) blurred.
36. What might "senior fellow" mean in the above essay?
37. Show us how to stifle a yawn.
38. What does it mean to dump a problem on someone else?
39. Onslaught most likely means a) a killing, b) an attack, c) a slaughter, d) a laugh.
40. A "whopping" figure is most likely a a) small one, b) average one, c) big one.
The Story of Mother's Day
The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods. During the 1600's, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday." Celebrated on the 4th Sunday of Lent (the 40 day period leading up to Easter), "Mothering Sunday" honored the mothers of England.
During this time many of the England's poor worked as servants for the wealthy. As most jobs were located far from their homes, the servants would live at the houses of their employers. On Mothering Sunday the servants would have the day off and were encouraged to return home and spend the day with their mothers. A special cake, called the mothering cake, was often brought along to provide a festive touch.
As Christianity spread throughout Europe the celebration changed to honor "Mother Church"—the spiritual power that gave them life and protected them from harm. Over time the church festival blended with the Mothering Sunday celebration. People began honoring their mothers as well as the church.
<> In the United States Mother's Day was first suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the Battle Hymn of the Republic) as a day dedicated to peace. Ms. Howe would hold organized Mother's Day meetings in Boston, Massachusetts every year.<> In 1907 Ana Jarvis<>, from Philadelphia, began a campaign to establish a national Mother's Day. Ms. Jarvis persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia.
Ms. Jarvis and her supporters began to write to ministers, businessman, and politicians in their quest to establish a national Mother's Day. It was successful, since by 1911 Mother's Day was celebrated in almost every state. President Woodrow Wilson, in 1914, made the official announcement proclaiming Mother's Day a national holiday that was to be held each year on the 2nd Sunday of May.
While many countries of the world celebrate their own Mother's Day at different times throughout the year, there are some countries such as Denmark, Finland, Italy, Turkey, Australia, and Belgium which also celebrate Mother's Day on the second Sunday of May.
Celebrating Mother's Day
One the best ways to celebrate Mother's Day is to give your mom the day off. Let her take it easy and relax while the rest of the family does the work. Many families begin Mother's Day with breakfast in bed. Usually Dad and the Kids will let mom sleep late as they go into the kitchen and prepare her favorite meal. A Mother's Day breakfast can consist of anything your mom likes.
After the food is cooked, arrange everything nicely on a tray. Don't forget the vase with a single flower. With spring here, the children can pick a tulip or daffodil from the garden outside. When everything is ready carefully, carry the tray and Mom's favorite sections from the newspaper up to her bedroom. Cards and small presents from the children can be placed on the tray before it is presented to Mom in bed.
Many families make a special Mother's Day dinner or take Mom out to her favorite restaurant for a meal. It is a good day to let your mom relax and let her see what a wonderful family she has.
M - O - T - H - E - R
"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R"means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell
"MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.
"MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.
adapted from the Net
b) Venus, c) Rhea, d) Cupid.
2. England celebrated a day called Mothering Sunday in the a)1500s, b) 1600s, c) 1700s, d) 1800s.
3. During this time, many of England's poor worked as a) farmers, b) taxi drivers, c) servants, d) musicians.
4. These poor lived in a) huts, b) shacks, c) private homes, d) homes of their employers.
5. These poor would have the day off on a) Father's Day, b) Mother's Day, c) Mothering Sunday,
d) Fathering Sunday.
6. To provide a special touch, a cake was made called a) fudge pudding, b) mothering cake, c) milk shake
d) donut.
7. Early Mother's Day soon blended with a day in honor of the a) banks, b) poor, c) church, d) schools.
8. In the United States, Mother's Day was suggested by a) mothers, b) fathers, c) Julia Ward Howe,
d) Julia Roberts.
9. Julia Ward Howe is famous as the author of a hymn called by what name?_________________.
10. The first Mother's Day meetings were held in
a) Boston, b) New York, c) Washington, d) Tainan.
11. The woman who campaigned for a national Mother's Day in the US was a) Julia Ward Howe,
b) Ana Jarvis, c) Martha Washington, d) Mrs. Lincoln.
12. Mother's Day was celebrated in almost every day by the year a) 1910, b) 1911, c) 1912, d) 1913.
13. Mother's Day became an official national holiday in what year?___________.
14. The president who proclaimed this holiday was a) Abraham Lincoln, b) John F. Kennedy, c) George Washington, d) Woodrow Wilson.
15. Mother's Day is celebrated in the US on which Sunday in May? a) first, b) second, c) third, d) fourth.
16. Denmark, Italy, and Turkey celebrate Mother's Day on a different day. True_______. False__________.
17. Many families begin Mother's Day with a) breakfast at McDonald's, b) breakfast in bed, c) dinner in bed, d) another viewing of Titanic.
18. A vase is commonly used to hold a) pencils,
b) tobacco, c) coffee, d) flowers.
19. Is a single flower unmarried? What's a single flower?
20. Discuss some ways you find to relax.
21. Memorize the poem, "Mother" (above) and be prepared to recite it in class.
22. Bring a picture of your favorite flower to class (or a real flower) and discuss why you like the flower. (Hint: You'll have to practice specific vocabulary first.)
23. Name some items that commonly go on a food tray.
24. Discuss your mother's favorite breakfast. (Hint: You'll have to practice specific vocabulary first.)
25. Denmark, Finland, Italy, Turkey, Australia, and Belgium are all mentioned in the essay (above). Name some things you associate with each country. If necessary, do a book or Net search.
26. How is proclaiming different from acclaiming?
27. "Hold" is one of those "all-purpose" words. You can hold on to a rope, when being lifted out of a well or when water skiing. What does that mean? You can "hold your horses." What does it mean to hold one's horses? In his post-Beatles period, John Lennon wrote a song called "Hold On." Lyrics begin: "Hold on, Yoko. Yoko hold on, it's going to be all right. We're going to win the fight" (from Plastic Ono Band). When you mother says, "Hold this," what does she mean?
28. The word "blend" appears in our essay. So this is a good time to remind you to complete your assignment on blend words. A blend word, as we know, is a word such as "smog," which blends or fuses two words into one (smoke + fog). The most common blend word is probably "brunch," which you all know. So, like a fisherman, do a net (Net) search and catch some blend words. Make a list and share it in class. Make copies for all the students.
29. Speaking of blend words, a sociologist in the 1950s made up the word "smothering," when discussing family relations. Do a search on this topic and discuss what it might mean.
30. Is a "special touch" a special way to hold someone's hand? What's a "special touch" in the essay above?
Woody's Monologues: Part 2
Week of 2 May 2005
1. I was watching a ballet at City Center. And I'm not a ballet fan at all. But they were doing the Dying Swan. And there was a rumor that some bookmakers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the ballet. Apparently there was a lot of money bet on the swan to live, you know.Week of 2 May 2005
2. . . . And when she was younger she had a little brother. About six years old, eight years old. And the parents sent the kid to military school. And while he was there, he stole jam or something. And they caught him and they wanted to do things right because it was a military school. And they held a court martial there. And they found the kid guilty And they shot him. They returned to his parents half the tuition, you know.
3. I have never in my life had difficulty wih the cops. I had difficulty with the cops. Actually, I didn't have difficulty with the cops.
I was once sitting in my house. And a lot of cars pulled up in front of the house and they shined in searchlights. And I heard a voice over a loudspeaker say,
"We have your house surrounded. This is the New York Public Library."
They wanted the books back, you know. The little librarian was lobbing grenades over the house, you know. I came out with my hands up, you know, and I was kicking the book ahead of me. They took me down to the main branch on Fifth Avenue, in New York and they took away my glasses for a year.
And I was thinking when I lived in my apartment in the brownstone building in New York we were constantly getting robbed all the time. It was a very big feature of the neighborhood. You know, guys who break in and steal. And my apartment was robbed about four times in two years. You know, it really got to be a bad thing and I didn't know what to do about it. So finally I put on my door a little blue and white sticker that said, "We gave."
I figured that would end it brilliantly, you know, but it didn't. Because a man in my building, Mr. Russo, was held up late at night. Two very big guys got him with a bottle and a stick in the lobby, you know. They wanted all his cash. And Russo like a jerk tried to sign for it for tax purposes, whatever it is.
They hit him a tremendous shot across the frontal lobe, you know. A real smack in the head. And he fell to the lobby in a fetal position you know. He lay there until his lease ran out, you know. And he's never been the same since the smack in the head, you know. He smiles a lot. And he laughs out of context occasionally. He's not as perceptive as the average tree stump, you know.
And everybody in the building panicked. They said that I'm small and that I should go and build myelf up in case I get into trouble I could defend myself. so I went to Vic Tanney's (this was a long time ago). I went for 3 weeks. And I lifted and I bent and I squatted. Nothing happened to me at all, you know. Nothing grew or anything. I figured it's ridiculous. Why don't I forget about it and give Vic Tanney the cash and ask him if he'd walk me home nights.
However, there is an odd kid in my class, a little odd kid named Leon and Leon takes karate lessons. Leon is always walking around with his hand cocked at a right angle, like this, you know? And everyone said that I should learn judo because I could be an animal. But judo has always been to me a thing of the bigger your opponent is the bigger the beating he's going to give you, you know?
And then my good friends told me in the back of Esquire magazine, you could send away for a fountain pen that shoots tear gas. It's a real fountain pen and it secretes a gaseous billow, you know. A really great pen, seven and a half dollars. So I send away. It comes in the mail two weeks later in a plain brown wrapper, you know.
I unscrew it, I put in the tear gas cartridges. I clip it in my breast pocket. I go out (a long time ago this was). Some friends have a surprise autopsy and I was invited. I'm coming home by myself 2 o'clock in the morning and it's pitch black and I'm all alone. And standing in my lobby is a Neanderthal man, with the eyebrow ridges, you know, and the hairy knuckles, like this. He just learned to walk erect that morning, I think. He came right to my house in search of the secret of fire, you know. A tree-swinger in the lobby at two o'clock in the morning. A mouth breather looking at me like [breathes].
I took my watch out and I dangled it in front of him, you know. They're mollified by shiny objects sometimes. He ate it. I was under pressure, and I backed off and I pulled out my tear gas pen and I pressed the trigger and some ink trickled on my shirt. I made a mental note to call Esquire and tell them.
I'm standing in the lobby, two o'clock in the morning you know, I was a product of a broken home, you know. I had a fountain pen in my hand and I tried writing on him with it, you know. He came for me and he started to tap dance on my windpipe. Very quickly I latched into the old Navajo Indian trick of screaming and begging.
I get into an amazing amount of, of physical encounters with someone I saw. About 13 weeks ago I had my shoe shined against my will. A tremendous shoeshine boy. He said to me, "I'm shining your shoes." "Yes you are," I said. He did give me an excellent shine, I might add. But they were suede shoes and. . . I was
4. I was down south once. And I was invited to a costume party. And I rarely go to them. I went to one when I was younger. I went in my underwear shorts and I have varicose veins, you know. I went as a road map.
And I figured what the hell. It's Halloween. I'll go as a ghost. So I take a sheet off the bed and I throw it over my head. And I go to the party. And you have to get the picture. I'm walking along the street in a deep southern town. I have a white sheet over my head. And a car pulls up and three guys with white sheets say get in. So I figured these guys are going to the party as ghosts. And I get into the car and I see that we're not going to the party and I tell them. And they tell me, well we have to pick up the white dragon. And all of a sudden it hits me: down south, white sheets, the grand dragon. I put two and two together. And I figured there's a guy going to the party dressed as a dragon.
All of a sudden a big guy enters the car and I'm sitting there between four clansmen; four big armed men and the door is locked and I'm petrified. I'm trying to pass desperately, you know. I'm saying, "Y'all" [You all"] and "grits," I must have said "grits" 50 times. They ask me a question and I say, "Oh, grits, grits." And next to me is the leader. You could tell that he's the leader becuse he's the one wearing contour sheets. You know.
And they're taking me to an empty field and I gave myself away. Because they asked for donations. And everyone there gave cash. When it came to me I said, "I pledge 50 dollars." And they knew immediately and they took my hood off and they threw a rope around my neck and they decided to hang me.
And suddenly my whole life passed before my eyes. I saw myself as a kid again, Kansas. Going to school. Swimming at the swimming hole. Fishing. Frying up a mess of catfish. Going down to the General Store. Getting a piece of gingham for Emmy Lou. And I realize it's not my life, you know.
They're going to hang me in two minutes, the wrong life is passing through me. And I spoke to them. I was really eloquent. I said,
"Fellows, this country can't survive unless we love one another regardless of race, creed, or color."
And they were so moved by my words that not only did they cut me down and let me go, but that night I sold them two thousand dollars worth of Israel bonds.
Summing up. I wish I had some kind of affirmative message to leave you. I don't. Would you take two negative messages?
My mother used to say to me when I was younger: "If a strange man comes up to you and offers you candy and wants you to get into the back of his car with him—Go." Good night.
Discussion Questions
1. Do a search on a ballet and tell its story in class. That means tell, not read from a paper. You will not be allowed to read from a paper.2. Discuss a rumor you may have heard recently or in the past. Did it turn out to be true?
3. In the monologue, what is meant by "fixing" a ballet? Does that mean the dancer was broken and had to be repaired? What does it mean to fix a fight?
4. How is a court martial different from a trial?
5. What is a cop? What other words can you use instead of "cop"?
6. Where are grenades likely to be used?
7. What does the phrase, "We gave" mean?
8. There are many ways to be held up. You can be held up at work. What does that mean? What does it mean in the story?
9. What does it mean to do something "brilliantly"?
10. If a woman, what features do you think a man notices first on a woman? If a man, what features do you think a woman notices first on a man?
11. How would a fetal position look?
12. Some apartments in America have leases. What is a lease?
13. What might be in the lobby of a building? In a hotel lobby?
14. What's a lobby in politics, like the tobacco lobby?
15. What does Woody Allen refer to by "frontal lobe"?
16. In Taiwan, I once saw an outdoor menu that said, "MIDNIGHT SMACK." The "m" should have been an "n." What's a smack? Did your mother ever smack you as a child?
17. "Panic" is named after which Greek god? When you do something "in a panic," what does that mean?
18. What does Woody mean when he says "nothing grew"?
19. Show an arm cocked in karate style.
20. You can beat a blanket. Why would you beat a blanket?
21. You can beat up a person (phrasal verb). Many schoolchildren are beaten up by their classmates. This is wrong. Did this ever happen to you (if you wish to talk about it)?
22. Beating someone up is illegal, unless you're Muhammad Ali or Mike Tyson. But beating someone (for example, for the Best Actor Oscar) is legal. What does it mean to beat someone for an Oscar?
23. When are you likely to use your knuckles?
24. How is a fountain pen different from a ballpoint pen?
25. What does Woody Allen mean when he says an object came in a plain brown wrapper?
26. What would you dangle in front of a crying baby to mollify it?
27. What animals are tree-swingers?
28. What does Woody mean by a "Neanderthal man"?
29. What does he mean when he refers to the secret of fire?
30. How is "secret" different from "secretes"? Which is the verb and which the noun?
31. How would you dress at a costume party? (Don't answer, "In a costume.")
32. Do a search on the Ku Klux Klan and describe this organization in class.
33. What does it mean when a car "pulls up"?
34. What does a police officer mean when he asks to a driver to "pull over"?
35. Describe a moment when you were desperate to have something or to talk to someone.
36. Did you ever pledge money to an organization? Which organizations would you likely pledge money to?
37. What are bonds? (Not the baseball home run hitter named Barry.) Who would likely issue bonds and for what purpose?
38. How is a contour sheet different from a regular sheet?
39. A mess
can be dirt. But it can also be part of idioms, such as Elvis Presley's hit song, "A Mess of Blues," which is the way it's used in Woody's monologue: "a mess of catfish." This is related to the army phrase, "mess hall." What's a mess hall in the army?40. What are varicose veins?
41. Is a loudspeaker a person who speaks too loud? When is a loudspeaker likely to be used?
42. Have you ever made a donation? To what organization? Why?
43. In law, what's affirmative action?
44. In the army or other special control situations, the word "affirmative" is often spoken instead of a) yes, b) no.
45. If your doctors tell you your x-rays are negative, should you go out and celebrate or feel sad?
46. What kinds of books do bookmakers make?
47. Have you ever made a bet? What would you bet on if you did bet?
48. What does it mean it take words out of context? Why would one do that?
49. What sports are you a fan of?
50. Do you agree with the belief that one's life flashes before one's eyes before one's death?
51. Judy Garland wore a gingham dress in The Wizard of Oz. What would a gingham dress look like?
52. Where would you likely put a sticker?
53. Discuss some creeds.
54. What is an autopsy for?
55. Elvis Presley had a hit early in his career with a song called Blue Suede Shoes. What are suede shoes?
Woody Allen: Standup Comic
idnapped once. I was standing in front of my schoolyard and a black sedan pulls up. And two guys get out and they say to me:Do I want to go away with them to a land where everybody is fairies and elves, I can have all the comic books I want and chocolate and wax lips, you know.
And I said yes, you know. And I got into the car with them. Because I figured, what the hell, I was home that weekend from college anyhow.
And they drive me off and they send a ransom note to my parents. And my father has bad reading habits.
So he gets into bed at night with the ransom note and he read half of it, you know? And he got drowsy and fell asleep. And then he leant it out, you know?
Meanwhile they take me to New Jersey, bound and gagged. And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped.
And they snap into action immediately. They rent out my room.
The ransom note says to my father to leave a 1000 dollars in a hollow tree in New Jersey. He has no trouble raising a 1000 dollars but he gets a hernia carrying the hollow tree.
The F
BI surround the house. "Throw the kid out," they say. "Give us your guns and come out with your hands up."The kidnappers say, "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns and get to our car."
The FBI says, "Throw the kid out. We'll let you get to your car, but give us your guns."
The kidnappers say, "We'll throw the kid out and let us keep our guns, we don't have to get to our car."
The FBI says, "Keep the kid."
The FBI decides to lob in tear gas. But they don't have tear gas.
So
several of the agents put on the death scene from Camille. Tear stricken my abductors give themselves up.They're sentenced to fifteen years on a chain gang. And they escape, twelve of them chained together at the ankle, getting by the guards, posing as an immense charm bracelet.
When I was a little boy, I wanted a dog desperately. And we had no money. I was a tiny kid and my parents couldn't get me a dog because we just didn't have the money. So they got me, instead of a dog—they told me it was a dog— they got me an ant.
And I didn't know any better, you know? I thought it was a dog. I was a dumb kid.
I called it Spot. I trained it, you know. And coming home late one night, and Shelton Ficklestein tried to bully me. But Spot was with me. And I said, "Kill!" And Shelton stepped on my dog.
I'm checking. I wanted to flash this watch. I flash it all the time. It's my antique pocket watch and it makes me look British. And I need that for my analysis.
It's a gorgeous old pocket watch and I'm proud of it. It was from my grandfather on his deathbed. He sold me this watch.
My grandfather was a very insignificant man. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
It was a nice funeral. He would have really liked it.
It was a catered funeral, set in a big hall with accordion players. On the buffet table was a replica of the deceased and potato salad.
Um,
I want to discuss my marriage. My marriage, or as it was known, the Ox-Bow incident.I had a rough marriage. Uh, well, my wife was an immature woman and that's all I can say.
See if this is not immature to you. I would be home in the bathroom taking a bath and my wife would walk right in whenever she felt like and sink my boats.
It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I had a lousy attitude towards her.
For the first year of marriage I had a basically bad attitude. I just, I tended to place my wife underneath the pedestal.
We used to argue and fight and we finally decided we either take a vacation in Bermuda or get a divorce. One of the two things. And we discussed it very maturely and we decided on the divorce. Because we felt that we had a limited amount of money to spend, you know. A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks but a divorce is something that you always have.
And I saw myself free again, living in the Village, you know, in a bachelor apartment with a wood-burning fireplace and a shaggy rug, you know, on the walls with those great Picassos by Van Gogh and those great swinging airline hostesses running amuck in the apartment, you know.
And I got very excited and I ran into my wife, she was in the next room at the time listening to Connor on the radio.
I laid it right on the line to her, I came right to the point, I said,
"Quasimodo, I want a divorce."
And she said "Great, get the divorce."
But it turns out in New York state they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery. And that is weird, because the Ten Commandments say, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery. But New York State says you have to.
Well it finally happened my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined.
Years ago my mother gave me a bullet, a bullet. And I put it in my breast pocket and two years after that I was walking down the street when a berserk evangelist heaved a Gideon Bible out of a hotel window hitting me in the chest. and the Bible would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
I used to go to New York University a long time ago, which is in Greenwich Village. That's where I started. And I was, ah, in love in my Freshman year.
But I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with. Because there was a tremendous religious conflict at the time. She was an atheist and I was an agnostic, you know? We didn't know which religion not to bring the children up in.
And I bummed around for a long time and I met my wife and we got married against my parents' wishes. We were married in Long Island in New York. We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi: a Nazi.
It was a very nice affair. You know, really good. And right after the wedding, my wife started turning weird. She went to Hunter College and she got into the Philosophy Department at Hunter and she started dressing with black clothes and no makeup and leotards and she pierced her ears one day with a conductor's punch, you know what I mean?
And she used to involve me in deep philosophical arguments that would prove that I didn't exist. Infuriating! And I had to let her go, is what happened.
And I had to tell my parents about it. And my parents are what you would call Old World.
My parents come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. And they're very stable, down-to-earth people who don't approve of divorce. Their values in life are God and carpeting.
And I came home on a Sunday (this was a long time ago) and my father is watching television, Sunday night. He's watching the Ed Sullivan Show on television. He's watching the Indiana Home for the Criminally Insane Glee Club and my mother is in the corner knitting a chicken.
And I said that I had to get a divorce and my mother put down her knitting. She got up and she went over to the furnace and she opened the door and she got in. Took it rather badly, I think.
Discussion Questions
1. What kind of vehicle is a sedan?
2. Why would you pierce a part of your body?
3. Can you describe what leotards are? When are you likely to wear them?
4. How is a carpet different from a rug?
5. What is a person likely to knit?
6. If a person goes berserk, does that mean she is normal or abnormal?
7. Where is the breast pocket of your suit located?
8. What is an evangelist likely to talk about?
9. What's a televangelist?
10. How is Gideon's Bible different from a regular Bible? Where are you likely to find a Gideon Bible?
11. What kind of a person is a reformed person?
12. Discuss a weird movie.
13. Discuss something weird that happened in your life.
14. Talk about a weird person.
15. When a person's condition is stable, does that mean he's getting worse or better?
16. Is there a third response to Question 15?
17. What is the difference between an atheist and an agnostic?
18. Is a furnace hot or cold?
19. When a car pulls up, does that mean it stops or starts?
20. What are wax lips? Did you ever own any?
21. On what occasions is one likely to use a hearse?
22. What color is a hearse likely to be?
23. What is a rough marriage?
24. What makes you feel drowsy? How do you deal with drowsiness?
25. What information is likely to be included on a ransom note?
26. Discuss your reading habits.
27. If an apology sounds hollow, what does that mean?
28. If a judge issues a gag order, does that mean you must tell jokes? What does that mean?
29. Where are you likely to put a gag?
30. In comedy, what's a gag?
31. A kid is a young goat. What is the other meaning of the word "kid"?
32. How are you likely to develop a hernia?
33. Have you ever had a potato salad. Discuss your experience.
34. What do you usually eat at a buffet? The Swedes invented the buffet. A Swedish buffet is called a) buffet, b) buffette, c) smorgasbord, d) all-you-can-eat.
35. Where are you likely to find a chain gang?
36. "Lousy" is an all-purpose word, like "swell." Describe lousy food service or hotel service.
37. What does the FBI stand for? a) For Boys Only, b) Free Burgers Inside, c) Federal Bureau of Investigation, d) Fire Brigade of Illinois.
38. You're only young once, but you can be immature for the rest of your life. What do you think that means?
39. What does it mean to cater to someone? On what occasions are you likely to use a caterer or catering service?
40. Where are you likely to find replicas of famous monuments, such as the Statue of Liberty or the Eiffel Tower?
41. What did you desperately want as a child?
42. Discuss a bully you knew or someone you bullied as a child.
43. What are you likely to find on a pedestal? Woody Allen discusses putting his ex-wife under a pedestal. The joke is based on the idiom, "to put somebody (usually a woman) on a pedestal." What does it mean to put someone on a pedestal?
44. You can run fast. What does it mean to run amuck?
45. Describe an accordion.
46. What are you likely to find in an antique shop?
47. According to one of Woody Allen's stories, where is Greenwich Village located?
48. Is a swinging person likely to live in trees? What's a swinging person?
49. Woody Allen mentions Quasimodo. Do a search on this name and discuss the novel in which he appears.
50. What does Woody Allen mean by "analysis" in his comic monologue?
51. What's a comic monologue?
52. Do you think Woody Allen was funny when he was a standup comic?
53. What's a standup comic?
54. What is a mechanically inclined person? What are they likely to be good in doing?
55. Do a search on the movie, The Ox-Bow Incident and be briefly discuss the plot.
56. Where are you likely to put a charm bracelet?
57. What is the most infuriating thing that ever happened to you?
58. If one snaps into action, is that fast or slow?
59. Can you snap your fingers?
60. What is the definition of adultery?
61. What does it mean to adulterate a drink?
62. What is tear gas? Who is likely to use tear gas and for what purpose?
63. To heave an object means a) to put it down, b) to throw it.
64. If one lobs an object, one throws it a) high, b) low, c) fast, d) slow.
65. What philosophical arguments concern or interest you?
66. Discuss your knowledge of Woody Allen. What do you know about him? Have you seen his movies? Do you think he's funny? Were these monologues funny (above)? What don't you understand about his humor?
67. How is a pocket watch different from a wristwatch?
68. Have you ever known an insignificant person? Why do you call him/her insignificant?
69. Be prepared to recite the Ten Commandments in class. Which one(s) of the Ten do you object to?
Do I want to go away with them to a land where everybody is fairies and elves, I can have all the comic books I want and chocolate and wax lips, you know.
And I said yes, you know. And I got into the car with them. Because I figured, what the hell, I was home that weekend from college anyhow.
And they drive me off and they send a ransom note to my parents. And my father has bad reading habits.
So he gets into bed at night with the ransom note and he read half of it, you know? And he got drowsy and fell alseep. And then he leant it out, you know?
Meanwhile they take me to New Jersey, bound and gagged. And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped.
And they snap into action immediately. They rent out my room.
The ranson note says to my father to leave a 1000 dollars in a hollow tree in New Jersey. He has no trouble raising a 1000 dollars but he gets a hernia carryng the hollow tree.
The FBI surround the house. "Throw the kid out," they say. "Give us your guns and come out with your hands up."
The kidnappers say, "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns and get to our car."
The FBI says, "Throw the kid out. We'll let you get to your car, but give us your guns.
The kidnappers say, "We'll throw the kid out and let us keep our guns, we don't have to get to our car."
The FBI says, "Keep the kid."
The FBI decides to lob in tear gas. But they don't have tear gas.
So several of the agents put on the death scene from Camille. Tear-stricken my abductors give themselves up.
They're sentenced to fifteen years on a chain gang. And they escape, twelve of them chained together at the ankle, getting by the guards, posing as an immense charm bracelet.
When I was a little boy, I wanted a dog desperately. And we had no money. I was a tiny kid and my parents couldn't get me a dog because we just didn't have the money. So they got me, instead of a dog, they told me it was a dog, they got me an ant. And I didn't know any better, you know? I thought it was a dog. I was a dumb kid. I called it Spot. I trained it, you know. And coming home late one night, and Shelton Ficklestein tried to bully me. But Spot was with me. And I said, "Kill!" And Shelton stepped on my dog.
I'm checking. I wanted to flash this watch. I flash it all the time. It's my antique pocket watch and it makes me look British. And I need that for my analysis.
It's a gorgeous old pocket watch and I'm proud of it. It was from my grandfather on his deathbed. He sold me this watch.
My grandfather was a very insignficiant man. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
It was a nice funeral, he would have really liked it. It was a catered funeral, set in a big hall with accordian players. On the buffet table was a replica of the deceased and potato salad.
Um, I want to discuss my marriage. My marriage, or as it was known, the Ox-Bow incident.
I had a rough marriage. Uh, well, my wife was an immature woman and that's all I can say.
See if this is not immature to you. I would be home in the bathroom taking a bath and my wife would walk right in whenever she felt like and sink my boats.
It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I had a lousy attitude towards her.
For the first year of marriage I had a basically bad attitude. I just, I tended to place my wife underneath the pedestal.
We used to argue and fight and we finally decided we either take a vacation in Bermuda or get a divorce. One of the two things. And we discussed it very maturely and we decided on the divorce. Because we felt that we had a limited amount of money to spend, you know. A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks but a divorce is something that you always have.
And I saw myself free again, living in the Village,you know, in a bachelor apartment with a wood-burnign fireplace and a shaggy rug, you know, on the walls with those great Picassos by Van Gogh and those great swinginng airline hostesses running amuck in the apartmnet, you know, and I got very excited and I ran into my wife, she was in the next room at the time listening to C on the radio.
I laid it right on the line to her, I came right to the point, I said,
"Quasimodo, I want a divorce."
And she said "Great, get the divorce."
But it turns out in new York state they have a strange law that says you can't get a difvorce unless you can prove adultery. And that is weird, because the Ten Commandments say, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adulerty. But New York State says you have to.
Well I finally happened my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined.
Years ago my mother gave me a bullet, a bullet. And I put it in my breast pocket and two years after that I was walking down the street when a berserk evangelist heaved a Gideon Bible out of a hotel window hitting me in the chest. and the Bible would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
I used to go to New York university a long time ago, which is in Greenwich Village. That's where I started. And I was, ah, in love in my Freshman year.
But I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with. Because there was a tremendous religous conflict at the time. She was an atheist and I was an agnostic, you know? We didn't know which religion not to bring the children up in.
And I bummed around for a long time and I met my wife and we got married against my parents' wishes. We were married in Long Island in New York. We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi: a Nazi.
It was a very nice affair. You know, really good. And right after the wedding, my wife started turning weird. She went to Hunter College and she got into the philosphy department at Hunter and she started dressing with black clothes and no makeup and leotards and she pierced her ears one day with a conductor's punch, you know what I mean?
And she used to involve me in deep philosopical arguments that would prove that I didn't exist. Infuriating! And I had to let her go, is what happened.
And I had to tell my parents about it. And my parents are what you would call Old World.
My parents come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. And they're very stable, down-to-earth people who don't approve of divorce. Their values in life are God and carpeting.
And I came home on a Sunday (this was a long time ago) and my father is watching televison, Sunday night. He's watching the Ed Sullivan Show on television. He's watching the Indiana Home for the Criminally Insane Glee Club and my mother is in the corner knitting a chicken.
And I said that I had to get a divorce and my mother put down her knitting. She got up and she went over to the furnace and she opened the door and she got in. Took it rather badly, I think.
2. What is the opposite of secular?
3. What does it mean to commericalize a holiday? Which holidays in your opinion have become too commericalized?
4. Do you think the Chinese New Year has become commericalized?
5. G
et together with a student and prepare a dichtomous discussion in class. It can be about anything (a film you disliked/enjoyed, a movie star you idolize/loathe, a music you hate/love, etc.).
6. Easter (Eastre) originally celebrated a) spring, b) summer, c) autumn, d) winter.
7. Children often fabricate stories. What does it mean to fabricate a story. What stories did you fabricate as a child—or yesterday?
8. What might "get it all out" mean in the discussion of Mardi Gras in the essay?
9. The Easter rabbit was brought to America by the a) French, b) English, c) Germans, d) Chinese.
10. If one is a convert to a religion, does that mean one has left the faith or joined the faith?
11. What does it mean to convert one currency into another? Which place would you go to to do this?
12. The egg is a symbol of a) calories, b) rebirth,
c) death, d) chocolate.
13. If the Easter egg predates the first century, does that mean it came before or after the first century?
14. Easter was not celebrated in America until
a) after the Civil War, b) before the Civil War, c) after Gone with the Wind became a big hit in 1939.
15. Easter originally was a a) Christian holiday,
b) pagan holiday, c) bank holiday.
16. Easter today celebrates a) the crucifixion of Jesus, b) the resurrection of Jesus, c) the passion of Jesus,
d) the birth of Jesus, e) the birth of the Easter Bunny.
17. The Emperor who decreed that the Cross was the official symbol of Christianity was a) Julius Caesar,
b) Mark Antony, c) Constantine, d) Christopher Columbus.
18. The modern dating of Easter began in a) 323,
b) 324, c) 325, d) 326.
19. Before that date, Easter was celebrated annually on a) Friday, b) Saturday, c) Sunday, d) all of the above.
20. The word "vernal" refers to a) spring, b) summer, c) autumn, d) winter.
21. Easter began to be observed as a religious holiday in the a) first century, b) second century, c) third century, d) fourth century.
22. "Mardi Gras" is French for a) slim Tuesday,
b) fat Tuesday, c) chubby Tuesday, d) skinny Tuesday.
23. Another name for Mardi Gras is a) Carnival,
b) Lent, c) Easter, d) Christmas.
24. If children are making an uproar, does that mean they're a) making noise, b) being quiet, c) playing chess.
25. An uproarious comedy is likely to be a) funny,
b) stupid, c) romantic. (Is Jim Carrey uproariously funny?)
26. The main place where Mardi Gras is celebrated in America is a) Las Vegas, b) Los Angeles, c) New York, d) New Orleans.
27. Mardi Gras occurs the day before a) Easter,
b) Ash Wednesday, c) Christmas, d) Sunday.
28. A clandestine love affair is a) public, b) private,
c) secret, d) illegal.
29. "Won over" is another example of a phrasal verb; that is, a verb that must appear with its particle (otherwise called a preposition, such as "of, in, on, at," etc.). How is to "win" different from "winning over (someone)"? (Note, a phrasal verb need not appear right next to its particle in the sentence. So, (using "turn on) one might say, "I turned on the radio" or "I turned the radio on.")
30. When one commemorates an event does one remember it or forget it?
31. We commemorate publicly; but are there any private moments that you commemorate (your first date, your first bicycle, etc.?).
31. Which old customs would you like to see resurrected?
32. The season of Lent lasts for 40 days (not counting the 7 Sundays in between). Moses spent 40 days on the mountain, the Israelites spent 40 years in the wilderness, and Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness. So 40 is an important number in the Bible. Is the season of Lent a season of fasting or feasting?
33. The Rite of Spring is probably the most famous concert piece of the 20th century music. Do a search on this music/ballet and say a little about it. Who wrote it? When? What was its reception? etc.
Saint Patrick is believed t
o have been born in the late fourth century, and is often confused with Palladius, a bishop who was sent by Pope Celestine in 431 to be the first bishop to the Irish believers in Christ.
Saint Patrick was the patron saint and national apostle of Ireland who is credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland. He described himself as a "most humble-minded man, pouring forth a continuous paean of thanks to his Maker for having chosen him as the instrument whereby multitudes who had worshipped idols and unclean things had become the people of God."
Saint Patrick is most known for driving the snakes from Ireland. It is true there are no snakes in Ireland, but there probably never have been - the island was separated from the rest of the continent at the end of the Ice Age. As in many old pagan religions, serpent symbols were common and often worshipped. Driving the snakes from Ireland was probably symbolic of putting an end to that pagan practice. While not the first to bring Christianity to Ireland, it is Patrick who is said to have encountered the Druids at Tara and abolished their pagan rites. The story holds that he converted the warrior chiefs and princes, baptizing them and thousands of their subjects in the "Holy Wells" that still bear this name.
There are several accounts of Saint Patrick's death. One says that Patrick died at Saul, Downpatrick, Ireland, on March 17, 460 A.D. His jawbone was preserved in a silver shrine and was often requested in times of childbirth, epileptic fits, and as a preservative against the "evil eye." Another account says that St. Patrick ended his days at Glastonbury, England and was buried there. The Chapel of St. Patrick still exists as part of Glastonbury Abbey. Today, many Catholic places of worship all around the world are named after St. Patrick, including cathedrals in New York and Dublin city
Why Saint Patrick's Day?
Saint Patrick's Day has come to be associated with everything Irish: anything green and gold, shamrocks and luck. Most importantly, to those who celebrate its intended meaning, St. Patrick's Day is a traditional day for spiritual renewal and offering prayers for missionaries worldwide.
So, why is it celebrated on March 17th? One theory is that that is the day that St. Patrick died. Since the holiday began in Ireland, it is believed that as the Irish spread out around the world, they took with them their history and celebrations. The biggest observance of all is, of course, in Ireland. With the exception of restaurants and pubs, almost all businesses close on March 17th. Being a religious holiday as well, many Irish attend mass, where March 17th is the traditional day for offering prayers for missionaries worldwide before the serious celebrating begins.
In American cities with a large Irish population, St. Patrick's Day is a very big deal. Big cities and small towns alike celebrate with parades, "wearing of the green," music and songs, Irish food and drink, and activities for kids such as crafts, coloring and games. Some communities even go so far as to dye rivers or streams green! from this website
1. St. Patrick's Day is a holiday to celebrate which ethnic group?
2. St. Patrick is believed to have been born in the fifth century? True_____ False_____
3. St. Patrick was born (roughly) in the year a) 390, b) 490, c) 590, d) 690.
4. What do think an apostle does? What common English word is related to the word "apostle"?
5. A multitude is a) few people, b) many people, c) religious people.
6. What's an idol? What does it mean to idolize someone?
7. How is a snake different from a snack?
8. How is a cymbal different from a symbol? Where are you likely to find cymbals? Where are you likely to find symbols?
9. You can play an instrument. What does it mean to be an instrument?
10. The bagpipes are a common Irish/Scottish instrument. Describe them.
11. What is your favorite instrument?
12. What does it mean to balance one's accounts?
13. A paean is a a) symphony, b) hymn, c) prayer.
14. Name some continents.
15. The three-leaf flower associated with Ireland is called the a) rose, b) violet, c) shamrock, d) tulip.
16. What are some common household preservatives?
17. What does it mean to preserve one's health or beauty into old age?
18. If slavery is abolished, does that mean there is slavery or no slavery?
19. You can drive a car. But how can you drive someone crazy?
20. What does it mean to give someone the "evil eye"?
21. What is the job of a missionary?
22. One's mission is one's a) permission, b) purpose, c) present, d) religion.
23. What does it mean to make a big deal over something?
24. Name some crafts you know about.
25. How might one "wear the green" on St. Patrick's Day?
26. What does it mean to observe a minute of silence for a dead person?
27. A cathedral is used to worship a) movie stars, b) ball players, c) God.
28. Have you ever built a shrine to a movie star or pop singer? Which one?
29. Julius Caesar was murdered (assassinated) on the Ides of March, thousands of years ago. He was a famous epileptic. What is the name of this condition and discuss its symptoms.
30. St. Patrick is the patron saint of a) Wales, b) Ireland, c) Scotland, d) America.
31. What is the mass mentioned in the essay?
32. What flower is associated with good luck for the Irish?
33. What is one reason why St. Patrick's Day is celebrated on 17 March?
34. Do you consider yourself lucky or unlucky?
35. St. Patrick is buried in a) England, b) Ireland, c) Scotland, d) America.
36. It is believed that St. Patrick drove which one of the following out of Ireland? a) dogs, b) cats, c) rabbits, d) snakes.
so.
Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted.
Mike said "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?"
And Brigid replied "Oh Mike that is a ham I am baking ."
Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're cooking."
Then Brigid said "Oh Mike, I'm saving that for the wake !!"
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk!
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."
2. Why would you pierce a part of your body?
3. Can you describe what leotards are? When are you likely to wear them?
4. How is a carpet different from a rug?
5. What is a person likely to knit?
6. If a person goes berserk, does that mean she is normal or abnormal?
7. Where is the breast pocket of your suit located?
8. What is an evangelist likely to talk about?
9. What's a televangelist?
10. How is Gideon's Bible different from a regular Bible? Where are you likely to find a Gideon Bible?
11. What kind of a person is a reformed person?
12. Discuss a weird movie.
13. Discuss something weird that happened in your life.
14. Talk about a weird person.
15. When a person's condition is stable, does that mean he's getting worse or better?
16. Is there a third response to Question 15?
17. What is the difference between an atheist and an agnostic?
18. Is a furnace hot or cold?
19. When a car pulls up, does that mean it stops or starts?
20. What are wax lips? Did you ever own any?
21. On what occasions is one likely to use a hearse?
22. What color is a hearse likely to be?
23. What is a rough marriage?
24. What makes you feel drowsy? How do you deal with drowsiness?
25. What information is likely to be included on a ransom note?
26. Discuss your reading habits.
27. If an apology sounds hollow, what does that mean?
28. If a judge issues a gag order, does that mean you must tell jokes? What does that mean?
29. Where are you likely to put a gag?
30. In comedy, what's a gag?
31. A kid is a young goat. What is the other meaning of the word "kid"?
32. How are you likely to develop a hernia?
33. Have you ever had a potato salad. Discuss your experience.
34. What do you usually eat at a buffet? The Swedes invented the buffet. A Swedish buffet is called a) buffet, b) buffette, c) smorgasbord, d) all-you-can-eat.
35. Where are you likely to find a chain gang?
36. "Lousy" is an all-purpose word, like "swell." Describe lousy food service or hotel service.
37. What does the FBI stand for? a) For Boys Only, b) Free Burgers Inside, c) Federal Bureau of Investigation, d) Fire Brigade of Illinois.
38. You're only young once, but you can be immature for the rest of your life. What do you think that means?
39. What does it mean to cater to someone? On what occasions are you likely to use a caterer or catering service?
40. Where are you likely to find replicas of famous monuments, such as the Statue of Liberty or the Eiffel Tower?
41. What did you desperately want as a child?
42. Discuss a bully you knew or someone you bullied as a child.
43. What are you likely to find on a pedestal? Woody Allen discusses putting his ex-wife under a pedestal. The joke is based on the idiom, "to put somebody (usually a woman) on a pedestal." What does it mean to put someone on a pedestal?
44. You can run fast. What does it mean to run amuck?
45. Describe an accordion.
46. What are you likely to find in an antique shop?
47. According to one of Woody Allen's stories, where is Greenwich Village located?
48. Is a swinging person likely to live in trees? What's a swinging person?
49. Woody Allen mentions Quasimodo. Do a search on this name and discuss the novel in which he appears.
50. What does Woody Allen mean by "analysis" in his comic monologue?
51. What's a comic monologue?
52. Do you think Woody Allen was funny when he was a standup comic?
53. What's a standup comic?
54. What is a mechanically inclined person? What are they likely to be good in doing?
55. Do a search on the movie, The Ox-Bow Incident and be briefly discuss the plot.
56. Where are you likely to put a charm bracelet?
57. What is the most infuriating thing that ever happened to you?
58. If one snaps into action, is that fast or slow?
59. Can you snap your fingers?
60. What is the definition of adultery?
61. What does it mean to adulterate a drink?
62. What is tear gas? Who is likely to use tear gas and for what purpose?
63. To heave an object means a) to put it down, b) to throw it.
64. If one lobs an object, one throws it a) high, b) low, c) fast, d) slow.
65. What philosophical arguments concern or interest you?
66. Discuss your knowledge of Woody Allen. What do you know about him? Have you seen his movies? Do you think he's funny? Were these monologues funny (above)? What don't you understand about his humor?
67. How is a pocket watch different from a wristwatch?
68. Have you ever known an insignificant person? Why do you call him/her insignificant?
69. Be prepared to recite the Ten Commandments in class. Which one(s) of the Ten do you object to?
Woody Allen: Standup Comic
I was kidnapped once. I was standing in front of my schoolyard and a black sedan pulls up. And two guys get out and they say to me:Do I want to go away with them to a land where everybody is fairies and elves, I can have all the comic books I want and chocolate and wax lips, you know.
And I said yes, you know. And I got into the car with them. Because I figured, what the hell, I was home that weekend from college anyhow.
And they drive me off and they send a ransom note to my parents. And my father has bad reading habits.
So he gets into bed at night with the ransom note and he read half of it, you know? And he got drowsy and fell alseep. And then he leant it out, you know?
Meanwhile they take me to New Jersey, bound and gagged. And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped.
And they snap into action immediately. They rent out my room.
The ranson note says to my father to leave a 1000 dollars in a hollow tree in New Jersey. He has no trouble raising a 1000 dollars but he gets a hernia carryng the hollow tree.
The FBI surround the house. "Throw the kid out," they say. "Give us your guns and come out with your hands up."
The kidnappers say, "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns and get to our car."
The FBI says, "Throw the kid out. We'll let you get to your car, but give us your guns.
The kidnappers say, "We'll throw the kid out and let us keep our guns, we don't have to get to our car."
The FBI says, "Keep the kid."
The FBI decides to lob in tear gas. But they don't have tear gas.
So several of the agents put on the death scene from Camille. Tear-stricken my abductors give themselves up.
They're sentenced to fifteen years on a chain gang. And they escape, twelve of them chained together at the ankle, getting by the guards, posing as an immense charm bracelet.
When I was a little boy, I wanted a dog desperately. And we had no money. I was a tiny kid and my parents couldn't get me a dog because we just didn't have the money. So they got me, instead of a dog, they told me it was a dog, they got me an ant. And I didn't know any better, you know? I thought it was a dog. I was a dumb kid. I called it Spot. I trained it, you know. And coming home late one night, and Shelton Ficklestein tried to bully me. But Spot was with me. And I said, "Kill!" And Shelton stepped on my dog.
I'm checking. I wanted to flash this watch. I flash it all the time. It's my antique pocket watch and it makes me look British. And I need that for my analysis.
It's a gorgeous old pocket watch and I'm proud of it. It was from my grandfather on his deathbed. He sold me this watch.
My grandfather was a very insignficiant man. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
It was a nice funeral, he would have really liked it. It was a catered funeral, set in a big hall with accordian players. On the buffet table was a replica of the deceased and potato salad.
Um, I want to discuss my marriage. My marriage, or as it was known, the Ox-Bow incident.
I had a rough marriage. Uh, well, my wife was an immature woman and that's all I can say.
See if this is not immature to you. I would be home in the bathroom taking a bath and my wife would walk right in whenever she felt like and sink my boats.
It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I had a lousy attitude towards her.
For the first year of marriage I had a basically bad attitude. I just, I tended to place my wife underneath the pedestal.
We used to argue and fight and we finally decided we either take a vacation in Bermuda or get a divorce. One of the two things. And we discussed it very maturely and we decided on the divorce. Because we felt that we had a limited amount of money to spend, you know. A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks but a divorce is something that you always have.
And I saw myself free again, living in the Village,you know, in a bachelor apartment with a wood-burnign fireplace and a shaggy rug, you know, on the walls with those great Picassos by Van Gogh and those great swinginng airline hostesses running amuck in the apartmnet, you know, and I got very excited and I ran into my wife, she was in the next room at the time listening to C on the radio.
I laid it right on the line to her, I came right to the point, I said,
"Quasimodo, I want a divorce."
And she said "Great, get the divorce."
But it turns out in new York state they have a strange law that says you can't get a difvorce unless you can prove adultery. And that is weird, because the Ten Commandments say, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adulerty. But New York State says you have to.
Well I finally happened my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined.
Years ago my mother gave me a bullet, a bullet. And I put it in my breast pocket and two years after that I was walking down the street when a berserk evangelist heaved a Gideon Bible out of a hotel window hitting me in the chest. and the Bible would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
I used to go to New York university a long time ago, which is in Greenwich Village. That's where I started. And I was, ah, in love in my Freshman year.
But I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with. Because there was a tremendous religous conflict at the time. She was an atheist and I was an agnostic, you know? We didn't know which religion not to bring the children up in.
And I bummed around for a long time and I met my wife and we got married against my parents' wishes. We were married in Long Island in New York. We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi: a Nazi.
It was a very nice affair. You know, really good. And right after the wedding, my wife started turning weird. She went to Hunter College and she got into the philosphy department at Hunter and she started dressing with black clothes and no makeup and leotards and she pierced her ears one day with a conductor's punch, you know what I mean?
And she used to involve me in deep philosopical arguments that would prove that I didn't exist. Infuriating! And I had to let her go, is what happened.
And I had to tell my parents about it. And my parents are what you would call Old World.
My parents come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. And they're very stable, down-to-earth people who don't approve of divorce. Their values in life are God and carpeting.
And I came home on a Sunday (this was a long time ago) and my father is watching televison, Sunday night. He's watching the Ed Sullivan Show on television. He's watching the Indiana Home for the Criminally Insane Glee Club and my mother is in the corner knitting a chicken.
And I said that I had to get a divorce and my mother put down her knitting. She got up and she went over to the furnace and she opened the door and she got in. Took it rather badly, I think.
The Traditions of Easter
Since next Sunday is Easter Sunday, this week's lesson will focus on that holiday.
As with almost all "Christian" holidays, Easter has been secularized and commercialized. The dichotomous nature of Easter and its symbols, however, is not necessarily a modern fabrication. Since its conception as a holy celebration in the second century, Easter has had its non-religious side. In fact, Easter was originally a pagan festival.
The ancient Saxons celebrated the return of spring with an uproarious festival commemorating their goddess of offspring and of springtime, Eastre. When the second-century Christian missionaries encountered the tribes of the north with their pagan celebrations, they attempted to convert them to Christianity. They did so, however, in a clandestine manner.
It would have been suicide for the very early Christian converts to celebrate their holy days with observances that did not coincide with celebrations that already existed. To save lives, the missionaries cleverly decided to spread their religious message slowly throughout the populations by allowing them to continue to celebrate pagan feasts, but to do so in a Christian manner.
As it happened, the pagan festival of Eastre occurred at the same time of year as the Christian observance of the Resurrection of Christ. It made sense, therefore, to alter the festival itself, to make it a Christian celebration as converts were slowly won over. The early name, Eastre, was eventually changed to its modern spelling, Easter.
The Date of Easter
Prior to A.D. 325, Easter was variously celebrated on different days of the week, including Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. In that year, the Council of Nicaea was convened by emperor Constantine. It issued the Easter Rule which states that Easter shall be celebrated on the first Sunday that occurs after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox. The "vernal equinox" is always on March 21. Therefore, Easter must be celebrated on a Sunday between the dates of March 22 and April 25.
The Lenten Season
Lent is the forty-six day period just prior to Easter Sunday. It begins on Ash Wednesday. Mardi Gras (French for "Fat Tuesday") is a celebration, sometimes called "Carnival," practiced around the world, on the Tuesday prior to Ash Wednesday. It was designed as a way to "get it all out" before the sacrifices of Lent began. New Orleans is the focal point of Mardi Gras celebrations in the U.S.
The Cross
The Cross is the symbol of the Crucifixion, as opposed to the Resurrection. However, at the Council of Nicaea, in A.D. 325, Constantine decreed that the Cross was the official symbol of Christianity. The Cross is not only a symbol of Easter, but it is more widely used, especially by the Catholic Church, as a year-round symbol of their faith.
The Easter Bunny
The Easter Bunny is not a modern invention. The symbol originated with the pagan festival of Eastre. The goddess, Eastre, was worshipped by the Anglo-Saxons through her earthly symbol, the rabbit.
The Germans brought the symbol of the Easter rabbit to America. It was widely ignored by other Christians until shortly after the Civil War. In fact, Easter itself was not widely celebrated in America until after that time.
The Easter Egg
As with the Easter Bunny and the holiday itself, the Easter Egg predates the Christian holiday of Easter. The exchange of eggs in the springtime is a custom that was centuries old when Easter was first celebrated by Christians.
From the earliest times, the egg was a symbol of rebirth in most cultures. Eggs were often wrapped in gold leaf or, if you were a peasant, colored brightly by boiling them with the leaves or petals of certain flowers.
Today, children hunt colored eggs and place them in Easter baskets along with the modern version of real Easter eggs -- those made of plastic or chocolate candy. from the Internet
Discussion Questions
2. What is the opposite of secular?
3. What does it mean to commericalize a holiday? Which holidays in your opinion have become too commericalized?
4. Do you think the Chinese New Year has become commericalized?
5. G
6. Easter (Eastre) originally celebrated a) spring, b) summer, c) autumn, d) winter.
7. Children often fabricate stories. What does it mean to fabricate a story. What stories did you fabricate as a child—or yesterday?
8. What might "get it all out" mean in the discussion of Mardi Gras in the essay?
9. The Easter rabbit was brought to America by the a) French, b) English, c) Germans, d) Chinese.
10. If one is a convert to a religion, does that mean one has left the faith or joined the faith?
11. What does it mean to convert one currency into another? Which place would you go to to do this?
12. The egg is a symbol of a) calories, b) rebirth,
c) death, d) chocolate.
13. If the Easter egg predates the first century, does that mean it came before or after the first century?
14. Easter was not celebrated in America until
a) after the Civil War, b) before the Civil War, c) after Gone with the Wind became a big hit in 1939.
15. Easter originally was a a) Christian holiday,
b) pagan holiday, c) bank holiday.
16. Easter today celebrates a) the crucifixion of Jesus, b) the resurrection of Jesus, c) the passion of Jesus,
d) the birth of Jesus, e) the birth of the Easter Bunny.
17. The Emperor who decreed that the Cross was the official symbol of Christianity was a) Julius Caesar,
b) Mark Antony, c) Constantine, d) Christopher Columbus.
18. The modern dating of Easter began in a) 323,
b) 324, c) 325, d) 326.
19. Before that date, Easter was celebrated annually on a) Friday, b) Saturday, c) Sunday, d) all of the above.
20. The word "vernal" refers to a) spring, b) summer, c) autumn, d) winter.
21. Easter began to be observed as a religious holiday in the a) first century, b) second century, c) third century, d) fourth century.
22. "Mardi Gras" is French for a) slim Tuesday,
b) fat Tuesday, c) chubby Tuesday, d) skinny Tuesday.
23. Another name for Mardi Gras is a) Carnival,
b) Lent, c) Easter, d) Christmas.
24. If children are making an uproar, does that mean they're a) making noise, b) being quiet, c) playing chess.
25. An uproarious comedy is likely to be a) funny,
b) stupid, c) romantic. (Is Jim Carrey uproariously funny?)
26. The main place where Mardi Gras is celebrated in America is a) Las Vegas, b) Los Angeles, c) New York, d) New Orleans.
27. Mardi Gras occurs the day before a) Easter,
b) Ash Wednesday, c) Christmas, d) Sunday.
28. A clandestine love affair is a) public, b) private,
c) secret, d) illegal.
29. "Won over" is another example of a phrasal verb; that is, a verb that must appear with its particle (otherwise called a preposition, such as "of, in, on, at," etc.). How is to "win" different from "winning over (someone)"? (Note, a phrasal verb need not appear right next to its particle in the sentence. So, (using "turn on) one might say, "I turned on the radio" or "I turned the radio on.")
30. When one commemorates an event does one remember it or forget it?
31. We commemorate publicly; but are there any private moments that you commemorate (your first date, your first bicycle, etc.?).
31. Which old customs would you like to see resurrected?
32. The season of Lent lasts for 40 days (not counting the 7 Sundays in between). Moses spent 40 days on the mountain, the Israelites spent 40 years in the wilderness, and Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness. So 40 is an important number in the Bible. Is the season of Lent a season of fasting or feasting?
33. The Rite of Spring is probably the most famous concert piece of the 20th century music. Do a search on this music/ballet and say a little about it. Who wrote it? When? What was its reception? etc.
ABOUT SAINT PATRICK
Saint Patrick is believed t
Saint Patrick was the patron saint and national apostle of Ireland who is credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland. He described himself as a "most humble-minded man, pouring forth a continuous paean of thanks to his Maker for having chosen him as the instrument whereby multitudes who had worshipped idols and unclean things had become the people of God."
Saint Patrick is most known for driving the snakes from Ireland. It is true there are no snakes in Ireland, but there probably never have been - the island was separated from the rest of the continent at the end of the Ice Age. As in many old pagan religions, serpent symbols were common and often worshipped. Driving the snakes from Ireland was probably symbolic of putting an end to that pagan practice. While not the first to bring Christianity to Ireland, it is Patrick who is said to have encountered the Druids at Tara and abolished their pagan rites. The story holds that he converted the warrior chiefs and princes, baptizing them and thousands of their subjects in the "Holy Wells" that still bear this name.
There are several accounts of Saint Patrick's death. One says that Patrick died at Saul, Downpatrick, Ireland, on March 17, 460 A.D. His jawbone was preserved in a silver shrine and was often requested in times of childbirth, epileptic fits, and as a preservative against the "evil eye." Another account says that St. Patrick ended his days at Glastonbury, England and was buried there. The Chapel of St. Patrick still exists as part of Glastonbury Abbey. Today, many Catholic places of worship all around the world are named after St. Patrick, including cathedrals in New York and Dublin city
Why Saint Patrick's Day?
Saint Patrick's Day has come to be associated with everything Irish: anything green and gold, shamrocks and luck. Most importantly, to those who celebrate its intended meaning, St. Patrick's Day is a traditional day for spiritual renewal and offering prayers for missionaries worldwide.
So, why is it celebrated on March 17th? One theory is that that is the day that St. Patrick died. Since the holiday began in Ireland, it is believed that as the Irish spread out around the world, they took with them their history and celebrations. The biggest observance of all is, of course, in Ireland. With the exception of restaurants and pubs, almost all businesses close on March 17th. Being a religious holiday as well, many Irish attend mass, where March 17th is the traditional day for offering prayers for missionaries worldwide before the serious celebrating begins.
In American cities with a large Irish population, St. Patrick's Day is a very big deal. Big cities and small towns alike celebrate with parades, "wearing of the green," music and songs, Irish food and drink, and activities for kids such as crafts, coloring and games. Some communities even go so far as to dye rivers or streams green! from this website
Discussion Questions
1. St. Patrick's Day is a holiday to celebrate which ethnic group?
2. St. Patrick is believed to have been born in the fifth century? True_____ False_____
3. St. Patrick was born (roughly) in the year a) 390, b) 490, c) 590, d) 690.
4. What do think an apostle does? What common English word is related to the word "apostle"?
5. A multitude is a) few people, b) many people, c) religious people.
6. What's an idol? What does it mean to idolize someone?
7. How is a snake different from a snack?
8. How is a cymbal different from a symbol? Where are you likely to find cymbals? Where are you likely to find symbols?
9. You can play an instrument. What does it mean to be an instrument?
10. The bagpipes are a common Irish/Scottish instrument. Describe them.
11. What is your favorite instrument?
12. What does it mean to balance one's accounts?
13. A paean is a a) symphony, b) hymn, c) prayer.
14. Name some continents.
15. The three-leaf flower associated with Ireland is called the a) rose, b) violet, c) shamrock, d) tulip.
16. What are some common household preservatives?
17. What does it mean to preserve one's health or beauty into old age?
18. If slavery is abolished, does that mean there is slavery or no slavery?
19. You can drive a car. But how can you drive someone crazy?
20. What does it mean to give someone the "evil eye"?
21. What is the job of a missionary?
22. One's mission is one's a) permission, b) purpose, c) present, d) religion.
23. What does it mean to make a big deal over something?
24. Name some crafts you know about.
25. How might one "wear the green" on St. Patrick's Day?
26. What does it mean to observe a minute of silence for a dead person?
27. A cathedral is used to worship a) movie stars, b) ball players, c) God.
28. Have you ever built a shrine to a movie star or pop singer? Which one?
29. Julius Caesar was murdered (assassinated) on the Ides of March, thousands of years ago. He was a famous epileptic. What is the name of this condition and discuss its symptoms.
30. St. Patrick is the patron saint of a) Wales, b) Ireland, c) Scotland, d) America.
31. What is the mass mentioned in the essay?
32. What flower is associated with good luck for the Irish?
33. What is one reason why St. Patrick's Day is celebrated on 17 March?
34. Do you consider yourself lucky or unlucky?
35. St. Patrick is buried in a) England, b) Ireland, c) Scotland, d) America.
36. It is believed that St. Patrick drove which one of the following out of Ireland? a) dogs, b) cats, c) rabbits, d) snakes.
so.
Some Irish Jokes
His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioningFinnegan.
"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.
"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said theIrishman.
Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted.
Mike said "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?"
And Brigid replied "Oh Mike that is a ham I am baking ."
Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're cooking."
Then Brigid said "Oh Mike, I'm saving that for the wake !!"
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk!
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."
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